


The Eye of the Needle

by Darcyfitz



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Architect in Training Rey, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cum Play, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Felatio, Female Ejaculation, Lemons, Mutual Masturbation, Nerds in Love, Nipple Play, Professor Ben Solo, Psychotic Ex Girlfriend on the lose, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, earth shattering sex, face riding, friendships, spirituality, wall dry humping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2018-11-22 04:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 134,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11372211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darcyfitz/pseuds/Darcyfitz
Summary: Dr. Ben Solo is a Professor of Ancient Religions and Psychology at New York City's Columbia University. Handsome yet shy, with a past that haunts him and an uncertain future, he stumbles upon a train late one night where a chance encounter with a lovely young woman changes his lonely life forever. Ben doesn't know it yet, but their lives are about to collide in the strangest of ways.





	1. The Train

Ben made his way through the throngs of pedestrians that littered the busy Manhattan sidewalks, reaching Mott Street quicker than he would have expected for a Saturday night. He had nearly forgotten how alive the city could be this time of year; tourists and locals alike enjoying the last of the waning autumn breeze before the winter chill was heralded in, forcing people inside seeking warmth. What sparse trees lined the concrete expanse of sidewalk were already leafless, and he pulled up the collar of his trench coat to ward off the subtle wind that had picked up since he exited the subway nearly a mile away.

The restaurant he stepped into was surprisingly busy for such a late hour, but he reasoned that since he lived in the city that never slept and it was a Saturday night, that was to be expected. A hostess in a red silk kimono approached him, bowing respectfully and reaching a hand out to take his coat. He took it off, handing it to her with a polite smile. 

“Good evening. How many in your party?” The young Chinese woman asked, her voice pleasant and holding a slight lilt of the Orient. 

Ben opened his mouth to answer, while his eyes simultaneously roamed the restaurant discreetly.

“I’m meeting some people here. I’m not sure if they’ve arrived yet. The last name is Hux.” He said quietly, before clearing his throat.

The hostess checked her book before nodding, beckoning him to follow her. 

“This way please, Sir. Your party is already seated.”

Ben did as she bade him, his eyes trained on the back of the woman’s feet as she walked towards his destination.   
It had been months since he’d been out like this, sequestered as he was in his apartment on sabbatical. He’d only returned to work a week prior, in preparation for the winter term. Though no stranger to crowds, given who his family was, he’d found lately that he preferred the quiet peace that solitude brought. It was easier that way. Less messy.

He took a deep breath, completely unprepared for this. But at least, once it was over, he could retreat to his apartment and be alone again. 

The hostess stopped at a table seated in the dead center of the room, and Ben rolled his eyes discreetly. Of course Hux would just have to be the focal point of everyone’s attention. And, in turn, Ben would be too.  
Looking up, he spotted Phasma right away. Her shock of platinum hair stood out in any crowd, as did her royal blue eyes. He offered her a slight smile in greeting before his eyes shifted and settled upon her husband. The man looked at Ben with shrewd but grateful eyes, and it was clear to Ben that he hadn’t expected him to show up. 

“Enjoy your meal.” The hostess said, leaving the small party to their dinner. 

Phasma stood up gracefully, her tall figure floating across to him despite her size. He panicked for a moment as she reached her arms out, seemingly to greet him with a hug. He felt trapped as he wasn't normally someone who enjoyed hugging, but knew it was the right and gentlemanly thing to do. Awkwardly, he enveloped her in a brief hug while his eyes continued to gaze at Armitage.

“You came! I’m so glad, Ben.” Phasma said kindly, pulling back to offer him a genuine smile.

Ben smiled slightly, nodding at the tall blond.

“I told you I would.” He offered, his voice holding a hint of hostility. He hated feeling like he was walking on eggshells around everyone, as all that tended to do was ratchet up his anxiety. But he kept it in check, stepping over to shake Hux’s hand.

Phasma took her seat again, giving him a sideways glare in mock sarcasm.

“So you did.” She said simply, and Ben rolled his eyes.

“Armitage. It’s good to see you again.” Ben said seriously.

The man in question stood as well, his sharp eyes boring holes through Ben's.

“Ben. It's good to see you, too.” Hux said in a welcoming tone.

Ben nodded, taking a seat across from Hux and picking up his menu without further preamble.

“So what looks good? I’ve never eaten here before.” Ben said quietly, perusing the menu which gave him a few more minutes to avoid his companions and their loaded gazes. 

When no answer was forthcoming, Ben chanced a look at Phasma to find her blue eyes awash in tears. He immediately felt equal parts guilty and uncomfortable, and opened the top button of his shirt to give him more breathing room. 

Hux sighed, reaching across the table to pat his wife’s hand.

“Not again, Phasma. He’s here. Give him a break, and let the man settle in.” Hux scolded her, but with affection in his tone.

Phasma nodded, forcing a smile.

“Yes, yes. Of course. I’m just…I’m so glad that you came, Ben. It's been too long.” She said, her voice sounding relieved.

Ben leaned back in his plush red velvet chair, eyeing her with sorrow. He hated that he’d made his friends worry about him so much, and he hoped that coming out tonight was enough to appease them. 

Ben had met Phasma in college, and the two of them had become fast friends. She was tough as nails, and he liked that about her. She ran a modeling agency uptown, and was one of those women who could walk into a room and command it on the spot. 

Armitage was a stockbroker, lethal and sleek as he spent his days in the pits of the New York Stock Exchange trading. He was a cunning businessman, something Ben had always admired about him. Ben could have easily seen his friend on the battlefield of war, commanding troops to do his bidding. Yet underneath that killer instinct, Hux was secretly caring. 

Neither Hux nor Phasma knew that Hux was Ben’s roommate in college, until the pair of them stumbled back one drunken night to their dorm room waking Ben up with their heavy makeout session on the sofa. A dry humored Hux and an embarrassed Phasma offered apologies to Ben, whom they hadn't known was there, and they’d all been friends ever since. 

After graduation, Hux had proposed to Phasma during a weekend trip to Martha's Vineyard. Ben had been happy for his friends, as they truly loved one another and were very good together; a true New York power couple. And they were good friends to him as well, just when he had needed them the most. Ben knew that they had been the only things keeping him afloat this past year. 

Ben suddenly realized how much he had missed being around people in a social setting. Being a part of a group. This group, especially; laughing and catching up. He’d spent the last ten years with these people, and then had abruptly pushed them away. To see how grateful Phasma was now for just his showing up to a dinner made his heart lurch. He had been a horrible friend in the last year, and he hoped that he could make up for it in the future.

“I’m glad that I came too, Phas.” Ben whispered truthfully, rubbing Phasma's hand reassuringly.

Looking between the pair of them and sensing the heavy turn this conversation had taken, Hux clapped his hands briskly.

“Well...I was thinking of starting with dim sum, and chicken satay lettuce wraps. Any takers?” He asked expectantly, trying to interject lightheartedness into the atmosphere. 

Ben narrowed his eyes at his friend, shocked at that. Armitage Hux was nothing if not serious. Ben knew that his attempt at brevity was for his benefit, and he gave in, feeling grateful that these people had stuck with him after all that had transpired.

“Sounds like a plan. And sake. Lots of sake.” Ben said wryly, earning a glare from Phasma. “Okay, just a little sake.”

Appeased, Phasma smiled. Ben felt chastised, knowing it wasn’t wise to mix alcohol with his meds.

After they ordered, Phasma excused herself to the ladies room. The two men were left there, an awkward silence hanging between them. It was Hux who broke it, taking a sip of his drink before leaning back and giving Ben a long, steady look.

“So…how are you really, Ben?”

His voice was soft and concerned, and Ben felt a strange sense of guilt knot in his gut. It didn’t help that Hux didn’t look angry or offended in any way, and he had every right to be after the hell Ben had put him through. Taking a swig of his water, he set down the glass with unsteady hands.

“I’m here, Armitage. I’m fine. Really. And...I'm trying. I honestly am.” Ben said, not knowing what else to say.

Hux eyed him, nodding. 

“Well…that’s good, Ben. At least you’re out of that apartment. You needed air and scenery.” He said matter-of-factly, smiling at the waiter when he brought out the appetizers and set them down in the center of the table.

Ben absorbed Hux’s words, nodding.

“You’ve pleased Phasma very much by showing up. She was sure you’d come; so much faith in you. And here you sit.” Hux said succulently, sounding very much pleased himself.

“Here I sit.” Ben repeated, looking around the restaurant impatiently. Where was that damn sake, anyway?

Ben was beginning to feel like he was a slide under a microscope, and was happy when the sake arrived, just as Phasma returned to the table. One or two cups wouldn’t hurt, he’d reasoned.

They’d laughed and joked their way through dinner, and it felt just like old times. Except…something was missing. A piece of Ben was gone; the hole of it leaving a strange ache of loneliness that he feared he would never recover from. He’d grinned, nodded, and laughed when appropriately called for. But he knew that his friends weren’t blind. More than once, Phasma had surreptitiously shot him a piteous smile. And he’d found Armitage’s shrewd eyes upon his too many times to count. When the meal was over and the sake ran out, Ren was more than ready to call it a night.

They stood outside the restaurant in the brisk wind, Phasma’s faux-fur coat billowing in the breeze as she engulfed Ben in a bear hug.

“Do not leave us hanging so long next time. In fact, I demand you come to my office next week and meet me for lunch. No excuses, Ben. I mean it.” She said in a no-nonsense voice.

Ben smiled in contrition, bowing to the blonde goddess.

“Yes, Majesty.” He said dryly, yet his wink told Phasma he was joking. 

“Ben.” Hux intoned, handing out his hand for his friend to shake. “Can we drop you off at home?” He asked, as a yellow taxi pulled up alongside of them.

Ben pursed his lips before shaking his head in the negative.

“No, thank you. I think I want to walk off the effects of the sake.” Ben said, his tone humorous.

Hux narrowed his eyes, but acquiesced to Ben’s decision.

“Very well. Good night, Ben. It was good to see you.”

“You too.” Ben said quietly, watching as they climbed into the taxi.

Suddenly alone on the bustling street, Ben pulled his coat around himself tighter. His head was fuzzy due to the sake, and his legs felt like jelly. Sighing, he turned and made his way back towards the way he came earlier, taking in the sights and smells of the Chinatown restaurants around him. After what seemed like miles, he found himself at the Canal Street subway station once again. 

After paying the toll, he made his way down to the tracks. He breathed in the brisk night air, wafting down from the world above. The subway always smelled the same to him; a combination of dampness and fuel, burnt rubber and rusted metal. It was a comforting smell, and one he totally associated with New York City. Smiling sadly, he stood by one of the pillars and waited for the train to arrive. The lights in the tunnel blinked lazily, luring him into a trance. 

It had been nice meeting with his friends tonight, as uncomfortable for him as it had begun. He had felt so defective lately; so isolated. He wasn’t a fool. He knew that getting back to his life would not be easy. It had been too long since he’d been out for a meal that didn’t involve take out and Styrofoam. Two hours had been his limit though, as Hux had droned on about corporate mergers and Phasma regaled them of tales of the fashion industry. A faint smile crossed his lips as he wondered if he would ever again feel as they did; a part of life. A part of something light and vital. For so long, he’d been submerged in darkness. Breaking the surface seemed impossible, but he was willing to force himself to try. 

Ben closed his eyes as the train approached, lost to his thoughts. His hair mussed wildly as it raced past him, before coming to a screeching halt. The train was full for this time of night, and a quick glance to his watch told him it was nearly midnight. He sat down in an available seat, his eyes not focusing on anything particular as the train made a stop at Spring Street. Many of the travelers got out, leaving the car practically empty. SoHo was pretty active this time of night on the weekend due to art galleries and clubs, and Ben figured all of these people had much more enjoyable places to go then uptown to a lonely apartment alone. He took out his cell phone and checked his messages as he waited for the doors to close, noting there were two missed calls from his mother and a missed text from her as well. Ben sighed, opening up his email and he noticed there were at least fifteen of them from work. He decided tomorrow would be a much better day to scan through all of that. His head was heavy due to the sake and didn’t want to think about all of that right now. 

The train began to move again and he replaced his phone in his trousers pocket, looking up suddenly as if prompted by some imaginary hand to do so. There was a young woman sitting across from him on the opposite side, watching him curiously. Her eyes were fixed on him as though in a daze. They traveled around his face and down his body discreetly, before settling on his brown orbs with bewilderment. Her face took on a rosy blush when she realized that he had caught her staring, and he watched in fascination as her throat worked as she swallowed while simultaneously looking away quickly. 

Ben wondered how he hadn’t noticed her when he’d boarded the train, unless she had gotten on at Spring Street and in his distraction he'd missed her. His brows furrowed at the look on her face; she looked pale and drawn as though she were about to cry at his catching her checking him out. She hadn’t done it in an overtly sexual way, but his staring back at her had probably spooked her. He tried to catch her eyes again to let her know with a smile that it was alright; that he hadn’t been offended by her openly staring at him, but she steadfastly refused to look at him. He watched as she bit her bottom lip so hard that she’d surely draw blood, and he felt his heart lurch a little that she was so embarrassed to simply be caught eyeing up a stranger in passing.

In a strange way, he was flattered. These days, not many women showed him any signs of interest, and he knew that was entirely his fault. Lately, he might as well have worn a sign that said ‘back the fuck off’.   
Ben turned away to not make her feel uncomfortable, yet he stole a few glances back to her now and then wondering about her.

She was younger than him; maybe around twenty or so. She was average height and slender, yet carried a strength in her form he could see through her bulky sweater, black leggings, and leather boots. Her hair was the color of roasted chestnuts, sitting on her shoulders in a chaos of waves. He couldn’t see her eye color from this distance, but her lashes he could make out were long and elf like, apparent as he watched her profile as she blinked rapidly. 

She crossed her legs, the top one bouncing nervously against the bottom. Every movement of her body screamed discomfort and tension, and he felt bad that he’d inadvertently made her feel that way. Two stops later at 8th Avenue, Ben looked up to see that he and the young woman were alone in the car. He couldn’t help the way his eyes trailed over to her, or the way he felt his stomach knot when she finally met his gaze again…albeit hesitantly.  
Her bottom lip trembled a bit as he held her stare, her eyes widening as she realized he was not looking away but openly staring at her as she had done to him before. 

'What are you doing? Stop staring at the poor girl before she thinks you’re some kind of lunatic!' He demanded of himself, biting his lip in the same manner she had done earlier. The action jolted her and she cleared her throat discreetly while breaking his gaze. The sound transferred over to him and his ears perked up immediately.   
It occurred to him suddenly that it was after midnight and this young, beautiful woman was alone on the subway. The thought upset him and he scowled. His stop was coming up soon, and he didn’t want to leave her there alone. It seemed wrong somehow. He wondered why she was traveling the subway alone this time of night, and if there was someone in her life that was waiting for her at home. A strange, possessive thought flooded over him in that moment; if she were his, he would never allow her ride the subway alone in the wee hours of the morning.   
The thought stunned him, and he looked down at his shoes feeling disoriented. 

'What the fuck is wrong with you?' He chided himself, shaking his head. Why was he being so possessive about a stranger on a train? Yet the out of place thought persisted, and he recognized it for what it was; worry. 

He was worried about her. 

Perhaps he could check on her; see if she needed assistance. It was the right thing to do, after all. He was a gentleman, not some frat boy who drugged girls at rush parties and had their way with them in their dorm room. 

‘This is crazy. Just act normal.’ The voice inside his head shouted. He hoped that the woman didn’t brandish a bottle of mace and attack him with it. Not that he’d blame her. 

Ben cleared his throat, gathering his courage to stand. He made his way over to her, and he could tell she was suspicious of his actions by the way she leaned into the side of the train window and gripped her purse tighter. Good. At least she had some self-preservation. She pretended to ignore him, and that was fine too. He would have been upset if she hadn’t. 

“Um…Hi.” He said softly, trying to sound as gentle and non-intimidating as possible. 

The woman looked up at that, her gaze stunned. Maybe it was the fact that a total stranger was approaching her on a train in the middle of the night. Maybe it was his voice. It did sound like he had gargled with broken glass earlier, as it was raspy and deep from the sake. Whatever the reason for that stunned look, it didn’t communicate fear. She wasn’t afraid of him, and for that, he was grateful. But it still annoyed him that she was alone.

“H-Hello.” She stuttered quietly, looking around the car for a brief second. He smiled at that, happy that she was looking out for herself. 

She tightened her arms around her midsection, her brows raised in question as to why he’d come over. He could also see now that he was closer to her, that she was blushing.

What the hell?

“Forgive me. I don’t mean to intrude or scare you. I just noticed you were alone, and it’s…late.” Ben said, stating the obvious and drawing out the last word. 

The woman craned her neck up to look at him, so he sat down right across from her so that she wouldn’t have to. He met her eyes hesitantly, trying to appear as benign as possible. He titled his head as he studied her, realizing something.

Hazel. Her eyes were hazel. The gold in them stood out against the harsh fluorescent lights of the train, and he momentarily lost his train of thought. He caught himself, looking up to find her eyes roaming his face.

“Ah…Is there a law against that? Being alone on a train, I mean. America is still a free country, right?” She asked humorously, and now that she had spoken more than just one word, Ben noticed her slight British accent. It was soft, and his lips curled slightly in delight.

He also noticed how cheeky her answer was, and a thrill ran down his spine. She seemed feisty. He liked that. Still, the streets of New York City were no place for a young, pretty woman to be all alone. That, he didn’t like. 

“Well, because it’s late…I was worried. For your safety. Will you be alright going home alone?” He finished, his voice concerned. 

The young woman blinked at him like an owl for a few beats, before her mouth formed a smile so breathtaking that he actually gulped from the sight of it. Every one of her pearly white teeth shone, radiating joy at his words.   
Had he ever, in all of his 29 years, been smiled at like that?

No. Never. And he found that he never wanted it to end. 

She blushed again, this time the color reaching all the way to her hairline. Ben was fascinated. He had never met a woman who blushed before. It was utterly charming. He studied her closely, realizing how pretty she really was under these bright lights. Her skin looked flawless. Her makeup was slight and tasteful and he just knew she would look beautiful fresh faced and bare, too. 

“You’re worried about a total stranger because they are traveling the subway alone?” She asked with awe, cocking her head to gaze at him.

Ben shifted slightly, not sure how to respond to that. While there were millions of people on this little island, and everyone got lost in their own thing, the fact that no one would care for this lovely girl’s safety baffled him. And if he were completely honest with himself, it angered him. 

“Yes…I suppose I am.” He said sheepishly, feeling his own face flush pink. 

The young woman looked down, running her hand through her hair absently.

“I had to stay late at work. Someone called out sick and they needed the extra help. I usually don’t travel the subway this late at night, but I didn’t have a choice. I work in Little Italy, and I really can’t afford a taxi all the way uptown.” She rambled, sounding embarrassed about that fact.

Ben let out a deep breath of relief that she didn’t put herself in danger often. The idea suddenly made his chest ache.

“Well, I live on West 96th Street, by the Park. Do you live further north? I could walk you home, if you’d like, and then turn back around. It’s no trouble, really. I’m not even tired.” He rushed out, feeling foolish at once. 

Although he was trying to be gallant, he realized how creepy that sounded. A strange man approaching you on a train in the middle of the night, asking to escort you home. He blanched when he imagined what she must think.   
The young woman’s brows hit her hairline at his suggestion, but she didn’t look frightened. She gave him the once over trying to be discreet, her eyes lingering on his shoes.

Ben looked down at himself, at his attire. He was dressed in a tailored pair of navy trousers and a white Ralph Lauren buttoned down shirt, a black London Fog trench coat and Cole Haan shoes. He didn’t look creepy. He actually looked pretty good, considering lately he had been a recluse. Yet so did Christian Bale in American Psycho. Perhaps she was afraid of him, and was waiting for him to get off at his stop so he wouldn’t know where she lived and follow her?

She bit her top lip, and it was then that Ben realized she was seriously considering his offer. 

“I live in Morningside Heights, off of 114th Street.” She said, yet that didn’t answer his question about whether or not he could escort her home. 

If anything, it gave him more questions. Like why she lived in Morningside Heights, which was practically his neighborhood. And why she worked so far downtown, since he noticed her right after boarding the train at Mott Street. His stop was approaching, and Ben looked at the doors. She needed to answer him, so he was relieved when she met his gaze again and nodded. He breathed a sigh of relief at that, settling in to the chair.

“That would be very nice of you, thank you. Are you sure it’s no trouble?” She murmured, timidly meeting his gaze again.

Ben leaned sideways slightly, nodding. 

“Oh, I’m happy to do it. I don’t like the idea of you roaming the streets at this hour. Please, don’t be afraid of me. I swear to God I’m not a creeper or some maniac.” He said seriously.

The young woman gazed at him silently, scrutinizing his words. She smiled again; not the radiant one from before, but a soft one that stretched her full lips prettily. 

“I’m Ben, by the way.” He said, holding out his hand for her to shake.

The woman’s eyes dropped to his proffered palm, staring at it a moment before placing her own inside of his.  
Ben gasped at the feeling her touch evoked, but hid it as well as he could. He didn’t want her thinking he was some pervert, and she was taking a big risk in trusting him. He smiled at her warmly, giving her skin a perfunctory squeeze before dropping it gently. Rey rubbed her fingers together, and Ben wondered if she had been as affected by the touch as he had been.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ben. I’m Rey.” She said, her accent lilting slightly.

Ben smiled at her as their eyes held, and it was the first time he’d actually felt genuinely…happy…in months. 

“Nice to meet you too, Rey. I didn’t want you to think I was a creepy old man or something. I don’t normally roam the subway at all hours propositioning women to walk them home. It just worried me that you were all alone on the train at this hour.” He admitted in a rush, not sure why he was babbling like a fool.

Rey laughed quietly, the sound as charming as her voice had been.

“No. I couldn’t think you creepy, not at all. And you are far from old. I appreciate your concern, really. I just moved here a few months ago, and I haven’t met many kind people.” Rey said, a hint of shyness in her voice that made Ben’s breath catch. 

“Well, thanks for that. It’s never a bad thing when someone deems you kind, I suppose.” He said cordially. 

Rey nodded, turning to look at the map board. It lit up at 110th Street, signaling her to get up.

“This is my stop.” Rey said, gathering up her purse and a bag which looked to contain a uniform.

Ben rose as well, holding onto the pole next to him as the train came to a lurching stop.

“After you.” He said politely, following her up the numerous steps that led them away from the subterranean level of the city.

The temperature had dropped a few degrees as they exited the tunnel, the smell of crisp air and train fuel hitting his nostrils. He glanced over to Rey as she turned left onto the sidewalk, heading in the direction of her apartment. She shivered and Ben’s eyes widened, automatically shucking off his coat and silently handing it to her. He wanted to put it on her himself, but he felt that was way too forward for having just met her moments earlier.

Rey was surprised at his gesture, and her pace faltered a little as she looked at him in question.

“Please, put it on. You’re shaking.” He said, his voice beseeching. 

“But…you’re only wearing a long sleeved shirt. At least I’m wearing a sweater—“

Ben cut her off abruptly.

“No. I won’t have you shivering while I’m cozy warm. Put it on. Please. I insist.”

Her mouth opened in shock, before she accepted the coat without argument and did as he requested. Ben stifled a warm laugh when the already long trench coat dwarfed her, hitting her ankles and the cuffs engulfed her hands.

“Thank you. I…I don’t have a coat yet. As I came here during late spring, I didn’t need one. I’ll have to get one soon, though. I’m saving up for one.” She whispered, and Ben sensed it was a subject that bothered her.

It also bothered him that she might not have enough money saved to buy a coat for the brutal winter which was nearly upon them. 

He tried to think of something to talk about that wouldn’t offend her or expose him to be the social idiot he was. The obvious seemed safe, so he ventured with that. 

“So where do you work, that you have to take the train so far home?” Ben asked casually, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his bounds by doing so.

Rey simply shrugged, not at all offended.

“Lando’s, down in Little Italy. I’m a bartender there. It’s a great restaurant; family owned. Have you ever eaten there?” She asked proudly, her smile infectious.

Ben wasn’t familiar with the name and shook his head in the negative. He found it adorable that she was so enthusiastic about her place of work, as though she owned it or something. It was clear to him by just their brief interactions that she was someone that was astute and took pride in anything that she did. It also gave him some relief to know that she was definitely over the age of twenty-one. Not that it mattered, but he felt better nevertheless. 

“So…you’re a mixologist at an Italian restaurant in Little Italy. I can tell you’d be very good at your job. You seem like a people person, with that lovely smile.” He said, his voice quivering when he realized what he’d said.

Rey blushed again, and Ben’s heartrate spiked.

Jesus…was he flirting with her? He nearly walked right into a scaffold on the sidewalk as he discreetly face palmed himself. Missing it by an inch, he sheepishly met her gaze again. If she had noticed his near accident, she didn’t mention it.

“Well, for the moment I’m a mixologist. I have to pay the bills while I work my way through school. I’m a student at Columbia by day. A junior.” She said casually, and Ben stopped short.

Columbia? Well that would explain what she was doing living in Morningside Heights. 

“Columbia University?” He asked dumbly, his eyes narrowing and his tone losing its cheer from before. 

Rey stopped as well, balancing from foot to foot as she stared at him curiously.

“Yes. I’m an Architectural Engineer major.” She said, the statement coming out high pitched like a question. “Is there something wrong?” 

Ben opened and closed his mouth three times, before shaking his head free.

“Ah, no. You just surprised me. I happen to work at Columbia. I’ve not seen you around campus.” He said quietly.

It was Rey who stopped their momentum this time, but she didn’t look as disturbed by his confession as he was by hers. 

“Well like I said, I just moved here a few months ago. Are you a Professor?” She asked with interest.

Ben nodded.

“Yes. I hold two doctorates. One in Ancient Religion and Philosophy, as well as one in Psychology.” 

Rey’s eyes widened dramatically, and Ben watched as something dawned on her face that made her already beautiful features deepen with pleasure. 

“You…You’re Dr. Benjamin Solo.” She said, her voice sounding awed.

Ben cleared his throat and nodded, suddenly on guard.

“Have we ever met before? Were you ever in a class of mine?” He wondered, knowing full well if this heavenly creature were previously one of his student’s he would have remembered her. 

Rey shook her head in the negative, smiling slightly.

“Oh, no. But my best friend was. A student of yours, I mean. My friend even gave me a book of yours to read. I thought that you looked familiar…on the train. But you look different now then on the dust jacket of the book.” She admitted, shy once again at having pointed out the fact she had been caught staring at him. 

Ben nodded slowly at that, overwhelmed all of a sudden. 

When he’d written the book in question on ancient philosophy, he had had shorter hair and was clean shaven. Now his hair was longer, waving wildly around his face in a chaotic mess made worse by his constant hair tugging. He had grown a trim mustache and a stubbly beard, but that was mostly to hide-

“Yeah. I know I look different.” He agreed, gulping in the chilled night air. Even to his own ears, his tone sounded brusque.

Rey bit her lip thoughtfully as she looked at him, and he could tell something was puzzling her.

"Different, yes. But...same. Your eyes are exactly the same." Rey said quietly, watching her feet as she transversed the narrow sidewalk. 

Ben didn't know how to respond to that, so he kept quiet and merely stared at her blankly.

They walked in silence for a few blocks, and Ben was deeply relieved that she’d allowed him to accompany her. The subway station was a long way from wherever she lived, and the thought of her alone and defenseless at this time of night rattled him. 

“So you live by Central Park? That must be nice.” She said conversationally, breaking the silence.

Ben kept pace beside her, nodding when she met his gaze in the lamplight.

“Um…yes. The view is great. I live on the thirteenth floor.” He mentioned, skirting around a pothole and grabbing her arm without thinking to shift her out of harm’s way.

Rey startled when his hand touched her, but she quickly recovered.

“Thanks.” She mumbled.

Ben nodded absently, trying not to draw attention to his reaction to her touch. 

“So do you live alone, or with roommates from campus?” He asked, hoping once again that he wasn’t being nosy. 

But he wondered how a student who couldn’t afford a proper winter coat could afford the rent in this neighborhood, so close to campus.

Rey looked at Ben sideways, and he could see a glimmer of what looked like dismay on her face. He wondered what caused it.

“I live with my friend Finn. He’s the one who took your class last semester. The one who gave me your book. I could never afford to live here alone.” She said quietly, wringing her hands together.

Ben instantly stiffened. 

Oh. A man.

Finn. Finn Calrission. He remembered the young man from last term, as he was a very attentive student and had gotten straight A’s in his class. He was a nice guy who always had a smile upon his face and he was admittedly attractive, as those things went. The female student body seemed to think so, by the way he always had a circle of people around him chatting him up. 

And Rey lived with him. 

Of course she did. Why would someone as beautiful and sweet as her be single and available? And why the fuck did he even care? He was only being a gentleman, he reminded himself angrily. It wasn’t as if he had any designs on her, romantically. 

Yet for some unexplainable reason, Ben felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He stopped for a minute to catch his breath, bending at the waist. Rey stopped as well, looking at Ben with concern. 

“Ben, are you alright?” She asked in alarm, closing the distance between them and bending down to his eye level. 

Ben nodded, turning his face away from her. The lamplight was bright on this street, and he didn’t want Rey to see the disappointment on his face. He had no idea how or why he was even disappointed to begin with. 

“I’m fine. Which is your building?” He asked, perhaps a little strongly. He sounded out of breath, and it had nothing to do with the long walk from the station.

Rey’s brows furrowed, probably at his change in demeanor. 

“It’s ah…just up here. Next block over.” She whispered, and she began to lead the way again with steps that were quicker than before. 

She kept glancing over to check on him, and he felt like hell for making her worry. 

Now she really would think he was a lunatic, he thought angrily. 

Ben nodded his head, following her silently. Just let him get her home safe and sound, and then he could flee this new feeling of sadness and be done with her. Just the thought made him ache, and he shrugged it off with a bitter chuff. Perhaps drinking 3 cups of sake earlier wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Rey came to a stop in front of a six storied brownstone. It had typical wrought iron steps leading up to a glass door. Ben looked up at it with a slight grimace, feeling like an idiot. She turned to him expectantly, the security light above the entrance illuminating her features beautifully. All of a sudden, it hurt to look at her. 

“Well, this is me. Top floor. Thank you so much for escorting me home, Ben. It was extremely sweet of you.” She said sincerely, her soft eyes sparkling at him.

Ben gazed at her for a moment in silence. Of course, this meant nothing. It was time to say goodbye. She was only a young woman who needed his help and she was thanking him. Nothing more. He hadn’t actually expected anything to come of this.

Had he?

No. Of course he didn’t. He’d barely made it out of the house tonight as it was. No need to complicate matters any. He did his good deed for the year. His mother would be very proud of him. 

“You’re welcome, Rey.” He murmured, not sure that there was anything left to say, yet wanting to say a million things to her. “Well…take care of yourself. It was nice to meet you.”

He turned to leave, taking a few steps down the sidewalk when Rey called out to him with something like desperation in her voice.

“Ben, wait!”

He stopped cold, not able to turn around and look at her again. He didn’t know if he wanted to flee like a crazy person or turn around and face her. The choice was made for him as she jogged down the steps and ran to where he stood, placing a gentle hand on his bicep. He looked down at it briefly before meeting her eyes. They were wide and held a glimmer of shine in them. Ben blinked when he realized that the shine in her eyes were tears. That made absolutely no sense at all, and he swallowed harshly as they maintained eye contact. 

“Y-Your coat.” She suddenly stuttered, slowly taking it off. 

His eyes tracked her movements as she gracefully removed the coat, his face neutral but his heart lurching. It could have been his imagination but she didn’t seem to want to give the garment back…if by the way she clung to it was any indication. It was when she brought the material to her nose and inhaled that Ben’s lurching heart nearly stopped altogether.

“It smells good. Your cologne, I guess. I noticed it earlier, when you sat down beside me on the train.” She said quietly, and that damn blush of hers came back full force. 

Her words stunned him, and he fell speechless as he gazed at her.

“I…thank you.” He murmured, licking his suddenly dry lips. 

“What is it?” She asked, her eyes still shining.

Ben opened his mouth to speak, not sure what she meant.

“What is what?” He asked in confusion.

This earned a chuckle out of Rey, and then she smiled that radiant smile again. The one with the teeth that he was beginning to grow very fond of. Ben felt like he was gazing into the sun as he stared at her.

“Your cologne.” She clarified, startling him out of his daze. “What’s the name of it?”

“Oh. Um…Burberry for men.” He said shyly, feeling like a damn high school senior. 

No one had ever remarked that he’d smelled good before. He’d had a few relationships in his life, but none of the women had ever been so kind as to make him feel good just because. It saddened him that a complete stranger could offer up such a sweet compliment to him after knowing him only an hour.

And it saddened him even more knowing her compliments didn’t belong to him. 

Rey pursed her lips, nodding.

“Well, it’s very nice. Both on you, and on your clothing.” She said sweetly, and her words sent his blood racing through his veins.

He walked two paces closer to her, reaching out to remove the coat from her hands.

“Thank you.” He whispered, offering her a smile which he knew was laced with sadness. 

This extraordinary creature was beautiful and kind and sweet and gentle and interesting and so, so off limits to him. He began to put the coat back on when Rey reached out and placed her palm on his arm again, this time on his wrist. Ben looked down at it in a stupor. 

'Why does she keep touching me? And why am I even allowing it?' He thought numbly.

“Rey—“

“Ben, I know it’s late, but…would you like a cup of coffee for the road? It might help keep you awake so you won’t be so drowsy getting home. You have a long walk back to the station and another train ride home.” She said, her voice sounding hopeful to his ears. 

Why she didn’t want to be rid of his company, he had no idea. She had a boyfriend waiting upstairs for her, after all. And that was a whole other area of awkward that he didn’t even want to think about. It was now after 1 am, and he was feeling a bit weary after the evening’s events. 

Ben looked up at the top window, before looking back down at her. She was much shorter than him; the top of her head coming up only to his chin. Then again, at 6’3, he towered over everyone. Furrowing his brows, he looked at Rey with a peculiar look of worry. He wasn’t the sort of man to cheat, never had been. He didn’t know Rey very well, but he didn’t take her for the cheating kind, either. Then again, a cup of coffee with a stranger was hardly cheating. He was just being stupid. 

“Won’t your boyfriend wonder why you’ve brought home a former Professor of his for a cup of coffee at 1 o’clock in the morning?” Ben asked her quietly, gauging her reaction to his words.

Rey’s eyes widened to saucers as she gaped at him blankly, before suddenly laughing. Ben frowned, not sure what it was she found so amusing but deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt. 

“Oh! I think you’re confused, Ben…Finn isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my best friend. He’s become like a brother to me. I don’t live with him, live with him.” She said, making air quotes. “He has a girlfriend. A long term one, named Rose. It’s not like that, with us. We’re not romantically involved. At all. And…I’m not involved with anyone else, either.” She rambled, her skin flushing once again as her explanation tumbled out of her.

As quickly as all of the air had left Ben earlier, it returned again in full force now as he absorbed her words.

Oh.

“So he’s…” Ben began, feeling foolish for even bringing it up. His voice wavered and he hated it. He cleared his throat, before something else stupid came out of his mouth. He was 29 years old, for Christ’s sake. What the hell had gotten into him?

Rey smiled slightly, her eyes crinkling. 

“My friend.” She finished for him, walking backwards and back up the stairs leading to the front door. 

Ben’s eyes trailed after her, watching her as she took out her key and slipped it into the lock. She lingered there on the threshold, actually looking afraid that he wouldn’t accept her invitation. He hadn’t a clue how to proceed here, having never been in this situation before. When she turned around and looked at him, her eyes penetrating his deeply, Ben felt his knees waver. 

“Are you coming up? We have espresso, hot cocoa, or tea if you don’t fancy coffee. Anyway, something warm. Whatever you’d like.” Rey said enthusiastically, and it sounded to Ben’s ears as if she were practically pleading with him to share a drink with her. 

Ben stood at the bottom of the stairs, gazing from her face to the direction of the subway station and back to her apartment. Every fear and doubt from the last year crashed against his mind and heart, beckoning him to politely decline her invitation and walk away. Yet one look at Rey's gentle visage was enough to push back with a force the likes of which he'd never known before. He wanted to spend some more time with this woman more than he wanted anything in that moment.

The decision was made for him even before he opened his mouth. 

“Yes.”


	2. The Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get to know each other better.

Ben followed Rey up to the sixth floor in silence, his eyes glued to the back of her head as they ascended each threshold. Her building smelled like incense and candle wax, reminding Ben of his own time in college. He was certain the building contained a lot of college students who smoked pot, and gave a rueful smile as they passed one particular door that had the telltale signs of smoke coming out from underneath it. 

When they reached the top floor, Rey fiddled in her bag moving objects aside before producing a keyring triumphantly.

“Well, here we are.” She said nervously, her gentle tone endearing her even more to Ben. She unlocked the double bolt briskly, rushing inside and holding the door open in a wide arc for him to follow her. 

The apartment Rey shared with Finn was small, yet cozy. They each had a bedroom (much to Ben’s relief) a living area, a bathroom, a small office nook, and a pretty decent sized kitchen with an attached dining room. An open, rectangular beam surrounding an island in the kitchen held various pots and pans that had seen better days, but the fact they were so used proved that meals in this apartment were frequent and made with love. Ben couldn’t remember the last time he had had a home cooked meal. Months ago, maybe. 

Rey set down her bags on the dining room table, smiling at Ben as he hovered in the doorway.

“Please, come in and make yourself comfortable.” She implored, going to the kitchen and pulling out various things from the refrigerator and cupboard. 

Ben nodded and shut the front door, locking it as well as he didn’t know her usual habits. The neighborhood looked safe enough but it was a city, after all. He came over to the dining room table, pulling out a chair and sitting his tall frame down awkwardly. He watched Rey in silence as she rummaged around in her kitchen. She was so lovely, in a visceral way. Simple clothing, simple makeup, simple hair. Natural. Real. He’d never met someone so real before. Looking at Rey was like seeing a rainbow for the first time. 

“Did you decide what you’d like to drink?” Rey asked sweetly, turning around and meeting his gaze in the dim light and breaking him out of his stupor.

Ben was suddenly struck mute as he gazed at her, wondering how the hell he’d arrived here tonight. A few hours ago, he was in Chinatown eating dim sum, drinking sake and trading awkward conversation with Armitage and Phasma. Now he was here with a woman that he’d met on the train. Ben Solo didn’t do things like this.

Ever.

He scoffed at himself internally. What things? He wasn’t doing anything, not really. So he escorted a young woman home. His intentions were honorable. He wasn’t expecting anything from her; he was merely here because she wanted to repay his kindness with a beverage. He’d been out of the game so long that any little female companionship made him feel like a pervert.

‘Get a grip’. He admonished himself angrily, and forced himself to calm down by taking a steadying breath. He realized that he hadn’t answered her question, so he said the first thing that came to mind. 

“Hot cocoa. Would that be too much trouble?” He heard himself asking, and was mesmerized when the smile Rey presented him on the train returned for a third time that evening.

“No trouble at all. Any allergies to milk or cinnamon? How about nuts?” Rey asked him, beginning to add milk to a saucepan on the stove.

Forget the rainbow. Rey smiling at him was like watching the dawn of a new day, as the sunrise broke across the horizon. 

He watched her measure out various ingredients, his eyes hungrily taking in every movement. He supposed her job as a Bartender gave her the practiced hand of measuring. And then of course, her major of engineering. She would be very precise in her movements, he guessed. The thought made him respect her even more. 

“No. No allergies.” He assured her, continuing to gaze at her steadily. 

She grated some chocolate from a large brick that she’d unearthed from the refrigerator, adding it to the milky sugar that was simmering on the stove. It smelled delicious, even from here, and Ben found that he couldn’t wait to taste it. As she gently stirred the chocolate mixture, her eyes flickered over to his and held. Ben gulped deeply.

“You’re dressed very nicely tonight. Did you have an important engagement?” Rey ventured, her accent lending an air of girlishness to the question.

Ben studied her, his brows furrowing. She was fishing for something, and he knew it. It dawned upon him that this was her roundabout way of asking him if he had been on a date. He wasn’t upset, though. Far from it. In that moment, he felt desperate to assure her that he hadn't been out with someone else earlier in the evening.

“Thank you. For the compliment, I mean. It wasn’t really an engagement, though. I met some friends down in Chinatown for dinner. A couple who are close friends of mine, since college. I haven’t seen them in a while.” Ben admitted truthfully, his voice quiet.

Seemingly appeased by his explanation, Rey smiled softly. She asked nothing further, simply returning to the task of making them cocoa. But Ben noticed that her face had relaxed, as though his answer was a relief to her.  
After a few moments at the stove, she came to join him at the table with a tray laden with the steaming chocolate and some cookies that looked to be homemade. They were enormous, bursting with chocolate morsels and what looked like hazelnuts. Ben’s mouth suddenly watered. 

“I made these cookies yesterday. Help yourself.” Rey said kindly, taking one of the two large mugs for herself, as well as a cookie. 

“Thank you, Rey. This smells delicious.” Ben said honestly, warming his hands between the large mug of steaming chocolate.

Rey noticed the gesture, and her eyes met his in question. 

“Are you warm enough? I can turn the heat on if you’re cold.” She said tenderly, and Ben nearly choked on his tongue.

Why was she being so damn kind to him, like his comfort meant the world to her?

“I…yes. I'm fine. Are you warm enough?” He questioned, the memory of her not having a coat irking him again. 

Rey nodded, sipping her cocoa thoughtfully after blowing on it a second. 

“Perfectly so.” Rey said quietly, eyes meeting his over the rim of her cup.

Ben sipped the hot beverage carefully, his eyes rolling back at the taste as the flavors exploded on his tongue.

“My God…this is delicious. I thought you were going to use a powder packet or something.” He said sheepishly, risking a tongue burn to guzzle the drink faster.

Rey’s eyes widened in both delight at his exuberance, and in worry for his mucosa suffering a third degree burn.

“Slow down there, Professor. There’s plenty more where that came from.” She said jovially, and when Ben’s eyes met hers again she blushed.

“That’s um…good to know.” He stuttered out, enjoying the drink and the banter. Perhaps a little too much. 

They drank their cocoa in silence, occasionally stealing glances at the other. It wasn’t a bad silence, not at all. But Ben began to wonder suddenly all that there was to know about Rey. He bit into a cookie and moaned in appreciation. Rey merely smiled, hiding her face behind her own mug of cocoa.

“This cookie is the best I’ve ever tasted,” Ben gushed, taking another large bite and chewing it happily.

Rey giggled, flattered that he was enjoying her offering.

“I'm so happy that you're enjoying it, Ben. I don’t often get to bake for people other than Finn and Rose.” Rey said thoughtfully.

Ben slowed his chewing, swallowing the morsel carefully. His eyes watched Rey as she demurely sipped her cocoa, wondering how it would feel to always be on the receiving end of Rey’s kindness. Of basking in her generosity, in every way. What it would be like, to receive her touch. Her kiss. Her smile, on a daily basis. What it would be like to wake up in her arms.

He cleared his throat harshly as his mind wandered down avenue’s he knew were dangerous for him to navigate.

“You mentioned earlier that you read my book, The Light of the Ages. Did you enjoy it?” Ben asked abruptly, feeling himself flush as he waited for her response.

Rey’s eyes lit up exponentially at the question. She put her mug down, giving Ben her full attention. The interest on her face startled Ben, and he found himself mirroring her position by putting his own mug down and leaning closer to her across the table. 

“Oh, yes! It was amazing. I especially loved the chapter on pagan rites during the middle ages. I’ve always found that topic scary, yet…sexy somehow.” She admitted.

Her words were innocently spoken, yet the underlying tones sounded provocative.

“Oh? In what way?” Ben ventured, trying not to sound like a pubescent teenager reacting to the way Rey said the word ‘sexy’.

Rey cocked her brow, considering.

“Well, the subjects of Druidry and Wicca. They are fascinating. Earth magic, and the like. I’ve never been a practitioner, mind you. I never had any formal religious beliefs. But I was born and raised in England. There is still a large Druid population there. I once had the fortune to go to Stonehenge for the Alban Hefin Festival during the Summer Solstice. It was very exciting. These days, it’s more like a hippie music festival than anything else. But in the old days, it must have been something exciting to witness. If you can gloss over the virgin sacrifices. Did you know followers of Druidry began to hold ceremonies called gorsedd where bards would gather on hills or sacred mounts, the first held on Primrose Hill in 1792?” Rey asked with humor and a touch of excitement. 

Ben swallowed harshly, for his throat had suddenly gone dry. 

“I did know that. It's my job to know that. But how did you?” He managed to ask, his voice deep.

The fact Rey knew so much about a subject he’d devoted his life’s work to startled and enticed him. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him?

Rey shrugged nonchalantly.

Apparently not. Ben took another nervous sip of his drink.

“Like I said, the subject fascinates me. So reading your book was a real pleasure. You touched upon so many mystical points of religion that were so intriguing. You know a lot about Catholicism, as well. Were you raised a Catholic?” She asked him casually, bringing her mug to her lips.

Ben’s eyes flickered for a moment, an excerpt from his book coming to his mind and cutting through it like a missile.

‘…According to the theology of the Catholic Church, death by suicide is considered a grave matter, one of the elements required for mortal sin. ... Suicide is contrary to love for the living God. Suicide is seriously contrary to justice, hope, and charity. It is forbidden by the fifth commandment, and would condemn a Soul to the depths of Hell...’

“Ben?”

Ben swallowed, before releasing a small gasp. He looked up to find Rey watching him tenderly, her hazel eyes wide with worry. A few seconds passed where the two gazed at each other in silence, before Ben collected himself.

“Hey...where did you go?” Rey asked gently.

Ben felt like bolting. His long legs twitched under the table, and his palms began to sweat. But as he gazed at Rey and her sweet, open face…he couldn’t. Gathering his wits, he answered her question with as much openness as he could.

“I…no. I wasn’t raised Catholic. Although…I’ve dabbled in many religions. It’s in the job description. Besides…Enlightenment is good for the Soul.” He whispered absently.

Rey tilted her head, considering his words.

“Yes, I suppose it is. I’ve never really believed in a deity, though. But I’d like to think there is something out there watching over us…guiding us. A driving Force, perhaps.” She murmured thoughtfully, offering Ben a sweet smile.

The atmosphere had grown heavy, and Ben was desperate to lighten it. Something Rey had said earlier intrigued him, and he felt it safer to go back to that.

“You said earlier that you’ve been to Stonehenge for Litha. That’s very interesting. I myself went to one four years ago, in 2013.” He said, taking another piece of his cookie and popping it in his mouth.

Rey went silent suddenly, and he looked up to find her watching him with wide eyes.

“What is it?” He asked, a frown appearing between his own eyes.

“That was the year that I went. I was nineteen. You and I were there at the same time. Isn’t that strange?” She asked him quietly, her hazel eyes staring at him in wonder.

Ben raised a brow, suddenly finding it hard to breath. 

“Yeah, I suppose it is strange. But then again, maybe not so strange.” He said enigmatically, taking another drink to hide his blush.

Rey snapped out of her stupor after a moment, smiling at him shyly. 

“If we had met then, we could have danced together in the dawn light, as the sun broke over the horizon on Salisbury Plain ushering in the Summer Solstice.” Rey whispered, biting her lip and gazing at Ben through her lashes.

Ben inhaled sharply. He tried to imagine himself at twenty-five coming across a nineteen year old Rey. Would he have noticed her? Yes. Of course he would have noticed her. But would she have noticed him? Would she have thought he was some creepy pervert, taking an interest in a nineteen year old? But she was so mature. He could only imagine her being the same way four years ago. 

Four years…a lot could happen in four years. A lot did.

“Are you also a Psychologist?” She asked him abruptly, the sudden topic change disorienting him.

Ben pulled his mind away from the pleasant image of dancing with Rey amidst the sacred stones as the sun dawned to meet her curious gaze.

“Um…I have a degree in Psychology, yes. But I’ve never set up practice before. I teach it.” He said with finality, and he could tell Rey wondered if there was more to the story. She didn’t push him, though. And for that, he was grateful.

Ben covertly looked around the room, admiring the furnishings. Everything was mismatched, but the eclectic bits of furniture worked together somehow. In the center of the living room was a peacock blue velvet couch that was enormous. It looked out of place with everything else, but Ben smiled as he imagined Rey lounging on it doing homework or watching a movie. 

Rey caught his perusal of ‘her’ belongings, and he gave her a contrite smile at having been caught.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy. I was just admiring your decor.” He said with a shrug.

Rey chuckled gently.

“Everything here belongs to Finn. His father is the owner of the restaurant I work at, Lando’s. When Finn moved out on his own, his parent’s helped him set up the place. I met him six months back, on my first day of orientation. We just become best friends overnight. I was living in a hostel then, doing odd jobs in the year since I'd moved from England. He told me that he had a spare room and would love for me to move in. He also got me the job at Lando’s. At least I can help him with rent and utilities. And I really love my job. They treat me like family, which is something I’m not used to.” Rey finished, her voice trailing off at the end. 

Something disturbing occurred to Ben then as he watched all manner of nervous emotions flicker across Rey’s face. She didn’t have anything of her own. No apartment, no car, not even a winter coat. He felt a bizarre sensation of possessive concern bubble up inside of him at her circumstances. Whereas he had everything material that he could want, she had nothing. And yet she was the personification of sunshine and hospitality.  
It baffled him, it humbled him, and it made him want to take care of her. 

Almost desperately.

“You didn’t have to tell me that, Rey. It’s none of my business.” Ben said quietly, the realization of his attraction to her hitting him full force. He wanted it to be his business. And that scared the hell out of him.

Rey bit her lip as she gazed at him.

“But…I wanted you to know, since you thought I was living with someone and I asked you up here anyway. You seemed upset earlier, when I mentioned living with Finn. I don’t usually invite strangers home. I don’t want you to think that I do. It’s just that you seemed…different.” She said shyly, averting her eyes.

Ben remained silent, not knowing what to say. He didn’t know how he got here, and he sure as hell didn’t know where this was going.

“Do you…are you living with someone?” Rey asked him, her fingernail scraping against the side of her mug deliberately as she waited for him to answer. 

Her voice was low and fearful, and something about it made Ben's heart break. They were just two people who met on the train. He escorted her home to keep her safe. That is all it was. And yet, he knew if that were all it was he would never have come up. He was emotionally involved, now. Being here, drinking cocoa with her and talking about personal things at 2 am…

He was involved alright.

Ben waited until Rey looked up before he answered her.

“I wouldn’t be here with you now if I were, Rey. As you don’t take strangers home, I don’t go home with strangers, either.” He said seriously, his gaze intense.

Rey swallowed, looking down quickly.

“Good to know.” She whispered, sitting back in her chair. The small smile that lingered at the corner of her mouth intrigued him. 

They finished the rest of the pot of hot cocoa, and Rey admitting to adding cinnamon and vanilla to it. Ben thought he’d never tasted anything so delicious.

“So what do you think about Columbia?” Ben asked, wiping his lips free of crumbs from his second cookie with the napkin Rey had given him.

Rey shrugged, but her face held a hint of admiration.

“I like it a lot. I’m very fortunate to be there, considering.” Rey said conversationally.

Ben nodded, a crease forming between his brows.

“Are you here on a student visa?” He asked quietly.

Rey nodded.

“Yes. I’d like to become a citizen. Finn and his parents have helped me begin the process. There’s nothing and no one left for me back in England, so…” Rey trailed off, her voice faltering.

Ben gulped, something telling him there was a great deal of pain behind that story. He wasn’t sure he could take it if something bad had happened to her. He felt his heart begin to thud, and opened his mouth to ask her about it. Rey beat him to the punch, though, excusing herself to use the restroom.

Ben leaned back, releasing the deep breath he held. This young woman captivated him. If he weren’t careful, he could find himself tumbling head long into a deep infatuation with her. Was that something he wanted? His heart told him yes. But his head…

His head kept reminding him of the cost of trusting people. Trusting a woman. He had no business starting something with this sweet girl that he wouldn’t be able to finish. Oh…but his heart ached as he closed his eyes and pictured her face. Each freckle. Each dimple…she was like a masterpiece, and he could gaze at her forever. But she could so easily break his heart. 

Rey returned to the table, snapping Ben out of his musings. He smiled at her as she once again took a seat, this time the one right next to him on his left.

They sat silently and watched each other, a strange sound suddenly hitting against the fire escape outside. They both turned their eyes towards the window.

“It’s raining.” Rey said absently, a frown turning her pretty lips downward.

Ben nodded. He held up his watch to Rey, who squinted at it in the dim light of the room.

“Oh! It’s nearly 4:00 am. I’m sorry to have kept you; you must be exhausted.” She gushed, jumping up and gathering their mugs and plates and putting them in the sink.

Ben stood up as well, watching her silently as she tended to her task like her life depended on it. She wasn’t walking him to the door, wasn’t saying goodbye to him. In fact, she had become so engrossed in her cleaning, that he realized she was avoiding the reality of him leaving. He also realized with a shock that she didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t have to say it; it was like a mental bond had formed between the two in the last four hours, and they could feel each other’s thoughts and emotions. What frightened him more was that he found he didn’t want to leave her, either. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, Rey. I wanted to stay.” He whispered, but it was loud enough for her to hear him. 

She stopped scrubbing the mugs with the soapy sponge and turned off the faucet, drying her hands on a dish towel by the sink. 

Ben sighed, an overwhelming feeling of anticipation clawing up his throat. It wasn’t until she turned around and met his helpless gaze that he knew he wasn’t alone in this strange feeling, whatever it was. The seconds ticked on, neither one moving and their gazes locked. 

“Don’t…go home. Stay.” Rey murmured, her face registering shock at her own words. 

Ben’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp as he continued to stare at her. 

“I…” He began, running a hand deeply through his raven locks before running the same hand over the stiff muscles in his neck.

Rey leaned back against the sink, folding her arms around her protectively.

“I didn’t mean…for you to stay for anything seedy. It’s just so late. And it’s begun to rain. I don’t like the idea of you alone on the streets at this hour, not after you took the time to see me home safely.” Rey said softly, looking everywhere but at him.

A feeling of tenderness enveloped Ben at her honest confession, and he ran the hand still kneading his neck muscles along his face.

“I didn’t think you meant anything else, Rey. I would never assume such a thing about you. It’s clear that you’re a woman of integrity.” Ben whispered gently, knowing it to be true. 

He could tell Rey wasn’t the type of person to just invite a man she had met a few hours ago into her bed.

“Is your friend Finn home? I haven’t seen or heard him at all since we’ve been here.”

Rey shook her head in the negative.

“No. Finn is out of town for the weekend with Rose. He won’t be back until tomorrow night.” Rey said quietly.

Ben nodded, the fact they were alone and would continue to be so not making him feel lightheaded. Not in the slightest.

“You um…you can sleep in Finn’s room, if you want. He won’t mind. He really likes you. He talked about you all summer. And he’d be grateful that you took me home and kept me safe.” Rey rushed out, her voice choppy. 

Ben smiled at her nervous rambling. His eyes flickered over to where the bedrooms were, before returning to the couch in the living room. 

“That’s okay. I would feel strange sleeping in his bed without his knowledge. I can sleep on the couch. It looks long enough to accommodate my tall frame.” He said wryly, and he watched in rapturous delight as Rey’s train smile blossomed.

“So you’ll stay?” She asked him brightly, her face lighting up at the prospect.

Ben’s head began to pound in conjunction with his heart. Why did the idea of him sleeping on her couch make her so damn happy? Whatever the reason, he found that he couldn’t deny her…couldn’t leave her tonight, even if he wanted to.

And he didn’t want to. 

“Yes. I’ll stay.”

Rey clapped her hands together quietly, her happiness apparent. Lowering her face, she moved past him to open what appeared to be a closet where she unearthed some clean sheets, and a blanket. Without further ado, she approached the couch and began to make it up for Ben. He silently watched her, hands thrust in his pockets. Her movements were fluid and precise, and the thought crossed his mind that she would be perfect as a soldier, making her cot up for inspection. The idea made him smile.

“I’ll just…get you a pillow. I’ll be right back.” Rey said softly, before opening the door on the left down the hall from the living room which appeared to be her bedroom. 

She left the door open, and he could see the inside for a split second. The walls were painted a soft yellow that reminded him of fresh lemons. It suited her completely, and he felt that strange twinge in his chest again. She emerged a second later carrying a fluffy pillow that obviously came from her bed. The pillow case was pink and had little roses on it. Ben held his breath as he took it from her outstretched hand.

“Here you go. I hope you’re not allergic to goose feathers.” She inquired, frowning at the prospect.

Ben rushed to reassure her that he wasn’t.

“No, no. No allergies, remember.” He reiterated, squeezing the pillow. It was plump and soft, and he suddenly couldn’t wait to sink his head into it. Or more accurately, his face. Where he would no doubt be able to detect Rey’s scent.

Rey smiled shyly, backing up a little.

“Good…is there anything else you need?” She asked hospitably, waiting with wide eyes while he debated.

Ben’s eyes ran up and down the length of her, his gaze settling on the carpet.

“Ah, no. Nothing.” He stammered out, before clearing his throat.

Rey nodded.

“Okay. Well, there is water in the fridge if you get thirsty. Help yourself to anything you’d like.” She offered, and Ben nodded quickly.

“Thank you, Rey. Goodnight.” He forced out.

“G-Goodnight.” Rey stammered, flicking off the lamp in the living room before turning quickly and retreating to her room. She closed the door with a gentle click, and Ben let out a sigh of relief when he didn’t hear her lock it behind her. 

She trusted him. He’d met her four hours ago, and yet she trusted him. He could have cried then, if he wasn’t so damn tired.

The couch was indeed comfortable as he sat down, unlacing his shoes and taking them off along with his socks. He unbuckled his belt and slid it free of its loopy prison, before removing his trousers and draping them across the back of the couch. He removed his buttoned down as well, and laid it on top of his trousers. Clad in a v neck tee shirt and his boxers, he lowered his head to the pillow that Rey provided him with. He felt a wave of peace overtake him that was odd considering he was in a near stranger’s apartment about to sleep on their couch. 

Giving in, he turned his face sideways into the pillow and was met with a delectable scent. Gardenia. It was clean and fresh and below its subtle undertones was the scent of hair. Rey’s hair. Ben released a small moan of something sweet and sad at the same time, closing his eyes and allowing himself to drift. He imagined Rey in her bed down the hall, her body cocooned in the warmth of her blanket. He wished that he could be the one warming her, and sighed. The rain pattered against the cast iron fire escape, lulling him into a gentle slumber.

Hours later, the divine scents of coffee and bacon greeted Ben, and he groggily ran a hand across his eyes as the bright sunlight filtered in through the curtains. He raised his wrist to his eyes, squinting at his watch and noting that it was 9:30 am. He sat up and yawned, looking around the living room earnestly for any sign of Rey. 

“Rey?” He called out cautiously, knocking on the bedroom door that she had left behind last night. He tried again, louder this time, but there was still no answer. 

He made his way to the open bathroom door, needing to relieve himself and splash some cold water on his face. Closing the door behind him, he stared blearily at his face in the mirror. It was then that he noticed a pink post it note stuck to the glass.

'Good morning, Ben. I left you a new toothbrush and razor on the sink. The blue ones. Help yourself to anything in the shower, if you’d like to have one. Fresh towels in the closet behind you. I’m on the roof with breakfast. Rey. X'

Ben looked around the bathroom in confusion. It was stocked with masculine toiletries which he supposed were Finn’s, as well as shampoo and body wash. He figured a wash up would be nice, and breakfast sounded fantastic. For some reason he was famished this morning, which was a first since he began taking his medication. An unfortunate side effect was nausea and lack of appetite, so for months he’d subsisted on snacks and ginger ale.

He couldn’t get over how kind and generous Rey was, and shook his head. Where did this beautiful girl come from? He was afraid to think of her in terms of anything more than the moment, because he knew that their meeting was just one of those things, and he was sure if she knew what she was getting herself into by befriending him she would scream and go running in the opposite direction.

Sighing, Ben pulled back the curtain to the shower, noticing it was still damp inside from Rey being in there a short time ago. The air was perfumed with gardenias, just like her pillow. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, an unbidden image of wet, fragrant Rey conjured up behind his closed eyelids. He snapped himself out of that train of thinking immediately. He was getting himself into something here that scared the hell out of him, and he had to stop.

He showered and brushed his teeth quickly, using a mirror that Finn must have rigged in the shower to shave and trim his mustache and beard. As he dried off he looked at himself in the mirror, and thought he looked much better than he had when he first stepped in here ten minutes earlier. He hated putting rumbled clothing back on, but they were clean at least and he rolled up his shirt to the elbows and slipped his expensive shoes back on. Ben folded up the sheet and blanket he had used, setting them on the couch neatly with Rey’s pillow on top. He stared at the items a moment before turning and giving her apartment a cursory glance. It was bright and airy in the light of day, and as his eyes drifted to the dining room table he recalled snippets of their conversation last night.

It almost seemed like a dream; meeting her, coming home with her, drinking cocoa and eating cookies with her, and falling asleep on her couch to the sounds of rain against the glass and her gardenia scent in his nostrils. Tears came to his eyes and he angrily blinked them away. He really needed to get a grip. 

Ben couldn’t lock her door as he had no key, so he just shut it tightly and looked around for the roof stairs. As they were on the top floor, it was clearly to the extreme right and up another flight of steps. Ben ascended to the iron door, and opened it gently. His breath caught in his throat as he looked around, his eyes taking in the area with delight. The entire rooftop had been converted to a garden, with various rose bushes and blooms giving off the last of their blossoms before the winter came. The ground was still wet from this morning’s early downpour, a few puddles sprinkled here and there. There was a small gazebo and various benches littered throughout, where the tenants of the building obviously came to socialize. A long picnic bench lined the far edge of the building, large enough to seat at least thirty people. There were light fixtures, string lights, and torches throughout the space, and Ben thought the evenings up here must be cozy and beautiful. 

Walking around the space, he peeked his head around the side of the gazebo, and his breath caught in his throat as he noticed Rey. 

Her wavy hair was pulled up in a French twist, wispy tendrils framing her face. Her hair was held in place with what looked to be chopsticks, and Ben smirked at how silly yet functional it was. She had on a soft looking white thermal with a pair of grey yoga pants which fit her perfectly. A pair of glasses were perched upon her nose, making her look studios and adorable as she read what looked to be the newspaper. Everything about her was adorable, he thought, and for the hundredth time since meeting her he wondered how the hell it was that she was single. When he walked up the five small steps leading to the table in the middle of the gazebo, she finally heard him and raised her eyes. 

His unruly hair was still damp, but at least he had shaved and he was clean. He hadn’t felt this self-conscious in a long time, swallowing as she studied him with a soft expression. 

“Good morning, Rey.” He mumbled softly, his eyes darting around her face.

Rey offered him a beautiful smile, gesturing for him to join her. He pulled the chair out and sat down cautiously, not sure what to say.

“Good morning, Ben. I hope you slept well and that I wasn’t too loud. I didn’t want to wake you yet. You looked to be sleeping so peacefully. I hope the food isn’t too cold.” She said sincerely, and Ben noticed that she hadn’t begun to eat yet. 

He was touched that she had waited for him, even when she didn’t know how long he’d be or even if he’d come. Perhaps he was some crazy anti-social rake who’d just skip out on her with no thank you, no note, or no goodbye.  
He also wondered if anyone else had ever done that to her. He didn’t like the thought. 

At all. 

Looking down at the lovely scene before him, Ben shook his head before raising grateful eyes to hers.

“Rey…thank you for this. You didn’t have to go to any trouble. Really. I’m…I’m not used to all of this.” He admitted, his voice cracking painfully and he swallowed the thick lump that had taken up residence there.

Rey frowned.

“Not used to what?” She asked him quietly.

Ben faltered, his hand flailing in midair above his empty plate.

“Not used to being treated with kindness or thoughtfulness.” He rasped, his eyes dropping to the table below. It was full of various fruits and pastries, what looked to be a quiche, and bacon. She had a pot of coffee there and a glass pitcher of orange juice, as well. 

“Oh.” Rey whispered, nervously twisting a napkin through her fingers. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to do something nice for you, after last night. For taking me home. And for staying.” She said, her tone shy.

Ben heard the fear in her voice at upsetting him and it rattled him. 

“No! God, no. You didn’t, I swear. You’re…well, you’re amazing Rey. You are.” He rushed to reassure her, relieved when she smiled and began to pour him some juice and dish out the food. 

He watched her intently, wondering how she had prepared such a feast while he lay slumbering on her couch. They began to eat in silence, and Ben nearly moaned at how delicious the quiche was. After a few minutes, he felt her small hand on his wrist and looked up to meet her soft eyes gazing at him.

“I understand, you know. About kindness. Until I met Finn, I never had any friends. Or anyone, really. I…well, my parent’s died when I was ten. I lived in foster care until I came of age. I inherited a small amount of money when I turned twenty-one from my parent’s estate, and I decided to leave England and get a student visa to come to the States and study. My foster family…the last one I had lived with, tried to steal the money from me. I knew if I didn’t leave the U.K., they would do everything to get their hands on it. They weren’t very nice people. I bought a way one economy ticket and came here, just like that. I was totally alone, and it was scary. I’ve earned a small amount of money for student loans and a grant, but most of my inheritance went towards my tuition. I paid it up in full until the end of my senior year, so that is one less expense I have to worry about. But I work at Lando’s to contribute to rent and everything else I need. Maybe part of me never allowed myself to get close to anyone. But when you’re an orphan, you tend to not trust people easily. Until…someone kind and genuine gives you a reason to.” Rey whispered, her eyes searing through his own with intent. 

Ben listened to Rey’s story with lead in his heart. Orphaned, at ten? Jesus…what would that do to a kid? He imagined his own parent’s; his father the astronaut and his mother the senator. He’d always had everything he wanted and needed, from a fine home to a stellar education to security. And even though they drove him crazy, and his relationship with his father had been strained as of late, he knew he had their love. 

Yet this amazing woman who was gentle and kind, was left alone in the world as a baby to fend for herself. After the year he’d had been through, and it’s lasting effects on his life, he wondered how he could have been so selfish and stupid. She embarrassed him with her strength and courage, and he felt like dropping to his knees before her and begging her to allow him to take all of her pain away.

“Rey…I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say. You of all people didn’t deserve that. You deserve everything good and wonderful.” Ben murmured, devastated for her loss.

Rey bit her lip, her expression a mixture of sadness and annoyance.

“Please, don’t pity me. I’m here and I’m alive. I got myself through it and I don’t need pity now.” She said forcefully, as though the idea of pity…his pity…disgusted her.

He reached out and placed his hand on Rey’s arm, just as she had done last night. Ben could tell that she was strong and brave. Any fool could see that. He never could have imagined that the beautiful woman he chanced to meet on a busy train would burrow her way into his heart in the mere space of ten hours. He wondered how the hell it was even possible.

“No, Rey. No. I don’t pity you. I swear. I just wish you never had to go through such a traumatic ordeal. I wish I could change that for you.” He said gently.

Rey glanced down at his hand resting on her arm warmly, and managed a small smile of gratitude.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” She asked him timidly, and it broke his heart to think this angel needed validation.

“I…yes. I mean it.” He attested, his eyes boring into hers.

Rey cleared her throat, leaning forward in her chair and gazed at Ben with warm eyes.

“Thank you, Ben.” She whispered, and he felt the weight of an anvil lift from his chest.

“You’re welcome, Rey.” He managed in reply, unable to look away from her. 

Rey leaned over and poured him a cup of coffee, before sliding it over to him.

“I hope you like dark roast. It’s all I had on hand.” She said sheepishly, a tiny grin lifting the corners of her mouth.  
Ben’s mouth swelled into a grin as well, and he shook his head in wonder.

“I love dark roast.” He parodied, emphasizing the word love. 

They spent an hour on the roof eating and talking, laughing and staring at each other. It was a sunny morning, and as the rays slanted and changed across the side of the building, Ben suddenly remembered that he hadn’t been home all night. He glanced at his watch, realizing it was just after twelve. With a frown, he rose from his chair.

Rey glanced up at him, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand.

“Rey, I have to go home and…see to some things. I wish that I didn’t have to, but it’s getting late.” He said, his tone regretful. 

What he couldn’t tell her, was that he was hours late from taking his morning medication, and he couldn’t afford to deviate from his schedule now so early after returning to work from his sabbatical. He hated the fact that he had to leave now, as he would have gladly spent the entire day with her. It was Sunday, and where the thought of being left alone had just hours ago seemed like a respite, now it seemed like a noose around his neck.  
Meeting Rey had changed everything. Had changed him. And she didn’t even know it. He hadn’t realized how lonely he had been, or for how long.

Rey smiled sadly, nodding her head in understanding.

“That’s okay, Ben. I understand.” She said gently, but there was no mistaking the underlying tone of disappointment in her words. 

How could she understand when he himself didn’t?

Rey rose from her seat as well, throwing down her napkin.

“I’ll walk you down. Did you leave anything in my apartment?” She asked, and Ben nodded.

“My coat.” He said, his voice low.

Rey sighed.

“I’ll go get it. Why don’t you head downstairs?” She suggested, and Ben could only nod.

He walked down the five flights of stairs, lingering on the outside stoop while he waited for her. The street looked so different than it had when they first arrived in the early hours of the morning. He suddenly felt like there was really no reason for him to have worried about her getting home alright last night, but he knew he wouldn’t change coming home with her for the world.

Rey found him staring up at her window, and he looked down in embarrassment at having been caught when she appeared in the vestibule. 

“Here you go.” She said softly, closing the door before holding out his coat to him. 

Ben took it gently from her grip, their fingers brushing during the exchange. The coldness of the dawn had tempered off to a pleasant temperature, so he decided not to put the heavy garment on. 

“Thank you.” He said, at a loss to how to proceed from here. Once again, they were saying goodbye. And once again, he didn’t want to or know if they would meet again. He felt a pain in his chest, and rubbed absently at the phantom pain as Rey looked on, her eyes narrowing. 

“I had a good time, Ben. Thank you. For everything. You gave me a wonderful gift.” Rey whispered, shifting on her feet as Ben looked on helplessly.

“Gift?” He asked her in confusion.

Rey nodded in the affirmative.

“Yeah. I’ve been in this country a year, and you are the first person other than Finn to offer me any kindness. Thank you for caring about a total stranger enough to see her home safely. And for everything else. The conversation. And…the company.” She murmured. 

In that moment, Ben couldn’t help it. He was cracking under the desire to touch her in some way, hold her. He felt like his time was rapidly slipping away, and he didn’t know what to do. Reaching out, he took one of Rey’s hands in his own. It was so small compared to his giant paw, and it was ice cold. Pulling her closer to him, he raised her hand tenderly to his lips and kissed the back of her knuckles with care before turning her hand over and kissing the inside of her palm. He kept his eyes upon her the whole time, and a thrill ran through him as he felt Rey tremble. 

“Will you have dinner with me tonight?” He asked, shocked as the words slipped out of his mouth.

Rey’s mouth opened and her eyes widened.

“I…I would love to, Ben. But I have to work until 9.” She said regretfully, her face falling.

Ben smiled, shaking his head. 

“It’s alright. Perhaps another time?” He asked hopefully, and was relieve when his favorite smile appeared.

“Yes! I mean…that would be nice. May I see your phone?” She asked enthusiastically.

Puzzled, Ben pursed his lips.

“O…kay.” He murmured, unlocking it and handing it over to her.

Rey punched in her phone number, waiting until it rang and left herself a message while Ben looked on in amusement.

“Hi, this is Ben’s phone. I’m leaving you a message so you’ll have my phone number. Goodbye.”

Ben let out a bark of laughter, and he watched in delight as Rey’s eyes lit up. He wondered if she found him as heartbreakingly attractive as he found her.

“You sound nothing like me.” He grumbled jokingly, taking the phone from her hand and putting it in his pocket.  
Rey giggled, hiding her face with her palm.

“Well, I know that. Your voice is too deep for me to really imitate it. But now, you have my number too.” She whispered.

The pair of them didn’t move and as the cool breeze ruffled the wisps of Rey’s hair, Ben wondered again why he had to leave. Ah. Yes. Medication. The subway station beckoned, and his eyes moved in that direction before meeting hers again.

“I have to go.” He said, his voice faltering. 

Rey didn’t say anything, but she continued to gaze at him.

“So go.” She said gently, her eyes flickering down the block to his destination.

Ben swallowed thickly.

“I…I don’t want to go.” He admitted shakily, running a hand through his hair again. His brown eyes met her hazel ones, and he could swear he could see himself in them. 

Rey bit her lip again, a habit Ben could see she did when nervous. He could also see that she was on the verge of tears.

“I don’t want you to go, either.” She blurted out, looking mortified at her confession.

Instead of carrying him away, his legs carried him to her. Dropping his coat on the ground, he took Rey’s shoulders in his hands and moved her closer to him. She looked up at him, her eyes cloudy and her breathing erratic. Ben gulped, wetting his lips.

“Rey.” He whispered, the hands on her shoulders sliding up to cup her face. Rey’s eyes slipped shut, her breath coming out in little pants against his throat. 

Oh, how he wanted to kiss her lips. She was like fire in his hands; her skin warm and flushed. Her lips looked so damn plump and soft. There was nothing he wouldn’t have given to just sink his lips against them and taste her. But they’d just met, and she trusted him. He wanted her to continue to trust him. Kissing her the way he so badly wanted to was not something you did with a woman like Rey. She deserved so much more than that. 

So Ben tilted her head down, and placed his lips upon her forehead softly. Her skin was like silk and smelled so fragrant and good. Being so close to her hair, he could smell the subtle shampoo which he’d sensed on her pillow last night; the scent of gardenia’s. Ben moaned in contentment as he deepened the kiss, his lips sliding along her forehead tenderly until he reached her sensitive temple.

A tiny whimper escaped Rey, and her own hands came up between them to settle on his chest. He didn’t know how long they stood there on the stoop like that; her hands curled against his pecs and his lips peppering her temple with kisses before just stopping and resting his mouth there. But it didn’t matter. Ben pulled back, his hands remaining on her cheeks a second before sliding down to her throat.

Rey swallowed around Ben’s large hands, her hazel eyes wide and wet. What they’d just shared was more intimate than Ben had ever experienced with a woman. His eyes blinked in shock for a few beats until he caught himself. He picked up his discarded coat, and turned to leave. No other words needed to be said; there was no way he could mouth the word ‘goodbye’ to her. Not now.

Rey must have understood. She watched him go, folding her arms around her chest. He made it two blocks before he turned around, and his heart nearly burst when he saw she was still standing there, watching him.

He walked to the station in a daze, the sounds of the city around him loud and boisterous. People chatting, sirens wailing, car horns honking. Beneath his feet, the rumble of the subway through the grates ran through his bones and rattled him. He jogged down the steps, reaching the bottom without remembering how he got there. He waited silently for the train to arrive at the platform, his eyes roaming back to the stairs. Muted sunlight filtered in from up above; up where Rey was. They didn’t live far from each other, just a few miles. Yet each step he took seemed to pronounce the distance growing between them. The train arrived and it was packed, as Sunday travelers were out and about enjoying the city. Ben threw on his coat so it would be one less thing to carry. He stood up on the train, one hand on the safety strap and one running through his hair as he contemplated everything that had just happened. 

Rey…

She was gorgeous. So wholesome and pure. Sweet and gentle. She’s said there had never been anyone in her life. No friends. The thought broke his heart. Did that mean no boyfriend, either? No one to care for her, treat her like a lady…love her? 

Ever?

The thought simultaneously saddened and thrilled him. He relished in perhaps being the only man to ever enjoy her company, her generosity. That blinding smile that she had bestowed upon him at least five times in their time together. If she had never shared that with anyone else, he would be most happy, indeed.

Yet he knew he was selfish for rejoicing in that. Rey deserved to have love and affection, even from another man. He gritted his teeth at that thought, but it was true. He himself was no virgin, although his relationships had been few and far between. His last one had almost killed him… So he wasn’t at all a sex god or anyone that could boast a bevy of women in his collection. He’d spent most of his adult years working on his doctorates and teaching. Romance never seemed to be something he could carry as well, although he secretly wished at times he could have what Armitage and Phasma had.

Sighing, he shook his head at his folly. She was twenty-three. Older than he’d first surmised, but she still had her twenties to navigate. He was only six years her senior, but she might not want to settle down or be exclusive at her age. She might want to experiment. 

Date. 

The thought made him feel ill. When a free seat became available, he gratefully sank into it and closed his eyes. His stop came soon enough and he trudged his way up and out of the tunnel, breathing in the fresh, brisk air. His apartment was only a few blocks away, and when the building came into view he was relieved. A quick glance to the park across the street showed people enjoying picnics and flying kites on the somewhat windy day. He wished he could be there right now with Rey, instead of all alone here.

“Good afternoon, Dr. Solo.” 

Ben glanced up and shot a cordial smile to the doorman. 

“Hello, Daniels.” He said kindly, nodding his thanks as the man held open the door for him. If he’d noticed the tenant was wearing the same clothing as last night and that he’d never come home, he didn’t say. 

Ben rode up to the thirteenth floor staring straight ahead, the mirrored chrome of the elevator showing him the reflection of a man who wanted to run. Where, he wasn’t certain. But wherever it was, he was certain that Rey was with him. 

The car dinged, signaling his floor. He exited with heavy steps, reaching inside his pocket for his keys. His white door loomed before him, the 13C engraved in gold mocking him. He opened it with a heavy heart, wishing he were anywhere but here.

Not true, he realized. He wished he were with Rey.

A sterile, cold environment greeted him, pristine and still. White walls. White tile. Grey couch. Grey coffee table. Black lamps. Plush black rug. 

Bloodless and cold. 

No, that wasn’t true. There was plenty of blood. All over the white tile…seeping into the cracks and staining it.  
Shrugging off that memory desperately, he closed his eyes. 

He thought of Rey’s peacock blue velvet sofa. Of her mahogany wood dining room table and chairs. Of her sunny lemon colored bedroom walls. Of her baby pink pillow case, laden with her scent. Of her rooftop garden with pretty flowers. Rey was full of color and warmth, muted throughout with sunshine.

Ben was nothing but abstracts - Black, white, grey. 

Ben dropped his keys in the bowl on the counter along with his cell phone and wallet before removing his trench and hanging it up on a hook by the door.

His eyes glanced around the spacious apartment, the large picture window that overlooked the park displaying scenes of laughter and enjoyment. He padded over to it, opening the blinds further to gaze unseeing at it all. In the distance at Harlem Meer Lake, tiny boats and ducks dotted the landscape. It was picturesque and serene, yet it made Ben’s heart ache.

With a heavy sigh, he made his way to the bathroom in his bedroom, flicking on the light and staring at himself in the mirror. His expression didn’t change for what seemed forever, before he opened the medicine cabinet and took out three bottles. 

One for depression. 

One for anxiety.

One for mania.

He opened each bottle slowly, drawing out one pill from each bottle before carefully sealing them back up. He should have taken these hours ago, but he had been otherwise and pleasantly engaged. Filling a glass with tap water, he downed the pills in one gulp and set the empty glass back on the counter.

"Nectar of the Gods." He said aloud, mockingly. He met his gaze again in the mirror, staring critically at himself. 

His features were odd at best; hair that was more feminine than masculine. A nose that was too big. Lips that were too plump. Eyes that were too intense, had seen too much. He sighed, remembering Rey's contagious smile. He had lived his entire life without anyone looking at him the way that she did. How could he go back to how it was before last night, knowing that she was out there in the world. 

His world, so close to him.

Yet his old friends doubt and fear were steadily trying to gain a foothold in his mind, barrelling in as though they had the right. After several moments of battling with them to go away, Ben sighed heavily.

"What could she possibly see in you, Solo?" He asked aloud. Only silence met him in the stillness of the room, and he shook his head in self-loathing.

A sound in the other room startled him, and he recognized it as his text alert. Everyone he knew had a certain ringtone, but this was the standard alert that came with the phone. He narrowed his eyes in confusion before understanding dawned.

It was Rey.

He made his way to the kitchen island, almost afraid to pick up the phone and read Rey’s text. What if she said that she never wanted to see him again; that after their night and this morning together she’d decided that she didn’t want to be friends? 

Ben closed his eyes, steeling himself for whatever she’d written. After all, even if last night and this morning was all he’d ever get with her, he would be forever grateful. Yet she hadn’t written anything of the sort. Ben breathed a sigh of relief, his full lips curling into a fond grin.

‘Do you really exist? Were you really here? Because my bathroom looks cleaner than when I shower in it, and you folded up your bedding so neatly that it looks like you never used it. Are you really a ghost, or some kind of guardian angel that just happens to like cocoa and bacon?’

Ben chuckled out loud, pulling out a stool from the island to sit down upon.

‘I’m flattered that you would deem me worthy enough to be a guardian angel. I can assure you, I am decidedly mortal. And…What kind of guest would I be if I left stubble on the sink or hair in the drain? That is unseemly and rude. As far as the bedding, thank you for the use of your comfortable couch. And for the pillow. I smelled gardenia even in my sleep. It was nice. Is that Oscar de la Renta perfume that you wear?’

Ben hit send, biting his fingernail as he waited for Rey to respond.

‘Well, you are a very fine guest indeed. Very tidy. And I wouldn’t have minded finding a lock of your hair in my drain. You do know how lovely your hair is, don’t you? Women would kill for a mane like that. Or to run their hands through it, I’ll bet. Um…Yes…it is Oscar. When I was a little girl, my mother wore it. Finn bought me a bottle for my birthday back in July. It makes me feel a bit closer to her wearing it.’

Ben’s heart ached as he imagined Rey smelling the scent of her mother again after so long. He suddenly wanted to go to Saks Fifth Avenue and buy her every bottle of Oscar they had in stock. He read through her text again, her comment about his hair standing out. She thought it was lovely? And…she thought women wanted to run their hands through it?

Ben gulped, shaking his head.

‘I’m glad that you have at least something to remember your mother by. You deserve that, Rey. And so much more. I think it’s beautiful that you keep her memory alive that way. And…thank you for what you said about my hair. I’m sure my mother would disagree with you, though. As you know, my hair used to be shorter. She thinks I look like a rogue with this hair. Perhaps I’ll cut it before school begins again. There haven’t been many offers for anyone to run their hands through it.’

Ben hit send, surprised when Rey answered immediately.

‘Thank you for what you said about my mother, Ben. Um…Would I be too forward if I asked you not to cut your hair? I…I kind of like it the length it is. I don’t have the right to ask you that. I’m an idiot. Forget it. But…the lack of offers makes me absurdly happy. Fools don’t know what they are missing. I’ll bet your hair is as velvety soft as it looks.’

Ben gazed at her words, shocked. She liked his hair this way? It was ridiculous. It was just hair. Yet the fact she thought his was attractive did strange things to him. As did the fact she was happy no one had touched his hair like that. Was she implying that she wanted to do that?

He typed out a shaky reply, hoping his words were the right ones.

‘You’re welcome, Rey. And you can ask me anything you’d like, after that delectable breakfast you treated me to this morning. If you like my hair the way it is, then I’ll keep it that way. And I promise, I won’t let anyone run their hands through it. Except…for you. If you’d like to.’

His heart pounded as he hit send, face palming himself.

“You are nuts, Solo.” He chided himself, knowing that he was reaching a point of no return. His phone dinged again, and he squinted at it with fear.

‘I’m so happy you enjoyed the breakfast. And yes…I do like your hair. Please keep it that way. I like everything about you, Ben. And…I had to physically restrain myself from running my fingers through your hair as you slept this morning. Does that make me a bad person? Or a creeper?’

Ben released the deep breath he was holding, feeling lightheaded. He got up, walking around his kitchen before reaching for a bottle of water in the fridge. Her last message sat there on the screen, and Ben couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He guzzled the water down in one shot, panting from lack of breath.

She’d wanted to touch him in his sleep, and she felt guilty. Good Lord…the only thing that he would have regretted about that, was not being awake to experience it. Taking the phone in his hand, he walked over to his couch and sat down upon it heavily. He stared at her words for at least a minute before he replied.

‘Rey…I could never think you a bad person. In fact, you have no idea how flattering your words are to me. I’m glad that you didn’t touch me last night, but for one reason only. I wouldn’t have been awake to enjoy it. I like everything about you, too. Very much. You are so very beautiful and sweet. I can’t believe some fool hasn’t snatched you up.’

He hit send, feeling his heart jump into his throat as he waited for her to reply.

‘It isn’t flattery, Dr. Solo. It’s the truth. I just wanted you to know. And besides…you deserve a little flattery. I don’t think you’ve been flattered enough, and that’s too bad. You are…well, you are very special. I appreciate you thinking I’m beautiful. No one has ever said that to me before.’

Ben gulped at her words, running a hand down his face. Was he really going to do this? Could he really put his heart on the line again? Anxiety began to swirl deep in his gut, and he felt on the verge of hyperventilating.  
Ben tried to calm himself down, breathing deeply as his training had taught him. There was no reason to stress himself out about this; after all, they were two people who enjoyed one another’s company. If all that resulted from this was friendship, then he’d be grateful. She was an amazing young woman and he found her fascinating. And besides, Armitage and Phasma were right. He had been alone too long, allowing the demons of the past to weigh him down. It was time to break those chains, and get on with his life.

Decision made, Ben took another deep breath, releasing it and happy to note his anxiety had calmed. That was the effect Rey had on him. Calming. He wanted to spend more time getting to know her, and basking in that calmness. If that’s what she wanted, as well. 

‘Rey…you are beautiful. And it makes me immensely happy that I am the first to bestow that statement upon you, because it's true.'

Ben stared at his phone, his heart nearly bursting with nerves.

'Oh, Ben. Thank you.'

Ben smiled in relief. He lowered his head into his hands, closing his eyes. A thought occured to him, and he quickly typed out another message.

'Rey...what is your last name?’

The thought occurred to him that he’d hadn’t thought to ask her. A second later, her reply came through.

‘Kenobi. Rey Kenobi.’

Ben smiled at that.

‘Rey Kenobi. I like that. I like you, Rey Kenobi.’

Her reply was instantaneous.

‘I like you too, Dr. Ben Solo.’

Ben smiled as he read her words. He stared at the blinker for a moment, wondering how he should respond, when she beat him to the punch.

‘Listen, I know it’s a Sunday and you may want to stay in tonight, but…if you’d like to come to Lando’s, I’m sure I could get you a table at the bar. We won’t be able to have dinner, but I can take my break with you. I’ll text you the address; it’s on Centre Street. Let me know.’

Ben sighed, looking out of the window once again. Central Park was awash with happy people, enjoying the beautiful Sunday afternoon as though they didn’t have a care in the world. He wanted to be like that; he wanted to feel again. He hadn’t felt in so long, that he’d almost forgotten how. It would be wonderful to see Rey again, even if for a little while. And he needed to eat dinner later. So why not.

The curser on his phone taunted him, screaming at him to make a decision. 

‘Text me the address, Rey. I’ll be there at 7:00.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, bookmarked, and left kudos. I hope you will enjoy this story. I'm truly touched.


	3. The Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We know what Ben thinks of Rey. Now let's see Rey's POV on Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, and left kudo's. I truly appreciate it.

Rey stood on the stoop of her building watching Ben walk back to the subway station, her mind awhirl and her heart thumping wildly in her chest. She blinked lazily, reaching up and touching her temple where Ben had kissed her. It still tingled, as though his lips had left an indelible mark upon her sensitive skin.

He’d kissed her. He’d spent the night on her couch after walking her home safely, and then he’d kissed her goodbye. By all appearances, it was a chaste kiss. But the passion and tenderness behind his gesture left her reeling. She had hardly any experience with men, yet she knew to the depths of her being that his simple kiss was anything but.

She had felt longing in that kiss...hope even. The way he'd said her name. Kissed her palm beforehand...gazing into her eyes as though she were some kind of found treasure. Something timeless had passed between them; something mystical. She knew it.

Her feet barely feeling the concrete beneath her, Rey stumbled back towards the doorway once Ben had vanished from view. She had watched his lovely mop of raven hair disappear below the sidewalk, an ache beginning to form in her chest that she hadn't felt the likes of since losing her parent's. She felt lonely all of a sudden; lonely for him. And that was madness, since she’d only met the man a little over twelve hours ago.

Well…formally, anyway.

Shaking her head in wonder, Rey skirted the second floor landing and stopped cold. She suddenly had to sit down, the enormity of her new situation hitting her like a tidal wave. She dropped onto the concrete steps, leaning forward and bracing her arms around her knees. She hadn’t been allowed to fully absorb all that had transpired since last night, as she’d been keeping her mind occupied ever since spying him on the train. But now that she was truly alone with her thoughts, and after the time she’d spent with him, Rey found that she couldn’t deny the heady rush that flowed through her veins like liquid euphoria. 

Had she really, finally, met Dr. Benjamin Solo?

A radiant smile bloomed on her lips, stretching them wide and making her blush. He wasn’t even here anymore, yet she felt the telltale heat suffuse her cheeks. 

She knew who he was, of course. He was a very prominent Professor at Columbia for one so young; one of those Professor’s that anyone looking to graduate with honors and with half a brain wanted to be associated with. His reputation proceeded him, and Rey had been curious all summer about him. Finn’s nonstop chatter about what an amazing Orator he was had fueled her curiosity. If she were honest with herself, she was secretly happy then finding out that none of his courses fit her requirements for graduation. Now she knew at the time what that feeling in the pit of her stomach was.

Relief.

Relief, that she would never have to be a student of his. Relief, because if she were…

Rey continued smiling, lowering her eyes to the steps below her. She thought back to the first time she’d laid eyes upon him, not yet knowing who he really was. 

She had seen him on campus just once last March, during her orientation meeting for her summer courses. She had been sitting in the admissions waiting area of the office, her eyes wandering around the room curiously when in he walked. At first, she had thought he was a graduate student because he looked so young. But upon further inspection due to his actions, it was clear he was actually a Professor. He chatted with a few of the other Professor’s as well as a Secretary briefly before fishing out a set of keys and opening what she presumed to be his University mailbox. Rey had lost her train of thought in that instant, along with her breath as she watched him from across the short expanse of room with widening eyes. 

He was prepossessingly handsome. Strikingly so, with short raven black wavy hair and facial features she could only describe as regal. Aquiline nose, dark eyes under pensive brows…and lips that looked entirely too plump and red for a man to possess. He was tall and broad, too. His height had only added to his presence, making him stand out prominently. Not that she had ever really cared about how muscular men were, as she found beauty in most everyone she met. If their personality was nice, she reasoned that there was something that rendered them physically attractive.

But this man was another story altogether. 

His attire had been very stylish in a dressed down sort of way; designer blue jeans that were obviously tailored for him, a pale blue cashmere sweater over a starched white collared shirt, and a navy blazer. The oxblood loafers he wore looked like Italian leather and very expensive. She hadn’t ever before seen such an attractive man, and one that wore his clothes so well. He had reminded her of the male models in a Vogue magazine ad. 

One thing that had struck her at the time as she watched him so closely, was that the neutral look adorning his face never changed, and he never smiled. Not when he’d first come in and and had spoken to a few colleagues, not when he looked up and met the gaze of a few students who had walked by, distracting him. Not as he flipped through the bundle of mail in his hands. He had looked like he was on autopilot, and Rey had wondered at the time what was going through his mind to make him look so serious.

He had hefted his backpack over his shoulder, before setting the bundle of mail upon the stack of books he’d come in with. Bending down to scoop the pile up, he began to walk in her direction. Rey had frozen in her seat, her eyes glued to his face as he had come closer and closer to her as he made his way to the exit behind her. 

From far away, he was devastatingly attractive. But up close…Good God, but he was beautiful.

His alabaster skin was translucent and baby like; clean shaven and littered with beauty marks that only added to the gentility of it. And from her closer vantage point, she could see just how thick and lustrous his hair truly was. She had never seen his equal, even in London where she was born. She had found herself longing to hear his voice, and shyly lowered her gaze before she did something stupid like say hello to him just to hear his response. 

Rey had held her breath as he nearly skirted her chair, terrified that he’d notice her and terrified that he wouldn’t.   
As it had turned out, he hadn’t noticed her as he passed her by, looking straight ahead. Then again, no one ever noticed her. She was accustomed to that. 

She had turned around covertly to trek his retreating form, watching in amusement as he had nearly collided with another Professor due to his lack of concentration. She had also wondered who he was, what courses he taught, and if she’d be in his class. Her heart had quickened at the prospect, and she had tamped it down violently as he left through the exit door and out of her sight. 

She hadn’t been sure if it was excitement or dread she felt at the prospect of him turning out to be a Professor of hers. 

A month later, after she had moved in with her new friend Finn and was lounging on his peacock blue couch one night reading a book, Finn had tossed a book of his own down beside her.

‘You should read this book when you have a chance, Rey. It’s by the Professor I had last semester for Psychology, The one I mentioned. The man is a genius. He fast tracked through graduate school to earn two PhD's in Psychology and Comparative Religions. You mentioned that being from England you enjoy learning about the Druids. He wrote an entire chapter about them.” Finn had gushed, and Rey had curiously picked up the book that sat beside her hip. 

She had studied the cover for a moment, enjoying the simple graphics of a calm lake that had obviously been disturbed by a pebble due to the ripples branching outward from the center. As was her usual custom with reading a new book, she had automatically turned it over to read the synopsis. The author’s picture was there in color, and Rey’s eyes had bulged out of their sockets when they gazed at a new yet familiar face.

It was him! The Professor from the office. She had flipped the book over, reading the title as well as his name.

The Light of the Ages by Dr. Benjamin Solo, PhD.

A smile had graced her lips at the time, as she now had a name to go with the face of the man she'd been thinking about.

Eyes scanning his picture intently, she had smiled wider.

Benjamin Solo. It suited him well. 

She had thanked Finn for the loaner, gone to her room, and had read the book all through the night. It had fascinated her. She had learned that not only was Dr. Solo a Professor of Psychology, but he also held a doctorate in Comparative Ancient Religions. The fact that he knew so much about the mind intrigued her. She had almost been sorry that she was majoring in Architectural Engineering, but had admittedly breathed a sigh of relief that she wouldn’t have to be faced with the temptation of sitting in his class day in and day out. That would have been torturous for her.

She had thought about seeking him out and meeting him; introducing herself and telling him how interesting his book was. Perhaps, inviting him out for coffee to pick his brain. She had almost asked Finn a dozen times to introduce them if he could manage it, but felt too shy to go through with the request. Finn was no longer in his class, and that might have seemed like a dead giveaway if she had approached him on her own. 

She hadn’t ever gone on a proper date with a man before who wasn’t just a friend, and the idea of making a fool of herself in front of Dr. Solo made her break out in cold sweat. She just couldn’t do that. So she had nursed her one-sided crush, imagining him when she was trying to study or out with friends in the city. He had occupied her thoughts constantly, and she'd hoped against hope of running into him on campus again. She'd resisted the urge to google him or look him up in the Columbia directory, reasoning that she had to hold on to one thread of reality. If she'd give in and seek him out that way, there would be no turning back. 

When July came to a close and she hadn't seen or heard of him around Campus, she had casualy mentioned to Finn one night how fantastic the book he'd loaned her was.

Finn had answered her by frowning.

‘I knew you'd enjoy it. I'm glad that you did. You know...I think something strange is going on with Dr. Solo, my Professor who wrote the book. He took a four month sabbatical from work. Rose was trying to get a summer class of his, but she was told his classes had been canceled, and it was unclear if he'd be returning in the fall.’ Finn had remarked distractedly, his thick brows creasing with worry.

Rey remembered the absolute panic that had gripped her heart at hearing those words, and how she had hoped he was alright. The one time she had seen him, he had looked so intense; as though he had the weight of the world upon his shoulders. He hadn't looked happy, that was for sure. Perhaps something had happened in his family. Maybe a parent had fallen ill, and he'd had to leave to take care of them. Rey had imagined all sorts of terrible scenarios, such as him being ill. She couldn’t have let Finn know the effect his words had on her, or how much she had grown interested in the man she had never even met. She had merely shrugged non-committedly at her friend, trying to act casual even though her insides were churning with worry.

‘I hope he’s okay.’ She had murmured to Finn, who had smiled at her warmly. Even to her own ears, she had sounded foolishly worried.

‘I’m sure he’s fine, Rey. There aren’t any rumors circulating about him being hurt or anything. The poor guys is probably just burnt out. I don’t know how he shuffles two different fields. He must be exhausted. Maybe he just wanted some time off to rest his mind. I know I would, if I had an IQ like his.’ Finn had said, obviously in awe of the man. 

Rey had nodded thoughtfully, pursing her lips. While she had been pining about this man, Finn actually knew him. He'd talked to him, spent an hour a day with him three times a week for a year. Rey felt a modicum of irrational jealousy towards Finn all of a sudden, before she internally rolled her eyes at her wayward thoughts. But before she could stop herself, her mouth had opened and a question came pouring out.

'What is he like, Finn? Dr. Solo, I mean.' She had asked, her voice full of nerves.

Finn had raised his brows, no doubt thrown by her out of left field question.

'He's...smart. Very smart. Brilliant, even. And cool. He knows so much about everything. He's quiet, though. Keeps to himself. Me and some other student's have invited him out for coffee after class for a rap session, but he's always politely declined. I don't think it's because he didn't want to, but he's always so busy. He's really funny when he wants to be but he's usually very serious, especially about his work. I wonder if the man ever just cuts loose and relaxes. He seems like he could really use a beer.' Finn had said, a touch of humor in his gentle voice.

Rey had nodded, even more intrigued now with the elusive Dr. Ben Solo.

In her minds eye, Rey had conjured up Ben’s portrait on the dust cover of his book. He had shorter hair, was clean shaven, and wore glasses then. He had reminded her of a boy she knew in school when she was twelve or thirteen. He too had been tall and lanky, with dark hair and pale skin. She had found his looks to be fascinating. But the boy hadn’t ever noticed she was alive, which was no wonder since most of the people she attended school with treated her like a pariah. She had been an orphan after all; not worth anyone’s notice. The handsome looking boy moved on to the next grade, and began dating a lithe blond girl that every boy in school wanted to date. 

That had been the first time Rey’s heart had been broken by a boy. And the last.

As the years passed, she had purposefully kept herself apart from others. She studied hard in school, kept her nose clean, and waited patiently for the day she could turn of legal age and just leave all of that behind her. She never gave men a second glance, nor did they ever act interested in her. And if they had, she was too unobservant to even notice. 

But Ben Solo…

Oh, he’d captured her attention, and from the very beginning.

Rey blushed, even now, as she remembered the feel of his skin. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel the warmth of his touch. The softness of his lips as they had caressed her forehead this morning. A thrill raced up her spine as she closed her eyes, savoring the memory of him. The feel of him. The scent of him. He was so sweet and kind...so gentle. No man had ever looked at her the way he did, or spoke to her with such concern. 

So was it any wonder that last night her entire world had shifted on its axis?

She had no idea where Ben Solo had lived, so the shock she felt when she had boarded the train at Spring Street and saw him sitting there was acute. Stunned, she could only stare at him in awe as she made her way to a seat a few rows down and across from him. He had looked distracted; his eyes weary as they didn’t focus on anything in particular. It had been the first time she’d seen him since the day in the office six months ago, and he’d changed. 

A lot.

His already thick and lustrous hair had grown quite a bit; the short waves she remembered longer now as they were pushed back from his face. He was no longer clean shaven and baby faced, either. He had grown a trim mustache and had allowed a tasteful bearded stubble to grow on his cheeks and neck. And he was dressed so much more dapper than that day in the office. Her eyes had trailed down his body, cataloguing him greedily. Tailored trousers, expensive looking trench coat, designer shoes. 

Good Lord.

If she had thought he had looked like a runway model before, well he positively looked like a demi-god now. A dangerous demi-god, at that. His presence gave off an energy that radiated all the way over to her, and she had gulped nervously. 

On the heels of her thought swiftly came another one. Surely dressed like this, he had been out on a date tonight. Or perhaps, he was on his way to one. Drinks, or perhaps dancing at a club. It was very late, but he was a grown man and it was a Saturday night in New York City. Her face burned as she imagined that a man like him didn’t spend many nights alone, Saturday or otherwise.

And that thought made her heart ache. What in the world would make him spare her a first glance, let alone a second? 

She couldn’t resist staring at him, wondering about him. Where had he been all summer, that he had taken a sabbatical? At first, she had thought he’d taken a rest somewhere, like Finn had mentioned. Perhaps to an island in the Caribbean, to lay on the beach all day in the sun relaxing. Yet staring at him closely, Rey noted that he was pale. Very pale, actually…much more so than back in March. Wherever he had been this summer, it wasn’t on some beach in the sun. 

Another thing that had struck her, was how sad he had looked. Resigned, even. She had thought about the last time she’d seen him, and how he had worn a mask of neutrality. But last night he had looked utterly lost, as though he had been wandering aimlessly. He had absently checked his phone, his brows puckering in what seemed to be annoyance before he had leaned over and slid the phone inside his pocket. That annoyance was the first emotion she had ever seen flicker across his face. She wondered what he looked like when he laughed or smiled, and found herself staring hard at him trying to picture it.

That was when he had looked up suddenly, out of nowhere, locking gazes with her.

Rey had stopped breathing for a second, her eyes widening comically as the man she had secretly been wondering about for months was suddenly staring at her curiously. She shuddered now to think of the picture she presented. She knew that her mouth had been hanging open like a Carp fish that had been captured on a hook. It took all of her willpower to break his gaze, blushing furiously at having been caught out admiring him. She remembered thinking to herself, ‘Oh god…this isn’t happening.’ 

Her trepidation had only increased when the train stopped, and everyone else in their car had departed except for him. It had made her feel vulnerable, and maybe even a little excited. An invisible string was pulling her back to him, as though he held the other end of it and was tugging on it forcefully. She had wanted so badly to look at him again, but was scared out of her mind. She reasoned that if he did make eye contact again, that she’d merely smile at him in a friendly way. But nothing could have prepared her for the intensity of his gaze when she did look up, nor the elation inside when he rose to come talk to her. 

He had said hello, sitting down beside her eventually. She could only gape at him, thinking for sure that she was having a dream. His voice had been rich and deep; a baritone that touched her very core and resonated somewhere inside that had been locked away safe. It pushed against her eardrums pleasurably, filling her head and making her feel warm.

She couldn’t believe her luck when the beautiful man offered to escort her home to keep her safe, nor when he had agreed to come up for a drink and her cookies. Things like this did not happen to her. 

Ever.

Certainly, she should have been afraid to allow a stranger to escort her home, and even moreso enter her apartment. Yet she felt as though she knew Ben Solo on some intrinsic level; not only through Finn's constant praise of him, but from spending those few short moments together chatting on the train. For some reason, she felt safe with Ben. Safer than she'd ever felt with anyone.

She couldn't lie and say that the fact he seemed jealous of Finn possibly being her boyfriend hadn't thrilled her. It did thrill her; it made her want to jump up and down like a child who had received her fondest wish at Christmas. One thing was for certain, though...he was a decent man. A good man. Any other man might have not only come up without caring about Finn, but put the moves on her. The fact that he hadn't only endeared him to her tenfold more.

When she had awoke this morning and peeked out into the living room, she was so happy to see Ben sound asleep on her couch that she'd almost cried. He hadn’t bolted in the early hours of the morning. He was here. He was real. He was sprawled out on her couch looking as comfortable as if it had been his own. She had approached him cautiously, not wanting to wake him up. He had removed his dress shirt and was clad in a white v neck tee shirt that hugged his biceps invitingly. One arm was lying across his chest and the other was flung behind him. The thick tricep of that arm showed corded muscle relaxed in sleep, and Rey found her mouth falling open as his fingers were curled around the pillow. 

Her pillow, she thought with a thrill. 

His generous lips were parted in sleep, and his long lashes swept his lower eye sockets as he dreamt. Rey’s eyes had drifted to his hair, which was a chaotic mess of raven waves spread across the pillowcase. The sudden urge to bury her hands in his hair and caress the silky strands was overwhelming and left her breathless. 

She had backed up into the kitchen, away from temptation, and silently watched him as she quietly began to prepare breakfast for him. She assembled the ingredients for a quiche, flicking on the oven and placing it along with some bacon on a rack. Tip toeing back to the living room, she noticed that Ben had now moved slightly. He was on his side, his pretty lips looking so plump as they moved slightly in his sleep. A thick locket of hair fell across his brow, hiding his eye strategically. Rey had longed to brush it aside and caress his cheek.

He was so beautiful. Something about him made her feel a deep warmth inside, like she wanted to protect him. It was as though she was missing a vital piece of herself, only to have found it in him. The thought unsettled her so badly, that she had escaped into the shower for nearly thirty minutes to cry herself out from her stupid, juvenile thoughts. He had done a good deed for her, in walking her home so late. He hadn’t done anything untoward, and had been a perfect gentleman. She would be grateful for his kindness and make him a nice breakfast in thanks.

But as she had sat on the roof and waited for him to join her…hoping that he would…Rey knew that the battle was lost. Meeting him and spending time with him, however briefly, had altered her irrevocably. She didn’t know if she believed in love at first sight. After all, she had never been shown any proof that fairy tales existed. But as the handsome, intriguing man who had consumed her thoughts for months peeked around the gazebo this morning, smiling at her so timidly and tenderly…Rey dared to believe. 

Someone on the second floor exited their apartment, laughing loudly and startling Rey out of her musings. She shook her head, laughing in mirth at how this had come to pass. The object of her desire had escorted her home last night, worried about her safety. He’d shared cocoa and cookies with her. He’d spent the night on her couch. He’d eaten breakfast with her. He’ kissed her forehead this morning on the stoop of her building before walking away with the unspoken promise that they would meet again.

She was in trouble. So much trouble... Five months of pining for someone she’d never even met, had come to this.   
He was so wonderful; incredibly intelligent, witty, and sweet. She almost didn’t believe him when he admitted he wasn’t involved with anyone. She had no idea how that could be true. If she had the chance to be lucky enough to call him hers, she would give him so much care and affection. She could see herself falling in love with him, so easily. He had secrets; that was a fact. Where had he been all summer? Why did he seem so unnerved whenever she mentioned how his appearance was altered? And why did he seem so reserved? A man like him probably had women throwing themselves at him left and right, yet he seemed shy and afraid of his own shadow at times.

Questions, and more questions. 

Rey wondered if she’d have the courage to tell Ben of her infatuation with him all of this time. It was no big deal, really. She’d read his book and had taken an interest in him, probably as a lot of people had. It wasn’t like she had stalked him, tracked him down, or followed him. The opposite was true. The only time she had seen him was in the office, and that wasn’t her fault. That was just fate.

Would he think her a lunatic? Would he be angry that she had nurtured a crush for him for months, not knowing anything about him or even if he were single? Would he laugh at her…call her a silly school girl for her pining? That made her heart squeeze painfully, imagining him being cruel to her for her innocent feelings that she couldn’t control. But she was so used to people treating her with scorn and ridicule that she wondered if he were any different. He was accomplished, charming, and seemingly wealthy enough to maintain a Central Park West address. Would he be angry at her for not mentioning that she’d seen him before?

Why on Earth would he be interested in her?

She was just Rey Kenobi. Poor college student and orphan. Maybe he had just taken pity on her and her circumstances. Maybe he was merely toying with her…indulging some older man/younger woman fantasy where he was her Professor.

A terrible image popped into her head at that; of him seductively whispering to her “You need a teacher. Let me show you everything.” Perhaps she was merely one in a long line of such women.

Rey shook her head free of those thoughts. 

No. Ben was different. He was the gentlest man she’d ever met. The way he spoke to her, the way he treated her…with respect and tenderness. She didn’t believe for a moment that he was being anything but genuine in everything he’d said so far. The idea to text him popped into her head. She didn't want to come on too strong, but she couldn't stop herself from forming a plan. If he reciprocated her text with enthusiam, then she would invite him to Lando's tonight. If he seemed less than interested in her text, then she would have to deal with the rejection. 

Sighing, Rey stood up from the step she was perched upon and began the trek up to the sixth floor.


	4. The Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben delves a little deeper into Rey's world, and discovers something interesting about her friends. Rey can't keep her lips- I mean her hands to herself. And the seal of Ben's past begins to be ripped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support and for reading, reviewing, bookmarking, and leaving kudos. I really enjoy hearing your ideas and theories. While angsty times will be sprinkled throughout, rest assured this story is a HEA one. Suicide and depression are nothing to joke about. I hope I handle the topic with tact, sensitivity, and realism to the reader's approval.
> 
> As with all of my fics, I have created a storyboard on Pinterest to show my 'vision' for the story in the form of people, places, outfits, etc. You can get a clearer view on how I picture the characters and their surroundings as I write. I will update each chapter with pictures. Be warned, there might be spoiler pictures. You can find me on Pinterest as JoKaye. Just google JoKaye Pinterest and I'll come up. Search The Eye of the Needle board. 
> 
> I am from New York City myself, so many of the places I mention are actually favorites of mine. Any questions? Just ask. I love talking about home. X
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing of Star Wars nor it's characters. This is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended. All music, locations, etc. are credited to the owner and it is their property.

Caught in the riptide  
I was searching for the truth  
There was a reason  
I collided into you.  
Here With Me -Susie Suh & Robot Koch

 

Lando’s was extraordinarily busy for a Sunday night, a fact which was glaringly obvious by the line outside to get in. There were many fine Italian restaurants along Centre Street, but Lando’s was obviously a favorite with the locals. Ben smiled as he listened to the old world charm of Italian themed music filtering out onto the street, shaking his head in wonder that it had such an effect on him. In fact, he’d been randomly smiling at a lot of things today. 

Like the 80’s sitcom about three roommates with John Ritter. He’d caught a scene of it on TV Land earlier and remembered how funny the show was. Or when he’d stubbed his toe on the doorjamb of his closet as he rooted around for his best loafer’s. Normally, he would have cursed a blue streak at such an inconvenient injury. But he found himself actually smiling at how he resembled a sixteen year old getting ready for junior prom. They were only shoes. Rey wouldn’t even care about them, probably. Why was he getting so worked up about looking his best?

And that thought in turn made him laugh, because he not only felt like a sixteen year old, but a female sixteen year old. 

Resigning himself to just calm down, he had hopped on the same train that he’d taken the previous evening to Chinatown, getting off at Canal Street and walking the short distance to Lando’s. It was much cooler tonight than last night, and Ben was grateful for his leather jacket which blocked the wind that had picked up. A disturbing thought passed through Ben’s mind, making him grimace: Rey didn’t have a coat, and the weather was definitely turning cooler. 

Filing that away in his mind, he approached the hostess station where an attractive older woman with a dazzling smile was greeting patrons. Rey had told him to ask for Tendra, who was Lando’s wife and co-owner of the restaurant. When it was Ben’s turn at the podium he shyly returned the woman’s smile while leaning in closer to her over the din of noise.

“Good evening, hi. My friend Rey Kenobi is a bartender here. She told me that she would save me a table at the bar, and to ask for Tendra?” Ben formed as a question, a little embarrassed as the line behind him were no doubt wondering how and why he was receiving such privileges.

The woman leaned back a tad, eyeing him up and down appraisingly. Ben felt like he was a steer being graded at the county fair as her large brown eyes swept over him thoroughly. He nearly broke out in a cold sweat until the woman smiled again, and Ben felt his heart rate slow down.

“So you’re Ben. Our Rey told us you’d be by, and she wasn’t lying; you’re just as handsome as she described. She’s over there, across the restaurant at the bar. You can head on over. She’ll guide you to a place you can sit. And by the way, I’m Tendra.” The woman said cheerfully, offering a perfectly manicured hand to the Professor.

Ben nodded with appreciation, offering the woman a respectful bow and accepting her hand in greeting. The fact Rey had described him as handsome to her friends and co-worker’s stunned him. He tried to tamp down the giddiness that it made him feel to know she thought of him that way. 

“Thank you.” He said, feeling like he’d just passed some strange test. 

Tendra smiled again, shaking her head.

“Uh, huh. You have a good dinner there, Ben.” She said warmly, cocking a brow in mischief.

Ben nodded, fully intending to…once these damn butterflies in his stomach stopped swarming.

The restaurant was packed; diners chatting happily while the delicious fragrance of Italian food wafted through the air. A live band was situated in the main dining room, currently doing a rendition of Louis Prima's 'Oh Marie'. Once again Ben found himself smiling as a few older couples were out on the small dance floor showing today's younger generation how it was done. He wondered if his grandparent's had danced to this music when they were in their prime. 

Ben was starving, and his stomach growled as he passed table after table of delectable looking dishes. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast with Rey this morning, too full of nervous energy to be concerned all day with food. But it amazed him how much of an appetite he'd possessed in the last twenty-four hours, after going months without being able to taste or smell food properly. He wanted to credit his meds for the noticeable difference, but he had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't the meds at all. 

It was Rey.

Meeting her had stirred something within him that had been dead...or at least, dormant. It seemed so cliche; so trite. But it didn't escape his notice that he was looking better today, feeling better...the excitement that he felt in anticipation of seeing her made him hungry for conversation and her companionship. 

As well as other things that he was too frightened yet to name. 

The bar area was massive and full of couples enjoying a night out. The bar itself was gorgeous and probably held every bottle of libation known to man. There were two ladders on either side which led to a second level of glass shelving for the liquor, all back lit with soft pink lighting to accentuate the bottles. 

Ben wondered how he had never stumbled across this place before. It was utterly charming. He’d been down to Little Italy quite a few times in the last couple of years, yet he’d somehow missed it. Then again, SHE never would have wanted to come here. It wasn’t chic enough, or full of A-Listers. If it wasn’t a place to see and be seen, SHE wasn’t interested. All SHE cared about was living the life of someone straight out of a Sex and the City episode.

Ben angrily shrugged those memories away, forcing himself to focus on the present. The last thing he wanted to do was let her gain a foothold in on his thoughts tonight, or ever again. 

He walked up to the side of the bar where he could find Rey and grab her attention, his breath leaving him in a whoosh when he spotted her. She was dressed in a slim black pencil skirt which ended right above her knees, her long legs on display and disappearing inside a pair of black stilettos that made her taller than he’d remembered. She wore a slinky burgundy red blouse that was tucked in to her skirt, accentuating her slim waist. He had known she had a lovely figure, but her clothing last night and this morning hadn’t been so form fitting. He found himself just gawking at her, unable to form the words to get her attention.

A patron who was sitting right next to Ben at the bar knocked their wine over, the loud shatter of glass catching Rey’s attention and sending her eyes flying to where the commotion was. Ben nearly choked when their eyes connected, and he was barely able to manage a smile in greeting. Rey’s eyes lit up when she realized he was standing there, and the next thing Ben knew, she was swaying over to him. She offered him a wink in greeting before turning her attention to the woman who’d lost her drink.

“Are you alright?” She asked her kindly, smiling in relief when the woman nodded that she hadn’t cut herself. Rey grabbed a towel from beneath the bar, sopping up the wine and carefully taking the glass pieces away. “Pinot Noir, right?” She asked her, receiving a yes as confirmation. 

Ben leaned up against a beam, watching her stroll off to get the woman a fresh glass of wine. His eyes never left Rey, noting how deft she was in her movements. Each one was effortless, as though she could do this job in her sleep. His eyes slid down to her shoes, and he gulped as he watched how her calves flexed with each movement. How she bartended in those heels all night was a mystery. But she presented a gorgeous picture of sexiness and grace, which admittedly made him a little jealous. He imagined she must be hit on a lot. 

'What the hell do you expect, you idiot? She’s young and beautiful. Of course men, and probably a fair number of women, are going to stare at her.' He admonished himself, rolling his eyes. It also explained why she had been wearing something else on the train last night. Not only were those shoes totally dangerous to ride the subway with, but she looked entirely too delectable in her attire to be alone on the subway at one am.

Rey returned with the fresh glass of wine for the woman, smiling as she set it down. Ben stood up straight, walkng over and leaning on the edge of bar.

“Hi.” He rasped, lowering his eyes to her nametag for a beat before meeting her gaze. "You look...beautiful."

Ben felt his ears burn at his compliment to her, but relaxed a second later when Rey smiled at him warmly. She was wearing lipstick in a shade that matched the color of her blouse, and her lips looked so shiny and plump.

“Hi! You came. I’m so glad. I saved you a small table right over there by the window; the hightop that says reserved. I’m taking my break in about an hour, and I’ll join you. Can I order you something from the kitchen?” Rey asked enthusiastically, and Ben nodded vigorously.

“Yes! Please. I’m starving.” He laughed, and the sound must have delighted Rey because she gaped at him with a surprised smile.

“You…you laughed.” Rey said with wonder, her hazel eyes growing wider as she stared at him.

Ben bit his lip sheepishly, shrugging.

“Yeah…I guess I did.” He said matter-of-factly, unable to hide his amusement.

Rey hummed in what sounded like contentment, the sound clear over the noise at the bar. Not for the first time, Ben wondered why his happiness seemed so important to her.

“Um…is there anything in particular you’d like for dinner? I can get you a menu.” She offered, meeting the eye of a man who was signaling her for a beer and lifting her finger to alert him she’d be right with him.

Ben shook his head, not having any real preference. 

“Surprise me.” He offered, shrugging casually.

Rey nodded, cocking a brow.

“Surprise you…Alright, Professor. Can I get you something from the bar?” She asked expectantly, and Ben looked at his shoes.

Hearing her say the word ‘Professor’ did weird things to him.She made the simple word sound so...provocative.

“Ah, no thank you. I’ll just go sit and wait for you.” He said softly, turning towards the table reserved for him and allowing Rey to get back to work. 

A few minutes later a waitress came by and asked him if he’d like a drink with his meal. He ordered a bottle of San Pellegrino with lime, not wanting to mix his meds with alcohol again. She left to fetch the drink, returning promptly and pouring him a glass.

“Rey ordered you something nice to eat. I think you’ll enjoy it.” She said enigmatically, smiling at him politely before leaving.

He sipped his sparking water thoughtfully, his eyes drifting to Rey every chance he got. He couldn’t help it; she was like a magnet and he felt like a piece of steel. He watched her as she interacted with patrons, taking their orders and chatting with them. He watched her as she ran to and fro, mixing drinks with ease and pouring wine and beer like a pro. He watched her whisper to the other two employee’s behind the bar, a woman and a man who seemed to take orders from her like she was their boss. Up and down she went on those ladders, fetching bottles and filling orders.

She was amazing. 

She kept a smile upon her face the entire time, even though she was practically run off of her feet. A few strands of her hair had escaped the three bun contraption of a hairstyle she wore tonight, framing her face like gossamer wings. He liked the style; it was funky and different. He was discovering that he liked everything about Rey Kenobi.

His waitress soon reappeared with a platter in her hand, laden with things that made Ben’s mouth water. 

“This looks wonderful, and smells delicious. What is it?” He asked, spinning the plate in a circle to admire the presentation of the dish. It was something he'd never before seen, reminding him of a work of art.

The waitress laughed, leaning over the table to explain.

“Rey ordered you Timballo. It’s our signature dish here at Lando’s. Underneath those eggplant slices is a pasta dish filled with meats, cheeses, and all sorts of goodies. There is also a Caesar salad and a fresh loaf of rosemary bread. Can I get you anything else?” She asked politely.

Ben gaped at the platter of food, his eyes wide.

“No, this is amazing. Thank you so much.” Ben said respectfully.

“Well, enjoy.” The waitress said in a friendly manner, strolling away and leaving Ben to his feast.

Ben glanced over gratefully and met Rey’s affectionate gaze, where she gave him a thumbs up once she noted that his food had arrived. He dug into the timballo first, his eyes rolling back in his head at the taste of it. He might have moaned, but couldn’t be certain. One thing he was certain of, was that Rey was still watching him and had seen his embarrassing display of pleasure from tasting the food. He turned a shade redder than the tomato sauce on his plate, ducking his head and taking another bite with less fanfare.

Halfway through savoring his delicious meal, he spied Rey flipping up the edge of the counter on the bar and replacing it gingerly before heading in his direction. He hurriedly wiped his lips on his napkin before hastily rising to greet her.

“Enjoying the timballo?” Rey asked sweetly, surprising Ben by leaning over and kissing his cheek. 

It was a quick peck, nothing overt about it. Yet the easy manner in which she did it, as though they'd known each other for years and not merely hours, made his heart stutter. He smiled at her gently, automatically returning the gesture and kissing her cheek in return. Ben was thrilled when Rey pulled back and gazed at him with sparkling eyes.

“The timballo is delicious. Thank you so much for ordering it. How are you doing? That's a stupid question…I can see how busy you are.” Ben said bashfully, banging his palm against his forehead softly.

Rey giggled, shaking her head and hopping up on the table’s other stool with care not to rip her skirt. Ben couldn’t help but glance down as she did so, momentarily spying a hint of slim, shapely thigh before she pulled the skirt down demurely. 

“My god, we are so crazy tonight. Even busier than last night. I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to properly talk with you until now. How did you really like the food?” Rey rushed out, perching herself closer to the table to hear him better. 

Ben smiled ardently at her, admiring the way her eyes shone as she studied him.

“It’s the best Italian food I’ve ever eaten.” He said honestly, gesturing to his near empty plate as evidence. “Why did you order this for me?” He asked her curiously.

Rey shrugged in a relaxed way, but once again her face blushed a shade of pink that he found adorable. 

“It’s the specialty of the house. And I wanted you to have the best.” She said matter-of-factly.

Ben just stared at her mutely, not understanding how it was he felt such warmth for a woman he had met only twenty-four hours ago. Her kindness and generosity touched him greatly. She was so different than anyone he'd ever met. 

So much different than HER...

'Stop that,' He ordered himself, shaking his head to banish that line of thinking. 

“I…thank you, Rey. I don’t know what to say.” He murmured, looking down at the table tap.

Rey leaned over and cupped his chin, startling him. His eyes flew to hers in shock as he felt her thumb caress his stubble. Her touch felt like fire, burning him from the inside out. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just so glad that you came.” She whispered softly, her eyes roaming his face. 

It didn’t escape Ben’s notice that her eyes drifted to his hair, getting lost in it for a moment. 

Ben swallowed thickly, feeling his pulse quicken. Her words from her earlier text came back to him, hitting him square in the chest. He imagined her leaning over the table and burying her small hands in his locks, caressing his scalp gently. He suppressed a shiver and cleared his throat, managing a timid smile. 

“I’m glad that I came, too. How long is your break?” He asked her, glancing at his watch quickly before he embarrassed himself.

Rey shrugged, frowning as she removed her hand from his chin.

“Only fifteen minutes. I’m chief bartender tonight, so I can’t be away long.” She said regretfully. “But after we close, you’re welcome to stay while I close down the bar. We can chat more then, while I work.” 

Ben smiled, liking the sound of that.

“That sounds great. But won't your bosses mind me sitting here distracting you?" He asked innocently, before realizing his faux pas. He could have cut out his tongue then in mortification.

Rey smiled mischievously.

"Well, Professor...you most definitely ARE a distraction. But...I don't think they'll mind. Unless you're here to rob the place." Rey said coyly.

Ben laughed sheepishly to hide his embarrassment.

"I'm ah...not here for that. I can assure you." He said nervously.

Rey giggled again, shaking her head. The thought occcured to Ben that she was having entirely too much fun at his expense. And for once, he couldn't care less. She made him feel like a kid again; light and happy. He didn't have to put on airs with her, or pretend to be something that he wasn't. She was the most genuine person; so honest and bright. 

In the short quarter hour they had, they laughed and talked about random things; mostly Lando’s and its eclectic crowd. Ben couldn’t stop staring at her, smiling affectionately at her as she talked animatedly and used hand gestures that amused him. She was so full of life and vitality, her smile and aura so blinding…

When her fifteen minutes of break time regretfully came to an end, Ben sulked as she stood up to return to the bar. She came around to his side of the table, leaning down to him. The move surprised him, but he stayed still as a statue, wondering what she was doing.

“I wish I didn’t have to go back. Are you sure you’re able to wait for me?” She whispered, her warm breath against his ear making Ben shiver. 

He closed his eyes a moment, feeling his skin pucker in gooseflesh all over before silently nodding at her.

“Good.” She whispered again, shocking him further by ruffling the hair right above his ear tenderly and tucking a tendril behind it. 

It was a move that his mother had done many times in the past, but coming from Rey, it set his blood on fire. Any touch from Rey set his blood on fire, he realized, as the feel of her skin on his own was electrifying. Her gesture was like a promise of things to come, and it made him ache in a way that he hadn’t for a long time.

He watched helplessly as she returned to work, trying to gather some modicum of coherency back. Why did spending a few moments with her affect him so deeply? He hardly knew this woman, yet her presence was quickly becoming like air to him. He finished his dinner slowly, savoring what was left before the waitress came back to collect his plates. He asked her for the check so that he could pay right away, but the woman merely smirked at him, waving her hand dismissively.

“All taken care of, Sir. It's on the house.” She said crisply, gathering the plates onto her platter.

Ben stared at her stupefied for a few beats, before reaching in his wallet and pulling out a twenty dollar bill.

“Thank you. Then please, take this for yourself.” He said kindly, frowning when the young lady shook her head.

"That isn't necessary, Sir." She said, but Ben wouldn't hear of it. 

"Please, I insist." He said, his tone final.

Finally she relented, smiling gratefully.

“Thank you, Sir.” She said happily, accepting the money and putting it in her apron before leaving Ben alone once again. 

The rest of the hour flew by, Ben observing Rey as she worked as well as people watching the large crowd of diners who obviously knew and loved Lando and his wife. Soon enough nearly every patron had paid and left, with only a few regulars remaining. Ben noticed that Tendra had gone and locked up the front door, so no new stragglers could come in. She flipped the welcome sign on the door to closed as well, returning to the Hostess podium and filling out some paperwork.

Ben moved from his small pub table to take a seat at the now empty bar, his eyes watching Rey as she expertly closed it down. She washed and dried the more delicate glasses, took an inventory of what needed to be restocked, changed out two keg taps, and dumped uneaten pretzels and peanuts into the garbage. She had rolled up her sleeves to get her hands in the soapy water to clean down the bar, before starting the dishwasher that was behind the counter. There was a jar on the bar overflowing with tips, and Rey’s male coworker counted them out and evenly distributed them amongst the three of them. The process took only about thirty minutes, as she was efficient and practiced. Rey leaned over next to Ben as she replenished the napkin and straw holder sitting next to him on the counter. 

“So now you know the exciting world of bartending. Pretty cool, huh?” She said with a snarky tone, but Ben laughed good-naturedly.

“No, it is pretty cool. At least, you make it look that way. You’re very good at your job.” He said truthfully, thrilled when Rey shot him a dazzling smile.

“Aww, thank you. I’ll be done in a few minutes. Make yourself comfortable. Here’s the remote to the TV if you get bored.” She said, handing the remote to him before disappearing behind a door marked 'Employee's Only'.

Ben nodded, grinning as he set the remote on the counter. He was too keyed up to focus on anything on TV, deciding to just sit patiently and wait for Rey to finish. 

An older man approached him, a sly smile adorning his face as he came and took a seat next to Ben at the bar. Something in the man’s demeanor alerted Ben that this must have been Lando, the owner and Rey's boss. He turned and gave the man a polite smile, trying not become flustered as the man continued to grin at him.

“Good evening.” The man said, his voice rich and booming. 

Ben found that it was a nice voice; the kind that put you at ease. He nodded back in greeting. 

“Good evening.”

The man’s smile rivaled that of his wife’s, and Ben wished for a fleeting moment that he could smile so easily. He hadn’t been happy in such a long time, that he’d almost forgotten how to smile. 

At least, until he had met Rey.

“So, you must be Rey’s friend, Dr. Ben Solo. My Son Finn was in your class last year; he really found it interesting. I’m Lando, by the way. Lando Calrissian. I own this little establishment.” He said proudly, leaning over the bar to swipe himself a bottle of water. He gestered to Ben in question if he wanted one too. Ben declined politely.

When Lando leaned back over, he extended his palm to Ben to shake.

Ben took his proffered hand and shook it cordially.

“Nice to meet you, Sir.”

Lando grinned broadly.

“Nice to meet you too, kid. Any friend of Rey’s is a friend of ours. And I think my son is President of your fan club. Any Professor that gets my kid to think is A-Okay in my book.” He said in a lively tone, popping off the cap of his water and tossing it across the room into the trash bin.

Ben’s brows rose at that, confused. While Finn Calrissian was a good student and friendly enough, he had no idea that the man thought so highly of him. He supposed he should have guessed though, by all of the invitations he had offered him for coffee. If only he’d have known that Rey was his roommate…Ben wondered if his answer would have been different. 

"So how did you meet Rey?" Lando asked conversationally, but the question made Ben stumble.

"We met on the subway. We shared the same train, and...began to chat," He answered truthfully, leaving out the part about it only being last night and that he'd spent the night with her in his Son's apartment. However innocent it had been, Ben wasn't sure if Lando would see it that way.

Lando took a deep swig of the water, before turning to stare at Ben thoughtfully.

“Solo…Solo. You wouldn’t happen to be related to Captain Han Solo the Astronaut, would you?” Lando asked slyly, narrowing his eyes at the younger man as if to scrutinize his features for familiarity. 

Ben sat back on his stool and folded his arms, nodding in the affirmative cautiously. Although the surname Solo wasn't common, he really wasn't asked all that often if there was a relation between the two. Most people probably wouldn't assume there was, since Ben was just Ben. And his father was...well, Han Solo.

“Yes, I’m related to him. He’s my father.” Ben said tightly.

Totally missing the hostile tone of Ben’s voice, Lando’s eyes widened in pleasure and acknowledgement.

“Well I’ll be damned. This is surely a happy coincidence! I used to fly jets with him in the Air Force a million years ago. He’s a character, all right. I haven’t seen him in well over thirty years! How is that old pirate?” Lando chuckled, and Ben glanced over nervously to find Rey listening to their conversation in rapt attention. 

She had returned from the back room while he and Lando had been chatting, and had begun to mop the floor behind the bar. Her eyes darted to Ben’s in surprise at what she’d heard, and he felt uncomfortable at Rey knowing who his father was.

He shifted his attention back to Lando, managing a tight lipped smile.

“He’s fine. He's retired now. He and my mother live upstate in Saranac Lake.” Ben supplied abruptly, hoping that he didn’t sound rude.

Lando grinned wolfishly, again missing the animosity in Ben's tone.

“So…did your father marry that goddess Leia Organa?” Lando asked roguishly, his charming smile contagious. 

Ben’s lips quirked into a small grin, before schooling his features into seriousness once again.

“Yes, he did. But how she got him to retire in the Adirondacks away from the hustle of New York City, I’ll never know. You know Han Solo...always likes to be on the move.” Ben said dryly.

Lando tipped his head back and laughed heartily, patting Ben on the back with a firm but cordial slap.

“Ah…I should have seen the resemblance right away; you’re the spitting image of them both, especially with those eyes of yours. You know…I loved your parent’s. They’re good people.” Lando said affectionately. 

Ben nodded absently.

“Yes…good people.”

Lando drained the rest of his water, turning to offer Ben a look laced with respect. For his parent’s sake, Ben imagined, since Lando didn’t know him from Adam.

“Your father is a true American hero, you know.” Lando said solemnly. “Best fighter pilot in the Air Force during Nam. Those were good times we shared, amidst the chaos and hell of war. Your father got me out of more than a few close calls. I could always count on him. Good old Han.” Lando said admiringly.

Lando’s voice sounded wistful, as though he had truly looked up to Han. Ben wondered why his father had never mentioned Lando before. Then again, he and his father hardly talked while Ben was growing up. He was probably the last person his father would confide in about anything. 

Unless it pertained to Ben's love life. There, Han Solo was an expert.

Lando was still staring at Ben waiting for a response, so Ben nodded slowly.

“Yep. Good old Han. I’ve heard my entire life what a hero he was. I’ll give you his phone number, if you’d like to catch up. I’m sure he’d be thrilled.” Ben mumbled, folding his hands on the bar to keep them from shaking.

Lando eyed Ben for moment in a gesture that was all at once too intrusive. But after a few beats, Lando’s signature smirk made a return and he smacked the bar with satisfaction.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks, kid. That would be great. I would love to catch up with your old man. Excuse me a moment.” Lando said, patting Ben on the shoulder before disappearing into the dining to say goodnight to the regulars who were making their way out. 

Ben watched him go, a heavy feeling lodging itself in his stomach. 

Finished with her mopping, Rey approached Ben quietly and folded her hands in front of her on the bar. Ben looked up into her questioning gaze, suddenly feeling under a microscope.

“So…I gather we’ve got that six degrees of separation thing going on?” Rey asked humorously, grinning at Ben with his favorite smile.

Ben opened and closed his mouth, not entirely sure what Rey was talking about.

“So your father knew Lando. And I met Finn and he’s Lando’s son. Then you and I happened to meet. That’s amazing. Small world, I guess.” Rey said, her voice sounding awestruck. 

Ben shrugged, shaking his head.

“Yeah, I guess. It is a small world. I’ve never heard my father talk about Lando before, although he does remember his Air Force days fondly. The old glory days are all he ever talked about while I was growing up.” Ben said bitterly.

Rey came around to the other side of the bar, taking a seat next to Ben with her eyes fixed upon him. 

“So…your father was an Astronaut, you’re a Dr. of Psychology and Ancient Religions…and what? Is your mother a brain surgeon? Physicist? It has to be something majorly accomplished, right?” Rey asked, his favorite smile still alighting her face. 

She was teasing him, but he loved the way her eyes sparkled. It also distracted him from thoughts of his father that he really didn't want to have.

“Um… my mother is Leia Organa, she was a New York Senator. She’s retired now too, after a lifetime in politics.” He said quietly, looking anywhere but at Rey.

Rey shook her head in impressed wonder. 

“Wow. I had no idea you had such famous parent’s, Ben. You come from pretty good stock.” Rey said thoughtfully.

All of a sudden, Ben felt bad. Not because he hadn’t told her who his parents were. They had just met last night, and there was hardly time to discuss that. But he felt bad for Rey, knowing that her parents were gone. He gave her his full attention, laying a gentle hand upon her wrist.

“I…I would have told you about them, eventually. I wasn’t hiding anything.” He said truthfully, hoping his tone wasn’t defensive.

Rey titled her head, staring at Ben with understanding.

“Its fine, Ben. Really. I’m just in awe, that’s all. No wonder you’re so bloody brilliant.” She said affectionately, turning over the wrist that Ben held and intertwining her fingers gently with his.

Ben accepted her compliment with unease, staring down at their locked fingers in a stupor. Her skin felt so good against his, that he was certain she could feel him trembling.

“Yeah…well, I didn’t have any say in who my parents are, so…just luck I guess that the gene pool graced me.” Ben said nervously, trying to hide the fact that her touch was seeping into his soul like a balm.

Rey blinked at him lazily, smiling sadly.

“Okay, then. So you’re brilliant. I think I can deal with that.” She said casually, and Ben realized the topic was done. “I’m going to go change. Be back shortly. Can I get you another drink?”

Ben shook his head in the negative, feeling bereft when Rey slowly pulled her hand out of his grip. He used every fiber of his control not to reach back for her hand and squeeze it again.

“No, thank you. I’m fine. I’ll wait here for you.”

Rey nodded, rising.

Ben watched her go to what he presumed was in the direction of the break room, when Lando suddenly sat down on the free stool beside him again. He gave Ben a long, lingering stare that Ben recognized as what he’d dubbed the ‘fatherly’ stare. He’d seen it enough times from Han over the years. He raised his brows at Lando, wondering why he was leveling him with such a look. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Listen, Kid. You seem like an intelligent, mature man. And I knew your parent’s, so I know that you come from good people. I just wanted to say that I’m glad Rey met you. From the moment she walked in the restaurant this afternoon, she’s been smiling as bright as a Christmas tree. She never mentioned you before, so I was surprised when she asked us to reserve a place for you tonight. Now I know it isn’t my business, but in the short amount of time I’ve known Rey, she’s become like one of my own. My son loves her like she’s his own sister. I think it falls to me to make sure that your intentions towards her are honorable.” Lando said seriously.

Ben’s brain shut down as he stared at the older man, not sure how to respond.

Honorable? Of course he was honorable. He’d spent the night in her apartment and didn’t put the moves on her. He had the perfect opportunity this morning to kiss her senseless on her stoop; maybe go back upstairs and ravish her, even. But he hadn’t. He’d given her a chaste kiss on the forehead instead. He began to panic as the man gazed at him earnestly, before he realized that Lando was the closest thing Rey had to a father figure in her life. Rey respected him, and Ben respected her. So he would do the right thing now, and assure the man that he was, indeed, honorable. 

“I…can assure you that my intentions are honorable, Sir. Rey is a very special young woman. I would never harm her in any way.” Ben said with conviction, his eyes boring into Lando’s.

Ben knew that he’d made many mistakes in his life, but he was determined that whatever was happening with Rey would not be one of them. If there was any way to shield Rey from the horror that was his past, he would do so without question.

Lando studied him a moment, before he smiled at Ben fondly.

“You seem sincere. Even if you do have a pirate for an old man.” Lando said jovially, slapping Ben on the back again with mirth. “Okay. You’re legit.”

Ben released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and nodded at the older man gratefully.

“Thank…you?” He asked hesitantly, relieved when Lando shook his head and got up. He began to walk away before stopping and turning around.

“Oh! Don’t forget to give Rey your father’s contact info for me. I’d surely love to catch up with him. He and I certainly had some wild adventures back in the day.” Lando murmured fondly, his eyes taking on a distant mist.

Ben crinkled his eyes, wishing that he had some wild stories of him and his father back in the day to reminisce about. They never had seemed to have that kind of relationship, and it was too late now. 

Lando disappeared leaving Ben to sit there, contemplating what had just happened. Rey came back a few moments later, casually dressed in blue jeans and a pink sweater. Her hair was free of those three buns she’d worn earlier, flowing loosely around her shoulders again. Ben found that he liked it this way, wavy and wild. He realized that being up in those buns must have caused the waves. He offered her a sweet smile which she returned shyly.

“May I escort you home again?” Ben said, worried that he was monopolizing her time.

But he needn’t have worried, since Rey practically jumped up and down on the spot with happiness at his suggestion.

“Yes, please. I’d love that.” She said, realizing her enthusiasm and blushing profusely. 

Ben just smiled, wanting to take her hand but worrying if he was moving too fast. He stepped back, allowing her to walk ahead of him out the door.

“After you.” He said politely, ushering her onto the busy sidewalk.

“Have fun you two,” Tendra said loudly as she locked the door behind the pair, waving at them goodnight.

Ben waved back and Rey rolled her eyes.

“They’re nice people.” Ben remarked quietly, gazing over at Rey to see her smiling thoughtfully.

“The best.” She answered, looking at him with seriousness.

The pair navigated the streets of Little Italy, stepping onto Grand Street. There was a subway station nearby and he figured they could hop onto a train there leading uptown. As they walked, Ben looked up and saw the familiar bright sign of Ferrara’s Bakery when an idea struck him. 

“Do you like cannoli?” Ben asked suddenly.

Rey stopped her momentum and stared at him with a grin.

“I’ve never had cannoli.” Rey admitted bashfully.

Ben’s mouth fell open at that.

“You’re kidding. You have got to try cannoli. We’re in front of the best bakery in the city. Can I interest you in some dessert and coffee?” Ben asked, his voice hopeful.

Rey nodded enthusiastically.

“Sure, I’d love that.” She said, and without thinking Ben took her hand and dragged her inside. 

He didn’t even realize what he’d done until he felt Rey tighten her fingers around his larger ones, and Ben looked down in a panic.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to grab you like that.” He said, sounding so unsure that he cringed. He went to release her hand, but Rey merely smiled and to his delight tightened her grip further.

“No, it’s fine.” Rey assured, leading Ben up to the Hostess in a daze. He held on to her hand, overwhelmed with how soft it was.

“Good evening, welcome to Ferrara Baker.” The woman said politely, her eyes darting between the pair.

“Table for two please,” Rey said briskly, and the woman led them to a cozy table for two towards the back. As they walked, Ben couldn’t help but notice how Rey’s eyes admired the delectable pastries inside the massive glass cases.  
The bakery was hopping, even for late Sunday night. But then it always was, as they had the best cannoli in the city as far as Ben was concerned.

They settled in, Rey leaning her uniform bag against her chair and swinging her purse over her shoulder. Ben watched her, smiling at the way she seemed to be so excited to experience her first cannoli.

“Would you like a cappuccino or something else with your cannoli?” Ben asked her politely, happy when Rey perked up.

“Oh, yes. Please. I love cappuccino. And how do these cannoli come? Are they only made one way?” She asked, genuinely interested.

Ben chuckled, nodding.

“Well, they come two ways. One with candied fruit, and the other with chocolate chips. I prefer the chocolate chips.” He said, and Rey nodded vigorously. 

“Of course, with chocolate chips. Candied fruit? Bloody horrible! It would remind me of fruitcake back home.” Rey said, her voice sounding like the idea was detestable.

Ben laughed along with her, dazzled by her.

“Chocolate chip it is then.” He said, tapping the table in finality. 

After ordering two chocolate chip cannoli and two cappuccinos, the pair settled in and looked around at their surroundings. The bakery was brightly lit, and smelled divine.

“I’ve passed by this place a hundred times, but I’ve never come in.” Rey said, admiring the old world charm of the patisserie and the massive pastry cases that held untold amounts of delectable delights.

Ben, in turn, admired Rey. She turned suddenly and caught him staring at her, and Ben quickly averted his eyes and offered her his profile.

Rey, to his ignorance, admired his aristocratic nose and his lush mouth...her thoughts drifting back to earlier that morning when he’d kissed her goodbye on her stoop. 

She studied him as his eyes darted around the bakery, her eyes thrilling at his luxurious eyelashes which blinked lazily and the little moles on his cheeks that stood out on his pale skin. He was beautiful, plain and simple. 

“How old are you, Ben?” She blurted, catching his attention as his eyes swung back to hers in surprise. 

Rey gasped, but Ben didn’t seem to mind, and he gave her his full attention once again as he moved his chair a pace closer to her.

“Twenty-Nine.” He said quietly, gauging her reaction. “I’ll be thirty in November.”

“Hmmm…” Rey hummed, her lips curling in a smile. “You are extremely accomplished to be only twenty-nine, Dr. Solo. I mean, two doctorates? Most impressive. But that doesn’t surprise me. Not really.” She said warmly. 

Ben smiled at her compliment, looking up at her from beneath his lashes.

“And you’re twenty-three.” He said, a statement rather than a question. 

Rey nodded, her eyes still locked to his. 

“I have a feeling that by the time you’re twenty-nine, the world will be standing in awe of you.” He whispered softly. 

Rey scoffed at that, snorting softly.

“That’s very kind of you to say.”

Ben cocked his head, studying her.

“May I ask you, Rey…what is your GPA?”

Rey burst out laughing, her face turning a gorgeous shade of red. Ben crinkled his eyes and found himself laughing too.

“What’s so funny?” He asked, mock indignantly. 

“Dr. Solo! I’m shocked. You do realize, asking a college student her GPA is equivalent to asking her bra size, right?” Rey asked cunningly, her hazel eyes narrowing playfully.

Ben felt like he had the wind knocked out of him, both from Rey’s comment and her saucy tone. He opened his mouth before closing it again.

Rey took pity on him, snorting a laugh.

“It’s 4.16. Would you like to know my SAT’s as well?” Rey asked, though her tone was proud and not insulted at his probing.

Ben simply blinked at her, nodding.

“1,600. I scored in the top 2 percentile for the admitting class.” Rey stated happily. 

Ben’s eyes widened exponentially.

“That’s…remarkable, Rey.” He managed to choke out, a swell of pride for her taking root in his heart.

Rey shrugged it off, but Ben could easily see that she took pride in her hard work. 

"I've always enjoyed tinkering with things, taking them apart and seeing how they work. I also love the idea of building something from scratch that no one else can; an original design all my own. While I was still in London, I watched as The Shard was being built. It fascinated me. I knew one day, that I would build something like that." Rey said wistfully.

The moment lingered and Ben began to feel his heart pound as Rey bit her lip, suddenly shy as his full attention was focused on her. His eyes slid down to stare at her mouth, wishing like hell that he could kiss her. 

The waitress arrived with their dessert, snapping both of them out of their haze.

“Ah. Here we are.” He said, the spell broken but the effects lingering as they ate in silence and stole glances at one another. 

They both devoured their pastries, Rey groaning at how delicious it was. 

“I can’t believe I’ve never had this before. I think it’s my new favorite thing in the world.” She gushed, licking the powdered sugar from the shell off of her fingers. She’d abandoned her fork after the first bite, content to eat he delicacy like it was her last food on Earth.

Ben laughed heartily, enchanted by Rey’s excitement. The waitress came by to drop the check on the table, and Ben threw down an American Express card quickly. Rey narrowed her eyes, before fishing in her purse for her wallet.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked gently, as Rey handed him a ten dollar bill.

“I’m paying for my share of the bill.” Rey stated, as it was the most obvious thing.

Ben shook his head in the negative, taking the ten dollar bill and sliding it back across the table to Rey.

“This was my treat, Rey. I asked you here, I pay. You don’t invite a lady out somewhere and then allow her to pay.” Ben said, his tone playfully insulted.

Rey blushed, looking down.

“Ben…I wouldn’t want you to think that you have to pay my way anywhere. I work; I can afford a pastry.” She said quietly, and Ben feared that he had insulted her. 

“Rey, no. I know that. I would never insult you, or make you think I was giving you a handout. I was raised to treat a lady with respect. I asked you out here, and…It was my duty as a gentleman to pay.” He said sweetly.

Rey looked up at him at that, her eyes shining warmth and tenderness.

“So…you asked me out here. Does that make this a date?” She questioned timidly.

A date…

Ben gasped silently, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from her. He hadn’t even thought of the word ‘date’ when the idea came to him earlier to bring her for dessert; this was hardly what he’d call a date anyway. It was late, she had just gotten off of work, and they were only sharing Italian pastries and coffee. But he couldn’t deny that this was exactly what Rey said it was. The thought made him equal parts exhilarated and terrified.

Bravely, Ben leaned over and steadily gazed at her.

“Yes.” He answered simply, his voice thankfully not wavering. Although there was nothing simple about this, and he knew it. 

Across the table Rey licked her lips, breaking his intense gaze. She lowered her eyes, staring at the tablecloth as though it were fascinating. 

“A date it is, then. Thank you, Ben.” She said quietly, and Ben watched in awe as her cheeks colored prettily.

Relieved, Ben released a silent gush of breath. He signed for the bill, before rising and helping Rey from her chair. 

“Shall we?” He asked, holding his hand out for her. 

Rey took it gratefully, smiling up at him. He let it go regretfully once Rey had found her balance, and Ben longed to reach over and take it again. 

‘Too soon,’ he admonished himself. Yet he wanted more than anything to feel Rey’s soft skin against his own.

As they passed by the counter on their way out, something shiny caught Ben's eye. He smiled slightly as he picked it up, fishing out a dollar bill from his pocket and handing it to the cashier.

"Keep the change." He said, leading Rey out onto the sidewalk. 

Rey glanced over her shoulder, wondering what that was all about but didn't ask.

They navigated their way back to the subway, stealing glances at one another and offering each other shy grins. 

“How come you don’t have a car? Or do you?” Rey asked him, genuinely interested.

Ben shrugged, his lips pursing tightly.

“I used to own a car. I gave it up. You really don’t need a car in the city, anyway. Whenever I do need one, I rent it.” He said.

“Smart thinking. The cost to park it alone would be my whole month’s wages,” Rey remarked, following Ben’s lead down to the subway tunnel. The platform was full, as the last of the dinner stragglers were no doubt returning home.  
Ben glanced over at her, only to find Rey already watching him.

“What is it?” Ben murmured, his eyes following the path her eyes took as they trailed down his neck.

Rey tilted her head, studying him.

“I was just thinking of your picture from the dust jacket of your book. You didn’t have a mustache then. Or a beard.” She said nonchalantly. 

Ben turned his head abruptly, his eyes fixed on the walls of the dark tunnel.

“No. I didn’t.” He said, a little harsher than he’d like. He didn’t want to talk about why his appearance was different.

Rey didn’t pick up on his change of demeanor, though, pressing on. 

“I like the stubble. It’s very masculine. Are you going through that metrosexual stage of life, trying to find new looks of identity? You know…the longer locks and the facial hair that you sport now, as opposed to short hair and clean shaven?” She asked cheerfully. 

He didn’t see the way her eyes twinkled at him as she watched him closely.

Ben wanted to tell her right then and there. He really did. But he was not able to even think about it, let alone voice it. 

Another time.

“Something like that. We all want to find our true identity, I guess.” He whispered absently.

Turning back to her, he changed the subject.

“Will your friend Finn be home yet From his trip?” Ben asked, genuinely concerned.

Rey nodded, her pretty smile emerging. 

“Yes. I imagine so. He and Rose spent the weekend in Boston. Rose’s parent’s live there. They were celebrating their thirty year anniversary, and Finn was invited along for the party.” Rey supplied, and Ben nodded in reply, the number jogging his memory.

His parent’s had recently celebrated their own thirtieth anniversary. He hadn’t been there, though. That was the night his world fell to pieces. That was the night everything went to hell.

“Ben?”

Ben looked down to find Rey staring at him intently, her eyes worried.

“Where did you go again?” She asked him tenderly, reaching up and placing her small hand across his cheek. 

Ben flinched from the contact before catching himself and managing a small smile. 

“Daydreaming. Sorry.” He backpedaled, but Rey didn’t look convinced. Her hazel eyes were gazing into his without blinking, and all of a sudden Ben felt naked; stripped of his armor that he’d carried around with him for the past six months. 

The train arrived, and Ben was grateful for the break in tension. He put his hand on the small of Rey’s back to guide her aboard, thrilling when she leaned into his touch. They found a pair of seats side by side, sitting down as the train began its trek uptown. Riding in silence, Ben couldn’t help but feel like he’d opened up a can of worms here with his strange behavior. Rey was an intelligent woman. Sooner or later, she would no doubt catch on that he was hiding something. He longed to tell her his secrets, he truly did. Something told him that she of all people would understand and not judge him.

He also feared in telling her, it would alter her feelings about him. He didn’t want her pity, or for her to think he was crazy. That would break his heart, if she viewed him that way. Yet he knew he would have to tell her, and soon at that. If he was really going to pursue this, it was the right thing to do and only fair. She had to know what kind of man she was getting involved with. 

They were approaching Rey’s stop, and he began to feel anxious. He looked over at her, to find her expression mirrored his own. He knew what he wanted to say, but he also knew that it was perhaps not the right thing. They had just met yesterday, but he couldn’t help this pull to her that he could neither control nor explain.

Sighing, he looked up at the ceiling of the train.

“Thank you for letting me take you home, Rey. I know it’s earlier than last night, but I still don’t like the idea of your walking alone.” He said honestly, closing his eyes.

He was certain Rey was going to tell him to back off, and to give her some space. That she was a grown woman and could take care of herself. He believed that about her, he truly did. But he also felt a certain responsibility towards her, and he didn’t understand why. 

To his utter shock, he felt his hand being engulfed by her smaller one. His eyes flew open, staring at her in bewilderment as Rey caressed his knuckles with her fingers. 

“You’re too good to be true, Ben Solo. Where did you come from? And please…don’t go away now that you’re here.” Rey whispered, her fingers squeezing his own gently. 

Ben forgot how to breath, feeling like he was about to suffocate. They gazed at each other silently, neither knowing what to say. For Ben, her words touched him to his very core. No woman had ever said such a heartbreakingly sweet thing to him before. He felt like he was just shoved off of a very high cliff, afraid to hit the ground but thrilling in the exhilaration of flying. 

“Next stop, 110th Street.” The automated system announced, breaking the spell the pair found themselves surrounded in.

Rey looked away, smiling demurely.

“My stop is next. Thank you for worrying, Ben. You’re very sweet, you know that?” She asked rhetorically, her features soft as she smiled.

Ben smiled back, untangling their hands and using the same one to cup her cheek gently. 

“You’re the sweet one, Rey. Very sweet.” He said, his voice husky and low. 

To his delight, her cheek bloomed with pink color at his words, and Ben swallowed thickly. The train lurched to a stop, and he was loathe to break the moment.

“This is me.” Rey reminded him in a whisper, and Ben nodded quickly before gripping her arm and guiding her out of the automated doors. 

They took the same route that had last night, and Ben offered Rey his jacket again as the wind had grown fiercer. This time he put it on her himself, gently moving her hair out of the way to adjust the collar. Rey pulled it around herself tighter, turning her face into the collar and sneakily inhaling Ben’s scent again. Ben tried not to notice, but it was impossible. He smiled a masculine grin at the fact Rey enjoyed his scent. A thought formed in his mind then and he resolved to look into it next week. 

They walked in near silence as opposed to last night, their fingers brushing against one another’s as they trudged along. Ben felt like he was in junior high again escorting his study partner home. He rolled his eyes at his childishness, yet found humor at how much like a schoolboy Rey made him feel. Reaching Rey’s building eventually, Rey slowed her steps down and turned to face Ben. Her face had fallen a bit, and Ben wondered if it was because she knew she couldn’t invite him up this time. It was late, her friends were home, and now wasn’t the right time to meet them.

“Well this is me, again.” Rey said nervously, wringing her hands.

Ben came to a halt and looked up to Rey’s apartment, noting that the lights were on. Finn must be home already. At least she wouldn’t be alone. His eyes slid down to lock onto Rey’s, the pair of them gazing at one another intently.

“Thank you for the cannoli, Ben. It was delicious. Something to write in my diary about,” Rey said sweetly, offering him a shy giggle.

Ben’s face morphed into a wide smile at the idea of Rey keeping a diary. Even more so that he would be in it. 

“Thank you for dinner, Rey. Next time, I take you out somewhere. Preferably where we can spend the night talking without you having to return to work. Anywhere you’d like. You choose.” He said kindly, at once realizing his blunder.

Rey grinned.

“That is…I mean…” Ben stumbled, biting his lip harshly at the fact he was being so presumptuous. He hadn’t asked her out on a proper date, and here he was already making plans for the next. 

‘Idiot.’ He chided himself, frowning and looking down.

“Yes.” Rey whispered, breaking Ben out of his self-flagellation. 

His downcast eyes shot to hers so fast that he saw stars in his vision.

“Yes?” Ben affirmed, licking his suddenly dry lips. He didn’t need for her to clarify what she was saying yes to.

Rey nodded slowly, leaning closer to him. Ben inhaled sharply as Rey made to take off his leather jacket. Suddenly the idea of her giving it back to him made him anxious. He wanted her to have something of his; something to stay with her when he couldn’t.

“No, keep it. At least, for now.” Ben murmured, pulling the side she had already taken off back upon her shoulder.  
Rey blinked at him in surprise.

“Are you sure?” Rey asked.

In answer Ben’s fingertips brushed against Rey’s collarbone, and he heard her sharp intake of breath. Ben swallowed roughly, his eyes straying to Rey’s lips. They looked so soft and heavenly. What he wouldn’t give to taste them.

“Ben…” Rey whispered, seemingly just as lost as he was with how to proceed.

“I…I know.” Ben murmured, his heart and mind at war with one another.

Rey nervously put her hands inside of the pockets of Ben's jacket, her brows furrowing when she pulled something out wrapped in silver foil with navy blue stars on it. 

"Baci." She read, which was a candy made with chocolate cream and hazelnuts. 

Ben nodded, his heart pounding in his chest.

"I...got it for you. I thought you'd like it." Ben admitted, his eyes helplessly glued to her face.

Rey inspected the pretty morsel with interest. Ben could see that it dawned on her that this was what he had bought on the way out of the bakery. 

"What does Baci mean?" Rey asked curiously, her eyes bright even though it was dark.

Ben swallowed, too afraid to speak and too afraid not to.

"It...it means, kisses. In Italian." Ben whispered, closing his eyes when Rey put the chocolate kiss back inside the pocket and took a step closer to him. 

"Oh." Rey said, a tone of delight coloring the word. "And how does one say 'That sounds divine' in Italian?"

This time, it was Ben that took a step closer to Rey.

"Che suona divino" Ben murmured, his voice barely there.

"Che suona divino." Rey repeated softly. "I agree."

Suddenly the reasons why Ben was so afraid to get close to anyone again evaporated like steam in the midst. Ben pulled Rey against him, reveling in her warmth. It felt strange and wonderful holding her while she was wearing his jacket, and he closed his eyes in pleasure when he felt her hands caress his back before one trailed upwards and ran through the hair at the nape of his neck. He in turn trailed his hand across her hip, rubbing gently with one while the other strayed to her hair. He ran his fingers through her wavy locks soothingly, lowering his head down to inhale the scent of her hair. 

Flowers and Rey, a beautiful combination that he wanted to drown in.

They stood embracing on her stoop for endless minutes, wrapped up in one another and each longing for a deeper connection. Pulling back slightly, Ben gripped the sides of her face with gentle hands as Rey gaped at him wordlessly.

He wondered how many men had had the pleasure and the honor to kiss her lips. How many men had appreciated her beauty…loved her. Some small part of him hoped that he was the only one who had turned her head, given by her vague confession the night before that she’d always been alone. He was afraid to open his heart again to this girl, to allow her to peek inside and see his insecurities and his weakness. There were so many weaknesses…and he was so lonely. But she wasn’t HER, or anything like her. Rey was a rare jewel, full of splendor and beauty. He trusted her already, and that was saying something.

Lowering his face, Ben’s intention was to just kiss Rey’s cheek. It was so warm and soft, and he didn’t see the harm in indulging in that. But it seemed Rey had other ideas. Just as he placed his lips on the corner of Rey’s mouth, Rey leaned up on her tip toes, turning her face and meeting his lips gently. The glorious shock of her lips upon his caused a pained whimper to escape Ben's mouth, even while he closed his eyes and sank deeper into her embrace. Rey took a step closer, one hand steadying herself upon his shoulder while the other touched his cheek tenderly. 

Her lips felt amazing moving softly against his; slow and chaste…searching and learning. She tasted faintly of sweet Mascarpone cheese and powdered sugar from their dessert. Rey being shorter than he was, it was difficult for her to get the proper angle, evidenced by the way she lifted her feet higher to reach him. Ben took the hint and crouched lower, shifting the angle of the kiss which made his full lips engulf her lower lip.

Now it was Rey's turn to whimper.

“Oh...so sweet…” She breathed against his mouth, causing Ben to become lightheaded when Rey mimicked his movement and sucked his lower lip into her mouth. 

Panicking, Ben broke the kiss with a loud groan, stumbling back to gaze at her in a stupor. Rey's lips were wet and her eyes were glazed over, and Ben swore he'd never seen anything so gorgeous in his life.

“Jesus.” He murmured, as his eyes roamed her face greedily, stunned by the effect such an innocent and tame kiss had upon him. 

Correction…upon them both. If Rey’s glassy eyed expression was any indication. She blinked lazily, meeting his gaze with one of wonder. When she reached up her fingers and touched her lips, Ben felt something that he hadn’t felt in a long time stir within him.

Desire.

Fierce and fast, it rocketed through him and left his body shaking. 

“Wow.” Rey mumbled, astonishment adorning her features for a moment before a radiant smile broke out upon her face. 

Ben gazed at her numbly, reveling in her happiness. He wanted to pull her into his arms again and kiss her senseless.  
Keeping his hands to himself lest he lose control, Ben laughed nervously.

“Yeah…wow.” He agreed, offering Rey a goofy smile. He took three steps back to distance himself, eyeing her affectionately as he tried to get his breathing under control.

Rey turned around on shaky legs and walked up the few steps leading to the front door, before she turned back and gazed at Ben longingly. 

“Goodnight, Ben.” She whispered, waving a small hand in goodbye.

Ben returned the wave, thinking that even though he knew he should feel foolish he didn’t. He felt…alive. For the first time in years. 

“I’ll call you.” He promised, delighted when Rey nodded vigorously. 

“I’ll answer.” She remarked cheekily, her voice breathless.

Ben smiled warmly at that, walking backward on the sidewalk unable to take his eyes off of her. He stumbled on a crack which caused his long legs to buckle and almost sent him crashing to the ground. Rey barked out a giggle before catching herself and hiding her smile with her palm as he wobbled but smiled at her in embarrassment.

“Be careful, Professor! We wouldn’t want you to kill yourself.” Rey remarked, shaking her head in mock exasperation. 

Ben righted himself and stood stock still, the smile sliding off of his face as he stared at her blankly.

Oblivious, Rey turned her key in the door and disappeared inside, throwing one last amused smile at Ben before closing it. 

Ben was glued to the sidewalk, unable to move as he digested her innocently spoken words. It took him nearly five minutes to gain his presence of mind back, all manner of thoughts bombarding him painfully.

Gazing up at her window one last time before making his way back to the subway, Ben released a shaky breath.

“No, Rey…we wouldn’t want that.” He whispered, his voice cracking.

Ben feared that his past was catching up with his present. 

He needed to be strong, and prepare himself.


	5. The Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben keeps a promise that reopens some emotional wounds, Finn and Rose find out about Rey’s new relationship, and Professor Solo and Rey make plans. For a date. The romantic kind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for your interest and support of this story. As a reminder, please remember to check out my story board on Pinterest for The Eye of the Needle.

Ben sat watching Phasma as she finished up some work, nervously fidgeting his hands and long legs. He had arrived early, too keyed up to sit at home and too distracted to do anything else until their lunch date. He tried to sit still as his friend went about her business, but it was nearly impossible. If Phasma noticed, she chose not to remark upon his odd behavior. But occasionally, she would look over at him, narrowing her eyes in question before schooling her features in neutrality.

True to his word when he’d seen her at dinner last Saturday night, he met her at her office for lunch. He kept his promise to his oldest friend, because he realized that it was time to join the land of the living again. It was his last week of freedom, as Monday he was returning to work and a full class schedule. He hadn’t been able to see Rey since Sunday night when he’d left her on her stoop after they had shared that kiss, but they’d messaged each other and had spoken on the phone daily. Today was Thursday, and he couldn’t wait to see her again.

Rey'd had a full schedule as well this week; two classes a day as well as work in the evening. Ben couldn’t lie and say he didn’t miss her, because he did. She occupied his thoughts constantly and he was secretly excited for next week to arrive so he could perhaps see her around campus. He also planned on asking her if he could take her out on a date Saturday night, their first real one. 

His eyes warmed when he remembered their kiss on Sunday night, and the reaction it had stirred in him. 

He looked up to find Phasma staring at him in a scrutinizing way. He offered her a smile.

"I shouldn't be much longer, Ben. I'm sorry you have to have wait." Phasma apologized, but Ben waved her off.

"It's my fault. I arrived earlier than planned." Ben reasoned, breaking her gaze to look around the office.

Beyond Phasma’s desk was a large window that faced Madison Avenue and the city beyond. There were hundreds of people on the busy Avenue, most of them hurrying off to lunch or some business meeting. A good majority were no doubt out and about shopping. It was a beautiful autumn day, and the sun was shining brightly despite the plummeting temperatures.

Ben discreetly looked at his watch, noting that it was just passed 12:30. He wondered, as he so often found himself doing this past week, how Rey was. Where Rey was. Was she happy? Was she smiling? Was she studying…doing laundry…washing her hair? Was she eating lunch right now, perhaps with Finn? Was she sitting in class, deep in thought? 

He released a long sigh, oblivious to the way Phasma arched a brow as she stole glances at him.

Was this normal? Having every thought consumed by one person and every moment without them seemed like an hour? Every hour seemed like a day…

Ben tried telling himself that it was merely the fascination of Rey that was keeping him up at night; waking from a restless sleep to turn over and grip his pillow, wishing it were her. Or that once the novelty of their budding ‘romance’ wore off, his heart would settle down and stop trying to beat a path out of his chest. Yet he knew that line of thinking was futile. It wasn’t merely fascination he felt for Rey, and there was no such thing as a trivial novelty making him interested in her. 

From the moment he saw her on that train, he knew his heart was stolen away. He’d known her less than a week, and already he was missing her so badly that at times he wanted to scream. A part of him…the part that didn’t take psyche meds, told the other part to be careful. This was the first attempt at a relationship he’d had since…

Her. 

While labeling Rey a rebound person or just a distraction was blasphemous, he knew that he had to tread with careful steps. His heart was so very fragile, and Rey was so very amazing. He couldn’t hurt her…couldn’t destroy her trust and growing faith in him.

In turn, allowing her to gain a foothold into his heart could destroy him. Before, it was merely the shock and anger of how the situation turned out that had made his helplessness emerge. Ben knew with Rey, it was an entirely different ballgame. She was worth any struggle, any obstacle. She was pure and beautiful and worthy of a man who could give her everything she so richly deserved. And if she turned her back on him once he opened up to her…Ben knew emotionally he would never recover.

Could he really take that risk, now that he knew there was real certainty he was falling in love with her? 

So wrapped up in his musings was he, that he didn’t see the way Phasma had been watching him lost in his thoughts for a full minute.

“Did you make it home alright last Saturday night?” Phasma asked abruptly, flipping through a large book of model head shots. 

Ben’s brows rose as he pondered Phasma’s question, snapping out of his deep thoughts and clearing his throat before answering her. 

“Ah…yeah. Of course I did. I wouldn’t be here safe and sound if I hadn’t.” Ben said jovially, answering Phasma’s question. He cringed at the way her gaze never wavered.

He was right to worry, of course, as this was Phasma. She was as astute as a sharpshooter, and just as quick. She could see a speck of dust on the surface of the ocean. 

Sitting back in her chair Phasma laid her hands upon the armrests and swiveled side to side calculatingly, her blue eyes boring into Ben's.

“Really…that’s very interesting, Ben. Because I was worried about you after you drank so much sake at dinner, so Armitage and I stopped by your building around midnight to check on you. We had stopped for a nightcap at Whispers around the corner from your building, and your doorman Daniels said you hadn’t been home yet and he’d been watching the door since ten pm.” Phasma said casually.

Almost too casually. 

Ben nearly spit out his coffee he had raised to his lips, choking on it and wiping his shirt from the slight drips that had escaped his mouth. He shot his friend a look of annoyance.

“So…what? I went for a walk and lost track of time. I got home fine…eventually. You didn’t have to check up on me like I am a child, you know.” He said petulantly, the idea of his two best friends spying on him like he was some deranged mental patient making him feel hostile. 

Phasma shrugged, not offended by Ben’s hard voice. Her face took on a concerned note, but she balanced it with humor to lighten the tense atmosphere that her question had wrought.

“Huh…a walk is all. And here I thought it was something juicy and scandalous that had you roaming the streets of Manhattan like a prowler in the wee hours…like you meeting some beautiful stranger and going back to her place for the night for some hot, animalistic sex. Pity.” Phasma said lightly, turning her attention back to the book she was perusing to give Ben a moment to absorb her words.

Ben blanched, his pale skin draining further of color. Phasma didn’t realize how close she was to the truth…except for the hot sex part. That thought made Ben’s heart pound in his chest.

“I…no. Nothing like that.” Ben assured her, trying and failing to keep a neutral face.

Phasma nodded, cocking an already arched brow.

“Well, I don’t think you’re a child. And I wasn't checking up on you because I didn't trust you. But I was worried. You had three cups of sake. It occurred to me after you’d left that that may not have been a good idea. And…it has been a long time since you had any female companionship, Ben. Neither I nor Armitage would blame you for…indulging.” She said sincerely, her attention on the book before her gone as she looked up at him seriously. 

Ben looked aghast at Phasma’s suggestion of him hooking up with a random woman just to scratch a physiological itch. If he were being honest, not only had his past pain and subsequent treatment dampened him from craving physical desire, but he hadn’t felt trusting of anyone in the last six months to even allow his thoughts to wander in such a direction.

Until Rey came along. Sweet, innocent, pure Rey. She was like a flower in the harsh desert, beautiful and strong. It was no wonder how deeply she had touched his heart and soul, making him dare to believe that someone out there could be so perfect for him. He had once believed…no. He should never have believed HER. She was never genuine, never kind. She used him and betrayed him and broke his heart. She almost broke his family apart, in so many ways. Rey was NOTHING like her. 

He felt like he’d been waiting for Rey his whole life, and he cursed himself now for ever allowing someone else to take even a portion of what should have belonged to Rey. If only he had known that she was out there…if only he had met her in England for the summer solstice four years ago, like she had said. How much different would his life be right now? 

Ben swallowed deeply, suddenly angry with himself. Well for one thing, he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself over some selfish, manipulative, money hungry bitch. He wouldn’t have had to spend a mandatory 30 days in the Psyche Ward healing; group therapy three times a day and intensive one on one therapy with a Psychiatrist every day for an hour. He wouldn’t have scared the living daylights out of his family and friends, one of which was gazing at him now with undisguised love and concern.

His earlier annoyance evaporating, Ben came back to himself and smiled gently at his friend touched by her caring enough to check up on him. He managed a slight smile, running his hands through his thick mane sheepishly.

“Yeah. Not a wise decision, drinking so much potent alcohol with the meds I’m taking. And one I won’t be repeating any time soon, Phas. Trust me. I was fine though. Really. I shouldn’t have done something so reckless, but I was nervous having dinner with you both after so long. I decided to take the subway instead of a taxi. It was a long walk to the station and it cleared my head and helped me burn off the alcohol. I slept it off and in the morning, I felt better than ever.” He offered truthfully.

Appeased, Phasma nodded. He didn’t look any worse for wear today. In fact, Phasma noted that he looked really good; better than he had in months.

“Good. I’m glad. And I’m happy that you showed up the other night. Armitage bet me fifty dollars that you wouldn’t. I went home a little richer that evening.” She said slyly, smiling in mischief.

Ben smiled too, rolling his eyes.

“You know…I felt like I was under a microscope the whole night. You kept staring at me like I was about to crack into little pieces, and I had the wild notion of Armitage telling the wait staff to take away any sharp cutlery. It was just…nerve wracking. I didn’t mean to worry you.” Ben said sincerely.

Phasma’s smile died, and she offered her best friend a sad look.

“Oh, Ben. We both know you aren’t fragile. But you’ve been through so much, and you nearly died. If I hadn’t come over that night and found you…” Phasma broke off, shivering at the memory that she didn’t want to revisit; never wanted to revisit, though her nightmares reminded her of it from time to time.

Ben rushed to reassure her, placing his hand across the desk upon hers comfortingly.

“I know, Phasma. I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you through that. What you must have felt…I can’t imagine, if the roles were reversed. Please, forgive me?” He asked contritely, sounding so much like a small child that had been naughty.

Phasma sighed and closed her eyes, patting Ben’s hand gently.

“It’s in the past, Ben. Let’s focus on the future, shall we? You know there is nothing to forgive. I love you like you were my own brother. And I’m here for you. Always. If ever again you find yourself in that position…” She broke off, her accent softening as her voice cracked.

Ben shook his head frantically in the negative.

“No, Phas. Never again. I swear. And…I know you’re there for me. I know.” He beseeched her, it hitting him completely the damage he’d done by his reckless actions. But Phasma was right; it was time to look forward, towards the future.

Phasma managed a weak smile, nodding her head briskly. The subject was closed, and it was for the best.

Ben rose from his chair, now more restless than ever. He placed his hands in his pockets as he began to pace Phasma’s office. It held racks and racks of garments, presumably for her new winter line of clothing for her models to wear. An idea had formed in his head the other night after he left Rey on her stoop, one that had lodged itself in his mind and would not leave him. 

“Phas…do you still have that warehouse out in Brooklyn that sells off your previous lines?” Ben asked eagerly.

Phasma nodded, distracted as she had opened a different book this time.

“Yes, why? Thinking of taking up wearing women's clothing?" Phasma asked humorously.

Ben inhaled deeply. He knew that by voicing this to his oldest friend, that there would be no taking it back. It made it real. Maybe, that’s what he wanted. 

To make it real.

“I have a...friend. She needs a good winter coat; something well made, stylish, warm…pretty. Your designs are lovely, and I was hoping I could look through your inventory and find her something suitable.” Ben said cautiously, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms as he waited for Phasma’s backlash. 

Phasma’s blue eyes flickered up and widened so dramatically that Ben thought they would pop from their sockets.

“She?” Phasma asked, the one word laced with a million connotations.

Ben’s eyes stared unwavering into Phasma’s. 

“Yes. She.” He affirmed, thankful that his voice sounded so steady.

This time, Phasma slammed the book in front of her shut, shoving it aside gently. Ben could tell that he had her full attention now. 

“Ben…have you started dating again?” She asked, a hint of excitement in her voice mixed with trepidation.

Ben blanched at the word ‘dating’. Dating, to him, meant that he was ‘out there’. Mingling. Open to experiences. And that was hardly the case, as the only thing he was interested in being ‘open’ to was Rey. 

And Rey alone.

“What? No! She’s a…new friend. A friend who needs a good coat. I’ll pay for it, of course. But I want it to be stylish and well-tailored.” He rushed out, unsurprised when Phasma leaned back in her chair and eyed him intently.

“Who is this…friend? And why on Earth would you want to buy her a coat of all things? Wouldn’t flowers or chocolates be nicer?” Phasma asked, her voice teasing but tender.

Ben swallowed, knowing that it was his decision to mention this. So he had to be honest about it, even though he didn’t want to.

“She’s…I met her on the train the other night. Her name is Rey. She’s a student at Columbia.” Ben said casually, realizing too late the way that sounded as he watched Phasma blanch.

“Ben—“She began, her voice a warning.

Ben rolled his eyes dramatically.

“She’s not my student, Phas. And she is twenty-three, not eighteen. It’s not like…that.” Ben rushed to reassure her.

'Oh…but you want it to be.' Ben’s mind supplied. 'And you know that deep down Rey does, too.'

Appeased at Ben's explanation, Phasma pursed her lips.

“I see. Well, as long as she’s not your student and you’re not breaking any ethics rules…” Phasma said quietly, trailing off.

Ben looked at her for a long time, wanting to reassure her that this was more than a casual hookup. He didn’t want Phasma to even form that kind of opinion about Rey; she was way too special for that. So he took a deep breath, poured both himself and Phasma another cup of coffee from the pot on the counter, and returned to her desk to sit across from her.

“Phasma, it’s…complicated. And…wow. I don’t even know where to begin.” Ben said nervously, running a shaking hand across his neck.

Phasma leaned over and took one of the coffee cups’ handles, sliding it towards her.

“I usually find the beginning is always best.” She said kindly, offering Ben a sweet smile of encouragement.

Ben snorted mirthlessly, shaking his head.

“Okay.” He acquiesced, his voice quiet. 

Thirty minutes and another cup of coffee later, Ben had finished. Aside from his shaking hands due to too much caffeine, he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders at his confession. Phasma gaped at him wordlessly, her expression a mixture of wonder and understanding.

“Well, well…at least now I know where you were Saturday at midnight. A walk indeed, Professor Solo. So…you walked all the way to Morningside Heights. Impressive. Most impressive. I knew that you were fit, but I didn’t know how fit.” Phasma snarked good naturedly.

Ben rolled his eyes, feeling a flush crawl up his neck.

“I told you the truth. I did take a long walk. And I did wake up feeling good, despite the sake. I just…initially left out the middle part about spending the night on Rey’s couch.” Ben murmured, shrinking back in his chair as though trying to hide.

Phasma barked out a laugh, snorting in a very unladylike manner.

“Yes…you did seem to omit that middle bit. And a lie is most convincing hidden between two truths.” Phasma said slyly, sipping the last of her now cold coffee.

Ben blushed, frowning at Phasma’s analogy…however correct it was.

Phasma leaned back and eyed her friend with a grin.

“So…it seems that love at first sight really does exist. How refreshing.” She said.

Ben felt lightheaded at Phasma's words.

“Who’s talking love, Phas? I just met the woman a week ago.” He said shakily, a hint of fear rising to the surface. 

Yet inside, his blood began to surge through his veins at a quicker rate causing his heartbeat to rise dangerously.

Phasma however wasn’t fazed by Ben’s obfuscating.

“Oh come now, Ben darling. You are obviously taken with this girl. You were so worried about her well-being that you walked a virtual stranger home, spent the night on her couch, and want to buy her a winter coat because she can’t afford one. I’ve known you twelve years and even though you are kind, you’ve never been so altruistic. And after the events of the last few months…well, this girl must be extraordinarily special.” Phasma said evenly.

Ben’s breath caught in his throat.

“She’s a woman. Not a girl.” He corrected her, shooting her a grimace. “And yes…she is special.”

Phasma’s brows rose.

“Okay. Woman.” She conceded calmly. “Are you going to tell her about…everything?” Phasma hedged, her tone caring.

Ben took a deep breath.

“Eventually, yes. I’ll have to. If we pursue a relationship, and it looks like we both want to…then I must be honest with her. But it’s not an easy task to contemplate.” He murmured, looking over Phasma’s shoulder in distraction.

Phasma eyed him with gentle pity.

“I know, Ben. I know. But if she’s as special as you make out, then you might want to do it sooner than later. Honesty is best, you know. Especially after…last time.” Phasma said, the disgust apparent in her voice.

Ben growled slightly, his jaw tightening.

“Rey is nothing like…her. To even equate her in the same galaxy is…blasphemous.” Ben whispered angrily. 

Phasma nodded in agreement.

“I’m sure it is.” She said, eyeing Ben shrewdly. “Have you…have you spoken to Han lately?”

Her voice held hints of trepidation and Ben knew it was the last thing Phasma wanted to ask him.

His expression hardened for a moment before he forced himself to relax.

“No.” He barked, the one syllable reverberating around the room.

Phasma sighed thickly, sitting back in her luxurious chair.

“Ben…it wasn’t his fault. Any of it. You know that, right?” Phasma asked, seemingly preparing herself for Ben’s wrath. 

“Yeah…I know. But that Solo charm of his didn’t help the matter any. It only encouraged it.” Ben said angrily, crossing his legs at the knees.

Phasma pursed her lips and nodded.

“Ben, you can’t blame your father for being charming and kind. Look…I’m not going to tell you what or how to feel. But your parent’s love you. Especially your Father. The holidays are coming, and I’m sure your mother is worried about you and would like to see you.” Phasma said carefully.

Ben turned his gaze upon her, glaring at her in understanding.

“Did my mother call you?” Ben asked, his tone accusatory.

Phasma sighed, nodding her head.

“Yes. Leia called me. She said she’s sent you at least ten messages with no reply, and she was worried. I assured her that you were fine, and that you even met Armitage and me for dinner last weekend. She was so happy to know you’re doing better, Ben. Call her. Please. She only wants to make sure you’re doing well. And Han is so stressed, thinking that you blame him. Making your parent’s pay for what Bazine did—“ 

Ben inhaled sharply, rising from his chair like a panther about to strike.

“Do NOT mention that goddamned name to me, ever again!” Ben roared, his face contorting in anger. He hated taking it out on Phasma, but she had no right to make him feel guilty about not communicating with Han and Leia, let alone saying HER name.

Phasma rose to her full height, placing her hands on her desk in defiance.

“I’m sorry, Ben. I am. But do NOT take out your anger on me. I love you, and I am only trying to help. Coddling you and pretending what happened didn’t isn’t going to make it go away. I am the only person in your life it seems who is willing to give it to you straight. And the fact is, your father is innocent. She tried to seduce him, plain and simple. I can’t even begin to fathom what that felt like to you. But Han is on your side. He wants to help you. Please, let him. You need your parent’s support now, more than ever. Will you promise me to just consider it?” Phasma begged, her ire dissipating as she visibly watched Ben deflate before her eyes. 

Ben swallowed harshly, panting. He fell back into his chair, out of breath and eyes wild as he tried to calm down.

“I’m sorry, Phasma. I never should have yelled at you. I don’t…hearing that woman’s name…” He trailed off helplessly, placing his shaking hands on his lap.

Phasma sighed, coming around the side of her desk to lean on the edge of it in front of him. Ben couldn’t even face her, staring at his lap with a deep frown upon his face.

“Hey…look at me, Solo.” Phasma ordered, her tone soft.

Ben raised guilty eyes to his friend, taking a deep breath.

“It will be alright, Ben. You will recover from this, and it will be alright. You have so much to live for; to look forward to. You owe it to yourself to move on from this. And it sounds like you have found someone worthy of the wonderful man that you are. Please…just think about it, alright?”

Ben held Phasma’s gaze, his own eyes filling with tears. 

“I will, Phas. I will. I just…I can’t right now. It’s all too fresh, and I just want to forget.” Ben admitted brokenly.

Phasma leaned over, reaching out her hand for Ben’s. He took it gingerly.

“Maybe, Ben…maybe forgetting isn’t the answer. Maybe facing it is. You can’t erase what happened. And… it did happen. But thank God you’re alright. Thank God you were given a second chance.” Phasma said, tears beginning to choke her as well.

Ben looked at her in anguish.

“I’m so sorry, Phasma. I’m so sorry.” He repeated again and again, certain that he could never apologize enough for what he had almost done. To his family, to his friends…to himself. And for what? Over that heartless, manipulative bitch…

Phasma leaned over and hugged her friend, soothing his silent cries and rubbing his hair as a mother would a child. He gripped her waist, laying his head upon her stomach until he calmed down. In many ways, Phasma was so much like Leia. Strong, no nonsense, impenetrable, and had a heart of gold. 

“There, there poppet. The sun will rise again tomorrow, and then the next day, and the day after that. And this will one day all seem like a bad dream.” Phasma soothed, giving Ben’s head a final kiss before she rose and went back to sit in her chair.

She allowed Ben a moment to collect himself, and he gratefully complied before hesitantly meeting her gaze.

“So tell me…this Rey. What size does she wear, how tall is she? That sort of thing.” Phasma said, changing the subject swiftly and catapulting them back to the present once again where they belonged. 

Her tone was no nonsense and business like, and she sounded more like the Phasma Ben knew and loved.

Ben cocked his brow as he considered Phasma’s questions.

“I don’t know her size, but I think perhaps a six. She looks around 115-120 pounds. And in stockinged feet her head reaches my sternum.” Ben said, his voice taking on a tender quality. 

Phasma smiled slightly. 

“Right. So…probably about 5’7 or so. What color do you think she’d like? Black, red…” Phasma trailed off, leaving the question open.

Ben tried to picture Rey wearing a black coat. No, that wouldn’t suit her. At all. It was too somber, and she radiated warmth. Red was nice, as the blouse she wore to work on Sunday was lovely, but he wasn’t sold on it for coat. He went through all of the colors in his head, at a loss until he remembered something. 

“Yellow.” He blurted. “I think yellow would suit her.”

Phasma balked at that, her blue eyes narrowing in distaste.

“Yellow, Ben? Do you want her to resemble Big Bird?” She asked dryly, flipping back her platinum fringe from her forehead and eyeing her friend disapprovingly.

Ben smacked his lips together wryly.

“No. Not neon yellow. Pale yellow, perhaps? Something faint but pretty. Like…the color of butter.”

Phasma pursed her lips, opening her desk and pulling out a massive color chart. She slid it across the table to Ben.

“Show me.” She ordered, her voice brisk. 

Ben scanned the chart, his eyes drawn immediately to the color on Rey’s bedroom wall. It was a pale yellow, fresh and feminine. Something muted and soft, just like her. It reminded him of her smile, and of sunshine on a warm spring day. It did look like churned butter, and he smiled. 

Across the desk, Phasma watched in stunned delight as Ben’s eyes scanned the color chart, a soft smile alighting his face. 

He slid the chart back to Phasma, his finger on the color he’d chosen.

“This one.” He said gently, a hint of happiness in his voice. “This is Rey.”

Phasma nodded, wondering if she had anything available at her warehouse in such a color. A thought struck her, and she sat back in her chair with a smile.

“I have a new design I was going to unveil for the winter line. It’s very gorgeous; belted and feminine. One hundred percent cashmere, so it’s butter soft. The set colors are black, navy, grey, red, and white. But…I might be able to persuade my seamstress to throw in one in that color.” Phasma said cheekily, heartened when Ben’s smile widened. 

She hadn’t realized how attractive he was when he smiled. Really smiled. She’d seen her friend miserable for so long, that a happy Ben never seemed to have existed. If this Rey was the reason behind it, then she would happily sew her a coat by her own hand if it made Ben happy.

Ben slid the color chart back to Phasma.

“Thank you, Phasma. For…everything.” Ben whispered.

Phasma rose swiftly from her desk, yanking her coat from the coat tree.

“You’re welcome, Ben. Now let’s go to lunch. I’m starving.” Phasma ordered, not even waiting for Ben’s reply as she exited her office.

And just like that, everything was normal again.

Ben plucked his coat off of the tree as well, smiling faintly as he dutifully followed his friend.

***************************************************************************************************************

Rey was sprawled out on the couch with a popcorn bowl next to her, while Finn and Rose cuddled on the recliner in the corner. Rey looked over at the smitten pair, a large smile adorning her lips as Finn whispered something in Rose’s ear which made her giggle. Rey would have rolled her eyes at how corny it was, but she knew that if she and Ben were in the same situation, she would probably react the same way.

Rey’s smile widened as she thought of her new…what?

A strange feeling engulfed her at the idea; what exactly was Ben to her? A new friend? A boyfriend? A protector? 

Surely, he was all of those things in some way. Neither one had really voiced where this new ‘relationship’ was going, and Rey was hesitant to ask him so soon. She wasn’t blind; she could see that he was hiding some deep secrets that could no doubt affect a relationship with her. But he seemed so comfortable with her, albeit shy and guarded. 

Resigning herself to be patient, Rey decided to refer to them in her mind as special friends until Ben gave her reason to believe otherwise.

Yet in her heart, she knew that they had already crossed a line. Because one didn’t react to a kiss like Sunday evenings from a mere friend.

Even now, she could conjure up the feelings his touch had evoked; the feel of his silken lips sliding over hers with tentative longing. He was holding himself back, she could feel it. But it made the kiss no less enchanting, no less sweet. It was his astonished face when he had pulled back that made her want to drag him upstairs to her room and pounce on him like a tigress. He had actually looked shocked at the level of attraction they both seemed to share, as though he thought he were in this alone.

Couldn’t he tell from the way she’d hung on his every word that all she wanted to do was get to know him better? Hold him…kiss him. Learn his secrets and wounds, and help repair them all? Perhaps it was the part of her that herself had felt abandoned and forgotten. She knew all too well the pain of loneliness. Was it any wonder then, that she felt an almost desperate need to take his pain away?

Rey shook her head of her folly, knowing that she couldn’t force Ben to feel something he wasn’t ready to feel. Whatever plagued him, he would have to come to her with it. If he wanted her help…her support, he would have to be the one to ask. Otherwise, she ran the risk of scaring him away. And that’s the last thing she wanted to do.

“Earth to Rey, come in Rey.”

Rey snapped out of her thoughts of Ben to find both Finn and Rose staring at her curiously. Rey innocently popped some more popcorn into her mouth, chewing slowly as she raised her brows at them in question.

“Sorry, I was lost in thought.” She said, brushing it off and smiling.

Finn narrowed his eyes.

“Apparently. Rose and I were asking if you’re you sure you don’t want to come out with us to the club. I know a lot of nice guys who’ll be there. Maybe getting out of this apartment will do you good. You’ve been alone too long, Rey. A little companionship won’t hurt you, girl.” Finn said kindly.

Rey stared at Finn, biting her lip absently.

It had been four days since Finn and Rose had returned from Boston, and Rey had yet to tell them about Ben. When she had come home on Sunday night…Ben’s jacket on her back and his kiss still fresh on her lips…she had prayed neither would notice anything amiss about her. She waved at them as she said hello and then goodnight, telling them she was exhausted from work and was glad to have them home. After disappearing behind her door and locking it, she had released a deep breath and prayed that neither of Finn’s parent’s spilled the beans to their son about Rey inviting Ben to Lando’s. 

Rey didn’t know why she felt so protective of she and Ben’s burgeoning romance; after all, Finn had repeatedly mentioned over the last six months that he thought Ben Solo was awesome. She reasoned that maybe Finn would frown upon their slight age difference, or the fact that he was a Professor. Yet the age difference wasn’t an issue to her, and he was not a Professor of hers so there wouldn’t be any bias.

In the end, Rey boiled it down to simple nerves. She was nervous to tell Finn about Ben, because that would make it real. And as much as she longed for that, she knew that once Finn knew he would start acting protective of her.  
Rey sighed, figuring it was best to just rip this off land a bandaid, and let the chips fall where they would. Finn should be happy that she was finally interested in someone. Especially someone as accomplished and remarkable as Ben Solo. 

Stealing herself, Rey sat up straight.

“Um…listen, Finn. Thanks for the concern. Really. But I sort of met someone. Last weekend, when you guys were in Boston. We haven’t gone on a date yet, but we’re getting to know each other better. I really like him. So…I’m not interested in meeting anyone else tonight.” Rey said shyly.

Rey watched as Finn and Rose each leaned in, waiting for the fallout. She’d lived with Finn for six months, and in that time she had never been on a date. It was no wonder that he was now gaping at her as though she’d sprouted a second head.

“Ooh, really? Deets, girl. Deets.” Rose said with excitement, pushing Finn aside to sit up in the recliner straighter. 

Finn frowned, nearly falling off of the chair as Rose bounced on it with glee, waiting for Rey to spill the details.

“Wait a minute…you met someone last weekend?” Finn asked with confusion, gazing between his girlfriend and his roommate with a lost expression.

Rose made an exasperated sound in her throat.

“She said that already, Finn.” Rose said, pointing out the obvious.

“Who is it? Does he go to Columbia? Is he a customer at the restaurant?” Finn asked rapid fire, and Rose smacked him gently on the chest.

“Give her a minute to answer you!” Rose chided.

Rey chuckled warmly.

“Thanks, Rose.” She said, casting a playful snide glare in Finn’s direction.

Finn looked chastised, sticking out his bottom lip and pouting like a baby.

Rose rolled her eyes at her boyfriend, throwing a leg over his to trap him beneath her on the recliner.

“Go ahead, Rey. Where did you meet him?” Rose asked with excitement.

Rey blushed, wondering where on Earth to begin. So much had happened in two days, that she hardly knew how to articulate it all. She supposed she should start with the obvious. 

“He’s a Professor at Columbia. Not a Professor of mine, of course. Actually, Finn…it’s a previous one of yours. Dr. Ben Solo.” Rey said casually, fiddling with a popped kernel of corn in the bowl and looking anywhere but at the couple. 

The living room went deathly quiet all of a sudden as Finn and Rose gaped at Rey in shock. When the silence stretched, Rey chanced a glance back at them.

“Um…hello?” Rey joked, waving a hand in front of their faces.

“Wow. I’m ah…stunned. When did you even meet him? How did you meet him?” Finn asked.

Rey raised her brows, trying to figure out how to word this.

“Well…funny story, actually. I met him on the subway coming home from work Saturday night. It was late; I stayed overtime because Mike called out, and he noticed me on the train. He came over and asked me if he could escort me home because he was worried about me." Rey said warmly.

Finn’s mouth dropped open wider comically, and Rose leaned over to shut it.

“That is something. Did he recognize you?” Rose asked.

“Oh, no. We’d never met before. I mean, I saw him once, in the office and I read his book thanks to Finn. I recognized him but he’d never seen me before, so…” Rey trailed off nervously.

Finn got up and paced the living room, arms folded. Rey felt like her father was deciding whether or not she could date.

“Well, I think it’s great. He’s a cool guy; so smart and interesting. Everyone I know loves his classes. And he’s pretty easy on the eyes, too. Tall, dark, handsome…” Rose gushed, earning a sideways glare from her boyfriend.

“What? It’s true.” Rose defended, smiling softly at Rey. 

Rey broke her gaze to watch Finn pace with confusion.

“Rey…you let some stranger take you home late at night? Are you crazy?” Finn asked in exasperation, his face incredulous.

Rey furrowed her brows.

“I thought you liked him, Finn. You certainly sang his praises all summer. Do you know something about him that I don’t?” Rey asked tentatively, her heart suddenly in her throat.

Finn ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head.

“I like him, Rey. But that’s not the point. I know him. You didn’t. In a city like this, that was a dangerous thing for you to do. He could have been a sex fiend or a hatchet murderer. Thank God it was him and not some creep.” Finn said tightly.

Rey took a deep breath, knowing that Finn’s argument was sound. But she did ‘know’ Ben, as much as she felt he was a decent man. It might have been a foolhardy thing for her to do, but she went with her gut instinct and it was the right one. 

“When he approached me on the train, I just knew he meant me no harm. Finn…I’m from London. I was in foster care. Believe me, I can take care of myself. I knew who he was from the book you lent me. I didn’t think I should fear a man you thought so highly of.” Rey said seriously.

Finn calmed down, meeting his girlfriend’s gaze with one of sheepishness. Rose bit her lip before lowering her gaze to the floor. 

“Look…Dr. Solo is a good guy. I like him. I just…something about him is really intense. I mean…as a Professor he was great. I was lucky to get him, as he’s so in demand. But you dating him? I’m just worried. He’s much older than you, isn’t he?” Finn asked reasonably.

Rey shook her head.

“Not by much; only six years.” She defended, trying to keep her temper in check.

Finn looked at his girlfriend for help, but Rose simply shrugged.

“But he’s…worldly. He’s run in some pretty impressive crowds. You know his father is an ex astronaut and his mother was a US Senator?” Finn asked, more to Rose than to Rey.

Rey felt a bubble of annoyance growing suddenly at Finn’s attempts to throw negatives in her path. The fact Finn brought up his family history bothered her. What if he hadn’t told her yet? And wasn’t Finn’s place to do so. She glared at him, trying to remember that she loved him so much.

“Finn…yeah. I know he’s a little older, and I know he’s worldlier than I am. And Yes. I know about his family. That shouldn’t define him. He’s a nice man. Very charming. And…I like him. A lot.” Rey whispered.

Finn sighed.

“Okay, Rey. Okay. I’m just trying to look out for you. That’s all. You’re an adult, and I trust you. You’re right; he is a nice man. Just…be careful. For me. I know you don’t have much experience with dating. And you’re going from 0 to 60 here, dating an older Professor. What do you think my father would do if I let anything happen to you?” Finn asked Rey, real fear in his tone at the thought of his father’s wrath. 

Rey chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Well…your father already met him. As did your mother. Last Sunday night, when he came to the restaurant. And they both approved of him. Here is a bit of interesting information; it seems that your dad and his dad were in the Air Force together. Did you know that?” Rey asked Finn curiously.

Finn’s eyes bugged out of their sockets as he absorbed what Rey was saying.

“My father was friends with Captain Han Solo? He never mentioned that to me before.” He said incredulously, shaking his head in wonder.

Rey nodded, pursing her lips.

“Yes…and it seems your father is very fond of him. Apparently they flew together on many missions in Vietnam. Ben even gave me his father’s phone number for Lando to call him.” Rey said with excitement.

Finn narrowed his eyes, his previous excitement dampened.

“Ben? So he’s Ben now?” He asked acerbically. 

Rey cocked a brow and put a hand on one hip.

“Yes, he’s Ben. What shall I call him, Finn? Dr. Solo? Professor Solo?” Rey countered testily.

Rose looked between the pair with humor, glad to see Rey was giving Finn as good as she got. 

“No, Miss high and mighty. I only meant…well, I don’t know what I meant. I’m just going to have to get used to this, I suppose.” Finn grumbled.

Rey snorted.

“Well if your mother and father can accept it, then you should too. I’m a grown woman, Finn.” She shot back defiantly.

Finn groaned.

“Oh, why did you have to involve Moms and Pops in it?” Finn whined, and Rey gave him a bear hug to shut him up.

“Your parent’s involved themselves. Lando ingratiated himself to Ben, and your mother eyed him up and down like he was a piece of flank steak. I think it’s safe to say that he passed the test of whether or not he cut muster as a potential beau for me.” Rey said, laughing at the memory of Tendra telling her on Monday how mortified Ben had looked at her open perusal of him.

Rose jumped up, putting on her coat. She handed Finn his own, tugging on his arm for him to leave Rey alone.

“Okay, Sweetheart. We know you’re only looking out for her. But Rey is a big girl. If she needs our help, she will ask for it. Leave her be.” Rose warned, caressing Finn’s cheek tenderly. 

Defeated, Finn hung his head and burrowed his face closer into Rose’s hand.

“Alright. I’ll be good and supportive. What are friends for?” He asked, side eyeing Rey with a sweet grin.

Rey chuckled.

“Thanks, Finn.” She said, giving him a quickly peck on the cheek which made Finn’s grin widen.

“Well, we’re off. Have a good night, Rey.” Rose said sweetly.

“Night, guys.” She said, waving as they walked out. 

Finn stopped at the threshold, turning around to cast one more pouty glance Rey’s way. She shirked it off, offering her friend a stern glare. 

“Goodnight.” Rey said in a sing-song voice. 

Finn nodded, smiling tightly at her as he closed the door.

Releasing the breath she held, Rey flopped back down against the couch in a heap.

She decided it was best if she didn’t mention to Finn that Ben had spent the night on their couch Saturday night.  
***************************************************************************************************************

Later that night, Ben flicked off his bedroom light switch before pushing back the comforter on his bed and settling in with relief. Seeing Phasma today was good, but admitting all that had transpired with Rey was draining. As was his argument with Phas about his parents.

He pulled off his tee shirt and tossed it into the hamper in his closet, before settling back into the pillows with a sigh. He loved this bed, and had since first purchasing it six months ago. There were no demons in this bed; nothing and no one to make him remember what he was trying so hard to forget. Someday soon, hopefully, Rey might share this bed with him. He knew that was merely wishful thinking, and that he was getting ahead of himself. Yet he couldn’t help but look over at the vacant side of the bed, its pillows cold and waiting for a soft warm body to occupy them.

He flicked on the TV and was watching it absently when his phone’s text chimed. It was Rey’s tone, and he smiled as he reached for the phone off of the nightstand.

'Are you awake? If not, I’m sorry. Forget you read this. If yes, how are you?'

She ended her question with a smiley face emoji which made Ben smile.

‘It’s okay, I’m still awake. Just got into bed, actually. I was thinking about you.’ Ben admitted, hitting send and biting his thumbnail as he waited for Rey’s response.

‘Oh, really…and just what were you thinking about as you were lying in bed, Professor Solo?’

Ben’s eyes widened and he did a double take as he read Rey’s words. He hadn’t realized how provocative his statement must have sounded to Rey. Even more provocative, was Rey’s playful response. 

Face palming himself, he took a deep breath.

‘I…well, I was just thinking about how much I’ve missed you this week.’ He typed out, meaning every word. 

Hitting send, Ben held his breath.

‘I’ve missed you too, Ben. Very much. I found myself wondering about you at all hours of the day. Yesterday Rose and I went to grab a quick bite of lunch at that deli around the corner from campus, and my thoughts drifted to you and whether or not you ever go there for lunch, too. Is that ridiculous?’

Ben read her words twice, the idea that she was thinking about him too making him crazy with wanting to see her. Touch her. 

Even with…her…it was never like this. It was never like this with anyone. Rey consumed his thoughts day and night. He was grateful to discover that he wasn’t suffering alone in this.

Before he could help himself, he found his fingers typing ahead of his brain.

‘Can I call you?’

Rey didn’t hesitate, answering his text before he even finished typing the word ‘you’.

‘Of course!’

Ben hit the call button and waited with baited breath to hear Rey’s voice.

“Hi.” She said without preamble, picking up on the first ring.

Ben chuckled warmly, her excitement to speak to him matching his own.

“Hi, Rey.” He said bashfully, sliding further down in his bed and making himself comfortable. 

“So…what did you want to talk to me about?” Rey asked eagerly, her voice high pitched. 

Ben smiled, having a feeling Rey knew exactly what he wanted to talk to her about. 

“Rey…would you go out with me Saturday night?” Ben asked hopefully.

Rey giggled sweetly on the other end of the line, and it was the most wonderful sound Ben had ever heard.

“I would love to go on a date with you, Ben. It just so happens that I don’t have to work. On Monday when Tendra made the schedule for the following week, I asked her for the night off…just in case.” Rey said softly.

Ben gulped.

“Just in case…?” Ben asked, trailing off. He was certain Rey was alluding to spending more time with him, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them dashed. 

He needn’t have worried, though, as Rey’s next words had his heart soaring. 

“Just in case you asked me out.” Rey whispered, and Ben could almost see her blushing.

Closing his eyes, Ben smiled and bit his lip.

“Well, Ms. Kenobi…I’m definitely asking.” He said, his voice low but full of joy.

“And I’m accepting, Dr. Solo.” Rey said happily.

The pair of them laughed at the same time. Ben felt like a high school kid again.

“What shall I wear?” She asked, and Ben formed an idea.

“Will you wear a dress for me, Rey? He asked tentatively, fearing that he was asking too much.

Rey sighed on the other end, but it seemed more wistful than annoyed.

“Of course, Ben. If you’d like.” She said softly.

“I’d like. Very much so,” Ben admitted. “Have you ever been to the top of the Empire State Building?”

Rey laughed, an airy sound that made his entire body tingle.

“Yeah, when I first arrived in New York. It’s a rite of passage or something, isn’t it?”

Ben chuckled.

“Ah…but have you ever been there at sunset? Watching as the sun disappears on the western horizon…lighting up the city buildings like firelight?” Ben asked mischievously. 

On the other end of the line, Rey gasped excitedly.

“No! That sounds wonderful.” Rey gushed, and Ben smiled at the fact she seemed so happy from such a simple thing.

“Good. Then I will be proud to be the first person to share that with you.” He said gently. “I have season tickets to the Metropolitan Opera at Lincoln Center. Saturday night there is a performance of La Boheme. And then after, we can grab a late supper at a lovely restaurant I know called August. Does that meet to your liking?” Ben asked hesitantly, not wanting to make Rey feel that he was forcing her to enjoy something that she wasn’t interested in.

Ben waited patiently, beginning to panic when Rey sighed rather loudly.

“Ben…that sounds like an awful lot of trouble for just me. I’d be happy with a sandwich at a deli and a movie.” Rey said kindly.

Ben realized the reason behind Rey’s hesitation. She didn’t want him to go to any trouble on her account. The fact of the matter was, Ben would go to the ends of the Earth to make Rey happy. She was quickly wrapping him around her finger, and she wasn’t even aware of it. 

“Rey…you aren’t ‘just’ anything. You are so much more than that. Please? I’d like to take you somewhere nice for our first date. I want it to be memorable.” Ben pleaded softly.

“Oh, Ben. It will be memorable. I’ll be spending time with you.” Rey whispered, causing Ben’s heart to skip at least three beats.

Ben closed his eyes in pleasure that Rey’s heartfelt words provoked. Had SHE ever said anything so tender to him? 

No. Never...

‘Forget her. Move on.’ He ordered himself, and Ben obeyed.

“I’ll pick you up at your apartment at 5:00 on Saturday. That should give us ample time before the show begins.” Ben said.

“Okay. That sounds wonderful. I told Finn and Rose today about you, Ben. I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.” Rey admitted cautiously.

Ben shook his head, even though Rey couldn’t see it.

“No, not at all. Was he…okay with our…” Again Ben stumbled, not entirely sure what to label them.

“Our what, Ben?” She asked cheekily.

“Friendship. Relationship. Romance…” Ben said in a rush, his voice deep and low.

Romance…

Dear God, he wanted a romance with her. He did. 

Rey cleared her throat on the other end, while Ben sat up and strained to hear her every breath.

"Is that what this is, Ben.. a romance?" Rey asked quietly, her voice sounding so beautifully hopeful.

Ben moaned quietly, the idea of a romance with Rey very tantalizing indeed. 

"Yes." Ben said steadily, the one syllable sealing his fate. 

It was Rey's turn to moan, the sound sending a jolt to Ben's chest.

"Thank God." Rey whispered happily.

Ben laid back further until he was flat. He allowed Rey's words to wash over him, feeling dizzy with pleasure as well as scared to death. 

"I will see you Saturday, Rey. Have a wonderful day tomorrow." Ben murmured soflty. 

Rey sighed, the sweet sound of her voice sending shivers down Ben's neck.

"Goodnight, Ben. Sweet dreams." Rey said gently.

Ben smiled.

"Oh, they will be. I can assure you." He whispered.

Rey giggled, disconnecting the line. 

Ben switched off his phone, placing it on the nightstand and closing his eyes. 

Phasma's words from this afternoon floated back to him, filling in every crack in his shattered heart. He did owe it to himself to move on from the hell of the last year, and allow himself to finally be happy. 

Yes, Rey was special. And yes, Ben wanted to share himself with her and see where this could go. As Phasma had said, the sun would rise again tomorrow...as well as the day after that. There were countless days ahead, thanks to his being given a second chance. A chance he wouldn't squander again. 

One thing was certain...Ben wanted Rey to be there for all of them.


	6. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey share their first official date as a couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, all. And happy New Year. Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, left kudo's, and followed my story. So sorry for the long wait for this chapter. Between my trip to Europe, work, the holiday's, and The Last Jedi lead up and premiere, I've been swamped. I hope you will enjoy this chapter. Please let me know your thoughts. And how about the absolute majesty of Reylo in TLJ??? Right!!??? I could go on for days about that. Xx

Ben stood on the sidewalk outside Rey’s apartment building, gazing up at her window with a pounding heart. He inhaled sharply, releasing it on a long exhale. He knew in many ways, this was the beginning of a long and potentially dangerous road for him. Navigating romance had never been his strong suit, and he had once failed miserably…tumbling headfirst into the mire where he’d almost lost himself. He’d been down this road before, yet he was older and wiser now. But he’d never travelled such a road with someone as sweet and gentle as Rey Kenobi. And for once in his life, he wasn’t as afraid of the journey as he was about the destination.

He’d spent the entire day yesterday listing the pros and cons of beginning a new relationship with Rey… the end result leaving him feeling humbled and exhausted. Part of him felt like it was a risky endeavor at this point in his life; newly healing from his summer breakdown and just now able to feel the difference the medication was making. The other part, the enchanted part…said a woman like Rey was rare. Rarer still was his immediate attraction to her, both mind and body. If he didn’t stop being so afraid of failure he was going to end up alone in the darkness for the rest of his life. He had tried to envision that future, bleak and suffocating. It had literally brought tears to his eyes and he had swiped them away angrily.

Then there was the other future, so close he could touch it. He and Rey, happy and in love…sharing each other’s lives and perhaps…

The thought made a lump form in his throat. He had never really thought about having children before; he had spent his entire adolescence preparing for his academic future. His laser honed dedication to teaching and his studies had superseded everything else, especially the idea of a family one day. Meeting Rey had changed everything. His parent’s relationship wasn’t perfect, and God knew it had its ups and downs seeing that Han and Leia were each a force to be reckoned with…but he wanted what they had. Love, acceptance, companionship, passion, and…

Forever. 

The thought both equally excited and terrified him.

He could turn around and go home…forget he ever met her and pretend she didn’t exist. It wasn’t as though she was going to be in any of his classes. He could make a clean break, telling her that he had made a mistake – that although he had begun to care for her, a relationship right now wasn’t in the cards for him. It was better than having to admit to her that he’d tried to take his own life; a stupid knee jerk reaction to his fear of abandonment. Even stupider, was how he had assumed his father’s role in the matter, and what that miscalculation had done to his family.

Ben sighed, shaking his head in regret. He didn’t want to revisit those old wounds, at least not today. Yes, embarking upon a relationship with Rey was scary and unknown, but it was also exhilarating. He could be a coward and turn tail, run away while simultaneously throwing away a chance at true happiness. Or, he could tumble down the rabbit hole, and allow himself to fall completely under her spell until there was nothing left to stop him from giving her his entire heart…desolate and ruined as it was.

Ben sucked in a shaky breath at the prospect.

He was scared, plain and simple. His heart had been battered and bruised from everyone he loved and trusted, and he was terrified of leaving himself vulnerable again. Yet he basked in the light that was Rey; her warmth a veritable haven for his cold, dead soul. It would be so easy to fall in love with her…so very easy.

Hadn’t he already begun that descent, anyway?

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, so Ben hit the buzzer on the front door to be let in to the building. No voice came to greet him, but the bell sounded alerting him that he’d received the all clear to enter. He walked up the six flights of stairs in a daze, too focused on keeping himself together than watching the hardwood steps fly by. When he’d reached Rey’s apartment door, he steeled himself before knocking.

“Let the past die, Ben. Kill it if you have to…let it all go.” He whispered to himself, closing his eyes tightly before opening them as the door opened abruptly.

A young Asian woman stood there, one hand on the open door and the other in the pocket of her jeans as she eyed him up and down. Her deep brown eyes sparkled with mischief, and the smile which adorned her lips was devilish. Ben blinked owlishly, thinking for a second that he’d knocked on the wrong door.

“You must be Dr. Solo. It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’m Rose Tico, Rey’s friend. I’m also her roommate Finn’s girlfriend.” The girl said warmly, extending her small hand to Ben in greeting.

Ah, so that was it. He had thought briefly that she looked familiar, but her hair had grown longer since he’d last seen her around campus with Finn. He took her proffered hand, his much larger palm swallowing hers up comically. She was at least 14 inches shorter than he was, and he bent down awkwardly so that she didn’t have to stretch so far. Rose snorted goofily as she shook his hand in return.

“Wow, Professor. That’s a hell of a grip you’ve got there.” She said, standing on her tip toes jokingly to make herself look more intimidating. 

Ben laughed at her antics, blushing profusely. She was a tiny woman with a huge spirit. He liked her immediately. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” He said remorsefully, but Rose waved off his apology with a smile. 

“I’m just kidding, Dr. Solo. Please, come in and make yourself comfortable. Rey will be out shortly. You know how women are when they are getting ready for dates and all.” Rose quipped, her words sending a jolt of panic down Ben’s spine. 

'This is a date', his mind supplied mockingly, making him all the more nervous. Gathering up his courage, Ben managed a smile to the young woman who was staring at him with amusement. 

“Thank you, Rose.” Ben said cordially, stepping over the threshold into an apartment he had already grown familiar with. His eyes wandered to the couch where he had spent the night, a ghost of a smile crossing his lips.   
He looked up and spotted Finn in the kitchen, the younger man drying his hands on a kitchen towel before he turned and met Ben’s gaze. 

“Hello, Dr. Solo. It’s so nice to see you again.” Finn said cordially.

Ben studied him a moment, his eyes clocking the way Finn was sizing him up.

“Hello, Finn. It’s a pleasure to see you again, too. How have you been?” Ben asked, genuinely interested. He remembered Finn to be a bright, attentive student with a passion for learning. It was because of student’s like Finn Calrissian that he had become a teacher in the first place. 

Finn smiled and shrugged, throwing a casual arm around Rose as she came to stand beside him.

“I’ve been well. Very well, in fact. Thanks for asking. How about you? I saw that you had taken the summer semester off. I hope that it wasn't due to anything serious.” Finn remarked, his voice polite and concerned.

Ben stared at him for a beat, his mind going blank. After a moment he gathered himself together, managing a smile.

“No. Nothing serious. I just needed a break.” He echoed, not quite meeting Finn’s inquisitive gaze.  
Finn nodded, even though Ben didn’t see.

“Yeah…I hear you. A break sounds good. So how did you meet our Rey?” Finn asked ventured curiously, his eyebrows raised in question.

Ben lost his breath for a split second, his eyes flying up to connect with Finn’s. So…no beating around the bush, then.

“I…met her on the train. It was late, and she was alone, and I was concerned about her safety.” Ben answered honestly, though cautiously.

Rose smiled dreamily, cocking her head to the side and beaming at him.

“That is so chivalrous and romantic! Don’t you think that’s romantic, Finn?” Rose asked her boyfriend, tilting her face up to catch his answer. Her eyes flashed at her boyfriend imploringly, a maneuver not lost on Ben.

Finn rolled his eyes good naturedly, and squeezed her tighter in his embrace.

“Romantic. Sure. But it’s a good thing that it was Professor Solo that walked her home, and not some lunatic hatchet murderer wanted in five states.” Finn said soberly, leveling his gaze at Ben.

Ben nodded, feeling on edge with the protectiveness Finn was displaying. Yet he couldn’t fault the man for caring about Rey; didn’t he himself feel the need to protect her? 

“I did my best not to appear dangerous or threatening to Rey. I wanted her to know I was simply worried for her safety. And I don’t make it a habit in approaching strange young women on trains, Finn…if that’s what you’re worried about.” Ben answered quietly.

Rose’s smile at Ben’s confession was infectious, and Finn had to admit that what Dr. Solo did was chivalrous. Yet something didn’t add up in all of this, and Finn couldn’t figure out what that variant was.

“Well, you did a good thing. Rey can take care of herself, but there are a lot of nuts in this city. You must have hit it off very well if you went from escorting Rey home to meeting my parents at their restaurant the next night and now…this?” Finn hedged, his eyes lowering to the bouquet that he suddenly noticed in the professor’s hand.

Ben narrowed his eyes, not sure he was certain what Finn was fishing for. But he decided to play it safe and not give anything away.

“Yes, we hit it off. We discovered we had a lot in common.” Ben offered, his voice soft as he remembered talking into the wee hours with Rey.

Finn cocked his head, smiling at Ben.

“You discovered all of that in a twenty-minute walk from the subway?” Finn ventured.

Rose’s eyes widened to the size of moonbeams as she looked between the two men, knowing that something must have happened between her friend and Ben Solo for it to have become so serious so fast. Rose couldn’t figure out what that something was, but the last thing Ben needed was to be interrogated. Swallowing deeply, Rose gestured to the flowers boisterously. 

“Gardenia’s! Those are Rey’s favorite. Oscar de la Renta is her signature perfume.” Rose remarked giddily, trying to steer the conversation into less imposing territory.

Ben smiled faintly, his gaze shifting from Finn’s to Rose’s.

“Yes…I know.” He murmured, not missing the hawkish look Finn threw his way. He left out the part where he had spent the night with his face pressed into her pillow hungrily so that he could smell it better. 

Rose eyed the two men in Rey’s life apprehensively, not wanting to appear worried. But the overprotective brother vibes Finn was casting off was clearly making Ben Solo uncomfortable.

“Can we offer you a drink while you wait?” Rose offered hopefully, smiling softly at Ben.

Ben shook his head in the negative. He was too nervous to speak, let alone drink.

“No, thank you. I’m fine.” He managed politely. 

Rose nodded, gesturing him to take a seat. Truthfully, Ben was relieved to do something other than stand there and fidget nervously. 

When Finn turned to sit down, Rose elbowed him sharply in the rib.

“Ow! Why did you-“ He began, but Rose cut him off with a stern glare.

“Stop it. Leave the poor guy alone, DAD.” Rose whispered, chastising Finn as quietly as she could so that Ben wouldn’t hear.

The trio sat together in silence for a moment, Finn and Rose on the blue couch while Ben sat across from them in the chair. He couldn’t help but remember how it felt to sleep on that couch, Rey just a few feet away in her bed…  
Ben’s heartrate accelerated, thinking it wise not to mention that to Finn and Rose.

“So…what plans do you have tonight?” Rose asked with clear interest, her large dimpled cheeks making her look like a little girl.

Ben smiled; he couldn’t help it. Something about this woman made him feel comfortable, as though he had some sort of ally in her. 

“Well, we’re going to The Empire State Building to see the sunset. Then off to the Met. La Boheme is showing tonight. After that, a late supper at a place I like called August.” Ben said, leaning back and trying to relax.

Rose smiled widely, grabbing Finn’s arm tightly and hugging it so hard that he was forced into her side. 

“Ooh…that sounds so amazing. Rey will love it. All of it.” Rose assured, and Ben noticed how Finn rolled his eyes humorously at his girlfriend’s enthusiasm.   
“Um…do you think? I mean, you know Rey better than I do.” Ben said warily, suddenly wondering if his plans for the night were too much or too little.

Rose shook her head frantically in the affirmative, her tiny body bouncing on the couch with her movement.

“Oh, yes. I’m sure of it. Rey really likes you. Anything you do will make her happy. I…well what I meant was…she’ll enjoy it. Honestly.” Rose gushed.

Ben blushed, lowering his gaze to the floor. So… Rey really liked him. That was good to know. 

“Thank you. I feel much better now.” Ben replied warmly, and the silence returned while they waited for Rey.

Finn leaned forward suddenly, rubbing his hands together. Ben looked up at him wearily, as though he was awaiting some kind of judgement from the younger man.

“Look, Dr. Solo…” He began, but Ben waved him off.

“Ben. Please, call me Ben. We’re not in class and you’re no longer my student.” Ben pointed out kindly.  
Finn nodded, smiling easily.

“Okay. Ben. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. You’re a great man, and a great professor. I’ve always admired you. I was just a little thrown when Rey told us how quickly you both have seemed to have…bonded.” Finn said, for lack of a better word. “And the fact that you had just met…I hope you can understand that I’m only concerned for my friend. “Our friend,” He amended, gesturing to Rose.

Ben exhaled heavily, relaxing for the first time in ten minutes. 

“I…do understand. Rey is very special. And I can see how much you both care for her. I can assure you, my intentions are honorable. Truthfully, meeting her has touched me in ways I've never imagined. I wouldn't hurt her. I promise you that." Ben said sincerely.

Finn and Rose looked at each other, a silent conversation passing between them. When Finn looked back at Ben, that suspicious edge was gone from his eyes. He nodded once, smiling.

Rey’s door suddenly opened and there she was…walking towards Ben like a vision of loveliness. He jumped up at suavely as he could, considering that the sight of her stole the breath from his lungs. 

She was wearing a dress like he had asked; a beautiful, sensual dress that fluidly clung to her curves and outlined her womanly figure. It was long and pale mauve, the material diaphanous and soft. Ben’s eyes drank in every delectable inch of her. 

“Hi, Ben.” Rey murmured, tucking a tendril of hair behind her ear as she gazed at him expectantly. 

Rey’s hair was usually a riotous mass of waves, natural and flowing. But tonight, it was sleek and shiny with bouncy curls that made her resemble a 1940’s movie ingénue. He’d never seen anything or anyone so beautiful in his life.

Glancing down at himself, Ben hoped that he met her approval. He’d worn his best black suit; a tailored Armani that he had purchased for his parent’s 30th anniversary that he’d never gotten to wear. When he looked up and met her appreciative gaze, he was certain that he had. 

“Rey, you look…” Ben trailed off, blowing out a gust of air. He tried to keep his eyes from her delectable decollate, but it was impossible.

Rey fidgeted slightly, bowing her head.

“Out of place. I know. I borrowed the dress from Rose’s sister Paige. You said we were going to the Met, and I didn’t have a dress formal enough and I never dress this way…“ Rey rambled, smoothing down the skirt of the gown nervously. 

Ben stepped up to Rey, taking the hand that was furiously tugging at the material gently inside his own. He noted it was ice cold and trembling.

“Exquisite, Rey. You look exquisite.” Ben clarified softly, cutting off Rey’s self-deprecating rant. 

Ben had the pleasure of watching Rey blush at his compliment, his own face flaming as she lowered her eyes to his chest. The action caused her hair to fall on one side of her face, hiding one eye.

“You don’t look so shabby yourself, Dr. Solo.” She whispered sincerely, smiling gently without meeting his gaze. 

Ben was finding it extremely difficult not to pull her in for a kiss until they were both breathless. He almost forgot that they had an audience, until Finn discreetly cleared his throat. Glancing over, he felt a wave of embarrassment as Finn cocked a brow in amusement and Rose grinned widely. 

“Oh, this old thing? Pulled it out of my closet.” Ben joked, tugging on his lapel to lighten the moment.

Rey, Finn, and Rose barked out laughter as Ben chuckled. He felt like he was meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time; a strange, foreign sensation. 

“Oh! These are for you.” Ben said quietly, gently handing the flowers to Rey. 

Rey gaped at them for endless moments in awe.

“Ben…they are so beautiful. I don’t know what to say.” Rey gushed, automatically raising the creamy petals to her nose to inhale their heady scent.

Ben’s lips slowly spread into a warm smile, and he wished fervently that he could snap a picture of the sight of Rey smelling the flowers he’d bought her. He would forever associate the scent of gardenia with Rey now, the thought as much haunting as it was comforting. He met Rey’s happy gaze, the pair locking eyes as they silently regarded the other.

“Here, I’ll take those and put them in water for you.” Rose said cheerfully to Rey, gesturing to the flowers.

Rey nodded shyly, biting her lip as she handed over the buds to her friend. 

“Thanks, Rose.” She said quietly, blushing when her eyes met Finn’s. He was throwing her an amused look, one that said he’d never seen her act this way before.

“Shall we go? It’s getting late and sunset will be soon. There’s always a long line at the Empire State for sunset views.” Ben said gently, extending a hand to Rey.

Rey took Ben’s hand, the feeling overwhelming. She was so soft, so delicate…yet he knew she was made of steel inside. He loved that about her. He was beginning to love everything about her.

The pair almost made it to the door before Rose’s gasp behind them stopped their momentum.

“Rey! Don’t forget my coat, Sweetie. It’s freezing outside.” Rose said, darting to the hall closet to retrieve the garment. 

A look of embarrassment crossed Rey’s features, and Ben felt satisfaction in knowing that Rey would have a coat of her own soon enough. He took the garment from a smiling Rose, holding it open for Rey to slip into. He delicately swept her hair aside as he fixed the collar, patting her shoulders with tenderness.

“Have fun, you two.” Finn and Rose said simultaneously, and Ben waved in thanks to them.

Ben ushered Rey downstairs, leading her by the small of her back as they made their way to the street. While they waited to hail a taxi, Ben couldn’t help but look over at Rey in admiration. She looked positively gorgeous, and he was wondering how he was going to keep his eyes off her.

Rey rubbed her arms briskly to ward off the early evening chill, a shy smile gracing her lips.

“You’re staring at me.” She said quietly, pointing out the obvious. 

It was Ben’s turn to blush now.

“Yeah…I am. I can’t help it. You just look so radiant tonight,” Ben admitted bashfully, his eyes scanning the street. As a taxi pulled up to the curb, Rey grabbed Ben’s hand tenderly.

“It’s alright, Ben. You don’t have to apologize. I like it. I’m just…not used to having so much attention aimed at me.” Rey said honestly. “Besides…you look so handsome that I’m scared I’m going to make a fool out of myself tonight.”

Ben’s mouth opened to speak, yet he found that nothing came out. No one had ever moved him the way that Rey did, both emotionally and physically. She made him feel so vulnerable, so exposed…that should have terrified him. But it had the opposite effect. It made him want to fly. He stepped into her personal space, delighted when he heard Rey’s astonished intake of breath. She gazed up at him with wide, luminous eyes…so open and perfect. If Rey was worried about making a fool out of herself tonight, then he should be positively terrified. He realized how silly they were both being, as there was nothing and nobody that could stop what was happening between them from coming to fruition. 

“Rey…thank you.” Ben whispered, cupping her cheek softly.

Rey nodded, closing her eyes as Ben’s fingers caressed her skin. A taxi pulled up to the curb, and Ben reluctantly pulled away from Rey to open the door for her. Ushering her inside, he flashed her a tender grin. 

“Shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Steel and glass gleamed magnificently in the blazing beams of sunset, the soft molten appearance looking like shimmering liquid. Every angle in every direction showed another majestic sight; the warm glow bathed the Chrysler Building standing like a polished sentinel in the waning light. Rey drank it all in, marveling at the beauty of what so many people called a concrete jungle. While true that this city was not the rolling countryside of England or held its old world charm, it was perfect. Eight million stories down there, each one special and unique. 

Although the air was colder up here, Rey had never felt so warm in her whole life as she did when Ben took her hand as they exited the elevator leading them to the observation deck, and refused to release it once at the edge.   
Rey closed her eyes, savoring the warmth of his big, soft hand…and the way it fit so perfectly against hers. While her hand was much smaller than his, it held a strength that she thought Ben appreciated as he gripped her fingers tighter knowing he wasn’t hurting her. They walked around the deck from every angle, pointing out various sights and landmarks to each other happily.

“Look, over there in Central Park. That’s Bow Bridge. Have you ever been there? We can take a boat out on the lake one day, if you’d like.” Ben suggested, and Rey beamed in delight at the prospect.

“I would love that.” She answered giddily, shivering when Ben ran his thumb over her hand tenderly.

They stood at the edge of the west facing gate, Rey leaning over to look towards Central Park West.

“I think I can see your apartment building from here. Is it that black and white one on the corner?” Rey asked, crooking her free finger in the direction she wanted Ben to look.

Peering down, Ben was surprised to find that Rey was right.

“Yes, that’s it. How did you know?” He asked curiously, his gaze sweeping over her with definite humor.  
Rey chuckled, hiding her face.

“Well…I may have google earthed you. I put in your address and…viola.” She said sheepishly, suddenly feeling foolish. 

She held her breath for a moment, worrying how Ben would react to her investigating him. She needn’t have worried, when in the next breath he barked out in laughter.

“I hope that you couldn’t see in my window, as well. I sometimes walk around in my boxers.” He said cheekily, and Rey blushed as she imagined that scenario.

“That’s good to know.” She said, still not meeting his gaze.

Ben titled his head down playfully to catch her eyes, smiling at her from beneath his lashes.

“Would you like to see my apartment later? We can stop by on the way home tonight, so you can see the Park view from my balcony. It’s absolutely incredible.” Ben suggested warmly.

Rey’s eyes widened at the invitation. His apartment…

“I’d love to. I’ll bet it’s beautiful.” She said.

Ben turned to face her, the New York City skyline forgotten.

“Yeah. It is that. But it’s nowhere near as beautiful as the view right here, right now, in front of me.” He murmured huskily.

Rey’s breath hitched as her eyes met his and held, a wealth of words and longings deep within emerging like Poseidon from the deep. Powerful and electric, they swept everything else aside in their wake as they breached the surface. She could hear the words he could not say in his eyes and how they pinned her, begging her for something she was all too willing to give. Suddenly, a darkness swept over his features, full of pain and regret.

“What? What is it that you’re trying to tell me?” Rey whispered as Ben lowered his gaze, his luxurious lashes concealing his expression. Seconds ago he was playful and happy, now he seemed distracted and sad.

He shook his head slowly, not sure where or how to start.

“You captivate me, Rey. And I…I’m not very good at this. I don’t know what to do.” Ben admitted helplessly.

Rey unlaced their fingers, her heart lurching when he gave her fingers a last tug before reluctantly letting her go. She reached up and cupped his face, thrilling at his soft skin which morphed into course stubble. That this handsome, intelligent man struggled with what to do on a date baffled her. She could only wonder again at what tipping point had occurred to isolate him so.

“You’re doing just fine, Dr. Solo. I can assure you.” She said, her voice a mixture of tenderness and playfulness as she stroked his face gently. 

Ben sighed, leaning his cheek into her palm like a touch starved kitten. Rey marveled at how he closed his eyes in obvious pleasure at her touch, feeling both powerful and vulnerable that she could affect a man so. This man…this complicated, beautiful, beguiling man. She realized in that moment that he was afraid…so very afraid of her. Of her power over him, and where this was headed. She had never been in love before; had never even had a real boyfriend. Suddenly this god of a man had appeared out of nowhere, turning her life upside down in the most wonderful way imaginable. 

Ben’s eyes opened suddenly and roved over her face, the dark brown softening to a warm caramel as the waning sunlight behind her reflected off his iris’s. Rey watched in fascination as the color changed slowly, her mouth opening and closing in a soundless gasp.

“Your eyes... they were the first thing that I noticed about you. They can be dark and expressive one minute, translucent and haunting the next. I’ve never seen eyes like yours before, Ben. They are so beautiful. You’re beautiful.” Rey admitted in awe.

Ben shyly looked away, biting his lip. She hadn’t meant for her compliment to upset him, but it was clear that it had made him uncomfortable. That dark shadow from before crossed his features again and though he tried to hide it, he was unsuccessful. It was fleeting and gone in an instant, but the reason behind it troubled Rey. Who had hurt him before…made him feel so guarded? 

“I’m…I’m not beautiful, Rey. Far from it. I’m tall, lanky, and odd looking. My ears stick out, my nose is too prominent. I don't have my father's roguish good looks, nor his charm. You, on the other hand…are resplendent and perfect and the fact that I’m standing here with you right now…” He broke off, his voice choking with emotion.

Rey lurched forward as he pulled away slightly, desperate to bring him back to her.

“Hey.” She said with seriousness, taking his cheek in hand again to force him to face her. His eyes held something akin to guarded fear and it shook her. “You are not odd looking. You are the most handsome man I’ve ever met. Don’t you see that? Can’t you see what I see?” Rey whispered lovingly.

Rey watched as Ben swallowed harshly, his Adam’s apple shifting in his throat. His eyes were glued to hers, watching her every breath.

“I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I’ll ever see myself the way you see me,” Ben admitted roughly, the first embers of panic begin to swirl in his stomach. He fought them down as best he could, determined not to ruin this night. He had taken all the necessary precautions earlier, even taking something for his nerves before he left to pick up Rey. But his old friends doubt, and fear were knocking on his psyche, and he was trying desperately to hold them off. 

Suddenly Rey entwined her hands in his, bringing him back to the moment. She stared deeply into his eyes, and the mere act of focusing on her was enough to calm his racing heartbeat. 

“Then…I’ll just have to show you every chance I get how beautiful you are. How special.” Rey whispered, leaning forward to gently brush her lips against Ben’s cheek. 

Ben held his breath as the kiss lingered, Rey’s lips coming dangerously close to his own. When she pulled back to gaze at him, her face was soft with concern.

“See? Special.” Rey breathed, brushing her thumbs over his.

Ben felt foolish, but he couldn’t help but blush at Rey’s heartfelt compliment. He smiled at her before it faltered, and he found himself gazing at her seriously.

“Where did you come from?” He whispered hoarsely, not entirely sure how this could be happening to him. He never imagined that after…her…he would so freely choose to open his heart again. He was quickly realizing that the choice wasn’t his to make. His heart was in control here, and for once he was going to trust it.   
Rey quirked her lips, a devilish glint appearing in her eyes.

“London.” She answered, without missing a beat. 

A bubble of laughter arose in Ben, and he snorted heartily as he watched the delight bloom on Rey’s face at her joke. She chuckled along with him, lightening the mood as well as the weight around his battered heart. And for once, Ben was just happy.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben watched adoringly as Rey’s eyes rolled back in her head at the taste of her dessert.

“Oh, wow. This tart is fabulous. Trust me, I know good chocolate. England has some of the best in the world.” Rey gushed, her tongue darting out to catch a fleck of the confection which lingered on her lips. 

Ben had never wanted to be a sliver of chocolate so badly in his life.

He laughed gently as Rey continued to speak about the dessert, the opera, and how much she was enjoying the evening with him. 

Sharing the Opera with Rey had been a delightful treat. He’d seen La Boheme before, as he was a fan of Puccini’s work. But to see it through Rey’s eyes was a gift that he wasn’t prepared for. 

Her eyes were suspiciously wet after Rodolfo and Mimi had separated, and Ben had offered Rey his handkerchief. He had watched her with soft eyes, marveling that such a woman as Rey Kenobi existed. Truthfully, he had found it difficult focusing on the opera at all, with Rey sitting so close to him in all her beauty. The gorgeous dress she had borrowed fit her perfectly, and a fleeting thought crossed his mind in that moment without provocation: filling her closet with a dozen beautiful dresses, so that she never went without something beautiful ever again. He knew that his precious Rey had suffered in her short life; burdened by the hardship of being an orphan and trying valiantly to make a way for herself in a world that could sometimes be cruel. It was the first thing he’d thought of when he saw Phasma the other day…securing a winter coat for her that would keep her warm and comfortable, and hopefully remind her of him when she wore it. He never wanted her to suffer again, or want for anything. He’d only known Rey a couple of weeks, yet he felt like his soul had known her forever.

Who knows…perhaps it had. He had never once considered the idea of Soulmates before. He’d had crushes, as every young man did. He had girlfriends, some casual and some more serious…but no one had ever captured his heart. It had been the cruelest irony that the one woman he had thought he might have loved had used him. But he had been a blind fool, then; not seeing the forest for the trees until it had been too late. 

“Do you think Rodolfo and Mimi would have lived happily ever after, had she survived?”

Ben was pulled from his musings to find Rey gazing at him expectantly. He blinked at her twice, considering her question. 

“I…I’d like to think so. They were very much in love, after all.” Ben murmured, reaching over and taking a sip of his espresso.

Rey grinned and nodded, looking down at her plate. 

“I think so, too. I feel bad for them, you know? Their time was cut short by her illness. It wasn’t fair.” Rey said sadly.

Ben cocked his head and studied her across the table.

“No, it wasn’t fair. But life seldom is.” He said carefully, hoping he didn’t sound like a fatalist. 

Rey looked up, meeting Ben’s gaze in the candlelight.

"Has life been unfair to you, Ben Solo?" Rey ventured softly, giving him her full focus.

The question shocked Ben, and he startled as he stared at her dumbly.

"Um...no more than to anyone else, I suppose. For better or worse, I'm here. I'm alive." He said cryptically, unable to look at her as he said the last.

Rey narrowed her brows, considering his answer.

"Yes...you're here. Thank God for that." She whispered gently.

Ben's eyes flew up to hers, wondering at her statement. Did she know? But that was impossible; how could she?

Rey shrugged, looking around the restaurant without really seeing anything.

“I am a firm believer that you must grab onto any happiness you find with both hands. It can slip through your fingers so easily. Are you familiar with the song ‘New York Minute’, by Don Henley?” Rey asked curiously.

Ben nodded.

“Yes. Of course. Is that a favorite of yours?” He asked curiously, hungrily devouring any little piece of knowledge about her that he could.

Rey smiled, biting her lip.

“Yes. I heard it a long time ago, when I was just a girl. The lyrics really gripped me. There is a line which says, ‘If you find somebody to love in this world you’d better hang on tooth and nail, the wolf is always at the door’. That line has always struck a cord with me, I suppose. It drives home the fact that whatever good we find in life, doesn’t really belong to us. It can be taken away in the blink of an eye. I never want that to happen to me.” Rey said shyly. 

Ben’s heart pounded in his chest as her words sunk in. Somebody to love in this world…

“So…why did your parent’s name you Ben?” Rey asked conversationally, spearing another piece of the decadent chocolate tart into her mouth. 

Ben took another sip of his espresso, narrowing his eyes.

“Well…my father had a great uncle that he was very fond of. He was this eccentric old man that never married and kept to himself. I suspect in his younger years, he had no problem with the ladies. But he always seemed above mortal relationships. I used to wonder if he had been a Priest. He was brilliant. He could build anything, fix anything. My mother had a soft spot for him; she used to bake him cookies and send over casseroles to him. His name was Benjamin, so...” 

Rey smiled warmly, swallowing her dessert.

“Benjamin. I like that. It’s…regal. Important. Dr. Benjamin Solo, PhD.” She said respectfully, rolling the words out like they were special.

Ben smiled, shaking his head.

“Just Ben.” He said humorously, blushing at her praise.

Rey chuckled, ingesting another bite of the tart.

“Well, ‘Just Ben’, this is totally delicious. Would you like a bite?” She asked playfully.

Ben nodded, his eyes lowering to the fork she held aloft.

“Nope. Open up.” Rey said slyly.

Ben obeyed, his eyes never leaving hers as she slid the morsel into his waiting mouth.

Ben chewed thoughtfully as Rey smiled at him.

“Delicious.” Ben murmured.

Rey giggled.

“Told you. So…did you like this ‘Uncle Ben’? Were you close to him?” She asked.

Ben raised a brow. 

“I barely remember him. Although I do recall him bringing me gifts a few times. Comic books, toy trucks…for a long time I wondered why they named me after a celibate old hermit. I wonder if they were channeling my future fate for something.” Ben said self-deprecatingly, at once regretting his words when he caught Rey’s amused stare.   
She sat back in her seat, covering her mouth with her hand as she laughed prettily. 

“How about you? Why did your parent’s name you Rey? That’s an unusual name for a girl, don’t you think?” Ben asked sweetly, trying to steer the focus off him. 

The heady laughter ceased and the smile slid off Rey’s face as she considered his question.

“It’s…my name is a nickname, actually. It’s short for Desiree. But no one has called me that since before my parents died. My mum would always call me ‘Rey’. So…after…that’s all people knew.” Rey said quietly.

Ben sat back, his eyes searching hers.

“Desiree…of French origin. Meaning desired. That’s…lovely. It suits you.” Ben murmured. 

Rey met his gaze shyly at his compliment.

“I’ve never told anyone that before.” She admitted quietly.

Ben tilted his head.

“Why not?” He asked curiously.

Rey shrugged.

“I don’t know. Not even Finn knows my real name, and he’s like a brother to me. I guess I never think of myself as Desiree. She is that little girl who was helpless. I’m not her anymore.” Rey said simply, yet even she could hear the underlying pain in her voice.

Ben nodded, feeling the bond of kinship he and Rey shared growing stronger. They were so much alike, so similar in many ways. He reached out and took her hand in his, marveling at the contrast of softness of strength.

“No…you’re not that helpless little girl anymore. You’re a strong, lovely, brave woman. Anyone can see that, Rey.” Ben said warmly, stroking her thumbs with his own.

Rey looked around the room, her eyes taking in the surroundings with joy.

"This is a beautiful restaurant, Ben. And the food is delicious. I can see why you enjoy it here." Rey said kindly.

Ben nodded, looking around as well. 

"It's simple but elegant. And the food is wonderful. I really enjoy the architecture here; the garden is glorious, don't you think? I can see you designing buildings like this, one day soon." Ben said warmly, his admiration for Rey clear in his tone.

Rey blushed.

"Thank you, Ben. I hope so. I've seen so much destruction in my life, so much emptiness. I'd like to design something that lasts. Be a part of something special." She said wistfully, her eyes taking on a sad hue.

'I want to be a part of something special too, Rey. With you,' Ben thought desperately, gazing at this incredible woman with awe. 

"I have no doubt that you will set the world on fire someday, Rey Kenobi." Ben said passionately, gazing into her eyes as though she were the most precious thing in the universe.

Rey smiled faintly, her eyes trekking down to watch their fingers. The music around them began to swell.

“Would you like to dance? I haven’t danced in a long time, but I think I remember how.” Ben said humorously.

Rey nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes. I’d love to dance.”

Ben led her out to the small dancefloor, holding out his hand for her to grasp. The band consisted of merely a singer, a keyboardist, a base player and a saxophonist. Soft jazz played in the background as Ben pulled her close, and they effortlessly began to dance together.

“You’re really good.” He whispered gently in her ear, the pride to be here with her clear in his voice. A few couples stared at them in passing, and Ben could see the envy on their faces as he held her tenderly.

Rey laughed in amusement, tightening her arm across Ben’s back.

“So are you, Professor. See? I knew if we had met at Stonehenge all those years ago that we would have danced together.” Rey murmured in Ben’s ear in return, loving the way his longer hair ruffled against her nose. 

Ben slowly swayed with her, also tightening his grip across Rey’s back possessively. 

“You think so? How could you be so sure? There were thousands of people there. How would we have found each other?” Ben murmured, copying Rey by running his nose along her neck and into her sweet smelling hair. 

Rey leaned her head sideways against Ben’s chest, letting him delve deeper into her neck.

“Something tells me that I would have known you anywhere, Ben. I have no doubt that we would have found each other.” Rey murmured dreamily, squeezing Ben tighter as he let go of her hand and simply gathered her to his chest holding her against him.

They danced this way in silence, each of them lost to the other. 

"You feel incredible. So soft." Ben whispered into Rey's ear, before helplessly leaning down and gathering her lobe in his mouth and sucking it tenderly before moving on to her neck. 

Rey moaned quietly, her hands caressing Ben's chest slowly. The feeling was indescribable to Ben, and he allowed his hands to slide from her middle back to her hips. Gripping them gently, he pulled her tighter against him until she could feel him. 

All of him.

Wherever they touched, heat and sparks arose. 

"You feel incredible, too. Take me to your apartment, Ben." Rey whispered huskily, her hands mimicking Ben's and sliding down to his hips in return. 

"Okay," Ben echoed, pulling apart from her and taking her hand. He led her back to the table where he signaled the waiter for the check.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben’s apartment was warm and cozy when they arrived back, the clock reading well after midnight. He had set the temperature to a comfortable degree before leaving earlier, just in case. The last thing he wanted to do was bring Rey back to an icebox, especially since it was so chilly outside. Ushering Rey inside ahead of him, he deposited his keys in the bowl by the door. He turned around to find Rey gazing at him with an inscrutable expression. 

“Please, make yourself at home.”

'Forever', Ben thought.

Rey smiled, removing her borrowed coat and handing it to Ben.

“Thank you.”

Ben hung the garment on a coat rack by the door, before joining her in the living room. The blinds were open, offering a stunning view of Central Park and the Eastside skyline.

“Wow, Ben. This is some view. You weren’t kidding.” Rey said, awestruck. 

Ben nodded, coming to stand beside her.

“Would you like to go out on the balcony?” He asked, happy when Rey nodded vigorously. 

“Oh, yes! I’d love to.” She said, clapping her hands together like an excited schoolgirl. 

Ben laughed, removing his jacket and placing it over Rey’s shoulders.

“It’s chilly out there,” He said by way of explanation, smiling when Rey nodded.

They stepped through the slider door off the kitchen, both leaning against the wrought iron rail as they took in the sights, sounds, and scents of the city.

“Wow...” Rey repeated quietly, her eyes dazzled by the view across the park. “This is beautiful. You get to see this view every night? I’m envious.” Rey said in wonder.

Ben shrugged, his eyes following Rey’s gaze.

“It is beautiful.” He agreed, placing his hands in his pockets to keep them warm. “But I guess once you get used to it, it doesn’t hold the same allure. I don’t know…perhaps I have to begin seeing it with different eyes. And I don’t have an amazing rooftop garden like you do. That was very impressive.”

Rey laughed quietly, tilting her head as she turned to study him.

“Your apartment is gorgeous, Ben. Have you always lived here alone?” She ventured, before catching herself at her intruding on his privacy. 

Ben stiffened at once, his jaw clenching as he stared straight ahead into the darkness.

“No. Not always. But that was…nothing.” He said with distaste, and Rey instantly regretted her intrusion.

It was obviously something, Rey realized, as it caused Ben such distress. She promised herself that she wouldn’t bring it up again. When Ben wanted to talk about his past, then she’d be willing to listen. She realized with a jolt that something strongly resembling jealousy began to take root in her heart. Pushing it away abruptly, she peered over to the small table and chairs adorning the corner of the balcony. There was a circular structure nestled on the table, full of what appeared to be twigs and cotton. 

“Is that…is that a bird’s nest?” Rey asked excitedly, the previous heavy mood temporarily forgotten. 

Ben walked over to the table, gazing down at the nest before turning back to Rey with a smile. 

“Yes, it’s a cardinal’s nest. I’ve seen her a few times, but she is very elusive. I think she is nearing laying her eggs, since I’ve noticed some new materials in her nest. I’m excited to see her babies.” Ben said gently, his face softening as Rey looked on.

Walking over closer, Rey smiled at the image of Ben preening over a nest of baby birds.

“Have you ever tried to catch her?” Rey asked curiously, her eyes riveted to the beautiful nest. It was obvious that the mother took great care in preparing her home for her offspring, as it looked warm and safe.

Ben’s eyes followed Rey’s to the plush nest which served as her home. He smiled faintly, shaking his head.

“Oh, no. I’d never do that. You see…she is very strong, surviving on her own like she does. But she’s fragile, too; a beautiful paradox. She wasn’t too sure of me when she laid stakes here, but she’s obviously comfortable now. She doesn’t trust easily, so capturing her would destroy any trust for me that I’ve managed to build. And I want her to trust me. Desperately.” Ben said huskily.

Rey turned slightly to find Ben gazing at her with so much hope, so much reverence. She knew that they were no longer discussing the beautiful cardinal, but Rey herself. Perhaps, Rey thought fleetingly, they were discussing Ben, too.

It didn’t take an expert to see that Ben was hiding something from her; something monumental. For as open with her as he’d strived to be, he had been as equally guarded. Something awful must have happened to him, and she wondered just how deep his pain went. But he’d put himself out there on a limb for her, much like that bird. It warmed Rey all over and only made her growing feelings blossom even more.

Reaching out, Rey tenderly cupped Ben’s cheek with her palm. It was quickly becoming one of her favorite things to do.

“I think she does trust you, Ben. In fact, I can guarantee it.” Rey whispered, her voice strong and sure.

Ben opened his eyes, leaning into her touch. They stared at each other without blinking for several seconds, something enormously profound happening. Ben’s eyes slid down to Rey’s lips, and he gulped when Rey’s tongue darted out to wet them. He thought he had known desire before, but nothing compared to this. He thought he had known want…craving. But the all-consuming need to kiss Rey was too powerful to deny. Her lips beckoned him, as did her eyes. A silent plea to give in, give back, take everything emanated from them. Helpless to resist, Ben stepped into her personal space and gently tugged her closer.

Rey boldly stepped forward, her boneless body falling willingly against Ben’s chest. He automatically reached around to steady her, the silkiness of the bare skin of her back making him gasp with delight. She wanted this, just as much as he did. Cupping her face, Ben lowered his mouth to Rey’s.

Rey whimpered at the first touch of his lips to hers, the sound piercing his heart in the sweetest of ways. It struck a chord deep within him; one of pure, aching need. She wound her arms around his neck, her hands sliding up to tangle in his wayward locks possessively. In turn, Ben slid the hands resting on Rey’s cheeks to the back of her neck, one mimicking her actions and cupping her head while the other held her tenderly against him. 

Her lips tasted of that damn chocolate tart she'd had for dessert; rich and intoxicating. When she opened her mouth and tentatively licked the corner of Ben’s, he nearly lost control. He swore he would allow her to take the reins, but it was getting difficult not to succumb to the passion that was building inside of him. He covered her full lips with his own again and again, trying to hold himself back. But when Rey licked the seam of his lips gently, the dam inside of him was breached. 

“Rey….” He murmured as his tongue swept into her mouth to meet hers. 

Her technique was unpracticed and imperfect; more about discovery than proving a point. And it turned Ben on more than he’d ever imagined. The fact that this gorgeous, intelligent, perfect creature had never indulged in the casual acts of intimacy before floored him, but what made his heart soar and his blood sizzle was the fact he was now the recipient of her passion and favor. She had chosen him, she wanted him. 

Him.

"Come inside, it's cold out here." He mumbled against her mouth, barely pulling himself away to lead her back into the warmth of his apartment. 

Taking her hand, he dimmed the glaring living area light before leading her to the plush couch. Rey looked so lovely, her gorgeous hair windswept and her cheeks flushed from the chill outside. He wanted to warm her desperately, make her as comfortable as possible. Lowering her to the couch, he sat beside her and took her face in his big hands.

Rey wasted no time in picking up where they had left off, leaning across his lap tentatively and kissing him passionately. The air was knocked out of Ben's lungs as Rey tenderly bit his bottom lip, before sucking it soothingly to lighten the sting.

"Sorry," Rey whispered, her voice small.

Ben laughed adoringly, waving off her concern.

"No, it's fine. I...liked it. A lot." He admitted, swallowing roughly.

Rey's eyes were hooded as she gazed at him in the muted darkness, her lips swollen from their kisses and her breathing erratic. Ben was certain he had never seen anything so heartbreakingly perfect in his life.

"Are you...are we...Is this..." Rey stumbled, not sure how to voice the words in her head. 

Ben's heart surged with affection, wanting nothing more to ease her fears.

"Rey...I want this, with you. I want us to be together, in whatever capacity you'll allow. This isn't just some casual fling for me. I...care for you. Deeply. So fast, so suddenly. I don't know...I never knew someone like you existed. I told you before...I'm not very good at this. And I don't want to ruin it." Ben said softly.

Rey sighed, leaning against him so close that she was practically sitting on his lap. Ben didn't mind in the slightest, as he gathered her against him and groaned at the perfect weight of her.

"I want this with you too, Ben. So much. I think about you, constantly." Rey admitted quietly, idly running her hand up and down Ben's bicep.

Ben's breathing picked up, and he closed his eyes lost to the sensation of Rey touching him. Pulling her gently across his lap, he cradled her against him and lowered his mouth to hers. They kissed languidly for endless moments, Ben groaning as he moved away and kissed a path down her throat to her neck while Rey fisted his hair in her hands. Her sheer, silky dress floated around them as he used his nose to nuzzle her collarbones, enthralled at how he could see her nipples hardening through her bodice.

"Ben," Rey moaned, her hands pressing his head closer to her with each touch of his lips to her skin. 

Dare he? 

Ben felt himself hardening painfully as Rey shifted, her delicate chest brushing his enticingly. He looked down, his mind scrambling as one of the sides of her gown had shifted and her breast was peeking out. Her creamy skin looked so inviting, so delicious. Nervously, he trailed his hand down to where her skin met the fabric of her bodice, his eyes racing up to connect with hers.

Rey was watching him with half mast eyes, not stopping him and not saying a word. He ached to touch her, terrified that if he did he was going to far, too fast. This was Rey; pure, unblemished Rey. But she said that she wanted this with him. He wasn't taking advantage of her, or her trust. And he wouldn't go too far. She deserved more than that. But he had to touch her; it was like a living entity that was clawing to escape him. 

"Rey...let me touch you. Please..." He begged, his eyes dark and desperate.

Rey nodded gently, her eyes never leaving his.

"Please," She gasped, sliding back further on his cushions to make herself more comfortable. 

Ben swallowed roughly as he gazed down at her, flushed and wanting on his couch. Her gown was a halter style dress, divided in the center and tied at her neck. Tenderly, oh so gently...he pushed aside the half that had become untethered, revealing her sumptuous breast. It was perfectly round, with a rosily puckered nipple that hardened further under his gaze. Ben timidly cupped her supple flesh, marveling at the feel of it. Soft and firm, perfect. Unable to help himself, he slid his hand across to the other side of the bodice, releasing that breast to his sight as well. She looked like a marble goddess; something otherworldly and unreal. He ran his thumbs across her nipples gently, careful not to be too rough. The feel of them under his hands made his manhood pulse. It had been so long since he'd touched a woman like this; and it never gave him the heady pleasure he was experiencing now, with Rey. 

Rey groaned loudly, the sound alarming him. Was he hurting her? He pulled back to gauge her reaction, startled when he found Rey smiling up at him softly.

"Ben...it's okay. I won't break." Rey whispered, reaching up with both hands to cup his face. 

The action pulled her breasts together, creating the most alluring cleavage he'd ever seen. Dear God, what was she doing to him. Rey's hand trailed down and began to unbutton his shirt, her eyes sparkling at every inch of skin that was exposed. She unbuttoned it to the waist, spreading it apart to admire his chest and pecs.

"You...oh, my." Rey breathed, her voice playful and throaty as she shamelessly took him in. 

Ben lowered his head to Rey's chest, laying his cheek against her breastbone. She smelled of gardenias...so heady and hypnotic. He kissed her skin with his generous lips, the taste of her on his tongue too much for him to take. Trailing his lips across her breast, he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked on his with as much tenderness as he could manage. It pebbled further on his tongue, prompting him to pay the other one homage with his fingers. 

Rey gasped and squirmed underneath him, her small hand trailing down his back until it reached his well sculpted ass. She squeezed it non too gently, prompting Ben to bite down on her nipple in surprise.

"Oh!" Rey squealed, thrusting up into his mouth as her back arched off the couch. In retaliation, Rey used her other hand to stroke down his chest until it reached his belt line before dipping underneath. She ran her fingertips under his shirt, stroking his treasure trail as it led into his boxers. He felt so good, so warm...his skin was silk over steel, the sparse hair leading to places hidden masculine and tempting. 

"Fuck," Ben gasped against her breast as Rey lowered her hand further, inches away from the thick bulge settled against her pelvis. Ben rocked against her, letting Rey feel what she was doing to him.

"More..." Rey whispered, trembling as Ben suckled her nipple so hard that she saw stars. 

They indulged in each other, kissing and touching and squeezing until both of them were nearing the point of no return. He felt like a teenager again, free and happy. They laughed and giggled as they made out like kids, their joviality interspersed with passionate intensity. 

It was Heaven. Tenderness and passion, converging into one. 

But it was hell, too…Ben wanted to drag Rey to his bed and devour her. But he couldn’t do that. She was a gentle dove…so sweet and innocent. He would never hurt her or use her in that way. This was their first date, and neither of them was ready for that step. But God…how he wished. How he wanted to see her chestnut locks splayed across his pillows after he’d thoroughly loved her senseless…her sweat soaked, trembling body smelling of him. The things he wanted to do to her, give her…he would take his time and show her repeatedly how special she was, how deserving of worship. Pleasure. 

Ben groaned, using every ounce of strength inside of him to untangle his lips from her breasts. Moving up her body and dragging his skin against hers, he kissed Rey’s nose and cheeks sweetly, before laying his forehead against hers. 

“That was…” Ben whispered, unable to articulate his thoughts coherently. His deep pants blew tuffs of air against Rey’s face.

“Magical.” Rey whispered back, her breath choppy as well. 

Ben shuddered, his heart leaping in adoration. He continued to rub against her forehead, nuzzling her nose with his own. A bubble of lighthearted laughter escaped his lips, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so wonderful. The tight points of her breasts were rubbing against his chest, and while intoxicating it was also achingly sweet.

“Magical. You stole the word right out of my mouth.” Ben said sweetly, refusing to let her go as he wound his arms around her back even tighter. 

They sat there for a while, enjoying the closeness of the other as they fixed their disheveled clothing. After a few moments of silence in which they heard nothing else going on around them save for their steady breathing, Ben reluctantly pulled back and cupped Rey’s cheeks softly. 

“You are so incredibly beautiful, Rey.” Ben whispered reverently.

Rey’s eyes teared up as she gazed at him, her nose twitching adorably.

“You are beautiful too, Ben. I’ve always thought so.” She admitted quietly.

Ben narrowed his eyes, perplexed at her statement.

“Always? We’ve only known each other two weeks.” Ben chuckled.

Rey bit her lip, looking guilty. Ben wondered what that was about.

“I’ve…. well, I saw you before. Once, in the Columbia registration office. Back in the spring when I registered. You came in to pick up your mail. You didn’t notice me, but I surely noticed you. I tried to catch your eye, but you were pretty distracted. You looked…different. Your hair was short then, and you were clean shaven. You walked into the room and I…I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I wondered who you were, but then I concluded you must have been a professor when you chatted with some staff. You came and went like the wind through leaves, barely sparing anyone a glance as you carried out a stack of books and your mail. I never saw you again…until that night on the train. But I would have known you anywhere, even though your appearance had changed. That’s why when you approached me, I wasn’t afraid. I…knew you. Somehow, I knew you. When you offered to walk me home, I couldn't believe my luck. I wanted to tell you then, but I didn't know what to say. 'Hey, I saw you once for all of two minutes and I found myself interested in you'. That would have sounded nuts.” Rey murmured slyly.

Ben pulled back from her, gazing at her in dumbfounded wonder. 

Rey had known him all along? She had seen him before? He vaguely remembered the day in question she mentioned, since he rarely came by the office to pick up his mail. It had only been days before…Oh, god. He had been distracted even then, on the eve of what happened. He hadn’t noticed her, not at all. To think this beautiful angel had been right in front of him that day, admiring him, trying to catch his eye…what if he had noticed her? Talked to her? But he had been so wrapped up in that conniving bitch and his problems with her to even see anything else. They had been arguing about his parent’s upcoming anniversary party, and how she hadn’t wanted to go. Little had he known why, at the time. But oh…he found out days later, in the most devastating way.

Was the universe trying to tell him something then, by placing Rey in his path that afternoon? If he had been in his right mind and had only seen her…he knew there was no way he could have just passed her by. She was like a literal deus ex machina; someone that could have perhaps opened his eyes and saved him from himself. But he had been so blind.

Tears pricked the back of Ben’s eyes, and he shook his head in shock.

“Rey…I wish I had noticed you that day. I really do. I would have…well, things would have turned out differently.” He whispered, looking away.

Rey took a step closer to him, her face open and her eyes wide.

“What things?” She ventured hopefully, her voice soft.

'Tell her. Tell her now!' His mind ordered him, but as he gazed into her hazel eyes he was afraid. Not of her; never of Rey. No…of himself. Of losing her, just when he’d found her. By telling her that he had tried to commit suicide, and suffering her judgement and disappointment. He wasn’t ready for that. Not when he had just found her. He was a coward, and he knew it. But if all he had with Rey was a few stolen moments of joy, then he’d take them. 

Sighing thickly, Ben lowered his head in defeat.

“I’d better get you home, Sweetheart. It’s getting late.” Ben whispered, breaking the soft bubble they found themselves in. 

Rey nodded slowly, yet her hands tightened across Ben’s back. A quiet gasp escaped her, and Ben pulled back further to meet her stunned gaze.

“Rey, what is it?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

Rey blinked, a look of wonder dawning on her face.

“You…you called me Sweetheart.” Rey murmured, the sentiment sounding painfully tender coming from her. “No one has ever called me that before.”

Ben’s eyes widened in alarm, worried that he was moving too fast, saying too much. Rooted to the spot, he could only stare at her helplessly.

“I did.” He whispered, holding his breath as Rey continued to gaze at him. “I’m sorry…if it made you feel uncomfortable.” He said fearfully.

To Ben’s utter delight, Rey blushed and smiled so widely that every pearly white tooth in her beautiful mouth shown. 

“Don’t be sorry, Ben. I liked it.” She said sweetly. “A lot.”

Ben could have lied to himself in that moment. He could have said it was simply the romantic evening they’d had, or the easy kinship they had experienced since meeting. But he knew it was more than that. Rey had captivated him from the moment he’d laid eyes on her. 

Good God…he was falling in love. Headfirst, tumbling, stumbling falling in love. And it wasn’t like before…with it’s worries and pitfalls and feelings that something just wasn’t right. It was never like this; all-consuming and passionate…yet sweet and gentle and heady. 

Moving closer to her, Ben gently placed an arm around her back and pulled her against his chest. Rey glided to him effortlessly, her own hands coming up around his neck.

“I like YOU a lot.” He whispered thickly in reply, his eyes helplessly drawn to her mouth before meeting her doe eyed gaze. 

Rey’s eyelashes fluttered, and he watched in fascination as her pupils grew impossibly large.

“Ben…” She murmured, her fingers trailing into his hair. 

“Yes?” He rumbled, unable to tear his eyes away from her lips. The feeling of her gentle fingers carding through his locks sent spikes of arousal down his spine.

“May I stay with you tonight?” Rey asked quietly, hopefully…her voice small and unsure.

Ben’s breath halted in his chest as he pulled back to stare at Rey’s luminous face. God…he wanted her to stay; if only to share his bed and his embrace. But he knew he wouldn’t be strong enough tonight to resist wanting more.

“Rey…I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Ben whispered.

Rey pulled back, her eyes studying his face carefully.

“Why not?” She asked, her voice a mere whisper.

Ben chuffed in distress.

“Because I want you to. Too much. But I don’t want to rush this.” Ben admitted roughly.

Rey nodded.

“Oh. I see.” Rey said slyly, and Ben was relieved that she wasn’t offended or hurt by his refusal. At least her voice didn’t hint that she was.

“I hope you do see. I truly do. Because…” Ben trailed off, shaking his head.

“What is it?” She asked tenderly.

Ben licked his lips.

“I…Rey, there is a lot about me that you don’t know. I want you to know it. All of it. And letting you stay here tonight and jumping into this and screwing it up when I want it more than anything isn’t fair to you. There’s so much I want to say, and I can’t. Not tonight. Not after this perfect, magical night. Do you understand? I don’t want anything to soil what we shared tonight.” Ben said desperately.

Rey nodded.

“I understand, Ben. Timing is everything.” She said soberly, and Ben felt a weight drop from his shoulders.

He took her hand in his and kissed it tenderly.

“Yes. Yes, it is. Exactly. And when the time is right…” He faltered, praying that Rey understood.

Rey smiled demurely, indicating that she did.

"Then...I'll be waiting for that time." She said with so much trust and hope, that tears sprang to Ben's eyes.

Ben leaned over and brushed his lips against hers, the tenderness of it overwhelming both of them as Ben deepened the kiss. He belonged to her now, and she belonged to him. 

“Take me home?” She asked sweetly, gripping his chin between her thumb and forefinger when at regrettable last he broke the kiss.

Ben smiled warmly, his eyes glistening with newfound peace. 

“Yes, Milady. Anything for you."


	7. The Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Ben and Rey's date brings them both happiness and doubt. Because when you get your fondest wish, it's only natural to fear it being taken away. Thank goodness for good friends who are there to steer you right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful response to my story, and for the kudo’s, comments, and bookmarks. I know that many of you have questions as to the nature of Ben’s relationship with his past girlfriend. In lieu of there being a Snoke in this story, the Snoke-like character will be Ben’s ex. She mentally abused Ben through manipulation, mind games, and trying to get between him and his family. How that unfolded will be revealed in time, but Ben is not out of the woods yet. There is a lot of angst ahead, but fear not. My story is a HEA. 
> 
> If you haven’t checked out my Pinterest board for this story, please do so. It sets the tone for each chapter, as well as gives you an insight to the people/places. Search JoKaye on Pinterest, and locate The Eye of the Needle board.

Rey languidly turned over in bed, trying to hang on to the last remnants of a beautiful dream.

It made her feel warm inside; protected. Moving through a state of nirvana, deep in the arms of someone solid and heavenly smelling. She dreamt of dancing. She dreamt of kissing. She dreamt…

She smiled in her sleep, her limbs feeling deliciously weighed down by pleasure.

Ben…

He was kissing a trail down from her lips to her breast…his soft, full lips unraveling her inch by inch. Oh, so gently he nudged aside her silky slip and took one of her plump nipples into his hot mouth.

“Hmm…” Rey hummed, burrowing further into her pillows as she imagined running her hands through his lush hair. Hair which had captivated her at first sight. It should be illegal for a man to be so pretty.

He continued the pleasurable torture, and in her dream Rey looked down to find him watching her with those intense eyes of his as he rolled the hard flesh around on his tongue before biting down gently.

Rey’s back arched in her bed, the sensation real enough to send a jolt of awareness careening through her body.  
A beam of sunlight filtered in through her open window, hitting Rey’s closed eyes with precision. 

No, not now. It’s too soon to let the dream go…

Please…

But Psyche had other ideas, cruel as they were. Ben evaporated like smoke, the lingering pleasure of his touch settling upon her nerve endings like the shockwaves from a cymbal. 

Awaking with a start, Rey shot up in bed and looked around her room wildly. She tried to shrug off the last of her sleep addled brain without forgetting about what Ben was doing to her, bringing her knees up to her chest. Now she was even dreaming about being intimate with Ben. Was there no end to the ways that man would captivate her?

‘You horny little minx,’ she chided, laughing at herself. She felt warm all over, like she’d been doused in kerosene and was slowly burning from the inside out. She realized with a possessive sort of glee, that she already knew the feeling of his mouth upon her; had already experienced what those lips and tongue could do. It was just a taste of hopefully what was to come, but still…

Had last night really, truly happened? Had she really gone on a date with Ben Solo? Danced with him…kissed him. Made out with him like a teenager on his couch?

Rey shot to her knees on the bed, before winding up and standing on the mattress unsteadily. She jumped up and down like a little girl, excited as though it were Christmas morning.

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god.” She chanted happily over and over, giddy and happier than she thought she’d ever been before. Having never felt this way, or having anything to compare it to, she didn’t care if she was acting immaturely. 

She was squealing so loudly that she didn’t hear her bedroom door opening, nor Rose as she cleared her throat.

“Ahem.” 

It took Rose three attempts at getting her attention, before Rey whipped her head around in shock.

Nearly toppling off the bed, Rey landed with aplomb and her limbs akimbo as she stared wide eyed at her girlfriend.

Rose quirked an eye, leaning against the doorframe and smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

“Good morning.” Rose said slyly, holding tight to a large mug of coffee that suddenly smelled delicious as the steam wafted in Rey’s direction.

Rey blinked like an owl, realizing that Rose must have stayed over with Finn. 

“Um…good morning.” Rey squeaked in reply, righting herself on the bed as daintily as possible. She leaned back against the headboard, fastening her blanket around her like a protective shroud. “Where’s Finn?”

Rose leaned her hip against the door.

“He left early; had to run downtown and help his father with something at the restaurant. He said he’d catch you there later when you started your shift.” Rose said casually, but she had that expectant look in her eyes which only meant one thing: she was dying to hear the details about last night.

Rey nodded, suddenly feeling like she were under a microscope.

“So…I take it your date went…well?” Rose hedged, her cocky demeanor making Rey blush as Rose examined her from head to toe.

Well was an understatement, to say the least. Rey wondered if she looked different somehow. After all, she’d never made out with anyone before. Especially never allowed anyone to touch and kiss her bare breasts. 

After their intimate experience in Ben’s apartment, they both made an unspoken agreement to keep their hands off each other in the taxi on the way back to Rey’s. It was probably the hardest thing she’d ever done, to be honest. Gazing at Ben’s profile as he stared out of the window in distraction, Rey felt her heart racing and her breath turning shallow. He was so damn…hot. Sexy, wonderful…

Soon, she was going to run out of adjectives to describe him. Remembering how he’d kissed her…fondled her…it only made her mouth water to touch him again. And keep touching him, until he was an out of his head with lust mess. 

He was the perfect gentleman, escorting her all the way up six flights to her door. Long past 1:00 am, the building was dark and quiet. They stopped at her door, not saying a word as they merely stood there inches apart, watching each other as they breathed in sync…remembering. 

“Goodnight.” Ben had whispered, the word drifting into her ear as he leaned forward into her personal space.

Rey had shuddered, her knees turning to jelly when he added his lips to the mix and caught the sensitive skin right below her earlobe.

“Good…goodnight.” Rey had stuttered, pulling back to gasp at the fire she saw in Ben’s eyes. 

So dark, so deep…she could happily drown in those eyes that said so much about how he felt, even if words failed him. 

In a flash, he was gone. Stealthily going back down the long flights of stairs and leaving Rey shivering by her door in wanting. She released the breath she held once she heard the front door of the building quietly click shut, signaling his departure. 

Coming back to the here and now, Rey looked up to find Rose eyeing her dreamily.

“Wow…that well, huh? Damn…” Rose murmured, shaking her head with a smug smile. Remembering herself, Rose handed the coffee she’d brought for Rey to her.

“Here. Thought you might like a cup of coffee.” Rose quipped, laughing when Rey grabbed the mug with greed.

“You’re the best. I love you.” Rey said happily, taking a sip with relish.

“Meh, I know.” Rose snarked, her soft expression telling Rey that she loved her, too. 

Sitting down at the foot of the bed, Rose raised her brows in question.

“So…how was it? Really?” Rose asked, this time with a serious tone. 

Rey sighed, shaking her head in wonder.

“Rose…it was magical. Truly, magical. I didn’t know spending time with someone could be so…perfect. He’s highly intelligent, witty, refined…he knows everything about philosophy. I’ll bet if he wanted to, he would be a fantastic psychologist with his own practice. He is just amazing. And he’s soft…vulnerable. He’s entirely masculine but he never lords that over anyone. He’s a giant. But next to him I don’t’ feel afraid. I feel…protected.” Rey gushed, sipping her coffee with pleasure.

Rose smiled, looking at her from beneath her lashes. Oh, boy…her friend had it bad.

“Yeah…and it doesn’t hurt that he’s freaking eye candy, either. Am I right?” Rose whispered gleefully.

Rey couldn’t help but blush.

“Yes. Sure…he’s handsome.” Rey said coyly, averting her gaze from a knowing Rose.

Rose snorted.

“Handsome...Hot as fuck, you mean…” Rose said unabashedly. 

Scandalized, Rey turned scarlet.

“Rose!” She scolded, but Rose merely smiled.

“Hey, what? Everyone at Columbia knows Ben Solo is a catch, Rey. And he only has eyes for you. Lucky girl.” Rose said sweetly, truly happy for her friend as she leaned over and rubbed Rey's shoulder. "And by the way...you looked pretty hot as fuck yourself, last night. I thought Ben's eyes were going to pop out of his head when he saw you."

Rey blushed even harder at the compliment, but couldn’t help but feel a smidge of self doubt...even with Rose’s assurances. 

“Do you really think so? I mean…I feel this strange connection between us. It’s powerful and has been since the moment I laid eyes on him. But do you think…oh, forget it.” Rey said.

Rose frowned at the sullen tone of Rey's voice.

“I can see the wheels turning inside of that brain of yours, Rey. Come on. Out with it.” Rose ordered sternly.

Rey gulped nervously, trying to put into words what worried her.

“Well, it’s just that Ben is so accomplished. And he comes from an accomplished family. What if I’m just this poor college girl that he’s taking pity on by spending time with? I don’t know…” Rey huffed in frustration, throwing her face into her hands.

It had been easy for Rey to feel confidant about dating Ben, because for months she had nursed a crush for the man she had seen in passing and had felt like Heaven had opened up and shined down the perfect opportunity for her that night on the train. But in the light of day, she suddenly realized that this was very real. And she was in complete danger of losing her heart to Ben Solo for good. With no chance of recovery, at that. 

Rose shook her head at Rey’s fears.

“Hey. Don’t downplay what you both have found. You are well on your way to being every bit of accomplished as he is. Rey, the man is over the moon for you. Truly. I don’t know what you did to him, but he is most certainly under your spell. Don’t you see that?” Rose asked kindly, leaning over to pry Rey’s fingers away from her face. 

Rey bit her lip pondering Rose’s question.

“Yeah. I guess I do. This is just all new to me, Rose. I’ve never felt this way for anybody before. I just don’t want to give up my heart even more than I have already, and have it broken.” Rey whispered truthfully.

Rose raised a brow in contemplation.

“Hmm. It seems to me, that the one who is even more in danger of having their heart broken is Ben Solo.” Rose said quietly.

Rey looked up, startled.

“Why would you say that?” Rey asked, doubting that she would ever knowingly break Ben’s heart.

Rose shrugged.

“I don’t know. It’s just a hunch. He seems very guarded. Like he holds his emotions close to the bone.”

Rey nodded, frowning.

“Yes. I think you’re right. I’ve seen signs that point to that, and it worries me.” Rey admitted carefully. 

“Like what?” Rose ventured cautiously.

Rey sighed.

“Well…I am absolutely certain that something dreadful happened to him. I can’t put my finger on it, but I just know it. And it must have happened sometime over this past summer, while he was absent for classes. He told me that there are things about him that wants to tell me, but the timing isn’t right. I'm really trying to remain casual about it, but...the more I care about him, the more I worry." Rey whispered.

Rose nodded pensively.

“Well…that’s a good sign at least; that he wants to share it with you when the time is right, and he isn’t hiding it. I think he adores you, Rey. That’s the impression I got last night. I felt really bad for the poor guy…Finn was interrogating him like he was on trial or something.” Rose said humorously.

Rey giggled quietly, before collecting herself.

“Do you…” She began, but suddenly fell quiet.

“What?” Rose asked gently, prompting her to continue.

“You’ve known of him longer than I have, since he was Finn's Professor. Have you ever heard about a woman in his life? Did you ever see him with someone, around campus?” Rey asked tentatively, hating how insecure her voice sounded.

Rose’s reaction didn’t put Rey’s mind at ease. The other woman frowned, pulling back and pinching her brows together.

“Um…well, last year I saw him once on the grounds with a woman. I was sitting on a bench waiting for Finn when I spotted them. They looked like they were arguing. Or rather, she was arguing, and he was listening to the brunt of it. She really made a scene, from what I remember. He had looked really embarrassed. He kept running his hand through his hair, like he wanted to just…bolt. In the end, she left him there in the quad. She stomped off and got into a taxi, and he went back inside the building. That was it.” Rose said with finality.

Rey’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t like the picture that Rose’s story painted. How could anyone scream at Ben…embarrass him? Hurt him in public, knowing his position at the University? She recalled Ben’s words the night they’d met, when she’d made him breakfast. He’d said he wasn’t used to such kindness. Rey wondered if this woman was the reason Ben was so guarded and had such a low opinion of himself.

“What did she look like?” Rey asked, her voice cold.

Rose pursed her lips, remembering. 

“She was taller than average. Thin. I remember she had very long, black hair. And she was dressed to the nines. I thought at the time that she looked very high maintenance, like she was a supermodel or an actress. But it wasn’t the kind of beauty that made you envious. It was the kind of beauty that made you feel sorry for anyone she touched. Because you could just tell she was a…” Rose faltered, biting her lip.

Rey tilted her head in curiosity. 

“A what?” Rey pressed, hanging on Rose’s every word.

Rose looked at her friend with pity.

“A bitch.” Rose muttered with distaste.

Rey swallowed. How could dear, sweet, kind Ben ever have dated a bitch?

“She sounds…horrible. Beautiful, but horrible.” Rey whispered.

And once again, she wondered just how much this beautiful woman figured into Ben’s past. 

Rose placed her hand on top of Rey’s, patting the skin gently.

“Listen…whoever she was, she’s gone now. That much is clear. I don’t even know if they were a couple. She could have been anyone, you know. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it, especially since you both have hit it off so well.” Rose pointed out, smiling. 

“You’re right.” Rey said with hope, patting Rose’s hand in return.

Rose got up to leave, before Rey stopped her in the doorway.

“Rose…I asked him last night if he had always lived alone. He answered no, but that it was nothing.” Rey said tentatively. “What if that woman…”

She trailed off, not knowing how to voice her fears or even if she wanted to. For in doing so would make it real.

Rose eyed her a beat with concern, before she smiled tenderly. 

“Hey…Ben Solo is not the cheating kind. At least, from what I know of him. Whatever happened with either that woman or the mystery woman he lived with, is over. I highly doubt he would begin a new relationship with you if anyone else was out there lingering at the edges. He’s older than you, Rey. He is bound to have a past. Face it, move on from it, and don’t worry about it, okay? Just…be cautious. And let him trust you. I have a feeling that he has never trusted a woman before you. I think you are just what he’s been searching for.” Rose said tenderly.

Rey felt marginally better at Rose’s statement. She knew she was right. 

“Thanks, Rose.” 

Rose smiled warmly, pointing at Rey and winking.

“No problem, Babe.” She said slyly. 

Rose Tico was a practical, no nonsense type of girl. She spoke her mind, stood up for her beliefs, and fiercely fought for those she loved. Rey felt fortunate to be considered amongst those that she held in that regard.

Rose exited Rey’s room, closing the door quietly in her wake. 

Rey sat back against her pillows, ruminating on all that Rose had said. Yes, it was true…Ben Solo was bound to have a past. A sweet, intelligent, handsome man such as he couldn’t possibly be a virgin like herself. Rey frowned at that, the idea of him sharing that part of himself with anyone else stinging her. 

What did she think…that he would have known that she was out there somewhere, just waiting to catch up to him in age so that they could find each other? What if they had met in England during the summer solstice? Would seventeen-year-old Rey have gone off with Ben Solo for some quick tryst behind the boulders at Stonehenge?

Rey rolled her eyes at how ridiculous she was being. It wasn’t betrayal she felt at the idea of not being Ben’s first. But it was…loss. Like something precious had been stolen from her. She wondered then who Ben’s first had been. And if she was worthy of the gift that had been bestowed upon her.

Sighing, she ran her hand through her hair. It was wiser not to dwell on it. Nothing could be gained from such a fruitless gesture.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ben stood in his bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes lingered for endless moments, watching his reflection stare back at him with intense concentration.

Beautiful. Rey had called him beautiful. 

He traced his features critically, trying desperately to see what she saw. It was hard to imagine someone as lovely and delicate as Rey finding him attractive, let alone beautiful. Yet her achingly tender words, coupled with her sweet kisses and her desire to spend the night with him began to seal the crack of the fissure that had cut him wide open last Spring. 

Closing his eyes, he pictured Rey’s perfect face. The way her soft, silky tresses fell over one eye and she kept moving it aside. The way her hazel eyes sparkled with mischief one minute, simmered with passion the next. He’d never known before the absolute pleasure of just basking in someone’s light. Sitting beside her at the Opera, watching her smile in excitement. Or listening to her talking about her friends, and how her voice took on a tone of love and respect. Everything about Rey was pure. Pure, and real.

She was the polar opposite of that evil shrew with which he had entangled himself. Closing his eyes, he could still remember Phasma’s chiding words to him, trying to break through and reach him.

‘She’s cold as ice, Ben. She’s using you. I don’t know why, or to what end, but something is wrong with her. Please be careful.’

Ben angrily bit his lip, groaning at how completely blind he’d been. All the signs were there, but he was too obtuse to see them. What was it…love? Lust? The need to be seen…accepted? He scoffed at that. He was an accomplished academic with a loving family and supportive friends. He didn’t need to be seen or accepted by the likes of her. Still…

Perhaps that had been her aim. Isolate him from everyone, then rip the rug out from underneath his feet. When Ben remembered thinking his own father had betrayed him, he feels like vomiting.

Letting out a fierce growl of frustration, Ben pounded his fists against the wall. 

Why now, after such a wonderful evening, was he thinking about that bitch? It did no justice to Rey, and it certainly wasn't something he would ever want to equate her with. 

He knew he had to tread very, very carefully here. He absolutely would not let Rey be poisoned with his past. But how could he keep such a thing from her? He vowed to be completely honest with her about everything. Yet trying to summon the courage to tell her…everything…it seemed impossible.

What if after she knew, she told him that it was too much for her to deal with? What if knowing he tried to take his own life, she worried that he would try to again? What if, what if, what if…

Taking a deep breath, Ben blew it out harshly as angry tears filled his eyes. 

“Fuck.” He whispered to himself, leaning down and placing his hands on the sink. His eyes strayed over to the counter, where the bottles of his medication sat. Shaking his head, he took out his dosage and swallowed them, not bothering with water. He walked into his bedroom, gazing down at his big empty bed with longing. 

After he dropped Rey off last night, he had gone home and crawled in bed with the scent of Rey fresh in his thoughts and the warmth of her skin still blazing along his own. He knew it was way too soon to become that intimate with her. Not only was Rey worth a proper courtship, but he wasn’t ready to jump into bed with her and ruin the mutual trust they were building. He felt that it was imperative to tell her about his past before they took that step, as once it was done, he couldn’t take it back. The last thing he would ever do to Rey, was not give her the facts first and allow her to choose for herself. 

The fact of the matter was…he suffered from clinical depression and manic episodes. Experiencing what he did last spring simply catapulted him over the edge of a very high cliff. He never, ever wanted to be in that place again; utter helplessness, mixed with intense self-loathing. It was bad enough that he had to live with himself after what he’d done…what he’d almost wasted. Dragging another, and one as pure and loving as Rey, into his personal hell…he didn’t know if that were even fair to her, her choice or not.

Yet he couldn’t deny how lonely he felt here, knowing she could be in his arms right now if he’d allowed her to stay. Sure, it could have only been to spend the night wrapped around each other in comfort, but he knew he’d want more. And from what Rey said to him, it seemed she wanted more too.

Ben sighed. 

Closing his eyes, he made a resolute decision to call his therapist tomorrow and make an appointment. He had been long overdue for one, and he needed to talk to a professional now more than ever. 

So lost in thought was he, that Ben didn’t hear the persistent ringing of his phone. He raced over to where his cell sat on the kitchen counter, skidding on the marble flooring like an acrobat as he came to an abrupt halt. 

“Hello…hello?” He asked eagerly into the phone, not even bothering to read the called ID.

“Good morning, Sunshine. I see Mr. Bluebird is sitting on your shoulder, whispering all sorts of zippity doo daa happiness in your ear this fine day.” Phasma said dryly, though Ben could hear the affectionate tone of her voice.

He rolled his eyes, unable to stop the smile from dawning on his face.

“Good morning, Phas. I thought you were…” He trailed off, clearing his throat. “How are you?”

Phasma snorted down the line, and he could tell she was pausing no doubt to take a sip of her morning coffee.

“I am splendid, my adorable Chap. I’m calling to let you know that the acquisition you ordered from me will be arriving at my office on Tuesday. If you can come pick it up, great. Otherwise, I could have it couriered to you.” She said briskly, as though she were talking to a client.

Ben’s heartbeat quickened.

“The coat for Rey…it’s ready?” He asked with excitement.

Phasma hummed in agreement.

“Well of course it’s ready. I asked for expedition. Naturally, as the boss, I got my way.” She said, as though that would have been an issue.

Ben smiled warmly.

“Thank you, Phasma. Couriered is fine, since I have a full week. Just tell me how much I owe you and I will send you a check.” Ben said absently, sitting down on the couch and looking out towards the park. It was a beautiful autumn day, the tree’s aflame with the last of the fall leaves. He wished that he and Rey could be there right now, enjoying the serene atmosphere. 

Phasma clicked her tongue loudly, bringing him out of his pleasant daydream.

“Ben, darling…please. I do not want any money for this. This is a gift to you, from me. Then you can pay it forward to your…Rey.” Phasma said quietly.

Ben lost his breath for a moment, stunned.

“No, Phasma. No. That’s…I can’t let you do that. I know what a coat like this must cost. It’s too much. Not only the fact that it’s pure cashmere, but the labor that must have went into it. I would never take advantage of our friendship like that.” Ben said, his tone brooking no argument.

Phasma sighed loudly, and Ben forgot whom he was dealing with.

“Ben…I’m giving you the coat. Do not wrangle with me about the fee, or I shall be most insulted. It is a gift. You do know that you never insult the giver of a gift by offering to pay for said gift, correct? That is just bad form.” She warned quietly.

Ben was speechless. That coat had to cost at least two thousand dollars; more to be made in such a short amount of time.

“But Phasma…why?” Ben croaked, embarrassed at the fact he could hear tears in his voice.

Phasma sighed again, but this time it was in resignation and not annoyance.

“Oh, Ben…this girl has made you happier than I have ever seen you in the ten years I’ve known you. And after what happened…god, man. You deserve some happiness. You do know that, right? Tell me that you’re not caged inside your apartment this morning, castigating yourself for the bad decisions of your past. Tell me that you’re basking in the memory of your first date with this woman that has captivated you.” Phasma ordered knowingly.

Ben swallowed hard, shocked at how well Phasma read him. Leaning back into the pillows of the couch, he closed his eyes.

“I…a little of both, actually. I had the best time of my life last night. Rey is beautiful and funny and so fucking…honest, Phas. She has no agenda, no ulterior motives. She simply likes me for me. Me! And I can’t help but think I am totally and completely going to fuck this up.” Ben lamented, his breathing turning erratic.

On the other end of the line, Phasma gasped.

“Ben, no. You won’t. You’ve come too far and have fought too hard to let the specter of that…monster… ruin what you’ve found now. Promise me that you won’t allow that. You are stronger than that, my friend.” Phasma soothed, causing tears to form in Ben’s eyes.

Ben laughed a watery laugh, shaking his head. Moments passed in silence while he gathered himself together, his oldest friend patiently waiting on the other end of the line. 

“Do you need to hear it, Pooh?” She asked gently, all traces of her normal larger than life bravado gone.

Ben whimpered roughly, equal parts gratitude and pain.

“Yeah, Christopher Robin. I need to hear it.” He said quietly.

Phasma blew a breath out sharply, and it was then that Ben realized how difficult his near suicide had been on her. He never had a sibling and had no idea if he would have even gotten along with one…but Phasma was as close to a sister as he would ever get. She was fiercely loyal to him and knew she would always have his back. If only he had listened to her last year…

“Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Phasma whispered, and for the first time in a long time, Ben could hear the tears in her voice, as well. 

No longer caring about how silly he must have seemed or how weak, Ben let down his defenses and wept with his friend listening. Not judging him, not shaking her head in ‘I told you so’s’. Just…listening. Supporting him. Something he hadn’t allowed himself in such a long time.

When it was over and he felt the weight of the world finally lift from his broad shoulders, Ben wiped his eyes resolutely.

“Thank you, Gwen.” He whispered lovingly, using Phasma’s given name for the first time in what seemed ages. 

Phasma snorted, sounding nasally as well. 

“You’re welcome, my dearest and oldest chum. Now…tell me all about your first date with Miss Rey Kenobi. And leave nothing out; I’m a lady but I’m also British. And we are made of steel, piss, and vinegar.” Phasma chirped, switching back into her normal persona. 

Ben smiled widely, laying his head down to where Rey’s had been last night on this very couch. He let the memories flood over him, feeling like a free man for the first time in years.

"Well...she looked like a goddess..."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Rey placed a gin and tonic down on the bar, smiling at the patron as she took his money.

“Keep the change.” He said kindly.

“Thanks.” Rey called out, placing the bills in the tip glass.

She glanced over at her phone for the tenth time in the last hour. Rolling her eyes at herself, she picked it up. No new messages, no new texts.

Rey didn’t know if she was perturbed about that or not.

She wasn’t going to lie and say she didn’t want to hear from Ben first thing this morning. But she also knew that he was probably dealing with a lot today, the eve of his first day back at university. He was no doubt preparing for that, and the last thing she wanted to do was come off as needy and clingy.

But she missed him. Of that, she couldn’t lie.

Looking across the restaurant, she spied Tendra at the hostess desk watching her knowingly. The older woman placed her hand on her hip, narrowing her eyes at Rey with mock consternation. Rey giggled, getting back to work. 

Was it that obvious? She was so pent up with nervous energy that even she knew she wasn’t her normal chill self. Busying herself with washing some glasses, she looked up to see Lando and his wife whispering to each other and Lando giving Tendra a discreet kiss on the cheek. Rey smiled at the picture they made, so in love after so many years. When Lando strolled up to the bar and leaned against it, Rey offered him a polite smile.

“How goes it, boss?” She asked cheekily, wiping her hands on a dish towel.

Lando laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

“I should be asking you that, Rey. Finn told me this morning that you had a hot date last night with my old buddy Han’s son. I knew the second I met him that night he came here that the boy was smitten with you.” Lando said slyly.

Rey looked down shyly, blushing.

“A lady never kisses and tells…” Rey said enigmatically, earning a wide-eyed smirk from Lando.

He backed up, placing his hands in an ‘I give up’ pose.

“You said it, beautiful. You know…you remind me of someone. And don’t freak out when I tell you who, because I seriously doubt it’s the same to him.” Lando said kindly.

Rey raised a brow in question.

“Ben Solo’s mother, Leia. She had the same mannerisms as you, from what I remember. Cheeky, sweet, tough. A real firecracker. I can only imagine what Han will think when he meets you.” Lando said happily, shaking his head at the vision that presented.

Rey smiled, biting her lip. She hadn't even thought that far ahead, to meeting Ben's parent's. But now that Lando had placed the thought in her head, Rey decided she would be thrilled to meet them.

“Really?” I remind you of Ben’s mother?” Rey asked, flattered.

Lando leaned over the counter to grab himself a sparking water.

“Oh, yeah. Leia Organa was the smartest women I’ve ever met. Next to my Tendra, of course. She kept Han in line, for sure. Too good for him, if you ask me. But then again, I’m in the same boat.” He said lovingly, looking across the room towards his wife.

Rey followed his eyes, her own shifting between the pair. She knew there were stories there, but it wasn't her place to ask.

“Ben seemed a lot like his mother. His father was a rogue, you know. A scoundrel. He charmed the pants off anyone he met. Leia was more diplomatic and serene. Sharp as a tack, too. Ben even looks like his mother. Although his nose and lips are all Han Solo.” Lando ruminated.

Rey listened to Lando, fascinated to hear about the Solo’s. She had often wondered about Ben's upbringing in the past couple of weeks, after finding out who his parent's were.

“Were you good friends with the Solo’s?” She asked curiously, wondering why and how they had lost touch.

Lando nodded, his gaze reaching back far into the past.

“Oh, yeah. We were good friends. They moved away upstate when Ben was born, and we lost touch. But I’m eager to rekindle our friendship again. Friends like that are hard to come by.” Lando murmured, his face softening.

Rey smiled, nodding her head. She thought of this man’s son, and how she and Finn had become like family over the last year. She thought of Rose, too, and knew in them she had found true friends…something she’d never had her entire life.

And she thought of Ben, and how meeting him by chance that night on the train had changed her life already. 

Coming back to herself, she saw Lando was watching her thoughtfully.

“Hey…are you alright?” Lando asked her in a fatherly tone which Rey appreciated.

She grinned, nodding.

“Yeah. I’m good. Better than good, actually.” She said truthfully.

Lando smiled at her, sauntering off back to work. Rey knew it was time to do the same.

She refilled two white wines and a scotch and soda for a few people, before she saw her phone vibrating on the counter behind the bar. Discreetly, she reached down to see who texted her and her eyes lit up in delight.

B: Please tell me last night was real. I didn’t dream it, right?

Rey released a breath and giggled happily.

R: You most certainly did not dream it. Otherwise, I did too.

She hit send, waiting with baited breath for his reply.

B: Thank god. Because all I’ve thought about all day was how you looked and felt half naked on my couch.

Rey’s eyes widened and she gasped.

R: Dr. Solo! Scandalous.

Rey turned around, eyeing the patrons to see if anyone needed anything. 

B: Perhaps, perhaps. But true, nevertheless. Rey…I miss you. Am I crazy?

Rey read his words twice, three times. Her heart began to race in the most pleasurable of ways.

R: No, Ben. You’re not crazy. I miss you too. I had a wonderful time last night.

Rey hit send, chewing her thumbnail as she did.

B: Where are you?

Rey smiled.

R: Work. It's slow right now, but the dinner rush will be starting shortly. How is your last day of freedom going, Professor?

B: It’s going…lots of prep work and planning. I spent the afternoon at Kinko’s. Not where I would have chosen for such a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

Rey sympathized with him.

R: Oh? And what else would have been preferable?

Ben didn’t even miss a beat.

B: Spending the day with you. The Park looked amazing today from my window. I wish we could have been there, maybe sharing a picnic.

Rey’s eyes softened and her heart leapt.

R: That sounds nice, Ben. Very nice.

B: Does it? 

R: Yeah. Can I tell you a secret?

B: If you must. But I’m not very good at keeping them. You’ve been warned.

Rey chuckled quietly.

R: Huh. Well, I’ll take my chances. 

B: Carry on then, Milady.

R: I can’t stop thinking about your kiss. The way you touched me. I dreamt of you.

Moments passed with no reply, and Rey began to worry.

R: Ben? Are you still there? Did I say something wrong?

Miles uptown, Ben lost his breath as he realized his hesitation must have worried Rey. With shaking fingers, he hastily typed out a reply.

B: No! You said NOTHING wrong, Rey. Not a single thing. I miss you, too. So, so much. Last night…

R: Last night was…I have no words, Ben. May I call you? I’d love to hear your voice.

B: Yes, of course you may call me.

Rey looked around and noticed the bar area was empty. She had at least two minutes, and dialed his number.

“Hi.” Ben said warmly, answering on the first ring.

“Hi.” Rey replied breathlessly.

Seconds passed with each of them too scared to initiate conversation.

“This is crazy. Why are we tip toeing around each other?” Ben asked huskily.

Rey laughed, the deep rich tenor of it going straight to Ben’s heart.

“Maybe because of what happened, in your apartment?” Rey ventured quietly.

Ben hummed, the sound resonating in Rey’s stomach pleasurably. 

"What does your week look like?" Ben asked eagerly, hoping to figure in somewhere.

Rey sighed.

"I have classes all week in the morning, and I close at work on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday." She said, mentally shuffling her schedule in case Ben was free.

Ben cleared his throat.

"I have classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. Are you free Friday night?" He asked, and the spark of hope in his voice made Rey feel warm all over.

"Yes, I'm free. How about we stay in and have a movie night, Complete with junk food? It's been ages since I've been able to do that." Rey gushed enthusiastically.

Ben smiled, the idea sounding heavenly to him.

"That sounds wonderful, Rey. Would you like to do it at your apartment, and invite Finn and Rose?" He asked tentatively.

Rey's eyes widened in shock.

"You wouldn't mind hanging out with my friends?" She clarrified happily.

"Not at all. Although I haven't socialized much lately. I may be rusty." Ben said quietly.

Rey found herself shaking her head in consternation.

"No, Ben. Not at all. You're perfect." She gushed, blushing profusely.

Ben smiled in delight. He heard loud noises coming from her end of the line, and knew it was time for Rey to get back to work.

"Thank you, Rey. So...it's a date. Netflix and junk food." He said warmly, not wanting to end the call.

"It's a date." Rey whispered warmly. "And good luck tomorrow, Ben. I hope everything goes smoothly and you have a wonderful first day back.” Rey said sincerely.

Ben closed his eyes at the tenderness of her sincerity.

 

“Thank you, Rey. I'll be thinking of you."

And with that, he was gone.

Rey pulled the phone away from her ear, staring down at the now blank screen. A thought occured to her, and she couldn't help but become excited at the prospect. Perhaps she could sit in on one of his classes tomorrow, and see Dr. Ben Solo in action. She knew she'd have to keep a low profile, though; the last thing Ben needed was to feel nervous with her presence. But she hoped that maybe her unseen presence would lend him some strength.

"I'll be thinking of you too, Ben." She whispered to herself, before tossing her phone back the counter and getting back to work with renewed vigor.


	8. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns to teaching, and Rey can't help herself but to do a little spying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! And a sincere thank you to everyone who is supporting and reading my story. I'm so sorry for the long stretch between updates, but I work in a busy pharmacy and my time is just not my own it seems. I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and that a little more of both Ben and Rey's characters will be revealed to you. Chapter 8 was originally TOO long, so I'm posting the second half of it as Chapter 9. Enjoy!

Ben gazed out across Central Park, the city just beginning to come to life. It was still dark out; the last of the early morning mist just beginning to lift as the city’s skyline signaled similar awakenings. He inhaled deeply, both to breath in the brisk early morning air as well as to stabilize his worrisome thoughts. Today would be his first day back to teaching. In as much as he was looking forward to getting back and beginning his routine again, a part of him couldn’t help but be wary.

Had anyone discovered his secret at Columbia? The Chancellor knew, as well as the President of the University, that he had been ‘ill’. They were bound by privacy law not to disclose his personal affairs, of course. But still the thought plagued him that he was the subject of gossip. It wasn’t like him to disappear for nearly six months, after all. After finally checking his email last week it took him nearly three hours to sift through the thousands of messages he’d let slide in his absence. Most were from teachers offering their support from whatever was wrong, but a few were from past and prospective student's themselves. He was grateful that he had been missed, but he wasn't certain he was ready for a barrage of questions aimed his way.

Closing his eyes momentarily, Ben thought about Rey just a few blocks uptown…safe and warm in her bed. He smiled as he remembered the feeling of her soft skin, the sound of her gentle voice. His eyes opened, trailing over to the cardinal’s nest on his balcony table. He was surprised to see that the beautiful bird was sitting on her perch comfortably. Watching her for a few precious seconds, Ben was happy that she seemed comfortable there. She didn’t attempt to fly away, so he kept a safe distance.

“I wonder if Rey will ever get to meet you, BiBi. You come and go so frequently that I might have to start charging you rent.” Ben said, amused by the way the bird fluffed its plumage in response. He had no idea why he’d named a random bird on his balcony, but the word just came out to mind one day after watching her tend to her babies who had long since flown away.

Wandering back inside Ben took his medicine and drank a glass of coconut water, too wired to bother with coffee. He’d grab a protein bar later as his stomach at present was protesting the idea of food. He glanced over at his cell phone, debating with himself whether he should make the long-overdue call. It was early, and she might have still been asleep. But he knew it was the right thing to do. She would be worried about him, and he didn’t want that weighing on his mind today of all days. Snatching up the phone before he could second guess himself, he dialed the number and sat at a kitchen island barstool while it rang.

An alert “Hello” rang out on the other end of the line after the second ring, and Ben felt a flicker of relief mixed with gratitude.

“Hi, Mom.”

Leia gasped loudly, the sound leaving no doubt in Ben’s mind that she had been hoping he’d call.

“Ben, Sweetheart. It’s so wonderful to hear your voice. It’s so early. Is everything alright?” Leia asked hurriedly.

Ben smiled warmly, feeling an ache in his heart at his mother’s loving tone.

“Yes, Mom. Everything is fine. It’s just that…today is my first day back to work and I wanted…” Ben trailed off, not entirely certain what it was he wanted.

A slight pause ensued on the other end, and Ben worried that he’d upset her. But the happy sounding sigh Leia let out put his mind at ease.

“Sweetheart…that is terrific news. We’re so proud of you, Son. I wish you’d called sooner; maybe we could have come down for the weekend to visit.” Leia said regretfully.

Ben drew his brows together, the guilt punching him in the gut.

“Oh Mom, no. That’s alright. I’ve been rather busy the last few weeks.” Ben said truthfully, Rey’s sweet face appearing in his thoughts.

Leia hummed thoughtfully.

“Are you ready to go back to work, Ben?” She asked seriously.

Ben tapped his fingers against the counter top in distraction.

“Yeah, Mom. More than ready. I’ve had a long rest and the therapy has helped. Especially the meds. They’re working wonders.” He said quietly.

Leia hummed again in the affirmative.

"That is very good news, my Love. We've been so worried, Ben. I know that you've been resting, and I've tried to give you space. But...well, I'm a mother." Leia said apologetically.

The guilt only deepened for Ben.

"I know, Mom. I know." He whispered contritely.

Silence reigned for a moment until Leia broke it, her voice eager.

“We miss you, Ben. We hope to see you very soon, if you can manage it. Thanksgiving is coming and, well…” Leia trailed off, leaving her intent clear.

Ben swiveled around on his stool, deciding now was as good a time as any to tell his mother about Rey.

“I know, Mom. I’ll be there. And...” Ben cleared his throat. “I’ve met someone. I was thinking of asking her to join us. If that’s alright with you and Dad, of course.” Ben hurried to stress, not wanting his mother to ever worry he would bring home a monster like he had once before. She had caused more damage than to just him, after all.

Leia was quiet for a beat, and Ben ran his hand through his unruly mane worrying he had upset her.

“Mom?” He ventured, his voice cracking gently.

“I’m here, Honey. You just threw me for a moment. I wasn’t expecting that, but I’m so happy for you.” Leia said gently.

Ben exhaled a sigh of relief. 

“Her name is Rey. She’s a grad student in architecture at Columbia. She’s brilliant, sweet, funny, and so lovely. She’s British. You and Dad would love her, Mom. I know you would.” Ben said confidently.

“Oh, Sweetheart…she sounds amazing. How did you meet her? When did you meet her?” Leia gushed, and Ben flushed with pleasure at how excited Leia sounded for him.

“We met on the train, of all places. About a month ago. I was coming back from dinner with Armitage and Phasma and she was sitting across from me. I don’t know…we just clicked.” Ben said shyly, totally omitting the part about walking her home in the dead of night and then sleeping on her couch.

Leia chuckled.

“Sounds like kismet.” She said wickedly, her husky voice lilting with humor.

Ben smiled to himself. 

“Yeah, something like that.” Ben agreed.

“Ben Solo! I can hear it.” Leia stated enigmatically.

“Hear what, Mom?” Ben asked wearily, knowing full well where this was going.

Leia snorted.

“Hear the smitten quality of your voice, that's what. You must really like this girl.” Leia said knowingly.

Ben thought about that word – like. He liked Rey, alright. 

“I do. I do like her, Mom. Very much. More than I’ve ever liked anyone.” He whispered.

He heard his mother gulp on the other end of the line. Ben sometimes forgot what his attempted suicide had done to his family…especially his mother. His heart ached for the near loss he’d caused her, and how he wondered if she would ever heal from it. She’d nearly lost her only child. He couldn’t imagine what that would do to him, had the roles been reversed.

“And she…is she…nice?” Leia asked worriedly, her motherly instinct kicking in. Ben expected nothing less from her.

“Yes, Mom. She’s more than nice. She’s like the sunlight peering through the clouds on a stormy day.” Ben murmured, feeling foolish but knowing there was no reason to hide how he felt for Rey from his mother.

Leia laughed heartily.

“Oh, Ben. I can’t wait to tell your father.” Leia said happily, making Ben wince. 

“Mom, um…” Ben faltered, not sure how to say what suddenly lodged into his heart like a missile. Leia must have known instinctively what was troubling him, though.

“Ben, Darling…listen to me. What happened? It wasn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. It was her. It was all her. She was a horrible human being and she is to blame. Sweetheart, please. Let it go.” Leia whispered, and Ben hated how he heard tears in his mother’s voice.

He closed his eyes, trying to center himself.

"Mom…I brought her into our lives. I let her get in between Dad and I. I…I accused him of terrible, awful things. How can he ever forgive me for that?” Ben whined in agony, hating himself for being so weak.

Leia sighed harshly.

“Your father loves you more than anything, Ben. Do you hear me? Anything! His only priority is you. There is nothing to forgive. He wants you to come home so badly that I hear him pacing at night, talking to himself. He blames himself for it all, Ben. In his mind, if he hadn’t been so charming all the time then maybe Bazine wouldn’t have tried to seduce him.” Leia said bitterly. 

Ben shook his head frantically, even though his mother couldn’t see.

“No. Absolutely not, Mom. Dad can’t change who he is. He was just being Han Solo. She saw her in and she took it. The worst part Mom…is that you were hurt so badly. You were caught in the middle, of…everything.” Ben whispered, rubbing the bridge of his nose wearily. 

This was not how he wanted his first day back to class to begin. 

“Ben…I know you feel bad, my love. But what hurt more than anything was you thinking your father and I blamed you. Please…forgive us.” Leia begged.

If Ben hadn’t felt guilty before, he sure as hell felt it now. But there was no use arguing with his mother. She was right; what’s done is done. 

“There is nothing to forgive, Mom. I’m so sorry that I haven’t called since last month. I saw your texts, heard your voicemails. I never meant to make you worry. I…” He stumbled, cursing softly under his breath.

“You weren’t ready. I understand, Ben. I’m just so happy that you called now. I’ve been waiting for you. We both have. We love you, Sweetheart."

And just like that, Ben dissolved into an emotional wreck. All of the guilt, all of the helplessness. He cried and sobbed while his mother listened patiently. Lovingly. Just the way she did when he was a boy. Then, the hardest thing he had to face was a skinned knee or a lost football game. But Leia was always there, offering him her unconditional love and support.

But now…

When it was over, and Ben could see the sunrise peeking over the buildings across the park, he sat down heavily on his couch and wiped his eyes. 

"I'm sorry about that. I guess I'm still a bit emotional...adjusting to the meds." Ben apologized.

Leia scoffed.

"Never apologize to me for that, Ben. Never. Are you going to be alright, Ben?” Leia asked gently.

Ben sighed, a strange feeling of weightlessness settling in his limbs.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll be fine, Mom. Thank you. I love you too.” Ben rasped thickly.

Leia released a watery laugh, laced with tenderness.

"You haven't said those words to me since you were graduated college. It's nice to hear them again."

Ben grit his teeth, angry at himself anew for not being the son his parent's deserved. 

“Have a wonderful first day back, okay? And bring that girl of yours upstate to visit us. No excuses.” Leia said sternly.

Ben smiled despite himself, suddenly energized again.

“I will, Mom. And…say hi to dad for me, please?” Ben asked hesitantly.

“Will do, Sweetheart. Bye.”

Ben disconnected the call, closing his eyes. It was a new day, a new start. And he was going to jump in with both feet and stop letting the past weigh him down.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Philosophy and Ancient Religions. For those of you that haven’t taken my class before, my name is Dr. Ben Solo. We will begin the term with an introduction to Buddhism. I suggest you learn the material inside and out, as one half of your grade will be determined by your efficacy to translate the tenets of Buddhist Monks as well as you would if you’d written them yourselves. And since they aren’t preoccupied with things like Twitter and Instagram, that will be quite the endeavor for you to find time from your busy social schedule.” Ben said dryly.

The room erupted in laughter at Ben’s joke, and Ben leaned on his desk and smiled.

Rey looked around the packed room at the faces which were riveted to Ben, and she felt a surge of pride for him. Almost every soul in the room was poised with their laptops open. He strolled up confidently to the front of the class, leaning against the lectern and focusing his gaze on his audience. 

She had snuck in just as the class was filling up, relieved there were a few seats in the back that were free. She felt guilty for not asking him if it was alright for her to sit in, but she couldn’t help herself. Waking up this morning, all she could think about was that it was Ben’s first day back and how he was going to manage. He’d seemed alright when she had spoken to him yesterday, if not a little nervous which was understandable. 

Ben circled his desk, grabbing a syllabus and eyeing it momentarily before addressing the room again.

“Well then…now that I have your attention. Let’s get to it. Buddhism is the practice of Buddha’s teachings, also called Dharma, the literal translation meaning protection. Followers of Buddhism practice Buddha’s teachings because they find there is no other sufficient method to solve human problems. For example, because modern technology often causes more suffering and dangers, it cannot be a real method to solve human problems. Although humans want to be happy 24/7 we do not know how to do this, resulting in destroying our own happiness by developing anger, negative views and negative intentions. Humans are always trying to escape from their problems, even in our dreams, but we do not know how to liberate ourselves from what we perceive to be suffering. Because we do not understand the true nature of things, we create our own suffering by performing inappropriate or non-virtuous actions.” Ben cited, his tone elegant and professional.

He paused here, his eyes fixed on a point somewhere Rey couldn’t see before striding closer to the front of the room. His eyes searched the crowd, and Rey felt a momentary panic sweep through her. She slumped down in her seat trying to hide, yet she couldn’t help but keep her eyes glued to his every move. He seemed to shift his gaze to somewhere out of her range though, much to Rey’s relief.

“Who can give me an example of how we create our own suffering by performing inappropriate or non-virtuous actions?” Ben asked, and Rey noted at least fifty hands raised.

Ben nodded briskly, and he singled out a blond woman in the third row.

“Your name, Miss?”

“Gina Phillips, Dr. Solo. I think an example would be promiscuity, Sir.” The woman said confidently. “Sleeping around, without taking precautions or considering the consequences and what those choices would mean.”

Ben titled his head in question.

“Elaborate please, Miss Phillips?”

Rey could not help but admire the way Ben effortlessly slipped into Professor mode, and she wasn’t the only one. Every eye in the room was glued to their exchange.

“Consequences such as disease, unwanted pregnancy, physical injury if the partner were violent, and emotional trauma, Sir. What was meant to allow us to feel something pleasurable, might turn into something that makes us feel bad, or take away our power to choose.” The woman stated quietly.

Ben nodded his approval at her answer.

“Yes. Exactly. Sex is designed for pleasure, companionship, and procreation. Yet humans wield it as a weapon. Sometimes the consequences can be deadly. Good answer, Miss. Phillips.” Ben said with praise, his finger already pointing to another student, this time a young man.

“Your name, Sir?”

“Ryan Carson, Dr. Solo. What about alcoholism and drug use? In trying to escape our problems and fears, we resort to artificial means which ends up temporary and harms us irrevocably.”

Ben gave the young man sharp nod.

“Good answer, Mr. Carson. While we humans sometimes turn to drugs and alcohol to numb our pain, it’s a proven fact that such avenues cause more harm than good. We can lose our families, our economic standing, our friends, even our lives due to illness caused by prolonged usage. While the rush of the high is euphoric, it is a temporary solution and almost always makes our problems worse. What we can gleam by the ancient texts, is that by practicing Buddha’s teachings followers think they are permanently protected from suffering. We will investigate the hits and misses for such an assumption.” Ben said neutrally. 

Rey relaxed further into her seat, a warm smile blooming on her lips. She had no idea how charismatic Ben was when he taught, and the evidence of it gave her goosebumps. He was a natural alright; the way he commanded his student’s attention was startling.

“Sir?”

Ben looked up, zeroing in on student who appeared to be older than the rest. 

“Yes, Sir? Your name please.” Ben asked politely.

“Steve Brown, Professor.”

“Mr. Brown, perhaps you can offer us another example of a non-virtuous act?”

“Yes, Sir. I was raised Catholic, so this was something that always seemed to pose a lot of controversy. What about suicide?” Steve Brown asked expectantly, and Rey’s eyes swiftly swung to Ben.

Ben stared at the man blankly, his eyes darkening. The air in the massive lecture hall seemed to still, and Rey felt the temperature drop a few degrees as Ben merely gazed at the student in question. But as quickly as the strange shift occurred it went, and Ben once again became animated. 

“Yes, yes. That is a prime example of a non-virtuous act. According to most of the worlds religions, it is the ultimate in selfish acts. Catholicism deems it a mortal sin, as I’m sure you’re aware. While Buddhists throughout the ages have resorted to suicide in select situations, Buddhism in general regards it as something to be avoided because it tends to lead to a less auspicious rebirth. Buddhists believe this to be true because ending a life prematurely makes the soul’s next journey in rebirth wrought with difficulties. After causing loved ones so much pain by your untimely exit, it will be that much harder to…shall we say, make things right in the next life. A life ending by natural means on this plane, with few regrets, enables the soul to be set free in a virtuous and prepared way.” Ben said quietly.

The student nodded, taking notes, and Rey found that she couldn’t take her off Ben. He had gone completely pale during the exchange. He walked back to his lectern, adjusting his glasses slightly.

“Thank you for your answer, Mr. Brown.”

Rey cocked her head as she watched Ben’s response, noticing an abrupt change in his voice and demeanor. It passed quickly though, as he strolled over to the board and began to write some notes in elegant script. 

“In modern times, we can see many different forms of Buddhism, such as Zen and Theravada Buddhism. All these different aspects are practices of Buddha’s teachings, and all are equally sacred to those who believe. They are just different presentations. But as in the secular life, it is safe to assume that that when it comes to the ‘truth’…all roads lead to Rome. Each one of us must travel our own road, and it is certain there will be pitfalls along the way. It is how we cope with these setbacks that determine our success. Ask any Buddhist what they truly seek, and the answer will most likely always be enlightenment.”

The class continued smoothly for the next fifty minutes, Ben and students alike offering opinions and discussing theories. Rey found herself absolutely fascinated by the subject, even absently taking notes at one point even though it had nothing at all to do with her own major. She rolled her eyes at herself as she slid down further in her seat, feeling ridiculous. 

“He’s awesome, isn’t he?” 

Rey turned to her left and met the excited gaze of a young woman with flaming red hair who smirked at her knowingly. Rey’s face flamed for the fact she had been so obviously enamored with Ben’s teaching.

“Yes. He is.” She answered quietly, smiling slightly at the stranger.

The woman nodded enthusiastically, looking like she had just discovered gold. Rey’s eyes narrowed a smidge, a strange and unwelcome feeling of jealousy flaring inside of her at the way the woman’s eyes followed Ben’s every move. Looking around the crowded theatre, she noticed that the redhead’s eyes weren’t the only ones pinned to Ben’s. Half of the women were staring at him with dreamy eyes, and a few of the men, too. Rey gasped, unprepared for the feelings of possessiveness that overwhelmed her.

Ben lectured on, oblivious to their admiring eyes, and Rey tried to brush it off. She knew that a sweet, tender, intelligent man such as Ben would have plenty of admirers; especially students who no doubt had a professor/student fantasy thing going on. It didn’t help that Ben was devastatingly attractive. Tilting her head, she realized that the first time she had seen him in the office last spring, he had looked like a clean-cut boy next door. Now, he looked like a rakish sexpot with just-fucked hair and stubble that begged to be stroked. Simultaneous feelings of lust and worry overcome her, but she tamped them down and chided herself for being so idiotic.

Still, she wondered if coming here like this was a mistake. It was one thing to assume everyone was attracted to Ben. It was entirely another to watch it play out before her eyes.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben flung himself on his bed facedown, not even bothering to toe off his shoes or jacket. 

It had been an exhausting day, to say the least. A meeting with the Chancellor before his first class, three classes back to back, a conference with the department head, and two more classes had proven to be enough for one day. He barely registered telling the taxi driver his address on the way home, too exhausted to take the subway the short ride from Columbia to his apartment.

Closing his eyes, he let out a deep sigh. He’d done it. His first day back, and he’d passed with flying colors. Sure, he was immolated now; so tired that he didn’t even think he’d want to eat dinner. But it had felt amazing getting back to his students and interacting with them again and watching their faces glow with the excitement of learning. 

He smiled softly into his pillow as he remembered his discovery after his second class today, his heart swelling with emotion. Rey had been there, in his lecture hall. He was certain of it.

He always made it a habit to give the class a once over before leaving, in case a student left something of import, so he could bring it to lost and found. But what he found when he entered the balcony section of the hall was something incredibly unexpected. 

The scent of gardenia’s. 

At first, he had thought he’d imagined it. After all, Rey’s scent seemed to linger in his mind for good now. But it was concentrated most in a small section of seats, high enough to be hidden from his view if she had chanced to sneak in. In his nervous state, he hadn’t really been paying close attention to all the faces staring back at him today. It was a possibility that she had come by and blended in with the rest of the students.   
He full on smiled now, shaking his head. That beautiful little sneak, He thought with affection. His heart quickened rapidly when he imagined her reaction to seeing him teach. 

Was she impressed by him? Did she think he sounded ridiculous? Maybe she felt like he was wasting his time…like he could use his talents elsewhere, such as a medical practice with his degree in psychology. 

Fully alert now, Ben lifted his head from the pillow and looked around his room. The shadows were rapidly replacing the waning sunlight now as dusk approached, lending a melancholy air to his surroundings. 

No…it wasn’t Rey who felt like that. It was Bazine. She hadn’t wanted to be a Professor’s girlfriend. She wanted to be a Doctor’s girlfriend. An Astronauts mistress…

“Bitch!” Ben whispered harshly, getting up and pacing the room clumsily. His earlier exhaustion was still lingering, and he felt disoriented…untethered.

“Breath, Ben. Just breath.” He ordered himself, forcing cleansing air into his lungs and exhaling loudly. After a few moments, he felt better. 

Sitting on his bed, he scrubbed his hands over his tired eyes and tried to focus.

“She’s gone, Solo. Gone. Good riddance. Stop this, right now. You have too much now to be grateful for to allow her to drag you back down. Rey. Remember Rey. She cares for you. You know she does. Do not poison the future with black memories of the past.” Ben said aloud, the affirmation instantly strengthening his resolve. He sat in silence for a few minutes, feeling his heart calm to a more manageable rhythm. 

Deciding to take a shower and wash the exhaustion away, Ben headed for the bathroom. 

A noise in the next room alerted him to the front desk buzzer and he hurried over to answer it, puzzled.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, Dr. Solo. It’s Daniels from the front desk. A package has arrived for you, Sir. Shall I bring it up or would you like to retrieve it yourself? It’s rather large.”

Ben frowned in confusion. A package? That was strange. The only package he was expecting was from Phasma, and she had told him that wouldn’t arrive until Tuesday. Shrugging, he pressed the intercom again.

“Thank you, Daniels, but don’t trouble yourself. I’ll be right down.” He said kindly.

“Very well, Sir.” Daniels answered briskly, before disconnecting the call.

Ben clicked off as well, pocketing his phone as he exited his apartment. As he entered the elevator car he wondered for the millionth time if he was making the right decision in presenting the gift to Rey. What if she deemed it too personal…too over the top? He supposed he could have bought her a coat at Macy’s or Saks, but it wouldn’t have had the attention to detail that one of Phasma’s design would have. He desperately wanted Rey to not only have something beautiful and warm, but custom made just for her. He doubted that she’d ever had, and the thought saddened him terribly. If anyone deserved something one of a kind, it was Rey.

The elevator opened in the lobby and Ben made his way to the reception desk, spying Daniels by his post. The doorman nodded politely and greeted Ben with a salute wave.

“It’s back here, Sir. It just arrived by courier about ten minutes ago.”

Ben followed the doorman behind the reception desk, excitement building up in him as though the gift were for him. There was a small card with his name on it, which Ben opened it quickly.

‘Hello, Pooh. Alright, so I couldn’t wait until Tuesday. It arrived this morning and I just HAD to courier it to you. I’m such a romantic, no? Anyway, I know you will love it. I hope the color is just what you asked for. I muddled over the sketches until I felt it was perfect. Do let me know how the fair maiden likes it. Phas X’

Ben smiled widely, running his hand across the box with reverence. The fact that Phasma had not only done this for free but had taken such painstaking care with it touched him greatly. He looked up to find the doorman eyeing him with a gleam in his eye. 

“Thank you, Daniels.” Ben said gratefully, lifting the large parcel up by the handle and throwing Daniel’s a warm smile over him shoulder. 

Daniels cleared his throat behind him, catching Ben’s attention.

“A gift, Sir?” He asked genially, his voice amused.

Ben nodded purposefully.

“Yes. For someone very special.” He whispered, strolling to the elevator. 

He examined the box once he settled into the car, marveling at how big it was. He was dying to see the coat; not to critique Phasma’s work, but to get an idea of what Rey would be seeing. He grinned to himself, knowing it was best to wait until they saw it together. He had no idea how he would keep this secret for the next four days, but the anticipation would be thrilling.

Forgetting his earlier panic attack, he set the box down carefully on his dining room table and headed for the shower. Just the idea that he’d be seeing Rey soon made him feel so much better.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey tried to concentrate on her homework, but it was futile. Ben’s sweet face kept replaying itself in her thoughts and she finally threw aside her notebook with a huff. It was only Wednesday, and she was already anxious to see him. She smiled to herself as she thought back to seeing him teach, more certain than ever that something terrible must have happened to him to make him take a six month sabbatical. He had too good a rapport with the students. Perhaps it had been a family issue? He might have needed the time off to care for his parent’s. The thought had crossed her mind as of late, but she brushed it aside. If he wanted her to know, he would tell her. And if he didn’t…

Rey didn’t know how she felt about that. 

Shutting her laptop forcefully, she huffed out a breath of air. A glance at the clock told her it was nearing ten pm, and she wondered if it was too late to call him. Deciding that a text was less intrusive, she pulled up his name in her contacts.

‘Hey, Professor. How did Day 1 go? I didn’t want to disturb you in case you were busy, but I was thinking about you.’

Not more than two minutes later, her phone pinged.

‘Hello, Rey. It was exhausting. LOL. It was great, though. Truly. How has your week been? I’ve been thinking about you, too. Every day. I’ve just been swamped. Did you do anything interesting this week?’

Rey’s heart stuttered.

‘Ah, the same old thing. Class, lab…dinner with Finn….’ She typed in reply.

“Sneaking into your class to watch you teach. Trying to keep myself from attacking you and ripping your clothes off” She said aloud, biting her lip.

‘I miss you, Rey.’

Tears sprang to Rey’s eyes as she typed him back.

‘I miss you too, Ben. Truthfully? I was trying to study and my thoughts kept straying to you. You’re very distracting, you know. Even when you’re not with me.’

A beat, then…

‘Payback, Miss Kenobi. For all of the moments I’ve lost thinking of your beautiful smile.’

Rey laid back on her pillows, staring at Ben’s words. 

Ask him! Sounded in her head. Ask him everything.

But she knew forcing Ben to be honest with her was not the way to get him to open up to her. Resolving to have patience, she sighed.

‘I’ll see you in two days.’ She typed instead, ending her text with a smiley emoji.

‘Two days.’ Ben confirmed back, and the wind was knocked out of Rey when he ended his with a heart.

Rey stared at that heart on the screen until the screen went dark.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next two days for Rey passed in a blur of work, class, chores, and studying. Friday evening was finally here, and with it the anticipation of spending the night with Ben. She had wandered up to the roof as the sun was descending in the sky. It was the most beautiful time of day to her, the city’s fast paced energy finally slowing down a tad before it all began anew with the frenetic chaos of the night. Anxious to see Ben, she kept her eyes trained on the sidewalks below.

They’d kept in touch over the last five days through texts and finally a phone call, last night. Rey understood that Ben was trying to settle back into teaching and having distractions was not good for him, no matter how enjoyable they might have been. She knew he must have been exhausted, and his voice gave it away. She had sympathized with him, telling him to go to bed and that they would have all of Friday night to catch up. After muttering a sleepy goodnight, Ben had disconnected the call leaving Rey smiling at it affectionately.

She found herself wanting to take care of him…feed him a home cooked meal, tuck him in with a kiss. Watch him sleep and keep his demons at bay. She thought of him alone in his spacious apartment, a pang of loneliness striking a deep chord within her. Was it wrong of her to want to spend every moment with him?

She sighed, gripping the wrought iron guard tightly.

“Someone’s impatient. Are you hoping to catch a glimpse of Ben Solo from a mile away?”

Rey turned around to find Finn eyeing her humorously, a knowing smirk on his lips. He crossed his arms, daring Rey to deny it. Of course, she couldn’t. She blushed deeply and rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the city below. 

“No, Mr. Smarty-pants. I just wanted to get some air,” Rey lied, trying to sound casual and failing miserably.

Finn snorted merrily, ambling over to stand at the edge of the roof next to Rey.

“Uh huh.” Finn said with an air of disbelief, trying and failing to hid a grin.

Together the friends stood in silence for a few minutes, Finn daring a few cautious glances Rey’s way.

“So…the Professor.” Finn trailed off, a lilt of sauciness in his voice.

Rey sighed, knowing exactly where this was going. Still, she knew she had to at least try and play innocent.

“What about him?” She asked casually, brushing imaginary dirt from the ledge.

Finn laughed good naturedly, bumping Rey’s shoulder with his own.

“Come on, Rey. You are so in love it’s crazy. I know you snuck into one of his lectures the other day. I saw leaving the psychology wing. Your classes are nowhere near that side of campus.” Finn pointed out, his voice neutral yet probing.

Rey peered at Finn guiltily, chewing her lip.

“So? What of it? Is there a law against it?” She questioned cheekily, not sure why she was getting so defensive.

Finn held up his hands in a gesture of surrender, smiling sweetly at his friend.

“No! Of course not, Peanut. I was just teasing. It’s only natural that you would want to see him in action, so to speak. I told you last year that he was an amazing teacher. So…what did you think?” Finn asked expectantly.

Rey released the breath she was holding, shaking her head.

“Magnificent, really. I can see why you enjoyed his classes so much. He commanded that room with such…decisiveness. Teaching was really his calling.” Rey said with pride, remembering the way countless students had raised their arms to answer questions posed by Ben. 

She also remembered how many of them gazed at him as if he were a snack.

Finn nodded, smiling.

“Yep. He’s a great Professor. It was really a shame that he missed summer classes. Rose is still crushed that she didn’t get the Solo experience." He said with a hint of humor in his voice.

Rey narrowed her eyes in sudden remembrance, wondering for the millionth time what had happened to him in his absence. She was clinging to the hope that he had just needed a much-earned break, yet a nagging sense of dread kept bringing her back to the conclusion that it was so much more than that. Rose’s words the other day about the woman she’d seen Ben with on campus did nothing to qualm her fears, either. 

“Yeah,” She whispered absently, drawing Finn’s attention.

“Hey…are you alright?” He asked, suddenly concerned.

Rey nodded, brushing off the sudden uneasiness.

“Oh…yeah. Just lost my train of thought for moment there.” She backpedaled.

Satisfied for the moment, Finn shrugged.

“It was really cool of him to agree to hang out tonight with us.”

Rey giggled.

“He didn’t agree to it, Finn. He suggested it. I think he wants to get to know my friends better.” Rey said, the idea warming her from the inside out.

Finn nodded, impressed.

“Cool.” He repeated. “I’m going to take a shower before Rose gets here. Let her in for me?”

Rey smiled, saluting Finn.

“You got it.” She said happily.

The pair made their way back to the apartment, and no sooner did Finn shut the bathroom door than there was a loud knock signaling Rose’s arrival.

“You know, you could just use your key.” Rey said saucily as she opened it for her.

Rose rolled her eyes.

“I feel funny doing that when you're both home.” Rose admitted, and it was Rey’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Well, I’m not a maid, so…open it yourself next time.” Rey said airily, winking at her friend. 

Rose offered her a mock curtsey. 

“Fine, your Highness. Hey…where is Finn?” She asked, lowering her voice to a whisper.

Rey looked at her strangely.

“He just got in the shower. Do you want to go get him?” Rey asked, already going towards her room to give the couple privacy. 

But Rose grabbed her arm, shaking her head.

“Oh, no. I wanted to speak to you. In private. This is perfect since we have a few minutes alone. Can we talk in your room?” Rose asked eagerly, and Rey felt a spark of fear churn in her stomach.

“Of course, Rose. Are you alright?” Rey asked in hushed tones, leading her friend to her bedroom.

Rose nodded quickly as she followed her inside, locking the door behind her.

“I’m fine, Rey. Actually…this concerns you.” Rose stated, looking for once in her life like she was afraid of saying something.  
Rey sat on her bed, inviting Rose to do the same.

“Me?” Rey murmured, narrowing her eyes. “I don’t understand.”

Rose sighed, pulling out a paper bag from her carry all. Rey’s eyes slid down curiously to the bag, before connecting with Rose’s in question.

“This is for you. I thought long and hard about it all week and decided that it was up to me to be the responsible friend and help you. You know…I sometimes forget that you don’t have a mother or a sister like I do.” Rose said, not unkindly. “I didn’t know if you need these, or if you planned something else, or even if I’m totally overstepping my bounds here. But I wanted you to know that I care about you and want you to be safe and prepared. For anything.” Rose stated seriously.

Rey let out a small gasp, suddenly cognizant of where this conversation was going. With trembling fingers, she took the bag from Rose and opened it, dumping the contents on the mattress space between them. Rey’s eyes bugged out as she noted everything there. Four boxes of condoms in different styles and sizes. A box of IVC contraceptive jelly. A box of Today sponges. A box of spermicidal films. A tube of KY Jelly. A small bottle of what looked to be strawberry flavored lubricant. A container of anti-inflammatory tablets. And a bottle of personal cleanser. She stared speechless at the bounty, eyeing it like it were a heap of naughty Halloween candy.

“Rose…what…” Rey breathed, her face turning as red as a tomato. 

Rose shook her head, shushing her gently.

“Listen, Rey. I know that you’re a virgin. And I know that it might be scary for you to ponder that as things with Ben get…more serious. You might find yourself in a situation where you’re not prepared. I don’t know what your plans are long term, but this will get you started in any way you feel comfortable when the moment…arises.” Rose said, snorting at the end at her pun.

Rey’s eyes widened to moonbeams as Rose’s words sunk in.

“You mean…if Ben and I have…sex.” Rey whispered, feeling light headed at the prospect.

Rose smirked, leaning closer to her friend.

“If? Good grief. Don’t you mean when? Come on, Rey. Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. And I would eat my shoe if Ben Solo hasn’t thought about it, too. Probably seven hundred times already. It was clear to me that the man is head over feet for you. And I didn’t know if you were…prepared. Most women, especially virgins, leave it to the man. But you can’t do that, Hon. You will feel better if you have things covered on your end. You’ll feel more in control. Safer. And more confident. Trust me.” Rose said, gripping Rey’s hands gently.

Rey leaned back, studying her friend with soft eyes. This was the first time a woman had ever done something so kind for her before. Caring enough about her well being and safety…it was too much. Tears sprang to Rey’s eyes before she could stop them.

Rose misunderstood Rey’s reaction, a look of panic crossing her features. 

“Oh! I’ve upset you. God, I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, Rey. I was just-“ 

Rey shook her head frantically in the negative, cutting off Rose’s rant.

“No, Rose. No. You didn’t upset me. It’s the opposite. I have thought about…this.” Rey said, gesturing to the birth control and other items. “It was a bit overwhelming, and you’re right. I was wondering when the time came, if Ben would take care of that. Honestly…I don’t even know how to broach such a topic with him.” She said guiltily.

Relieved, Rose let out a sigh.

“Thank goodness. I didn’t want to embarrass you. I only wanted you to be prepared. And I thought as much. I’m sure Ben is a responsible, caring man in that regard. But it never hurts to be the one in charge of your health, right?” Rose asked sweetly.

Rey giggled, wiping her eyes.

“Yeah. You’re right. So…what is all of this stuff?” Rey asked curiously, picking up a random box here and there.

Rose smiled, crossing her legs.

“Well, various methods of birth control. Condoms, obviously. But there are a few other options, as well if you want to experiment. The rest is just some things to help make you feel fresh and comfortable. Look through it all, and just…file it away for when it’s needed.” Rose said evenly.

Rey grinned shyly, biting her lip. Rose grinned back at her with affection.

“Um, Rey…has it…progressed to that level yet? With Ben, I mean?” She asked carefully, and Rey’s mouth fell open in shock.

“No! We…well, we kissed. A lot. And he sort of um…” Rey trailed off, mortified. In the end, she rubbed her hands over her chest as if she was rubbing a painful cough away. 

But Rose got the message, though, and smiled pertly.

“I see. So…Dr. Solo is a boob man.” Rose whispered playfully.

Scandalized, Rey gasped.

“Rose! Please don’t let Finn know. I’ll never hear the end of it.” Rey begged, her hazel eyes beseeching.  
Rose’s smile faltered.

“Of course not, Rey. That’s why I wanted to do this in private. Finn doesn’t know anything about this, trust me. It will be our secret, okay?” Rose asked, placing her hand on Rey’s shoulder comfortingly.

Overwhelmed with Rose’s gesture, Rey leaned forward and hugged her friend tightly. Physical affection was still a new and scary thing for Rey, but friends like Rose and Finn were helping her be more open to it. 

“Thank you so much for this, Rose. I’m truly touched.” Rey said, sniffling.

Rose hugged her friend back tightly, before snorting loudly in her ear.

“At least now when you’re touched, you’ll be protected.” She snarked, pulling back and raising her brows at Rey in a sexy pose.

Rey rolled her eyes, blushing again. 

“Rose…what’s it like? You know.” Rey ventured quietly.

Rose gazed at her calmly for a moment, before a dreamy quality overtook her features.

“It’s amazing, Rey. Truly. When it’s with someone you care about…love. I’ve only ever been with Finn, so…but when it’s right? It’s magical.”

Rey gulped deeply, her eyes taking on a faraway look.

“I’ve always thought it was like that. But I was afraid to hope.” She said truthfully.

Rose frowned.

“Why, Rey? What were you afraid of?” She asked gently.

Rey shrugged, feeling foolish.

“You know…giving myself to someone in such an intimate way. I’d never even kissed anyone until Ben.” Rey admitted shyly.

Rose nodded in understanding.

“And now? Are you afraid, now?” Rose murmured.

Rey bit her lip.

“Not of Ben, no. But…I am afraid that something awful will come between us. I just hope that I’m wrong.” Rey whispered.

Rose studied Rey a moment, wishing there was some way she could help her friend. 

“Trust yourself, Rey. Trust your instincts. I’ve never met a stronger, more adaptable woman than you. And only engage in intimacy if you’re ready. Never feel pressured, okay?” Rose said in a sisterly way.

Just then, the shower in the next room stopped. Rey looked towards the bathroom.

“I’m gonna go greet my boyfriend.” Rose said slyly, sashaying to the bedroom door. 

Rey watched her go with a knowing smile. She didn’t want to imagine what her friends would be doing in that bathroom and chuckled at the vision.

When she was alone, Rey examined the items again, fascinated. She had wondered about this, of course. But lack of experience and embarrassment had halted her progress. She placed the items back inside the paper bag and put the bag in her nightstand drawer, out of sight. The idea of using any of this stuff with Ben made her blush furiously. She didn’t think they were quite ready for that…yet. But each moment she spent with Ben only solidified her growing feelings.

Looking at the clock, she noted with excitement that Ben was due any minute. She walked over to the mirror and stared at herself critically. What did he see when he looked at her, she wondered. Was she too tall? Too short? She knew she didn’t have a curvaceous figure like Rose did; hers was more athletic and she’d always fretted about lacking in the chest department. Rey’s memory strayed to her and Ben’s date, and how he certainly had no complaints about her anatomy. She caressed her collar bone as she remembered his lips on her breasts, his tongue doing magical things to her nipples.

Rose’s giggling in the next room broke Rey out of her stupor, and she fanned herself with her hand.

“Keep it together, Kenobi.” She admonished her reflection, noticing how bright her eyes were and how flushed her skin appeared. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben made his way up to Rey’s apartment, hiding the gift for her in a private alcove beside her front door before knocking gently. On the other side, he heard laughter and squealing, with what sounded like Rose’s voice. He smiled, grateful for Rey that she had such warm friends.

The door flung open, but this time it was Rey who was standing there looking beautiful in a black sweater and black leggings that molded to her every curve. His eyes roved over her from head to toe, unable to control the smile that bloomed on his lips at seeing her bare feet. Her toenails were painted baby pink with what looked like daisies drawn on them.

“Hi.” She greeted sweetly and a little breathless, her eyes shyly taking him in. 

Ben wondered at the brightness of her features, hoping against hope that it was because of him that she was so happy. He had never made anyone happy, especially not HER. He wanted so desperately to make Rey happy.

“Hi, back.” He whispered quietly. His first reaction was to drag her into his arms and kiss her senseless, but when his eyes trailed behind her and he heard her friends clearly in the next room, he thought better of it. “I brought drinks. A bottle of wine, some beer, and…various soft drinks.” He said, holding a very full bag aloft.

Delighted, Rey giggled and closed the door behind him as she ushered him to the kitchen. 

“That was so sweet of you, Ben. We’re still deciding on whether to order Chinese, Indian, or pizza. You may be the deciding vote.” She said.

Just then, Rose came out of what Ben assumed was Finn’s bedroom, with the young man hot on her tail as he grabbed her around the waist.

“Oh! Our guest has arrived.” Rose said gleefully, pulling away from Finn to extend her hand to Ben.

“Hi, Dr. Solo. It’s so good to see you again.” She said with her usual friendliness, offering Ben a toothy grin.

“Finn, Rose. Hello. It’s good to see you, too. Thank you for having me over.” He said, his eyes connecting with Rey who was smiling at him softly.

Finn nodded enthusiastically. 

“It’s our pleasure, Professor. We’re probably the envy of the entire university; hanging with Dr. Ben Solo.” Finn chuckled.

Rose rolled her eyes and elbowed Finn gently in the ribs.

“Cool it, cowboy. You’re going to scare the poor guy away with your hero worship.” She snarked.

Finn frowned looking mildly embarrassed, but Ben laughed.

“No, no. It’s fine, really. And I’m just a regular guy, I swear. No hero worship is necessary.” Ben said evenly.

Rey looked on from the kitchen, smirking.

“Okay, regular guy…come in here and help me make some drinks.” She ordered Ben softly, winking to soften the blow.

“Yes Ma’am.” Ben said respectfully, scurrying into the kitchen while Finn and Rose snorted.

“Come on, Peanut. I’m starving. Let’s decide what to order before I pass out from low blood sugar.” Finn grumbled, shuffling a handful of takeout menus.

Rey stared mock daggers at Finn.

“Hold your horses, Finn. Now that Ben is here, we can all decide together.” Rey said, motioning to Ben.

“What are you in the mood for?” Finn addressed him, raising a few of the menus aloft.

Ben shrugged, grinning.

“Anything is fine, really. I would hate to be the deciding vote here.” He said, his gaze swinging between Rey and her roommate.

Finn snorted merrily.

“Yeah, I bet. Especially since your girl over there takes her grub very seriously. You know, she can put away food like a trucker and not gain an ounce. It isn’t fair.” Finn remarked, only half joking.

Rey looked mortified, begging Rose with her eyes to get a handle on her boyfriend before she died of embarrassment. 

“Professor, I vote Indian. I love spicy. So does Rey. But Finn is leaning towards Mexican. So, you are the deciding vote, I’m afraid.” Rose said, winking at Ben.

Finn nudged his girlfriend gently in the ribs.

“You know he’s going to go with whatever Rey wants, right?” He stated aloud, grinning mischievously at the pair. 

Rey blushed, but Ben merely agreed.

“I’m up for Indian, too. Something told me that Rey would choose that. That’s why I bought that Tsingtao beer over there.” Ben chuckled.

Rey’s eyes widened.

“How did you know?” Rey asked, truly surprised.

Ben shrugged, laughing. 

“Lucky guess, given the fact you grew up in England. It wasn’t that much of a stretch.”

Rey leaned against the counter, crossing her arms as she sized Ben up.

“Huh. And here I thought you were trying to woo me with your vast intelligence and willingness to please. All the while you were just assuming it was a part of my British upbringing.” Rey said airily.

The Professor matched Rey’s stance, crossing his arms and gazing at her under his fringe of lashes.

“Is it working...wooing you?” He asked, his velvety voice dropping an octave.

Finn and Rose gaped between the pair as if watching a tennis match.

Rey fervently hoped that no one noticed how her breathing had accelerated.

“Yes.” She murmured bluntly, biting her lower lip.

Clucking her tongue, Rose snatched the menu to the Indian takeaway out of Finn’s hand.

“Alrighty, then. Indian it is.” She said, worried that the heat packed glances the pair were shooting each other were going to set the apartment on fire. 

As quickly as the heavy tension came it evaporated, leaving one couple arguing about whether to share a Vindaloo or a Madras and the other couple stealing shy glances at each other. In the end they all ordered something different with the intent to share it family style. As they settled in comfortably with their drinks, Finn grabbed the remote and logged into Netflix.

“I vote to watch Orange is the New Black.” Finn chimed in, looking at Ben for support. 

Ben raised his brow at Finn’s choice. But whatever they chose to watch was fine with him, as he knew with Rey so close his focus was probably going to be on her, anyway.

Rose rolled her eyes and playfully smacked Finn on the shoulder.

“No, no, no. The only reason you want to watch that is because of the girl on girl sex. You can’t fool me, Finn Calrissian.” Rose said mock sternly, tossing a pillow at Finn’s head.

Finn scoffed, and Ben’s mouth fell open at Rose’s brash statement. Meanwhile, Rey covered her eyes in shock at her friends’ antics.

“Let’s just watch a couple of movies, alright?” Rey pleaded, motioning to Ben with a raise of her brows.

Ben watched the exchange in amusement, trying to keep a straight face as Finn and Rose debated before finally relenting.

“Are we embarrassing you, Rey?” Finn ribbed Rey playfully. 

Rey blushed and shook her head at Ben helplessly.

“I’m sorry about these two, Ben. They don’t get out much.” She snarked, her eyes shooting daggers at Finn.

Finn looked wounded but Ben didn’t mind in the slightest. He cupped Rey’s cheek tenderly to assure her it was alright.

“It’s fine, Rey. Really. My friends like to embarrass me every chance they get, too. I think it’s an unwritten law or something.” Ben said with an air of kindness.

Feeling marginally better, Rey nodded and relaxed. But she kept her eye on her friends, just in case.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four hours and a feast later that consisted of Chicken Tikka Masala, Lamb Vindaloo, Chicken Madras, Curried prawns, Jasmine rice, grilled eggplant, and Naan bread, the quartet stretched out on their respective seats and chatted about the movie’s they’d chosen.

“I wonder if time travel is really possible in a universe more advanced.” Finn remarked, looking thoughtfully at the coffee table. 

Rose grinned, nuzzling up to his shoulder.

“Would you transverse time and space to find me, like Richard did for Elise?” Rose asked sweetly, and Finn’s answering smile was blinding.

“Yeah, Babe. I would do anything to find you. Even bend time itself.” Finn whispered, running his lips over Rose’s temple with tenderness.

Ben watched their exchange with fascination, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. But when he discreetly turned away, he found Rey watching him with a look in her eyes much like the one Finn had now.

It was Finn who broke the spell, standing up and stretching.

“Well that was fun. Thanks for including us, guys. I’m going to run Rose home since it’s so late. I might even stay over, so I won’t have to drive back in the dark.” Finn said, grabbing his keys off the table.

Rey smiled warmly at her friends as they began to put on their scarves and jackets.

“Don’t you want to stay for a bit longer and share dessert with us?” Ben asked kindly, his eyes darting between the pair.

Finn stopped putting on his gloves, his eyes connecting with Rey’s who discreetly shook her head no with pleading. The young man grinned, hiding it behind the guise of a friendly smile Ben’s way.

“Ah, we’d love to Professor, but I have an early day tomorrow. I’m helping my parent’s out at the restaurant. But thanks for including us tonight, it was fun.” Finn said, walking over to shake Ben’s hand.

Ben smiled cordially, gripping Finn’s hand in return.

“Thanks for joining us. It was great getting to know you both better.” Ben said sincerely.

Rose blushed as she waved goodbye as well.

“I’ll walk you both out,” Rey said, rising from the couch.

Finn turned around just as he made it through the doorway, winking at Rey.

“Be good now, Peanut. I wouldn’t want to come home tomorrow to find our apartment destroyed.” He said devilishly, dodging a punch in the arm from Rey before she hurriedly turned around and flew back into the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part will follow.


	9. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...the title says it all. *Blushes* Gifts come in many forms. And please do remember to check out my Pinterest board for this story. Each chapter has it's own pictures. I'm JoKaye on Pinterest.

As soon as the door closed, Rey’s eyes shot to Ben’s. He was still standing on the other side of the couch, keeping a respectable distance. 

“That was interesting.” Ben whispered, his expression amused.

Rey nodded, her gaze sliding down to Ben’s lips.

“Yeah…it was. Thank you for suggesting it. It was a lot of fun, Ben. My friends really like you.” Rey said warmly.

Ben nodded absently, looking out of place suddenly. Rey decided that just wouldn’t do.

“Come here.” Rey pleaded gently, her voice welcoming and her face open. While she had truly enjoyed having Ben in her space and having a good time with her friends, it was a relief to finally have him alone…all to herself.

Ben had never felt so accepted by another person as he did by Rey; her gentle eyes full of warmth made him feel like he could move a mountain. Letting out a sigh of relief that they were finally alone Ben closed the distance between them, wrapping her in his arms before Rey could utter the word ‘Oh.’ The hug he gave her was all engulfing. He clung to her as a dying man would a life raft; the feel of her body so perfect against his as he tightened his grip and she did the same. 

They pulled back at the same time, so close that Rey felt little puffs of Ben’s breath on her cheek as he searched her eyes. 

“Hi.” Ben whispered again, as if their earlier greeting had never occurred. In answer Rey leaned forward and pressed her lips against his tenderly. 

The kiss was sweet and warm, both exploring the other’s mouth tentatively. Airy gasps were escaping Ben and the sensation made Rey shudder. 

“I’ve missed you this week, Ben. I missed talking to you…seeing your face.” Rey admitted quietly, burying her nose into his neck. He smelled delicious, and Rey's eyes rolled back in her head as she inhaled his warm fragrance greedily.

She could feel Ben tremble against her, as though her words scared him. He mimicked her position, slumping down further to be level with her before placing his head upon her shoulder. He was quiet for a few beats before he sighed.

“I’ve missed you too, Rey. But it was a good week back. Especially when I realized that you came to my lecture the other day.” He admitted timidly, exhaling a deep warm breath against her neck. 

The sensation made Rey shudder. Despite the feeling of enjoyment Rey tensed, fearing she had upset him. She sat back down on the couch, and Ben sat beside her.

“You knew? Oh, Ben. I’m sorry if I upset or distracted you. I tried to be stealthy about it. I truly just wanted to see you in action.” Rey said hurriedly.

But Ben pulled away, rapidly shaking his head back and forth.

“No, Rey, no. I’m not mad. I’m…flattered. I hadn’t realized it until you were gone, and I spent the next few days worrying what you thought of it. Of me.” Ben said humorously, yet Rey could hear an undertone of anxiety in his voice. 

Rey gazed into his dark eyes with surprise.

“I thought it was magnificent. You were magnificent, Ben. The eloquence of the way you teach, the way the students were engrossed in your words…I almost wished I had taken your class.” Rey said sweetly.

Ben’s face split in a wide smile.

“How did you know that I was there? I was so careful not to let you see me.” Rey said, frowning as she tried to piece together where she’d fallen short.

Ben gazed at her fondly, his eyes sparkling. He ran his fingers along her cheek, enjoying the softness there.

“Gardenias. I smelled gardenia perfume. After class, I walked around the classroom searching for any leftover garbage or lost and found and I sensed it strongly, in one particular area.” He murmured.

Rey pursed her lips and smiled.

“That could have been anyone; there were at least a hundred students there. What on Earth made you deduce that it was me?” She asked incredulously. 

Ben searched her face intently, a gentle smile gracing his features.

“I just knew.” He answered steadily, just as before.

Rey merely nodded, intrigued.

The pair of them sat in comfortable silence, before Ben scooted back and encouraged Rey to lean against his chest. He held her close and stroked her arm.

“Tell me about your time in England growing up.” He asked suddenly, his voice eager. 

Although Rey didn’t like to remember most of her childhood, she found that she wanted to share every little detail with Ben. Taking a breath, she exhaled heavily.

“It was lonely. I had no close family, so that meant no family vacations, holidays to share…you get the picture. I had a few friends, but I was hesitant to really lay down stakes anywhere. After my parents died, I was bounced back and forth from great aunts to second cousins twice removed. In the end, they didn’t want the responsibility of caring for a child that was not their own. I lived in an orphanage from the ages of eight to twelve, before I went into the foster care system. That’s when the nightmare really began. The foster parents could either be cruel or ignore me altogether. Most of them only did it for the money and food vouchers. They usually had children of their own or other foster kids who were mean to me. I just wanted to come of age and go out on my own. It wasn’t until I was seventeen that I found out although my parents didn’t make any legal arrangements for someone to adopt me, they had left me a modest inheritance for when I came of age. They were so young when they died; I don’t think they thought they would have to make certain I was cared for.” Rey finished sadly, pulling at an imaginary thread on a throw pillow. 

Ben grimaced at Rey’s description, and he fervently wished that he hadn’t asked. What a heartache for someone so young. Rey was the sweetest person he had ever met. It pained him to imagine what her life must have been like all alone without love.

“I’m so sorry, Rey. I wish things could have different for you.” He said regretfully, tightening his hold upon her. He made a promise to himself to never allow her to feel that alone ever again.

Rey shrugged.

“Thank you, Ben.” She said sincerely. 

Ben realized that there really wasn’t anything else she could say.

“So how about you? What was your childhood like?” Rey asked brightly, more intent to focus on Ben’s past then hers it seemed.

Ben sighed heavily. His story was nowhere near as devastating as Rey’s. The fact of her upbringing left him humbled and ashamed at how he had perceived his life to have been difficult. But looking into her eager eyes, he knew he would never lie to her. He wasn’t ready to disclose all to her, but he would be as honest with her as he could.

“Growing up with such famous parents wasn’t always easy for me. As a family, we were always in the spotlight. State dinners, NASA dinners…news stories left and right. Everyone at my school knew who they were and it was embarrassing and difficult. I never knew if people liked me for myself, or merely because I was the child of famous parents. I realized at a very young age that my parents didn’t just belong to me. They belonged to the entire country. And of course, as the only son of the Senator and the Astronaut, I was thrust into the public eye by association.” Ben said, his words tinged with bitterness.

Rey bit her lip as her brows furrowed.

“That sounds…intrusive.” She said sympathetically. Rey knew instinctively that Ben was a very private person. Being in the spotlight like that must have been hell for him. 

Ben shrugged, the previous ire gone.

“I suppose. But…I’m very lucky. I know that now. My parents were always busy, but looking back…I know they loved me. More so, as the years went by.” He said quietly. 

Rey nodded.

“Are you close with them? Now, I mean…that your older?” She asked hopefully, remembering Lando’s description of the Solo’s.

Ben pondered her question.

“Now that I’m older…” Ben affirmed, his voice holding a faraway quality.

Rey studied his features carefully.

“You’ve always been a loner…different. Am I right?” She ventured.

Ben eyed her curiously. 

“What makes you say that?” He asked softly.

Rey raised her eyebrow.

“Just a guess,” She said, throwing his earlier words back at him.

Ben frowned.

“I always wanted to forge my own path, do my own thing. I didn’t want to go into politics like my mother, nor aviation like my father. I wanted to learn…learn about everything that mattered. And then, I wanted to pass that learning on by teaching. I enjoy what I do.” Ben said, and Rey could hear the pride in his voice.

“I can see your passion in teaching, Ben. You honestly love it, and it shows. Your students are very lucky.” She said warmly, leaning into Ben’s shoulder. 

Ben pulled her closer against him, gently cradling head against his chest. He smiled faintly, before it faltered.

She had never approved of Ben ‘only’ teaching. She had thought it wasn’t glamorous enough.

“I do love it.” He agreed sincerely. “Rey…do you think I’ve wasted my life in my chosen profession?” Ben asked suddenly.

Rey pulled away and turned around quickly to find Ben staring at her with blatant fear. Fear at what her answer would be, as though his profession wasn’t good enough. She frowned.

“No, Ben. Of course not. I think your chosen profession is marvelous. I admire you so much; not only for the abilities you possess, but that you want to pass that on to others. You’re amazing.” Rey trailed off shyly.

The raw truth of Rey’s words caused Ben’s heart to flip. But it was the way she was looking at him, as if he’d hung the moon in the sky, that made his breath totally leave his lungs. 

“No, Rey. You are the amazing one.”

Rey smiled widely, a saucy thought flitting through her mind like wind through leaves on a tree. She wouldn’t mind if Ben were her teacher…in many things. She could picture him hovering over her, checking her paper as she held her breath. 

Ben noticed the high color that had taken over Rey’s cheeks, intrigued and delighted. He had never met a woman who blushed before, let alone one that blushed so frequently.

“What? What is it? Why are you blushing like that?” Ben teased, tickling Rey on the side of her stomach until she was breathless.

“Ah! Stop it…no fair.” Rey squeaked pathetically, already becoming breathless from Ben’s playful attack. She fell over onto his lap as he continued his merry onslaught, intent on pulling her secrets out.

“Come on, fess up.” Ben ordered playfully, earning a very unladylike snort out of Rey. 

“Stop it, you giant! I can’t breathe.” Rey chuckled, trying desperately to squirm her way out of Ben’s grip.

His laughter softened as he righted her, smoothing down her hair delicately from her face where it obscured her vision. She looked like a marble statue of Aphrodite in that moment, perfect and tempting.

“You are utterly gorgeous.” He murmured without thinking, the fondness he felt for her already so blinding as he gazed upon her flushed cheeks and quivering lips.

“I…thank you, Ben. You’re adorable, too.” Rey whispered, giggling at the end as she continued to pat down her hair.

Ben grimaced.

“Hardly.” He said dryly, pinching his face in distaste. 

But Rey was quicker, reaching over to cup his cheek.

“You are, Ben. You’re handsome, and witty, and sweet. And so funny. You don’t even realize how funny you are, do you? Or how everyone is drawn to you like a magnet.” Rey said tenderly.

Ben blinked at Rey’s assessment of him, words failing him. Rey shook her head in what he could only guess was sorrow.

“What? What is it?” Ben asked her seriously, taking her hands in his.

Rey inhaled sharply before blowing it out.

“It’s just…I wish I had met you years ago.” She admitted quietly. “I was so lonely, for so long. To think that you were out there in the world all along…I might have never met you if I hadn’t decided to come to New York.”

At that, Ben pulled back and righted himself, his face growing somber. Rey’s words barreled into him like a battering ram, knocking the air out of him for the second time in a few minutes. Rey might never have met him, had his suicide attempt been successful. He would have been a tragic story that Columbia mourned; his past student’s left dumbfounded and shocked. Perhaps Rey would have found out his secrets then…maybe from Finn. She would have recognized the man she saw for a fleeting moment in the office as someone who took his own life…and over what? The thought left him chilled to the bone. He swallowed harshly, gripping Rey’s hands tighter. 

“I…I feel the same way, Rey. I wish I had met you sooner.” He said, all traces of joviality now gone and a sadness replacing it.

Rey rubbed her thumbs over Ben’s wrists. 

“Well, I would have been too young for you then. We are five years apart, anyway. How would twenty-two-year-old Ben have felt about seventeen-year-old Rey?” She asked, a painfully sweet innocence to her voice.

Ben gazed at her with soft eyes.

“I would have waited for you, Rey. I know I would have…without a doubt.” Ben said truthfully. “If I had only known that someone like you existed…or that you might have been attracted to someone like me…” He trailed off.

Someone like him? Rey frowned at the fact Ben thought so little of himself. When in fact he was the most wonderful man she had ever laid eyes on. The words came out before she could stop herself. 

“I have no doubt that I would have been attracted to you, Ben. No doubt at all. You are incredibly handsome and sexy.” Rey whispered, her face coloring rapidly. “But it isn’t just your looks I’m attracted to. It’s your heart. Your soul. Your spirit. Your intelligence. I’m convinced that even if I were blind, and hadn’t ever seen your face, I would still be attracted to everything about you.” Rey said warmly.

Ben blinked, Rey’s words causing a tempest to erupt inside his chest. He felt hot tears suddenly spring to his eyes at the purity of her words and the tenderness behind them. 

“Have you ever been in love, Ben?”

Ben froze. His jaw tightened.

“No. Never. What I once thought was love, was…manipulation on their part. Desperation on mine. And…”

Ben feared saying anymore would open a can of worms that would never squirm back into their rightful home. He gazed at Rey, who was watching him raptly. It was painfully obvious that she wanted to know his secrets, and by extension, him. He owed her that much, he knew.

“You have questions. Doubts. I know you do, it’s only natural.” He said kindly, knowing that the day was coming when he would have to confess all to her. 

Rey tilted her head slightly in agreement.

“I don’t doubt you, Ben. I just…I’ve never been in a relationship before. Ever. So, I don’t know what is considered right topics or wrong to discuss. I just…I wanted to know you. Before you…there was no one.” Rey whispered, her eyes slowly sliding to meet his. She didn’t have to say anymore.

Ben’s mouth opened in astonishment as her words sank in. He had had his own questions about Rey and her romantic history, but this was confirmation.

“You…” He began, not sure how to say this in a gentlemanlike manner. “You’ve never been with…anyone?” He whispered gently.

Rey felt herself grow hot and cold, embarrassment flooding her. She shook her head slowly.

“No. Never. Growing up, I was too afraid to allow anyone in. In the foster care system, your life is precarious and fleeting. One day here, the next there…I never laid down stakes for very long. And then when I turned of age and got my inheritance, I came to America and my only focus was on my studies. Men have always frightened me, in a way. And I’ve never thought about being intimate with anyone that I didn’t truly care about, so…”

Ben blinked at her slowly as the enormity of her words hit home. His already growing feelings morphed into a strong possessiveness that he’d never felt before.

No one had ever touched his pure, perfect Rey. And no one else ever would, if he had a say in it.

Leaning closer to her, Ben cradled her face in his hands.

“You are a rare treasure, Rey. One that I can’t believe that the likes of myself has found.” Ben murmured, stroking Rey’s cheek with his index finger before tucking a tendril of her hair behind her ear. He had to give her something. Anything. 

“I’ve been with two women before, in my lifetime. The first, was a nice girl I met in high school. We dated senior year, went to the prom together, kept in touch our first year of college. She met a pre-med major and they got married after graduation. I went to their wedding and now they have three kids.” Ben said wistfully.

Rey gulped deeply at the sudden look of disgust on Ben’s face.

“And…the second?” She inquired hesitantly, trying to prepare herself for his answer.

“The second…” Ben faltered, his face going pale.

Rey put her fingers under his chin to force him to look at her. She thought absently that the stubble there tickled her fingers, and she wondered why he kept it.

“The second?” Rey prompted.

Ben took a huge gulp of air, and the gesture reminded Rey of someone about to jump off a cliff into the ocean below.

“The second…was NOT a very nice person, Rey. She was cold and calculating and…she used me.” He said darkly.

Rey nodded, trying to understand.

“Did you love her at all?” Rey asked hesitantly, wincing internally as she watched shadows of the past move across Ben’s face.

Ben narrowed his eyes.

“No. I thought I needed her…I thought I loved her, but it wasn’t love. It was…dependence. It was holding onto something that was tainted and cruel, because I thought that was all I deserved. She made me believe that was all I deserved. She took great pride in wearing me down…before building me back up with deceit. By the time I faced the truth, it was too late.” Ben said, his voice quivering. 

Rey leaned back, her eyes beginning to water. A pain began to throb in her chest at the look in his eyes, and Rey wished fervently that whoever that woman was, she was miserable now for what she did to Ben.

“She hurt you.” Rey said, a statement and not a question.

Ben’s face fell.

“Oh, Rey…no. I gave her too much power. And because of that…I hurt myself. It was like I talked about in my lecture. We seek fulfillment from places we know deep down can’t provide it. Then we have nobody to blame but ourselves when the bubble bursts.” Ben said sadly.

Tears trekked down Rey’s cheeks, and Ben wiped them away gently.

“Please don’t cry, Rey. I can’t see you sad. Not over me.” Ben whispered hoarsely.

Rey wiped her eyes, reaching over to the coffee table to grab a tissue for her nose.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…you’re so wonderful. I can’t bear the idea of anyone hurting you.” Rey admitted.

Ben leaned back, tears threatening to choke him at the concern in Rey’s voice. 

“Listen to me, Rey…I do not want her memory to taint what we have. Ever. Do you understand that? She’s gone.” Ben said with a hardness to his normally gentle voice.

Rey nodded, her glassy eyes connecting with Ben’s.

“What do we have?” Rey asked shyly.

Ben’s eyes roamed around Rey’s face, tracing her delicate features with pleasure. 

“You make me happy, Rey. Happier than I’ve ever dared to imagine being.” Ben admitted softly.

Rey smiled tremulously, looking down at the way their knees touched so gently.

“You make me happy too, Ben. So happy. Whatever this is between us…I feel it, too.”

The weight of a thousand anvils lifted from Ben’s chest in that moment, and he felt like he could fly. 

“You are so lovely.” He whispered, sliding his hand from her cheek to her neck. The skin there was warm and satin like, causing Ben to close his eyes to savor the feeling.

Rey mirrored his gesture, caressing his cheek tenderly. She wanted to kiss him so badly that it began to physically ache. Was it always like this between people who shared a bond, she wondered?

Ben pulled away abruptly, his face breaking out in a smile that could power the city.

“I have a gift for you. I’ve been anxiously awaiting it for it to arrive. I can’t wait for you to open it.” Ben said excitedly.

Rey’s eyes widened exponentially, her hand stilling on Ben’s cheek.

“A gift for me?” She repeated in confusion.

Ben nodded vigorously before getting up and walking over to the front door and opening it with flourish. He darted out into the hall for a second before returning with a box nearly as tall as Rey herself. Rey gazed at in a stupor as Ben returned inside, bringing the gift to her and setting it down on the coffee table.

“My goodness, what is that?” Rey asked in awe.

Ben smiled mischievously. 

“You’ll have to open it to find out, Sweetheart.” He said lovingly, meeting Rey’s doe eyed gaze and smiling at her sweetly.

Rey looked up at Ben, startled. That was twice now he had called her sweetheart, the gesture so seemingly effortless. She had never been anyone’s sweetheart before, and the fact she was now Ben Solo’s made her heart beat like a steel drum. How had this happened to her, of all people? Magic like meeting someone as wonderful as Ben just didn’t happen…not in the real world. Not in her world.

Ben gazed at her fondly, urging her to open it with expectant eyes. Rey tore at the paper carefully, suddenly feeling very clumsy.

“Er…is it breakable?” She asked quietly, not daring to ruin it if it was fragile.

Ben merely grinned warmly, shaking his head in the negative. Pulling off the lid, Rey froze as her eyes took in what lay nestled in the thick parchment tissue. It took seconds for her to fully comprehend what she was looking at. But when she did, it was like the wind was knocked out of her.

“Oh…my god.” Rey whispered in awe, her fingers tracing over the contents delicately. 

When she met his expectant gaze, her eyes were so full of tears that some spilled onto her cheeks.

“Ben…what is this?” She whispered inaudibly, her tiny voice cracking.

Ben bit his lip at the look on her face, as though it were Christmas and her birthday all rolled into one. It was heartbreaking in a way…how her delicate face crumpled in surprise that this gift was for HER. And her alone.

“It’s for you, Rey. Have a look.” Ben urged gently, rubbing her knee reassuringly.

Rey pulled it out of the box gently, as though it was the finest crystal that would break. 

“It’s so soft. I’ve never felt such soft material before.” Rey whispered, her fingers gently stroking the coat.

Ben gazed at her affectionately.

“It’s cashmere.” He answered matter-of-factly, winking at her when she looked at him with surprise.

Rey’s lips parted in astonishment.

Cashmere?

“Ben….” She began, and he knew she was going to protest about the obvious price of such a gift.

“Stand up and try it on.” He ordered gently, already taking her hand to help her up.

Rey followed on autopilot, holding onto the coat with her free hand tightly. Eyes roaming up and down the soft material, she couldn’t believe that such a beautiful garment was for her. 

“Here, let me help you.” He said, gently turning her shoulders away from him and taking the coat from her grip. Rey slid into the open coat and Ben smoothed down the collar, before turning her around to have a look.

“It’s a perfect fit. And it looks gorgeous on you, Rey. Just as I knew it would.” Ben whispered.

Rey looked down at herself, noting how perfect the stitching and lines were. The coat fit her to a T, as though it had been tailor made. Lined inside with silk, it was the most luxurious article of clothing Rey had ever owned. 

“But why?”

Ben’s gaze faltered a bit as he thought back to the first time he had laid eyes upon Rey on the train.

“The first night we met, you said you didn’t own a coat. I couldn’t bear the idea of you going cold your first winter here. My best friend is a designer, and I asked her to make this for you. I swore to myself that you would have something beautiful and warm…just like you, Rey.” Ben murmured.

Rey closed her eyes as his words washed over her.

“You asked someone to make me this coat? After knowing me for a handful of hours?” Rey asked dumbly. “This was handmade, just for me? You must have paid a fortune for this!” Rey said in shock.

Ben chuckled.

“Well, not exactly. I asked her if I could buy a coat from her line, and she offered to make it for you at no charge. It is a brand-new design, too. It doesn’t even come in this color. I picked this color out for you myself.” Ben admitted shyly. “You have a one of a kind Phasma Hux original.”

Rey’s mouth opened in an astonished ‘O’.

“Oh, Ben…thank you. Thank you so much.” Rey murmured, at a loss of what to say to such a gift. Something dawned on her, and she met his gaze inquisitively. “Why this color, specifically?” She asked gently.

Ben closed his eyes, his long lashes sweeping against his pale cheeks.

“It reminds me of you. The sunshine color of your bedroom walls…the gentle color of your soul. It’s soft and buttery and comforting, and…you. Just you. I imagine you in the sunshine, basking with the sun on your face and it’s light glimmering through your hair. Rays of light…just like you.” Ben murmured, and the smitten cadence in his voice was unmistakable. 

“I love…it.” Rey said weakly, her face a lovely shade of crimson. It was too soon…way too soon to tell him such a thing. And she did not want him to think it was merely for this lovely gift. She was quickly falling irrevocably in love with Ben, with no hope for return. Yet the words were there, aching to escape her.

Ben cradled her face in his hands, leaning down to kiss her forehead tenderly.

“I love…it, too.” Ben whispered back. “My friend has great taste.”

Rey nodded slowly, a goofy grin spreading on her face.

“It’s beautiful, Ben.”

“You’re beautiful, Rey. So incredibly beautiful.”

“Thank you. I don’t know what to say.” Rey admitted roughly.

Ben cocked his head, considering.

“Well…you can say that I may kiss you.” Ben stated hopefully.

Rey grinned, her smile blinding.

“Is that why you gave me the coat, Ben Solo? So that I’d owe you a kiss? Smooth, Professor. Very smooth.” Rey said cheekily, but with adoration.  
Ben grew serious, gazing at Rey with an affection that he had never experienced before. 

“No, Rey. I gave you the coat because I wanted you to be warm. I worry about you…I’ve worried about you since the moment I met you. You owe me nothing. But I…I owe you more than you could possibly know. You’ve changed my life.” Ben whispered sincerely.

Rey’s eyes glazed over with tears, overwhelmed by this incredible man. Stepping up to Ben as if guided by an invisible Force, Rey cupped Ben’s face tenderly.

“Kiss me.” She demanded softly, her hazel eyes searching Ben’s. 

Ben slid his hands from her cheeks down to her shoulders, as he gathered her closer.

“Desiree.” He whispered huskily. “Desired and wanted.”

Rey’s eyes slid shut as Ben’s lips engulfed hers. They were plush and warm, gentle and perfect… and Rey simply wanted to fall into them and never be found again. This kiss was different than the other’s they’d shared, and Rey felt it immediately. Another wall had been knocked down, and Rey felt Ben’s heartbeat against her chest pounding a staccato rhythm that matched her own. 

“Ben…please stay. At least for a little while.” Rey said against Ben’s lips, her voice shaking with hope and fear of rejection.

Ben’s hooded eyes met hers, and Rey could tell he was struggling with something. What, she didn’t know. She would never do anything to hurt him. 

“Are you sure?” He murmured, his eyes searching hers.

Rey nodded slowly, wanting him to stay more than anything in that moment. 

After turning off the lamp in the living room and locking the front door, Rey led Ben by the hand into her bedroom. Ben held his breath as they crossed the threshold. The room was cozy and dim and held various mementos that made Ben smile. A red and white ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster adorned one wall, looking strangely at home in the otherwise feminine room. Ben inhaled deeply at the lovely scent which clung to every surface, the intoxicating aroma of gardenia’s and Rey. A small teddy bear that was dressed like Sherlock Holmes sat on her nightstand, along with a gold framed 5x7 picture of a young couple who were wrapped up in each other in an embrace. He could barely see the man’s face, but the woman was smiling radiantly.

Ben leaned closer, peering at the picture with awe. His eyes lifted to find Rey watching him thoughtfully.

“Your parents?” He whispered, as though the words themselves were sacred.

Rey nodded, humming.

“Yeah. I don’t have much from our old house, although I did manage to track down a few photo’s.” Rey said quietly, he eyes gazing at the picture too. “They were very young, I think. I wasn’t even born yet. Didn’t they look so happy?”

Ben took Rey’s hand, stroking her flesh gently.

“You look like your mother.” He murmured.

Rey smiled.

“Yeah. I know.” Rey said wistfully. 

The pair gazed at each other without words for a moment, Ben not sure what to do. Something about the awkward look on his dear face made Rey’s heart melt. She squeezed the hand she held gently.

“Do you trust me, Ben?” Rey asked quietly, and the fear in her voice that he might not made Ben’s heart bleed.

“Oh, Rey. Yes. Of course, I trust you.” He whispered.

Rey hummed thoughtfully.

“Would you lie down with me? I want to hold you. Is that alright?” Rey asked, achingly tender.

Ben shivered. No woman had ever wanted to hold him before. He thought for a moment that he might cry. Where had this angel come from, and how did he deserve her?

“Yes. That’s…more than alright.” He managed, watching Rey as she carefully took off her new coat and placed it on a hook behind the door. He removed his shoes, leaning back on the bed and gazed at Rey as she joined him.

“Thank you, Ben. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Rey murmured, her breath singing along Ben’s neck and making him shudder as she leaned in and hugged him. 

He wove an arm around Rey, bringing her closer to him until there was a hairs breath of space between them and they were facing each other on their sides. They held each other what seemed hours, lightly caressing each other's skin. Rey ran her hands through Ben's delectable mane, earning a deep groan of satisfaction out of him.

"I love when you do that," He murmured huskily, allowing her go deeper through his hair as he shifted his head.

Rey hummed in appreciation, sighing heavily when Ben caressed her neck. 

“May I kiss you again?” Ben whispered, nudging Rey’s nose with his own. He couldn’t get enough of her, the urge to taste her unbearable. She was like an oasis in the desert, and now that he’d had a taste he couldn’t relinquish it.

Rey nuzzled her nose against Ben’s cheek, her lips nipping the corner of his mouth.

“You can kiss me whenever you feel like it, Ben.” Rey promised, her heart rate gaining speed when Ben slid his big hands down her back and cupped her rear. She could feel Ben’s growing hardness against her core. It was the first and only time she’d ever felt a man’s arousal. The feeling it evoked in her made her feel powerful. Heady. This gorgeous, exceptional man wanted her. Her! She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry from the power of it. 

Rey felt so good pressed tightly against him, that Ben shivered. He wet his full lips thoroughly, enraptured by the sight of Rey doing the same. Her lips tasted sweet as he brought his mouth to hers, gently suckling her bottom lip into his mouth. Damn, but she was delicious. Rey groaned deep in her throat as his tongue darted out to sooth the nip, the sound making his belly coil with need. She entwined her leg with his own, wrapping her foot around his ankle and forcing his hips to align with hers. 

“The other night…you made me feel so good. The way you touched me. Please…I want to touch you, too. May I?” Rey whispered.

Ben’s eyes flew open, connecting with Rey’s intently. He had no idea what touching him entailed, and he gulped helplessly. Nevertheless he nodded, unable to refuse her anything. 

Rey unbuttoned his shirt slowly, her eyes never leaving his. Ben felt like his heart was going to tear a path through his ribcage as she pulled apart the fabric, her warm hands drawing a path from his pecs to his hips.

“Rey…” He whispered huskily, losing himself to the sensation of Rey’s touch. She lingered in some places teasing him, making his control very thin.

“You’re like a work of art, Ben.” Rey said with awe, admiring the soft skin which stretched over tight muscles on his chest and torso. When her hands skimmed his waist, Ben shook slightly under her. She drew her fingers down the slight trail of downy hairs leading below his pants, causing Ben to growl.

Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? 

"I've been dying to do this. Touch you, I mean. Is it alright?" Rey asked timidly, as if Ben would refuse her.

Gulping, Ben nodded. His eyes bore into hers with such fire that Rey whimpered. 

"I won't hurt you, Ben. I swear it." Rey promised, the conviction in her voice so lovely that Ben had to stifle a moan. 

Rey drew her hands down Ben's trousers, marveling at the thick bulge which was nestled between his legs. He was solid and big everywhere, this part of his anatomy being no exception. Rey grew damper just thinking about what it would feel like for Ben to be inside of her. 

'One step at a time, grasshopper,' She thought to herself, in a voice that sounded a lot like Rose's.

“Dear god,” Ben panted, his eyes sliding closed as Rey ran her small hand up and down his clothed shaft. Her touch was tentative and novice, but it was truly the most magnificent thing Ben had ever felt. 

“Is this…alright?” Rey asked gently, her voice so uncertain that Ben’s heart leapt. “I’ve never done this before.”

Her candor touched him so much that Ben wanted to kiss her forever.

“Oh, Rey. Yes. Please…” He gasped, his breath coming in short pants as Rey’s hand continued its sweet assault.

Emboldened by his response, Rey gingerly continued her ministrations. 

“Anything, Ben.” She whispered sweetly, bending down to kiss his lips.

She ran her tongue along his bottom lip, savoring his masculine taste.

“Where…where did you learn how to do this?” He asked, stunned.

Rey quirked her lips shyly. Of course, her being a virgin would make him curious as to where she’d acquired this knowledge. The idea made her giddy inside. 

“Porn. It’s amazing what you can learn nowadays.” She said honestly, his fingers tightening around him.

Ben’s eyes smoldered as they gazed at one another, the idea of Rey watching porn too fucking hot for him to comprehend. Even hotter, was imagining Rey touching herself as she watched it. Did she do that? Would she? Would she think of him as she fondled her hard nipples...stroked her wet clit? Entered her tightness with her fingers, imagining it was his cock? 

“W-what?” He mumbled in a daze, releasing a deep moan when her fingers dipped below the waistband of his boxers to stroke his bare flesh. 

He was painfully hard now, harder than he’d ever been. His manhood begged to be released from it's confines, but he allowed Rey to take control and do as she willed. 

In the months since he began his medication therapy, his libido had taken a serious downturn. He was a man, after all…and accustomed to at least morning erections occasionally. Even that had halted recently. At least, until he’d met Rey. Meeting her had awakened him in more ways than one, and his mind was having trouble processing the absolute pleasure she was drawing out of him. When she unbuttoned his fly and began to pull down his briefs along with his trousers, Ben made no move to stop her. He lifted his bum, allowing Rey to disrobe him.

Rey gulped at the bounty before her, unsure of what to do. His delectable chest peeked out from his unbuttoned shirt, but other than that he was naked from the waist down. His thick manhood was undeniably aroused, curved beautifully in a graceful arc that she wanted to wrap her lips around. That would have to wait, she told herself, as she had zero experience and she had to start someplace. This seemed like a good point to begin, as touching Ben was on her top five things she wanted to do. She rubbed her hands together to warm them, her eyes taking him in from head to toe. Ben looked ready to jump out of his skin; whether from fear or arousal, she wasn't sure. But when she felt that her touch would be comfortable enough, Rey cupped his thickness with one palm while the other gently caressed his sack.

“You’re so hard. But so soft, too. Velvet and iron,” Rey mumbled star struck, the reality of him fueling her own arousal.

"Fuck." Ben whimpered, melting into her pillows. He slid from his side to his back as Rey crawled next to him and straddled his thighs. From this position, she looked like a powerful goddess about to devour him. He gulped thickly and threw his head back in rapture when Rey resumed stroking him, this time with both hands. He couldn’t help but thrust up into her fist, the tightness she was creating making his manhood swell dangerously. The look she was pinning him with made him want to weep. It was full of want and need, and most importantly, trust. He wanted more than anything to be worthy of that trust.

“It feels..it feels incredible. Oh, what are you doing to me?" Ben moaned wantonly. Had he ever wanted to climax so badly? He was certain the answer was no. 

Rey leaned down and licked Ben's pec, her tongue sliding over his nipple at the same time her thumb swiped across his weeping tip.

"Pleasuring you. You deserve to be pleasured, Ben. You deserve to be adored." Rey breathed, sliding her hips across Ben's thighs trying to gain friction. The sight of Ben's beautiful cock and the fact she was evoking these reactions in him made her feel lightheaded. A rush of wetness gushed out of her, only stoking the fires of her own arousal.

Ben leaned up, the sight of Rey stroking him too much to bear. He impatiently gripped her hips, yanking her closer to him.

"Take these off. Please. I want to feel you better." Ben rasped, thrilled when Rey nodded vigorously. 

She reared up a tad so that Ben could help her pull her leggings down and off. She had on a scrap of black satin panties, the triangle barely covering her mound. Ben's mouth went dry when he saw how drenched the fabric was. Rey shyly placed her fingers in the banding, presumably to remove them. But Ben stilled her hands with his own larger ones. If she removed those panties now, it would be the end of him. If that tiny bit of satin was all that stood between them and defiling her prematurely, it would remain. 

"Leave them on." He said roughly, his fingers roaming down the back to caress her ass. The movement pushed her closer to his cock, the sensation making them both groan. 

He began to slide her against him, the tip of his hardness pressing deliciously against her covered slit. He knew that he was hitting her clit with each pass, as the wetness began to seep out of her noticeably.

"Ben...you feel so good." Rey whined, anchoring her hands against Ben's chest as he pumped against her with a steady, maddening pace. 

"Have you...done this before? Ever?" Ben rasped thickly, watching the emotions flicker across Rey's face like a movie reel.

"N-No. No." Rey moaned, her back bowing to showcase her breasts sitting high on her chest. Through the snug black cotton of her sweater, Ben could see her rosy nipples were rock hard. He bit his hip harshly, trying to keep control and not flip her over and ravage her like an animal.

"Rey...beautiful Rey. How you make me feel." Ben sighed, unable to resist the urge to slide a finger along her soaking channel. Pushing the fabric aside, he gasped along with Rey as he caressed her swollen clit. "God, Rey. You are so wet."

"Ben!" Rey gasped, her fingers fumbling along the ridge of his cock in helpless retaliation.

Ben saw stars.

"I've wanted to touch you like this forever. Forever." Ben chanted, using his thumb to circle her tender bud while his pointer and middle fingers rubbed her labia. He was careful not to enter her, as he didn't want this to go too far. She would be tender and snug, and for that...he would take his time.

Rey thrashed against him, grinding her core down harder against the base of his shaft. It was all Ben could do not to lose his mind as his balls tightened, signaling his impending orgasm. He rubbed Rey's clit faster, deeper...determined to come with her. When he heard her high pitched keen, he knew it was time.

"Oh, God. I can't..." Rey cried, her legs shaking violently. 

But Ben was gentle with her, easing her through her climax with relish. This would be the first time another made this angelic creature come. He wanted to savor the fact that it was him like it was his dying wish. 

"That's it, Sweetheart. Feel it. Let it happen." Ben coaxed, pulling her down to softly kiss her lips. His heart nearly stopped as she shattered around his fingers while simultaneously bringing him over the edge with her. Ben bucked against her, helpless to do anything but hold her in a crushing grip. Her tender flesh grew impossibly hot and wetter against his hand. Watching her through her completion was the most beautiful thing Ben had ever witnessed. 

When it was over, they both lay panting wrapped in each others arms. Ben gripped Rey to his chest tightly, and she seemed unconcerned with the sticky mess that was now covering her sweater. Taking it off, she rubbed Ben's chest free of the mess, tossing it on the floor and offering him a shy smile.

"You're amazing," Ben whispered, tears leaking out of his eyes. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced."

Rey gave him a lazy, wet kiss, her lips grazing his with the utmost care.

"Me too," Rey answered honestly, laying her head down against Ben's chest. His heartbeat thudded in her ears, making her smile.

"Rey...you didn't have to do that. I didn't need...well, you didn't owe me anything for the coat. Especially not that." Ben murmured fearfully, as if Rey would have thought that was payment.

They lay in silence a moment ruminating, before Rey leaned up and rubbed the sweaty raven locks out of Ben's eyes.

"I wanted this because I care for you. So, so much. I want to be with you, Ben. The coat? That was the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. But this...this was a gift for an altogether different reason. Sharing yourself with me, and I with you...it's all that I want.

Ben gazed at Rey in astonishment, so happy that she wasn't offended by his words. Of course Rey wouldn't think she owed him sexual favors for a gift. Of course not. Not his pure, lovely Rey.

Rey gazed at Ben lovingly, her eyes tracing over his features with a softness Ben felt in his soul.

"You look so beautiful in my bed, Ben Solo. I think you should stay here." Rey said sweetly, eyeing Ben with hope.

Ben's mouth fell open in shock, wanting more than anything in that moment to stay forever.

"O-Okay. "Ben agreed, his voice cracking. Staying the night in Rey's bed...naked against her. It would be heaven.

Thank god, he'd planned ahead and brought his morning dose of meds with him, safely tucked away in his wallet. 

Rey shut off the light, snuggling against Ben in the darkness. He wrapped his strong arms around her, marveling at the size difference between them. Rey was average height and of slender build. But he dwarfed her like he was a giant. It made him feel protective, possessive. If anyone or anything ever tried to hurt her...

There was so much to say, each of them bursting at the seams. But tonight, it was enough to just...be. Ben and Rey. Alone. Together.

Whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	10. The Picnic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey spend the whole day together ‘the morning after’, bonding further and discovering some interesting things about the other. Ben’s inner voice has some choice words for him, and Rey begins to wonder whose ass she has to kick for making her man hurt in his past. Oh! And they both realize that yeah…it’s L-O-V-E.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Dear Friends! I can’t tell you all how pleased I am that The Eye of the Needle has so many wonderful fans. I truly appreciate your comments, kudos, and well wishes. A few things you should know about this and the chapters to come. I ADORE angst. If you know me from my The Big Bang Theory fanfictions, you know I like to cause heart ripping feels that drag you down, down, down and then lift you UP, UP, UP. It’s life. It’s messy. And we can’t appreciate the good without the bad. Obviously, Ben Solo has been wounded, on top of fighting a lifelong mental health issue. He is fighting some powerful self- esteem and trust issues, but he is not unstable. The ‘voice’ he hears is his inner voice; the one we all have. I do NOT want people to think I am making light of people WITH schizophrenia because that is NOTHING to make light of. The fact that he refers to himself here as ‘crazy’ is for self-deprecation purposes only. NOT to disparage a whole group of people with a serious illness. That being said, you will notice that Ben is unconsciously letting his guard down with Rey, and it will cause certain behaviors that triggers a warning with Rey. NOT to leave Ben, but to want to understand him better. So please, don’t worry. Ben and Rey are endgame. Please check out my Pinterest page to see my The Eye of the Needle storyboard, with new pics for each chapter. Enjoy!

Sunlight filtered in through the blinds of Rey’s room, its muted hues creating patterns on the wooden floor like a prism. The effect was quite lovely, if one were interested and focusing on that sort of spectacle. As it was, Rey was neither.

No…she had far more interesting things to ponder than the light display showing on her floor. Things like the warm, massive body currently taking up three quarters of her double bed. And the way said body’s intoxicating scent was now saturated into her sheets. And of course, there was the way that the body’s most gorgeous hair was splayed across her pillows, the raven dark comingling starkly against the soft yellow in the most alluring way.

Of course, that yellow only made her think about another yellow; the color of fresh butter which was currently hanging on the back of her door. The fact Ben had cared so much about Rey to make sure she was warm made her feel cherished. He was the most wondrous being Rey could have ever dared existed. And he was hers. 

At least, she hoped he was.

Rey leaned across Ben’s chest gently, careful not to disturb him as she balanced her chin on his bicep. He looked so beautiful in her bed, amongst her personal effects. She hadn’t lied about that last night, when she’d practically ordered him to spend the night there. Many times during the night, she had woken up and frantically looked over to the other side of the bed, relieved to find Ben still there…asleep and peaceful, if the look on his face was any indication.

Rey smiled, her eyes roaming over him with appreciation. God, he was a lovely specimen of a man. Every feature on him was perfect to her, no matter what Ben said about himself. She found his nose to be regal and masculine. His moles and beauty marks emphasized the chiseled quality of his sharp facial bones. His lips were the fullest and reddest on anyone she’d ever known. Between his black hair, pale skin, and ruby red lips, Ben reminded her of a male Snow White. 

She thought his ears were adorable. And his eyes…even closed in sleep, his lashes sweeping his under-eye sockets, they were amazingly soulful. Almond shaped, under pensive brows that reminded her lightning bolts. Her finger traced a path from his brow to his nose, before sliding across his cheek and tucking a long lock of his hair behind his ear. Rey’s smile grew even more tender as she gazed at him. She wondered what he had looked like at sixteen. Ten. Two…he must have been curly haired and chubby as a toddler, gangly and awkward as a teen as his body trying desperately to grow into itself. A delicious thrill ran through her as her eyes roamed lower, naughtily gazing at his blanket covered manhood. Oh, he grew into himself alright. And then some.

Rey couldn’t help but close her eyes as she recalled all that had happened last night. She still felt a tingle in her abdomen as she remembered how it felt when Ben had pleasured her…how he was tender and gentle, yet single minded and dominant when he coaxed her to come. She had never in her life come so hard, his name the only sound ringing in her ears as she flew across the stars. 

Over the years, she had touched herself now and then; mostly to alleviate the stress of something she couldn’t understand. An ache would form inside of her, and she had no idea what to do with it. At first, it had made her feel embarrassed and ashamed to touch herself so intimately. But as time passed, she just shrugged it off as natural and uneventful. It did the job but left her feeling strangely hollow afterwards.

Rey bit her lip as she recalled Ben’s thick fingers drawing out her pleasure last night; the way he had gripped her rear desperately and dragged her against his hardness over and over as if he were dying and she was the cure. She had felt this amazing bubble of euphoria building inside of her, unlike anything she’d ever experienced. His demanding voice telling her to let go had touched a chord deep inside of her. It was bliss…and if there was still more to come, she wondered with relish if she would survive it.

But it was touching him in return that made her aroused all over again; she had nothing real to compare him too, but he was simply beautiful. She had always assumed she would be frightened touching a man so intimately…wondering what it would feel like when he would inside of her for the first time. But with Ben, there was no fear. No doubt. She wasn’t ready for full on sex yet, and she could tell Ben wasn’t either. After all, he didn’t attempt to go any further last night. They were still learning about each other, easing into this relationship that she had waited an eternity for. There was no rush. None at all.

Still, the sight of Ben Solo sprawled out in her bed and naked made her breath quicken. Unable to resist, Rey splayed her fingers softly across Ben’s chin as she stroked his morning stubble. For the hundredth time, she wondered why he kept it. She supposed it was the style nowadays. He was gorgeous with or without the stubble, but she smiled as she imagined stroking his soft skin unobstructed. Drawing her palm down his neck, she followed the path of his sternum to his chest. Rey laid her hand upon it gently, enjoying the steady strum of Ben’s heartbeat.

“Someone is very intrepid this morning.” Ben rasped, his deep voice hoarse with sleep.

Rey jolted at having been caught out exploring the man in her bed. She looked down at Ben, who still had both eyes closed.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” She asked contritely, her fingers rubbing a gentle circle above Ben’s heart.

A tiny smile broke on Ben’s mouth, and he cracked an eye open to stare at Rey humorously.

“No, you didn’t wake me. I’ve been up since before the sunrise.” Ben admitted.

Rey slid her hand up to Ben’s throat, caressing the tender flesh there gently. 

“But…how did you stay so still? And why didn’t you say anything?” Rey began, wondering why he pretended to be asleep. 

Ben turned over, capturing Rey in his arms and rolling her underneath him. The movement was so swift that Rey gasped, her eyes widening as Ben’s gaze swept over her face longingly.

“Simple. I was enjoying your touch way too much to do anything that would make you stop. I’ve never been the object of someone’s intense scrutiny before. I’ve never woken up with a beautiful woman touching me like I was a piece of art. I liked it. Would you have said anything, if it were the other way around?” Ben whispered, licking his lips slowly.

Rey’s breath caught in her throat, her eyes fixated on Ben’s lush mouth. She pondered his question, knowing the answer was hell no.

“I like touching you,” Rey murmured honestly, thrilled when Ben’s eyes darkened at her words.

He slowly drew his lips down to hers, tentatively nibbling the corner of her mouth. Rey stayed still, her heart beating madly as Ben’s hands began to wander down her body to the sides of her breasts. Feeling Rey sink into the pillows, he ran his tongue along the seam of her lips begging her to open for him. When she did, Ben let out a groan so deep that Rey felt the vibration in her toes. He kissed her slowly, deeply…his lips and tongue telling her things that words could not. Rey responded with fervor, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth roughly as Ben’s thumbs found their target and plucked her nipples with slow passes.

“Ungh…Ben.” Rey moaned against his lips, bucking against him as he continued the tortuously pleasurable assault on her breasts. He pulled his mouth away, running his stubbled cheek down her neck until his lips grazed her ear.

“I like touching you, too. I like watching the way your body responds to me…knowing it’s never responded to anyone else before.” Ben said huskily, cupping both of her breasts in his big hands. Her nipples were so sensitive, hardening immediately as he enjoyed watching her undulate softly beneath him.

Rey flushed from head to toe, embarrassed that a few words and touches from this man could turn her into a quivering mess. She could care less, though, as Ben’s intense gaze bore so deeply into her that Rey felt her core twitch.

“Do you like this?” He asked her deliberately, his voice a mere whisper oozing sin. It cascaded over her like a waterfall made of fire. Barely able to speak, Rey gasped and shook her head but that wasn’t good enough for Ben. Trailing his head lower, he dropped soft kisses on her neck and collarbones before taking one engorged bud into his mouth. He sucked firmly, his lips soft as silk as his rougher tongue abraded the tender flesh over and over.

“Oh.” Rey sighed, little pants escaping her mouth as she arched her back and tangled her hands in his thick mane. Ben didn’t stop, the suction so deep that she felt a pull that shot down to her clit. Jolting upward, she held his head closer to her over sensitized flesh. Ben was happy to oblige her, opening his mouth wider to engulf her better. Just as she was about to lose her mind, he switched breasts and tended to the other nipple in the same manner.

Rey was so aroused that she felt her moisture coating the inside of her naked thighs. Neither of them had dressed after last night, and she blushed ten shades of red at the realization that she was so wet. Ben didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, groaning against her as he continued to pleasure her senseless. One of her hands left his delightful hair, slipping under the covers to travel down his back until she reached his delectable ass. She gripped his firm cheek roughly and he nipped her breast in retaliation before his eyes traveled upwards to connect with hers. More arousal seeped out of her, and Rey couldn’t help the guttural moan that escaped her dry throat. 

“Do you like this?” He repeated, his voice a raspy whisper against her skin. 

They were wrapped in her blanket, her throbbing womanhood shielded from his growing erection. 

“Y-Yes. Yes, I like this.” Rey replied shakily, wanting to give Ben every indication that she did. 

He redoubled his efforts, sending her nearly to the edge before he pulled back abruptly and gazed at her. Glittering eyes met hers, his pupils blown and his lashes blinking lazily.

“You are so beautiful, Rey. I never imagined there was anyone in this world as beautiful as you.” Ben murmured, dropping his mouth back down to resume his work. 

Rey had no idea that her breasts were so responsive to stimuli. Nor that she could feel such immense pleasure bordering pain. But Ben must have known. He burrowed his nose into her flesh as he suckled her, Rey certain he was trying to draw out her life force from her very soul. 

“Rey, Rey. My Rey.” He mumbled thickly, his busy hand abandoning her breast to wrap both arms around her tightly and lifting her off the mattress as he voraciously feasted on her.

Ben wouldn’t grind against her as he did last night; both a frustration and a godsend. She wanted him so badly but knew if he pushed the issue they might reach a point of no return. It seemed enough for him to drive her out of her mind, dodging any attempts from her wandering hands to caress him back. His rhythmic sucking and moaning against her nipple were making her legs shake. She was dying to reach down and touch herself, but Ben made that impossible with the way he was holding her gently captive against his chest. Something that had been building was pushing her towards the top of a summit, inching her there by degrees. She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream with the earth shattering pleasure that was just out of her reach…

Then Ben was there, catapulting her over and sailing down to catch her…as though they were doing a tandem skydive and he was her only link to safety. 

Ben felt Rey go slack in his arms as a mournful wail of absolute ecstasy tried to escape her. A feral smile graced his full lips, as he released his mouth on her nipple with an obscene, wet pop and buried his mouth against her ear.

“Yes, Sweetheart. Oh, yes.” He murmured shakily, once again coaxing her and giving her encouragement to let go. 

“Oh…Ben! Ben! I…” Rey shouted, overwhelmed with sensation. Her core throbbed with phantom contractions, the sensation of orgasm feeling impossible without direct vaginal stimulation. But the waves crashed over her and she rode out the sensation, both hands fisting Ben’s hair to the point of pulling it out. She had no idea she could climax so hard without being touched down there. 

“God, Rey. Come for me. Please,” Ben begged, the pain of his scalp feeling delicious as Rey tugged mercilessly.

“Uh…uh…yes.” Rey whined, her entire body shuddering with the force of rapture. Her sensitive flesh quivered as she convulsed, falling limper in Ben’s arms. Wetness soaked her sheet, and she wondered how in the hell that had happened.

Ben growled loudly, not letting go of her throughout her high or as she crashed back down to Earth. He gently eased her back down to the soft sheets, delighting in her trembles and the little whimpers that escaped her. Rey gazed at Ben in wonder, her heart beating so fast she thought she would pass out. 

Ben pushed her silky hair out of her eyes, smiling at her shyly. All traces of the powerful sexual being from moments ago were gone, replaced with her sweet, gentle Ben. Rey opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, nothing coming out but tiny pants.

“I’ve wanted to do that for you…I didn’t know if it would work. I’ve never done that before.” Ben admitted.

Rey blinked at Ben lazily, reality settling in. She just had an orgasm from breast stimulation alone. Was that even possible?

Ben gazed at her fondly, a tiny spark of doubt forming in his features that he’d somehow done something wrong the longer Rey was silent. 

Didn’t he realize…it was taking all her energy just to form coherent thought once again? Taking a deep breath, Rey tenderly stroked Ben’s brow. 

“It…it worked. Trust me, it worked.” Rey said breathlessly, reaching for Ben’s neck and pulling his head down to her roughly before attacking his lips with vigor. It seemed they had opened Pandora’s box and they couldn’t put the lid back on if they tried.

Ben chuckled warmly, kissing her back with equal passion.

“Did it now?” He asked slyly, as he settled on his side to admire her once she freed him from the prison of her arms.

Rey was stunned. She’d never behaved this way before with anyone. Never trusted another so implicitly that she would feel comfortable being naked with them…sharing her body with them. 

Her eyes drifted down, noticing that Ben had a sizeable erection. Her breathing accelerated when she imagined taking him in her hand again. Or perhaps, her mouth…

“Forget about that.” Ben whispered softly, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

Rey didn’t know the protocol for sexual intimacy. Wasn’t reciprocity expected? Ben was obviously aroused, but he made no attempt to relieve himself. Instead, his eyes narrowed, and he gazed at her predatorily. 

“I’d much rather focus on you, Sweetheart.” He murmured, gaze sweeping down to admire her soft skin, before realizing that he’d marked her.

Ben pulled back, shoving the sheet covering her out of his way.

“Jesus, Rey. Did I hurt you?” He asked in a panic, his eyes widening dramatically at the tiny scratches and bite marks coloring her tanned skin. Both of her breasts and a good deal of her sternum was red, both from his mouth and from his morning stubble. Ben’s eyes watered and he gulped, afraid that Rey would be angry at him for losing control like that.

Rey arched a brow at him in confusion.

“No, Ben. You didn’t hurt me. Not at all. You were there. You ARE the Ben Solo who just devoured me like I was a bowl of cream and you were a hungry kitten, right?” Rey giggled.

Ben didn’t find her joke remotely funny, as he continued to stare at her beautiful skin with dismay.

“Rey…I don’t know what came over me. I’m so-“

Rey’s fingers flew up and halted Ben’s mouth from forming the word.

“I’m not, Ben. I’m wonderful. More than wonderful. You didn’t hurt me. Quite the contrary. I feel weightless.” Rey whispered, her thumb stroking his bottom lip tenderly.

Ben blinked at Rey slowly, trying to digest her words.

“Are…are you sure?” He asked, his sweet voice trembling.

Rey smiled widely, the joy behind it brighter than the rays of the sun outside. Ben sighed in relief, leaning down and resting his head upon her heart. Rey cradled his head, running her fingers through his hair lazily.

The light in Rey’s room changed from muted to bright, shining in Ben’s eyes as he relaxed into Rey’s gentle touch. His fingers traced patterns on her shoulder tenderly.

“Rey?” Ben murmured, so softly that Rey thought she’d imagined it.

“Hmm?” Rey purred, the sound reverberating in Ben’s ear and making him close his eyes.

“I’ve never woken up like this before…happy. Truly happy. To awaken and see another person so happy to see me, too. It’s…beautiful.” Ben whispered.

The timbre of his voice was so incredulous that tears formed in Rey’s eyes. She had never been the reason for someone to wake up happy before. The fact it was Ben…

Ben chose at that moment to turn his head and raise it, meeting Rey’s watery gaze with one of his own. Rey smiled faintly at him, neither one saying a word as the enormity of their growing feelings surrounded them both. Rey didn’t know what possessed her in that moment, but she reached down and cupped Ben’s cheeks with the gentlest of touches.

“You’re beautiful, Ben. Everything about you…beautiful.” Rey murmured, not caring if she sounded ridiculous or girlish. Her feelings wouldn’t be denied, nor could they be contained. Ben Solo owned her heart, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Ben sighed shakily, his eyes never leaving hers as if he was willing himself to believe her words. He mirrored her actions, reaching up to cup Rey’s face with a touch as light as a butterfly’s wings.

“You, Rey. You’re beautiful. There aren’t words for what you are. I could use a million synonyms to describe you, but it would never be enough. Never.” Ben said, his voice trembling.

His expressive eyes, normally so dark, lightened in the morning sun and turned a tawny amber before her very eyes. Rey marveled at the change, fascinated by the kaleidoscope of browns, golds, and black swirling within their depths. They reminded her of a tiger’s eye stone, iridescent and mystical.

Ben bit his lip under Rey’s perusal of him, lowering his lashes shyly. The action made Rey want to kiss him until he was breathless. 

“What did it feel like?” Ben suddenly asked, sounding so much like a young man. She cocked an eyebrow in question, before following Ben’s eyes down the line of her body.

“Oh…You mean…” She trailed off, her face turning crimson.

Ben’s shy smile was replaced in a heartbeat by a wolfish one, and it made Rey’s heartrate soar.

“Yeah. Was it…different?” Ben asked, seemingly interested in the how’s and whys of Rey’s pleasure. 

The thought made her feel special. 

“Um…it was like being distracted. When you know that something is happening…in one place. But your attention is helplessly drawn to another place. And before you know it, the two places converge into one and you…” Rey gulped, her eyes fluttering. “You are taken by absolute surprise at how perfect you feel. How you never want that feeling to end. No one else has ever made me feel that way, Ben. Just you.”

Ben’s smile faltered, a serious look adorning his face. It was as if a realization had struck him dumb in that moment, and he was struggling to accept it. Opening and closing his mouth, nothing came out and Rey’s eyes narrowed in curiosity.

“Ben?”

Ben began to breath heavily, his eyes becoming unfocused. Rey moved a hairs breath away to give him some space, concern taking root in the pit of her stomach. 

“I swore I’d never do this, Rey. I’d never give so much of myself, trusting someone without knowing if…” He faltered, turning his head away sharply as he cursed under his breath.

The change startled Rey, and she cupped his chin to bring him back to her.

“Hey…what is it?” She asked fearfully. Not because she feared Ben. But she was afraid that Ben feared her.

Ben sniffed quickly, shaking his head.

“Rey…please. Don’t hurt me.” He whispered, a hollow ring to his voice that she’d never heard from him before. 

It scared her to death, and Rey sat up in bed not caring about modesty as the sheet fell away from her naked breasts. Ben pulled away, covering his manhood with the discarded sheet. The change in Ben was swift and scary; it was as if he had just faced his darkest fear and was reduced to a bloodless ghost. How this happened, she had no idea. He had only moments ago asked her what it felt like to orgasm from his oral tending to her breasts alone. He had pleasured her so wonderfully that she felt blissful. Sated.

What had happened in that few second timespan to trigger such a drastic change in him?

“Ben…I’d never hurt you. I promise.” Rey swore, her face open and honest.

Ben nodded, closing his eyes and pulling Rey close to him. He buried his nose in the hair at her neck, inhaling deeply. Tiny shudders wracked his body, and Rey clutched him tightly to her as if to keep his demons at bay.

“I know that, Rey. I do. I’m sorry.” He murmured contritely, leaning his head on her shoulder.

Rey had no idea who had hurt Ben in the past. But someone did. And it seemed, it went a lot deeper than she’d first thought. Rey found herself beginning to hate this no faced woman, wishing her a cruel and painful fate for what she’d done to such a beautiful soul as Ben. Trying to be strong for him even though a kernel of fear had lodged itself in her throat, Rey kissed his cheek and hair gingerly.

“Would you like to take a shower?” She asked brightly, giggling when Ben nodded against her head.

“I would. Do you mind?” He asked, the fleeting sadness gone and his normal charm returning. 

“Of course not, silly. You remember where everything is, right? Help yourself.” She said calmly, pulling back to allow Ben to get up.

Ben gazed at Rey a moment, feeling foolish for his sudden outburst. But Rey acted like everything was fine, so he would not bring this morning down with verbose thoughts. 

‘For God sake, Ben. You just woke up in a gorgeous woman’s bed. A woman who seemingly adores you as much as you adore her. Stop trying to ruin everything.’ That voice in his head chided. 

Ben made it to the door, sheet still wrapped around his waist, when he apprehensively looked back at Rey in question.

“Would um…you like to join me?” He asked, a charming blush overtaking his pale cheeks.

Rey gazed at him with longing.

“I would. But…I won’t. Maybe you need a minute to yourself?” She suggested kindly, letting him know that she understood if he wanted to collect himself.

Ben smiled gratefully, nodding. 

“Okay.” He whispered, disappearing through the door.

Rey stood up after Ben had shut the door to give her privacy, and it wasn’t until she heard the shower running that she got up completely naked and walked over to the mirror on the dresser to view herself.

She looked thoroughly debauched. She was glowing, her eyes were shining, and she felt liquid in her muscles that made her feel lethargic yet energized at the same time. Closing her eyes, she laid a hand over her frantically beating heart. What just happened? Had she done something to upset Ben with her words? Perhaps telling him that he’d been the only one to make her feel so good scared him. He was sending her signals like he wanted the same things she did. He told her as much last night, when he said she made him happier than he’d ever dared to imagine being. Maybe she was pushing him too fast, too soon into something he wasn’t ready for. 

The more she pondered it, the more she knew that wasn’t the case.

No. It wasn’t her that he was upset with. Afraid of. It was the ghost of something that he carried around with him that still had him in it’s clutches. A monster, in Rey’s mind, as she wondered if and when Ben would ever break free from it. It made her sad to imagine that their intimacy frightened him so. Didn’t he have an inkling of how much she adored him already, and only wanted to share her life with him?

Dragging her fingers down her chest, she allowed them to ghost over the tiny love bites and scratches of Ben’s ardor. She shuddered as she ran her fingers lower, passing over her clit and to the tender flesh below. Her entire body shook as she recalled the feelings Ben had stoked in her; how perfect he was at drawing every bit of passion in her soul to the surface. She was still slick from her earlier orgasm, and badly in need of a shower herself. She wondered if she should join Ben after all, but even though they had shared each other’s bodies she somehow felt that was invading his privacy. Something monumental had just happened. Rey was sure of it. Perhaps it was his way of removing another stone in his wall to allow her in. Ben had many secrets, she was sure of it. But he showed her something just now…a piece of his insecurity and vulnerability that touched her deeply and made her want to tear to pieces anyone who threatened him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben leaned his head against the shower wall, allowing the hot water to soothe his suddenly tense muscles. He was still aroused from pleasuring Rey earlier, although he had deflated somewhat when things took a serious turn. Sighing, Ben brought both of his hands up to cover his face.

Watching Rey fall apart underneath him…because of him- and then hearing her declare that he was the only one to ever touch her like that…it had troubled him. He wanted to tell her the same thing; that no one’s hands had ever brought him pleasure. But that would have been a lie. Yet it wasn’t a good pleasure those devious hands had given him. It wasn’t the same thing as he experienced with Rey. What SHE had given him…was hollow and dirty. He felt soiled that he’d allowed a monster such as Bazine to even lay a finger on him…when an angel like Rey was out there, waiting for him.

He despised how her touch used to hurt him…how her words used to cut. How he was always left wanting something she refused to give him. He realized with pure hatred that she couldn’t give it. She had no heart beating in her chest, only a glacier made of stone. She didn’t love him. And it was a damn good thing that he never loved her.

‘Ah, but you let her nearly destroy you. You bent to her will, giving her whatever she wanted. You distanced yourself from the real people who love you. Family. Friends…you made her the pinnacle of your world when you were merely a grain of sand in hers. There is no use wishing things were different now. The damage, my friend, is done.’

Ben closed his eyes, knowing it was fruitless to allow this train of thought to fester. He couldn’t go back in time and change things, as much as he wanted to do just that. He had nearly fallen apart back in Rey’s room, and he worried that Rey would now wonder if there was something wrong with him.

‘Tell her! Tell her everything, today. Stop being a coward and tell her the truth! The longer you wait, the harder it will get. You will end up pushing her away…is that what you want?’ His subconscious screamed, and Ben sighed shakily.

He meant it when he told Rey he knew she wouldn’t hurt him. He had no idea why he was so frightened to reveal everything to her. Maybe deep down he feared that Rey would think he was unstable or dangerous. Ben snorted angrily, knowing the only one who was in danger of Ben Solo was Ben Solo himself.

Shaking his head at himself, he pulled his hands away from his face and allowed his eyes to drift over to where Rey’s gardenia body wash sat on the shelf. Smiling, he uncapped the bottle and squeezed some out, lathering it up in his hands. It smelled fresh and clean, the creamy scent of flowers invading his senses. He wished that Rey was in here with him, so that he could wash her himself using his hands as a sponge. Her body was soft and smooth, and caressing her was quickly becoming an addiction. Ben closed his eyes as he remembered the beautiful smile on her face…the look in her eyes as she came hard, screaming his name. He would love to make her come every single day, multiple times. 

And he would. He would find ways to give Rey pleasure like she’d never known before. He wanted to explore each inch of her, bask in her perfections and imperfections alike. He wanted to run his lips and tongue through her moist heat and drive her insane with ecstasy. Taste her nectar like it was manna from Heaven. He wanted to bury himself deep into her tight body…claim her as his as she claimed him as hers. He longed to see her perfect mouth wrapped around him, watching her eyes as she drew him deeper and deeper inside. He wanted to wake up beside her everyday…warm from sleep and smelling like each other.

“Fucking hell,” Ben muttered. He had never felt such a pull to anyone like he did to Rey. It wasn’t just her beauty. It was everything about her. Her heart. Her soul. Her generous nature and kind laugh. Her spirit which could light up Broadway. She was a goddess. And he was helpless to resist the fact that he had fallen so deeply in love with her that there was no chance of coming back to the surface.

Looking down, he wasn’t surprised to find his cock hard again, just by thinking of Rey. Glancing over at the pearly liquid which smelled like Rey, he sighed to himself for even thinking such a lascivious thought but knew there was nothing else to be done. He couldn’t very well walk out there like this. Nor could he go around all day with blue balls. 

Outside in the living room, Ben heard Rey turn on some music and he was grateful that it would drown out any noises he might make. Lathering more of her wash in his hands, Ben slid them down slowly and started to pump himself. It didn’t take long to get where he needed to be, memories of last night and this morning flashing across his vision like a projector showing him home movies. Rey’s sounds. The way her skin tasted. The way she writhed against him. The way she smelled. How unbelievably wet she was…The way she would no doubt feel wrapped around his aching flesh.

Biting his lip hard, Ben gripped the side of the shower with his left hand while his right hand brought him a much-needed release. He panted over and over, leaning forward to dip his head under the spray and watching the evidence of his arousal wash down the drain.

Ben dressed quickly in last night’s still clean clothes, downing the medicine he retrieved from his wallet with a glass of water and running his fingers through his wet hair. He looked pretty good, considering. Opening the bathroom door, he spied Rey sitting on the sofa in a robe, sipping on what appeared to be coffee. 

“Hey, handsome. Good shower?” Rey asked warmly, winking at Ben playfully.

Ben nodded, unable to look her in the eye for a moment. Not when thoughts of her riding him like a stallion were still filtering through his mind.

“Yes! Very good.” He said, almost too loudly as Rey approached him. 

She gave him a quick kiss on his lips, pulling back and smiling at him softly. Ben had a feeling that Rey knew exactly what he’d done in the shower.

“Hey. I have an idea. Why don’t I make us breakfast? I think we have ingredients for waffles.” Rey said, trying to distract Ben from feeling awkward.

Ben grinned, an idea suddenly forming in his mind. It was an incredible day outside, bright and clear. And the weather had forecasted temps in the high sixties, so it wouldn’t be too cold with the sun out. He stepped up alongside Rey, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

“As much as I love your cooking, AND baking…I have a better idea. How about a picnic in Central Park? We can get some goodies at Zabar’s, spread out a blanket…it will probably be one of the last nice days outside until spring,” Ben quipped, anxiously gazing at Rey for her thoughts. 

Rey’s eyes lit up, and she bounced on her toes like a kid at a fair.

“A picnic? Oh! That would be wonderful. I’ve never done that before.” She said with excitement.

Ben released a sigh of relief.

“Good.” He said, pride in his voice that her first time would be with him. 

‘All of her first times will be with you,’ that possessive voice deep inside of him said again. He pushed it away like a pesky devil on his shoulder, pleased with himself for making Rey so happy.

“I’ll just go shower and change.” Rey said, bounding away towards the bathroom.

Ben watched her go, feeling that dead weight lift from his chest again. His depression had no please here, in this place of light. 

And of Rey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The city was alive today, being a Saturday morning and one of the last beautiful days before the cold set in. Ben wanted to buy Rey anything she wanted for this picnic, including a beautiful basket that they stopped at Pier 1 to buy. They rode the subway the few blocks downtown to Ben’s neighborhood, holding hands as they strolled through sidewalk marketplaces on the way to Zabar’s. More than once, Ben looked over at Rey and couldn’t help but smile. She was just so gorgeous and sweet…everything about her made his chest expand with longing and a deep seeded need to protect her.

They made it to the deli, Rey breaking the grasp on their joined hands as she ran right over to the bakery counter and stared wide-eyed at the delicious confections on display.

“I’ve never seen so much food.” Rey gushed, looking around the crowded deli with wide eyes. “Oh, wait. That’s a lie. Covent Garden in London has lovely food halls. And Harrod’s. I guess I meant, I haven’t ever seen so much food here in America.”

Ben snorted, grabbing a number for the deli section.

“You like to eat, don’t you?” He asked with amusement, finding it endearing the way Rey blushed at his question.

“Well, yeah. Doesn’t everyone? Growing up…I went hungry a lot. I suppose I’m making up for lost time.” She said casually, shrugging her shoulders in dismissal.

But Ben heard the pain in her voice, knowing that she fiercely guarded her feelings of abandonment as a child. He wanted to erase every bad memory she ever had with good ones and surround her with delicious delicacies she would love. He wanted to spoil her rotten, because she deserved it.

“How about some wine?” Ben asked, bending low to pluck a pinot noir from its shelf as they waited for their number to be called.

Rey’s eyes followed Ben as he bent over, and she smiled at the shapely line of his ass. He turned midway to face her in question, cocking a brow when he caught her staring at his body.

“Uh…sure.” She said, blushing profusely.

Ben grinned devilishly, not accustomed to having a woman admire him so much. Never in his life had he deemed himself attractive, let alone by someone as attractive as Rey. Now coloring himself, he put the wine back.

“Er…maybe something softer. Like lemonade.” He said quietly, offering Rey a shaky smile. The last thing he wanted to do was lose control of his faculties when he got to spend the whole day with Rey. He kept having to remember that his meds and alcohol weren’t the best pair.

“Number 77?”

Rey waved the little green ticket in the air with glee, yanking Ben over to the counter with her. Ben grinned at her enthusiasm, dutifully following and leaning against the counter to have a look.

“What’ll it be, folks?” The man asked in a no-nonsense tone, and Rey spouted off half a dozen things she wanted to try. 

It was a perfect Autumn day for a picnic…the fresh, crisp air filling their nostrils pleasantly. Rey had brought a large blanket from home to spread out on the grass, and they nibbled on various salads and meats, cold chicken, cheese, baguettes, grapes, and some heavenly chocolate tarts while watching people from various walks of life enjoy the day as much as them.  
Children flew kites, a few dogs chased frisbees. Bikes sailed along the path along the tree line, and parents played with their kids. A few couples also had blankets spread out on the great lawn as well; some were reading, and some were making out. It was idyllic and sweet. Ben took Rey’s hand in his, enjoying the warmth of her soft skin. They sat next to each, crossed legged, and Rey couldn’t remember ever being so happy.

“You really enjoy working at Lando’s, don’t you?” Ben asked suddenly.

Rey nodded enthusiastically, smiling as she watched a little boy roll around in the grass with a puppy.

“Oh, yes. Lando and Tendra are wonderful people. And wonderful parent’s, as well. Finn is very lucky to have them.” Rey said wistfully. “They’ve really welcomed me. It isn’t just a job for me. It’s like working for family.”

Ben watched her closely, committing her every nuance to memory. She was like a blossoming rose, unfurling her petals when she talked about things or people she loved.

“I’m happy for you that you’ve found people who care for you the way you deserve, Rey.” Ben said kindly, rubbing his fingers across Rey’s knuckles tenderly. 

“Thank you, Ben.” Rey said sincerely. A thought occurred to her, and she turned to face him with an excited expression.

“Are you really best friends with Phasma Hux? How did you meet her?”

Ben took a long sip of his lemonade.

“College, actually. First day. She is this powerhouse of a woman. She strolled over to me and asked me where the office was. I told her, but she looped her arm through mine and said I should probably just show her. She is nearly 6’4 and can be highly intimidating. You do not want to get into a sparring match with Gwen,” Ben said, laughing, unaware he’d revealed her true name to Rey.

Rey laughed at the picture Ben presented.

“Is she married?” Rey asked.

Ben smiled joyfully, and Rey thought it was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen.

“Oh, happily. To my college roommate and other best friend. You can imagine my surprise when I found out my best friend and my roommate were an item. I came back to my dorm one night and got the shock of my life. I’m happy for them. Ten years of wedded bliss.” Ben said wistfully.

“Wow, ten years. That’s wonderful.” Rey murmured sincerely. 

Ben nodded in agreement. Where would they be in ten year’s time? Rey would be thirty-three, and he would be almost 39. Maybe he would be a tenured professor, and Rey a world-famous architect. Would they be married…have children? Be together?

Ben coughed loudly, clearing his throat. He gazed around them at the buildings towering across the park, trying not to let his imagination run away with him. 

“How was your first week back at school? Were you able to get back into the routine alright?” Rey asked with interest, scooping a few berries out of the fruit salad.

Ben worried his top lip with his teeth, trying to put into words how he felt without giving her more questions to wonder about.

“It was good, thank you. A bit draining. I’ve been doing nothing for months, and suddenly the merry go round started again. You know…” Ben said shortly, popping some berries into his mouth as well.

Rey nodded slowly, the fact that Ben brought up his long absence and still the lack of reason for it standing out vividly. She watched him in profile; the way his eyes narrowed in concentration and his hair blew in the breeze. She couldn’t help but wonder that the puzzle pieces were staring her right in the face…but she had no idea how to piece them together.

“It’s always difficult starting over. I do know that. It helps to have people around you who care, and who want to see you succeed,” She offered supportively, trying to let him know that she was on his side.

Ben turned and stared at Rey with intensity, his heart and mind at war with what to do. He brought Rey here to give her a good memory…one she deserved. He didn’t want to ruin it with telling her he tried to end his life. The idea of her running away from him as fast as she could once she knew his secret chipped away at him. He wouldn’t blame her; how could he? She was a young woman with a bright future. How could he fault her for not wanting to hitch her wagon to a crazy person?

‘Stop this. Right now. You are not crazy, and Rey is not the type of person to do such a thing. Trust her!’

Ben sighed, shaking his head clear. He needed something positive to focus on, to center his thoughts. 

“So what kind of buildings do you plan on designing, once you get your degree?” He asked curiously, more than content to learn everything there was to know about Rey.

Rey leaned back on her elbows, 

“Big ones.” She chuckled, nibbling on a grape.

Ben snickered.

“I’m serious.” He said, tossing a grape at her playfully.

Rey dodged it, laughing.

“So am I.” Rey said with mock indignation. 

Ben leaned closer to her, running his lips along her forehead. Rey shivered.

“Really, Rey? Big buildings? Could you be a little more specific?” Ben urged playfully.

Rey considered Ben’s question, before turning on her side to face him. He wanted to offer her his undivided attention, so he mirrored her position.

“Okay…so, growing up in orphanages, I was appalled by the conditions of the buildings. They were rundown and below code. One had rats. And roaches. It was…well, it wasn’t suitable for living in. I want to build group homes for orphaned children that aren’t so cramped, have lots of windows to let the sunshine in, and are big enough for each child to have their own comfortable bed, not just a stacked bunkbed design like they’re in the military. They aren’t soldiers…they’re children. And they should have the comforts and rights of any wanted child. I always promised myself that my first building would be given to the city for free. And that whatever inheritance I had left after paying off my tuition would be to buy furniture for it. I mean…who needs a coat when a child doesn’t have a warm, comfortable bed to sleep in? That’s why I hadn’t purchased a coat for myself; I’m saving every penny I can for my special building fund.” Rey said proudly, glancing over to gauge Ben’s reaction.

Ben stared at Rey in awe. She was like a saint. She had forgone a warm winter coat for herself because she was not spending a penny of her savings so that she could donate it all to orphaned children? His decision to give her that coat was the best decision he’d ever made…that and approaching her on the train that night. 

“Rey…I don’t know what to say. You’re perfect. And you touch me with every word you utter.” Ben whispered.

Rey rolled her eyes at the compliment, making a sour face.

“I’m far from perfect, Ben.” Rey said seriously, but Ben cut her off.

“No, Rey. You are. You would sacrifice your own happiness…your own basic needs so that children you don’t even know could be happy? That is the most beautiful sentiment I’ve ever heard. Do you know what the world would be like if everyone thought the way you did? Half of the religions I teach about talk a good game about charity and love for their fellow man, but they never put their money or time where their mouths are. Where did you come from?” Ben asked, spellbound.

Rey blinked at Ben.

“London.” She whispered, offering him a faint smile at her joke.

Ben shook his head, disbelieving that someone so selfless and wonderful existed.

“I’ve never met anyone as pure as you, Rey. You have to be an angel, right?” Ben asked sweetly, leaning over to run his thumb across her cheek.

Rey blushed.

“No, Ben. I’m just a girl. One who likes Indian food, is interested in designing big buildings for lonely orphans, and enjoys spending the day with gorgeous professors.” She said happily.

Ben chuckled, his heart swelling with emotion for her. 

“Is that how you feel…like you were unwanted?” He asked her quietly, picking up what she said about the orphans.

Rey shrugged, plucking a blade of grass out and folding it into a cross. 

“Yeah…I guess. The reality of it Ben, is that I WAS unwanted. But there was a time, once…when I was loved. Cherished. A family wanted me. But nothing lasts forever. Not even love.”

Ben’s eyes teared up at Rey’s words, wanting desperately to prove her wrong. She WAS loved. She WAS cherished. And he wanted to make her part of his own family…wanted to give her a family of her own. The truth hit him like train. 

He gazed over across the park to the lake, afraid to blurt out to her right now that he loved her.

“Would you like to take a boat out on the lake? I can rent one.” Ben offered sweetly.

Rey looked over towards where Ben was pointing, nodding profusely.

“That sounds wonderful.” She said, taking his proffered hand. Together they gathered up the remains of their lunch, and Rey folded the blanket and shoved it in the basket which Ben gallantly carried. They strolled hand in hand through the park towards the lake, Ben stopping every few steps to point something out to her. Rey loved how he was such a learned tour guide and was secretly happy that she’d never really come to the park before her visit with him.

“Do you know how to do this?” Rey asked as Ben guided her down to the dock.

“What, steer a rowboat? Of course.” Ben answered with amusement.

Rey wasn’t convinced.

“It’s just…how does a Professor of Comparative Religions and Psychology have time to do that?”

Understanding dawned on Ben.

“Rey, my parents live on a lake upstate. I’ve been boating, sailing, canoeing all of my life. Are you afraid of the water, because you can’t swim?” He asked her delicately.

Rey nodded, feeling embarrassed.

Ben pulled her into his arms and hugged her warmly, stroking her soft hair.

“I would never let anything happen to you. I promise. I’m an excellent swimmer, and the lake is only a few feet deep. Do you trust me?” He whispered in her ear, relieved when Rey murmured a “yes”.

Pulling back, Ben took her hand and kissed it.

Feeling marginally better, Rey stepped into the rowboat carefully and went towards the bow.

“That’s it. Sit there and put your feet here, to even out the weight distribution.” Ben directed, smiling as he placed the basket down in the center of them before assuming his place at the oars. 

Rey glanced around the lake at the other couples, feeling a strange sense of completion. This was what she had always longed for…this connection with someone. Sharing one’s thoughts and dreams. As Ben began to row, Rey couldn’t help but smile widely. She watched his thick biceps flex with each turn, remembering how those strong arms had lifted her back off the bed this morning and crushed her against him as he feasted on her. 

Ben rowed them under Bow Bridge, and Rey delighted at the sunlight’s reflection of the autumn colored leaves on the lake. 

“This is just perfect.” Rey said softly, looking up to find Ben watching her with a gentle smile gracing his lips.

“No longer afraid?” Ben inquired, his eyes warm as he gazed at her. 

“No longer afraid.” She confirmed, feeling safer than she’d ever felt before.

Rey sat back, leaning her arms against the bench and stretching out her feet in front of her while Ben stopped rowing and allowed them to just drift. He began to hum a tune that was beautiful and haunting. 

“What is that tune you’re humming?” Rey asked curiously.

Ben quieted at once, looking over at her startled. Rey found it endearing that he looked so bashful.

“Oh…it’s Whistle Down the Wind. It’s a song from an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of the same name.” Ben answered, resuming rowing to have something to do with his hands. 

Rey nodded, furrowing her brows. She looked like she was about to say something, so Ben waited expectantly. To his utter surprise and delight, she began to sing.

“Whistle down the wind- Let your voices carry- Drown out all the rain-Light a patch of darkness treacherous and scary. Howl at the stars- Whisper when you're sleepy- I'll be there to hold you, I'll be there to stop the chills and all the weeping- Make it clear and strong -So the whole night long- Every signal that you send until the very end- I will not abandon you my precious friend- So try and stem the tide- Then you'll raise a banner- Send a flare up in the sky, try to burn a torch- And try to build a bonfire. Every signal that you send, until the very end, I’m there. So whistle down the wind- For I have always been right there.”

Ben gazed at Rey in astonishment, once again allowing the boat to drift as his arms went slack.

“Rey, that…you know that song?”

Rey blushed.

“Yeah. My mother used to sing it to me when I was a baby. It was written right before my birth, I suppose. She would sing it to me almost every night before I went to sleep.” Rey said, her eyes taking on a dream like quality.

Ben was shocked.

“I…I’ve always loved that song. My mother used to sing it to me, too.” Ben said incredulously. 

What were the odds of that happening, Ben thought. How could he and Rey both have mothers who sang them the same song. Even stranger, was why he began to hum the tune in the first place. Something about being here on the lake with Rey made him feel content. Safe. The same way he felt after Leia tucked him in at night, kissing his brow and singing to him as he drifted off to sleep.

Before the nightmares came. Before the darkness.

Rey’s mouth fell open in surprise as her eyes widened dramatically.

“That’s…incredible.” She whispered, also wondering how this could be.

“What’s incredible, is your voice. It’s like…” Ben murmured, unable to voice what hearing her sing that song did to him. 

Rey grimaced, feeling foolish. She had no idea what possessed her to break out into song. And in front of Ben, no less. What a goofball she was.

“Nails on a chalkboard? Is that the term you were thinking of?” She asked self-depreciatingly, offering him a wan smile in apology for her unsolicited singing.

But Ben shook his hand frantically, reaching forward to clutch her hands inside his own. 

“Like an Angel’s…in a heavenly choir.” Ben answered reverently.

He looked so damn sincere, that Rey let out a laugh so melodious that people on the bridge turned to stare at them. Ben waved at them, sheepishly smiling as they laughed as he and Rey drifted underneath the bridge again, heading back to the rental area. 

“You surely know how to charm a girl, Ben Solo. Professor…are you trying to woo me again?” Rey asked sweetly, scooting over closer to Ben carefully so she wouldn’t tip them over.

Ben gulped, his eyes sliding down to Rey’s lips.

“Is it working?” He asked her for the second time, his deep voice dropping to a whisper.

In answer to his question Rey leaned forward to drop a sweet, lingering kiss on Ben’s lips. The people on the bridge clapped and wolf whistled, but Ben couldn’t care less at the spectacle they were making.

For once, he was going to enjoy his happiness. Not question it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben treated Rey to a horse drawn carriage ride across the park, holding her tightly against him as they watched the park disappear from sight down 5th Avenue. It was the perfect end to a perfect day in the park, and as they made their way back to Ben’s apartment, the sun had all but vanished.

“So…any plans tonight?” Ben asked as they rode up the elevator to his floor. He didn’t want to bring Rey home just yet, but he knew she must be tired from their full day.

“Nope. I’m off tonight, but I’m working tomorrow. I’m all yours, if you want me.” Rey whispered, her eyes connecting with Ben’s in the glass mirror of the door.

Ben merely nodded, escorting her out with a hand at the small of her back as they made their way to his door. His apartment was cool and quiet, a lone lamp on in his bedroom.

“Make yourself at home.” Ben said tenderly. “I’m just going to use the bathroom.”

“Okay.” She agreed, taking a seat on Ben’s plush sofa. Her gaze fell on a white leather-bound album that was on the coffee table, and when she picked it up to have a look she realized it was a photo album. She flipped the pages slowly, admiring pictures of Ben when he was younger and beautiful pictures of what Rey assumed were Han and Leia Solo. 

When Ben strolled back into the room and sat down beside her, he rolled his eyes at catching her looking at the photos.

“Oh, boy. The dreaded reminders of the awkward years.” Ben said ominously, earning a chuckle out of Rey.

“Come on, Ben. They aren’t so bad. You were adorable.” She gushed, pointing to his graduation picture and squealing. “My god, you were so handsome. Your parent’s must have been so proud of you.”

Ben remained silent, allowing Rey to have her opinion.

“Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry?” He asked gently, leaning in to nuzzle her cheek.

“That tickles,” Rey giggled, breaking out in shivers at Ben’s proximity. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

Ben sat back, snuggling against Rey as she enjoyed his memories.

“Oh my god, is this Lando?” Rey asked excitedly, pointing to a photo with Han, Leia, and a man Rey didn’t recognize.

Ben leaned over, grinning. 

“Yeah. Before I was born. I unearthed this album the other day to see if I had any of my parent’s pictures with Lando to show him. Sure enough, there he was. There’s a few more in there.” 

Rey soaked up each picture with interest, smiling softly.

“I simply cannot believe my best friend’s father and your father were so close back in the day. Isn’t that a coincidence?” Rey asked absently, stroking the picture with her finger.

Ben swallowed roughly. Yeah, it was a coincidence. Like Rey having the same song sung to her that was sung to him. Or both of them being on that train at the same time that night, connecting in a way he never would have imagined. 

“Your parent’s look so happy and in love.” Rey remarked with awe.

“Yeah.” Ben whispered.

“Who is this man?” Rey asked, pointing to a blond man standing side by side with Ben’s mother.

“That’s my Uncle Luke. He and my mother are fraternal twins.” Ben said.

“Huh. Does he live here?” Rey asked.

“No. He used to, but he moved to England a few years ago. He visits often. I stayed with him when I went to Stonehenge. He’s…well, he’s difficult to explain.” Ben said ruefully.

Rey smiled, full of fun.

“Try.” She offered.

Ben pursed his lips.

“He’s a guru of sorts…some would say a Priest.”

Rey’s eyes widened with interest.

“A Druid Priest?” 

Ben nodded.

“Yes. He was the one who really introduced me to comparative religions. While I was in college, it was suggested to me that a degree in psychology would be beneficial as well, which is why I went for the double major. Luke is a very enlightened soul. But sometimes, he can be hard to take.” Ben said, snorting.

“Why?” Rey whined, on the defensive for her newfound curiosity.

Ben released a deep breath.

“Well…he has very high standards for how we conduct ourselves. He is highly trained in self deprivation. He’s a dichotomy of things; he’ll sacrifice buying something he wants for something he needs, every time. He leads a rather lonely life, too. He's never been married.” Ben said seriously.

Rey shook her head in wonder. 

“Wow. So…he puts loftier goals above earthly ones. Sounds very altruistic.” Rey said.

Ben gazed over at her, something occurring to him.

“You…you remind me of him. Especially after what you said about building the orphanage with your own money. I think my uncle would love you.” Ben said truthfully.  
Rey looked down, blushing again.

“I would love to meet your family one day, Ben.” Rey breathed. 

Right then, Leia’s words from last Monday came back to him…about Thanksgiving. Ben figured now would be as good a time as any to broach the topic to Rey.

“Rey…it’s the beginning of October.” Ben began, pausing for effect.

Rey snorted, nodding in the affirmative. 

“Well, well, well. Gorgeous AND he can read a calendar. Most impressive.” Rey said saucily.

Ben scratched his head. This was not going well.

“What I meant was, Thanksgiving will be here before you know it. And…it’s a big deal in my family. All the holidays are. I didn’t know if you had plans, but…I would verymuchlikeyoutocomebackhomewithmeupstateandspendtheweekendwithmyfamilyandI.”

Rey’s eyes bugged out as she tried to piece together Ben’s run on sentence, gasping once his words sunk in. 

“You…you want me to meet your family?” Rey whispered in disbelief.

Ben nodded slowly. 

“Yes, of course I do. My uncle Luke will be there, as he comes home for those gatherings. You’d have a good time picking his brain about Druidry. And…my parents would love to meet you.” Ben said shyly.

Rey’s heart did a flip in her chest as she considered Ben’s offer. A four-day weekend, with Ben at his family home in upstate New York. Just the thought made her want to cry from joy.

“You can think it over if you’re not sure. I’ll underst-“

Rey leaned in and silenced Ben with her lips.

“Yes.” Was all she said, capturing his mouth again tenderly.

Rey pushed Ben down gently to the couch pillows, snuggling in beside him as the room began to darken further. Ben slid his arm around Rey's waist, coccooning her between the back of the couch and his body. They laid there in silence, absorbing all they had learned about each other that day until they both fell into a peaceful slumber. When the city lights began to twinkle in the window, Ben kissed Rey's neck lovingly, rousing her from her nap.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Ben whispered in Rey's ear, delighting in the shivers that went through her body at his request. 

Rey turned her face into Ben's throat, kissing his Adam's apple tenderly.

"I thought you'd never ask." She murmured, running her hand down Ben's chest.

Ben swiftly rose from the couch, picking Rey up in one fell swoop as though she weighed nothing. Together they walked into his bedroom, Rey placing her head on Ben's shoulder as he cradled her body to his chest. He set her down on his large bed, and they undressed each other slowly until Rey was down to her cotton bra and panties, and Ben to his briefs. Pulling the covers aside, Ben climbed in after Rey and pulled her to his chest protectively. Both exhausted, all they wanted to do was sleep in each other's arms. And that's exactly what they did.

It was the best nights sleep either of them had in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare yourselves. Things next chapter take a rocky turn.


	11. The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Ben revels in his burgeoning love affair with Rey, our Heroine jumps to conclusions and, well…the course of true love never did run smoothly. Things are not always what they seem. But tell that to a young woman in love for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind reception for this story. I just wanted to give you all a heads up. The next couple of chapters might be difficult to read, especially if you have triggers such a abandonment issues or suicide. No, Ben will NOT be making another attempt, but he will finally be forced to confront his past actions where Rey is concerned. So, he will be recounting what happened and why. 
> 
> I know that by the end of this chapter, you might be a little upset with Rey. Please, don’t be. She is strong and sweet, but she is young and inexperienced. Ben is her first love, and she has her own history of abandonment and feeling like she is worthless to grapple with. Things are going so wonderful for them, and she panics when she feels her territory being threatened. Remember all those mistakes you’ve made in love? Yeah. It will just seem harsher to us, because WE know what Ben’s been through, and that he’s innocent. But luckily for our hero, he has grown emotionally and will be strong enough to get through this. That, and he has friends who will move heaven and earth for his happiness. 
> 
> Please check out my Pinterest page for updates to the story with pictures on my The Eye of the Needle mood board. You can find me there as JoKaye. I'm also on Tumblr as Darcyfitz.

Ben sat at the ornate bar drinking a cranberry and soda with lime, his eyes taking in the pretentious surroundings with distaste. 

Armitage loved his glitzy Manhattan eateries, but this was outrageous. Every cocktail was no less than thirty dollars, and Ben shuddered to imagine what their meal would cost once he viewed a menu. What was it with Hux and these over the top trappings? Couldn’t they meet for dinner at some dive diner that served pancakes and eggs all day, where Ben didn’t have to practically rent a tux to step in the door?

Ben smirked, shaking his head. He supposed it was part of the image for Hux and Phasma, as they kept in with some high rollers in New York. At least they hadn’t changed where it counted; being his true friends. And it wasn’t like Ben was poor; far from it. But he felt it frivolous to waste money, especially after his conversation with Rey in the park. The idea now of spending money on luxury dinners made him feel ashamed, after knowing Rey grew up in a hovel infested with rats and roaches.

Ben cringed, hating the so-called family members who had put her there. How could they have left an innocent five-year-old to a fate so horrible? It angered him so badly that he felt his hand curl into a tight fist around his glass. He had grown up with prestige and luxury, as the only son of a senator and an astronaut. Even Hux had been born into extreme wealth, his father a ruthless businessman who owned half of England’s steel industry. It wasn’t fair that the things they took for granted – hot food to eat, a warm bed…was something Rey had lacked all of her life. 

If only her parents had secured her future; found suitable people to care for her in the event of their deaths. Not for the first time, Ben wondered where her grandparents were…even if they were still alive. 

Ben couldn’t help but smile as he thought of his beautiful Rey.

For someone so young, Rey was the epitome of grace and generosity. The fact she put herself last humbled and inspired him. He found himself wanting to follow her example and do something to help others less fortunate than him. Perhaps volunteer somewhere. He vowed he would discuss it with Rey…maybe they could do something together. For the first time in his life, Ben felt like he’d found a purpose. Rey had opened his eyes to so many beautiful things, so many facets of life that he had never allowed himself to experience.  
Goodness. Hope. The joy that came from putting others first. And love. For the first time ever…love. 

His mind drifted back to last weekend, when they had woken up in each other’s arms not once but twice. No more intense sexual intimacy had occurred when they’d woken up entangled together on Sunday, as both had made a silent agreement to simply be together and enjoy each other’s company. Ben didn’t want to rush Rey or make her feel that sex was all he was after. Although he would have happily lost himself in her beautiful body, the things he loved most about her were her heart. Her spirit. Simply basking in her light and feeling her soft skin against his was enough. Sunday morning had dawned cool and bright, and he had hated when she’d left the warm cocoon of his bed and arms to head back home. She’d had studying to do, then work later. He knew he couldn’t monopolize her every waking moment, but each second that she wasn’t in his presence was like a physical ache. 

Ben sighed, knowing he was too far gone now. Rey Kenobi was everything he’d ever wanted in a mate, and now that they’d found each other he wasn’t letting her go. The nagging sensation that maybe Rey didn’t want forever with him weighed on his soul, though. That, and how Rey would react once she knew all his secrets. 

Absently fiddling with his cocktail straw, he wondered just how much time he had left before he had to tell her everything…about Bazine, and what she’d done to him and his parent’s. About his long-standing battle with manic depression, and anxiety. About how last April, he’d been so distraught over events he couldn’t control that he’d tried to end his life by slitting his own throat…nearly bleeding to death on his living room floor.

Ben closed his eyes tightly against the PTSD that usually ensued remembering that fateful day…or not remembering it, as he was stone cold drunk at the time. 

“It’s in the past. She can’t hurt you anymore.” Ben said aloud to himself, trying to calm his racing thoughts from taking over. 

Looking up, Ben spotted his two friends entering the restaurant, Hux glancing around with purpose.

“There he is.” Armitage boomed, grabbing his wife’s hand and hurrying over to the bar the second Ben had turned around. He extended his hand in greeting as they skirted around other patrons and found him in the crowd.

“Hey, guys.” Ben said jovially, his earlier somber mood vanishing, and he rose to take Hux’s hand before engulfing Phasma in a bear hug that practically took her off her feet.

Phasma’s eyes widened in delight, as did the smile on her face.

“Someone’s in a good mood.” She said slyly, bending over to plant a red lipped kiss on Ben’s cheek.

He grimaced and grabbed a napkin from the bar to wipe away what he knew was a huge red lipstick mark. Phasma laughed heartily, pleased with herself.

“Is our table ready?” Armitage asked Ben, and he nodded in the affirmative.

“Yeah, they said whenever we’re ready.”

Hux escorted his wife ahead of them as he turned to his oldest friend.

“Shall we?”

As soon as they were seated, a waiter came by to take their drink order with a polite smile. Hux ordered a martini for himself, and a Manhattan for Phasma. Ben held up his mocktail singling to bring him another, and the waiter took off briskly to fill their order.

Phasma couldn’t help but note the difference in Ben from the last time they shared a meal with him, at that Chinese restaurant downtown. That was nearly two months ago, she mused, wondering at the immense change in him. He was relaxed and rested, that much was clear. His face which had long held lines of tension was now smoothed out, a serious yet friendly smile never leaving his face. His skin wasn’t as pale as it had been, either. He obviously was getting out of the house a lot more now that he’d returned to work, and Phasma suspected it had something to do with Rey. He had some high color in his cheeks, and his deep brown eyes were sparkling. SPARKLING! Phasma hadn’t ever seen him look so animated before, and for a moment wondered in humor if he was high. She couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him, causing Ben to shift in his seat and offer her a speculative smile.

“Everything alright?” Ben asked her slowly as the waiter came by and deposited their drinks before them, a small smile burgeoning in the corner of his mouth. He bit his lip to hide it from growing, quickly schooling his features into neutrality.

Phasma blinked. When Ben shyly lowered his eyes and his long lashes concealed his expression, she blinked again. 

That was the coy look of a man who had recently gotten laid. Or at least had rounded some bases she thought in shock, her blue eyes studying him earnestly.

Hux had been chattering on about margin calls in the market when he finally looked up and noted his wife’s fascination with their friend.

“Why are you gawking at him like that? Leave the poor man be, Phas.” Hux chided her, a bit of his snooty demeanor shining through as Ben looked on in humor.

Phasma smirked wickedly at her husband, not missing a beat.

“Oh. He has some lint on his suit. Here, I’ll just get rid of it.” Phasma intoned, brushing away the imaginary dirt and vowing as soon as they were alone, she would pounce.

Ben’s eyes followed Phasma’s fingers brushing the phony lint away, his eyes connecting with hers knowingly.

“Why thank you, Phasma. What would I do without your fussing over me?” Ben asked rhetorically, shooting her a smirk of his own.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the man was in love. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she discreetly blinked them away. It seemed this Miss Rey Kenobi was worth her weight in gold.

“So I’ve heard the Kobe steak is to die for here. Any takers?” Hux asked expectantly, his eyes drifting from Ben to his wife.

Ben winced when he glanced over at the price of that meal.

“Ah, no thank you. I’d rather not draw out my 401(k) just for a steak.” Ben snarked.

Hux rolled his eyes in a bored manner.

“Oh come now, Ben. I invited you to dinner with us tonight. Therefore, it’s on me. Order whatever you like.” He said dismissively, his sharp blue eyes scanning the menu with interest.

Ben smiled and raised a brow, shooting a look of sarcasm Phasma’s way.

“It must be nice being a Wall Street dictator.” He deadpanned, but his voice held no real scorn.

Hux took a long gulp of his martini, setting it down with care on the fabric napkin provided for it.

“How have you been, old man? Phasma tells me you’ve been rather…busy lately. I hope everything is good.” Hux hedged, sitting back in his chair in a relaxed manner.

Ben nodded, taking a drink of his own.

“Everything is great, thanks. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much, but with school and everything…” Ben broke off, gesturing with his hand.

Hux offered him a shrewd smile.

“And everything, of course.” He said smoothly, not fooled for a moment. 

Ben pinched his lips while Phasma chuckled beside him.

“Leave him alone, Darling. The man is happy. No need to put him under a spotlight.” Phasma said in Ben’s defense, sipping her cocktail demurely.

Hux sighed, cocking his head.

“I’m not teasing him, my Love. I think it’s wonderful that Ben is back in the swing of things.” The red head said sincerely, meeting his friends’ gaze.

Ben nodded, not wanting things to get awkward.

“I’m good, Really. Rey and I have been spending a lot of time together, getting to know each other. It’s been…” Ben trailed away, his eyes taking on a dreamy quality that made Hux and Phasma sit forward in anticipation of his next words.

“It’s been…?” Phasma prodded sweetly, and Ben chuckled.

“Perfect, okay? It’s been perfect.” Ben murmured.

Hux clapped his hands together merrily. 

“Well, then. That is amazing news. We should very much like to meet your Rey, when you feel comfortable enough to include us.” He said, and Phasma happily agreed with a deep smile.

Ben nodded, smiling as well.

“Yes, that would be wonderful. I know Rey will adore the both of you. And you will just love her. She’s so easy to l-“ Ben began, blushing when he realized what he was saying.

Phasma eyed Ben curiously, but it was Hux that changed the subject before poor Ben died of embarrassment.

“You know Ben, my sister is taking your class. She moved here last month to be close to Phas and I, and wanted to surprise you. She said it’s been two weeks already, and you haven’t even noticed her yet.” Hux said, downing another swig of his drink.

Ben’s eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Aurora? But how? I didn’t see her name on my roster. And I haven’t noticed her in my class at all. Granted, it’s much larger this semester, but I think I would know if Aurora Hux was on my student list,” Ben said indignantly.

Phasma pursed her lips as Hux exhaled dramatically.

“She goes by the name Rory now. And she’s taken our mother’s maiden name of Glennbrook.” Hux said distastefully. As much as he despised his father, Armitage knew that his surname opened doors for him in circles. “Does that name ring a bell now?”

Ben nodded in realization.

“Yes, it does. Rory Glennbrook. That little sneak! Why didn’t she tell me?” Ben asked incredulously.

Hux shrugged indifferently.

“She always hated her surname. And since our parent’s divorce, she renounced the name Hux. Can’t blame her, really. Even if her new name sounds like a romance novelist’s.” Hux said dryly. 

Ben nodded in understanding. When Brendol Hux left Armitage and Aurora’s mother, it had left a gaping rift within the family that money could not solve. Things were strained enough between them when the family was together. Ben surmised that the animosity had only grown since the divorce.

“Did she see him before she decided to come to the States?” Ben asked pointedly.

Hux nodded stiffly.

“Apparently he showed up at her apartment. They had a sparking mad row before she told him to get out. He tried giving her a hefty check, but she ripped it up. She told Phas and I that she’d rather die than take his bribe money. I think the poor bastard is still waiting for her to cash it. It was a million dollars.” Hux said in amusement.

Ben gasped at that, shaking his head.

“Wow.” He whispered.

Phasma took a sip of her drink, waving her hand in the air simultaneously to lighten the mood.

“Darling, tell Ben the really GOOD news.” Phasma urged, sitting on the edge of her seat in anticipation.

Hux snorted.

“Oh, yes. She’s engaged. To an American! They met last year when she came to the States with her friends for that girl’s holiday. He’s an artist. Owns a new gallery down in the Village,” Hux said scandalously, laughing bitterly at the end. “It would just kill Brendol to know that. I think that’s part of the reason she’s doing it, just to piss him off. He wanted her to marry his best friend’s son.” Hux snorted with humor.  
Ben laughed mirthlessly.

“Not the Politician; the one with the sex scandals.” Ben said, appalled.

“The father had the scandals, not the son. Although the son is a bit of a wanker. The apple doesn’t fall from the tree, and all of that.” Phasma said with distaste.

Ben shook his head, trying to keep up with the Hux family drama.

Phasma tsked and gently swatted her husband in the shoulder for his earlier comment about Aurora marrying the man to upset her father.

“Hey, what you said about Aurora is a lie. Your sister loves James.” Phasma defended.

Ben laughed at the look of resignation on Hux’s face.

“I’ll concede that he’s a good bloke. Poor as a church mouse, but good.” Hux said begrudgingly.

Phasma rolled her eyes.

“Well, YOUR mother married a rich man, and it did HER no favors.” She said gravely.

Hux sighed, raising his glass to his wife.

“Touché, my darling. Touché.” 

Phasma smiled in triumph, turning her eyes to Ben.

“Anyway, Rory wants to come visit you with her fiancé at your apartment sometime. She doesn’t want anyone at Columbia to know she’s practically related to you. I gave her your new number and told her to text you when she’s free to coordinate with you.”

Ben sipped his drink, nodding his acquiescence. 

“Yeah, great. Tell her any time.” Ben said excitedly. 

Hux’s phone vibrated, sending the conversation to a halt.

“Excuse me, but I have to take this call. The market doesn’t wait for anyone.” He said, rising and kissing his wife on the cheek. “Order me another martini, would you darling?”

Phasma nodded, winking at Hux as he sauntered off toward the reception area to take his call. She turned back around, gracing Ben with a penetrating stare.

“Okay. Chap. Spill it. How did Rey like her gift?”

Ben smirked, downing a sip of his drink to hide it. Well, that didn’t take long at all. 

“Well…Rey loved the coat, Phas. Thank you again for what you did. It made her very happy.” He said, feeling a traitorous blush start begin to bloom on his face and neck at just how happy it truly made her.

Phasma’s eyes widened exponentially.

“Oh, my. What in the blue blazes is THAT? Are you blushing, Ben?” Phasma asked incredulously, sliding out of her seat into the one that her husband just vacated to get closer to her friend.

Ben looked around sheepishly, wondering if anyone overheard Phasma’s proclamation. 

“Shh, would you please lower your voice, Gwen. You do know your voice travels, right?” Ben whispered sternly, smiling at a passing waiter who eyed them curiously.

Phasma narrowed her eyes, undeterred by Ben’s embarrassment.

“We can do this the easy way Ben, or the hard way.” She sing-songed, leaning her chin on her hand and smiling at him wickedly.

Ben sighed, knowing there was no way she was going to let him off the hook. 

“Alright, you bully.” Ben murmured. “We spent the night together at her apartment. Then the next night at mine. Happy now?”

Phasma’s eyes blinked slowly at Ben’s confession.

“You…you.” Phasma stuttered, and Ben found it amusing that anything could ruffle her.

“No, we didn’t…you know.” Ben said, trying to maintain both is dignity and be a gentleman. “We just…cuddled.” He said, speaking the truth, conveniently leaving out the part about getting to second base.

Phasma guffawed incredulously.

“Cuddled, huh? Is that the new terminology these days for hooking up?” Phasma asked with excitement, her red lips pursing mischievously.  
Ben rubbed his temple with his fingers.

“No! It was nothing like that. God, kill me NOW.” He grumbled, shaking his head in embarrassment. After a moment when Phasma didn’t answer back, Ben chanced a glance across the table at his friend and wished he hadn’t.

Phasma’s lips trembled with something akin to stunned disbelief, her blue eyes flashing violently. 

“Phasma?” He asked with concern, reaching across to take her hand. Ben started in alarm when she angrily pulled it away.

“How could you? How DARE you?” She whispered hotly.

Ben gulped, knowing he had crossed a line. Phasma leaned in to him, and Ben mirrored her position obediently. He was suddenly afraid not to. 

“Listen, you selfish little shit. Seven months ago, I walked into your apartment to find you bleeding out on the floor. Have you any idea what that did to me? I never thought I’d see you open your eyes again, let alone fall in love and be happy. How could you even fucking joke about something like that?” She asked haughtily, all traces of her former humor gone. 

It wasn’t like Phasma to use such harsh language, especially not with him. 

Ben’s heart sank into his stomach as Phasma’s words set in. The woman in question composed herself and sat back, taking a demure sip from her Manhattan and not sparing Ben a glance.

Ben sighed, looking around them discreetly.

“Gwen…I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I wasn’t serious. You know I wasn’t. I was just embarrassed by your teasing. Forgive me. Please?” Ben implored.

Phasma closed her eyes, before crossing her arms loosely around her midsection.

“Ben…you cannot say things like that to me. Even in jest. Do you understand?” She asked, her tone low and serious. 

“I understand. It was a poor choice of words, and I’m sorry.” Ben said, thoroughly chastised.

The two friends stared at each other in silence, a wealth of things unsaid lingering between them. 

Hux returned to the table, talking to himself about margin calls.

“Sorry about that. Are we ready to order?” He asked briskly, sitting down and once again slinging his napkin across his lap.

Phasma turned away, licking her lips as she studied the patrons in the restaurant absently.

Ben felt like a selfish prick. What had happened last summer hung between him and Phasma like a misty fog. She had been the one to discover him in time, thank God, and she had never mentioned it afterwards due to what Ben assumed was relief at him having survived. He wondered if she would ever truly forgive him for almost killing himself without even reaching out to her first.

Hux bent his menu downward, eyeing Ben critically over the parchment.

"What have you decided on?"

Ben smiled sadly, his gaze fixed on Phasma.

“It’s a shame they don’t serve foot on the menu. It seems the perfect thing to stick in one’s mouth.” Ben said sheepishly, his tone contrite.

Phasma’s eyes met his, and she smiled softly in forgiveness. A silent conversation passed between them, until Ben tremulously smiled back at her.

Hux’s eyes narrowed in confusion as he looked between the two.

“Did I miss something?”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey sat back and stretched her arms over her head, trying to dispel the tight knots that had formed in her trapezius muscles. Being hunched over a desk for hours had left her drained. If it weren’t for the fact that she was completely prepared for her upcoming tests, she would have been a basket case. Funny enough, after her weekend with Ben she had never felt so relaxed and full of concentration. Sunday had been a productive day of studying for her after she had left Ben in bed, his eyes gazing at her longingly as she dressed and made her way to the door.

That was four days ago, and they had met for lunch on Tuesday after his two o’clock class in a tiny café off campus. Rey’s heart had stuttered upon seeing him walk through the door, his wavy locks blowing in the autumn breeze and settling around his face like a halo. He was too gorgeous for words, and Rey’s tongue had tied itself in knots as he had approached her table.

“Is this seat taken?” He had asked kindly, his eyes betraying his nonchalant tone of voice.

“It is now,” She had answered huskily, eyes devouring him as he had shrugged off his coat to reveal a sexy ensemble underneath of black jeans, a white button-down shirt, and a grey scarf.

They had only had an hour together before he had to leave for his next class, but any amount of time she spent with Ben was precious.  
She looked forward to next summer when she got to take two months off, her mind running ahead to hopefully convincing Ben to take some time off as well. Perhaps they could travel together. The idea of seeing Stonehenge together popped into her mind, as their early conversation about the Summer Solstice came drifting back to her.

Snapping out of her wayward thoughts, Rey startled when her phone pinged beside her. She looked down, mouth breaking out in warm smile at the message there.

‘I have an intense urge for Italian food tonight. Know any good places that employ gorgeous bartenders who have hair the color of chestnuts and a body to rival Venus?’

Rey laughed goofily in the emptiness of her room.

‘Who is this?’ She typed back.

‘Very funny, Miss Kenobi. You will pay for that remark.’

Rey felt a delicious zing go up and down her spine.

‘Promises, promises…Professor.’

There was a slight pause in Ben’s response, and Rey feared she had made him uncomfortable. She loved to tease him because he wasn’t HER professor, but she thought anyone as sexy as Ben Solo deserved to be teased. On the heels of that thought came a feeling so strong that Rey frowned: jealousy. Just how many students of his DID harbor fantasies about him?

Ben’s reply lit up Rey’s screen.

‘I always keep my promises, Sweetheart.’

Rey smiled happily, unable to help herself. 

‘I do know a great place, actually. It has delicious food, attentive staff, and a certain barmaid there is kind of sweet on you.’

Rey hit send and waited with baited breath for Ben’s response.

‘Wild horses couldn’t keep me away from this barmaid. Do you know her well? Could you perhaps put in a good word for me?’

Rey chuckled.

‘I know her pretty well. I’ll see what I can do.’

Ben’s reply came instantly.

‘I’d appreciate it. I’m kind of sweet on her, too.’

Rey bit her lip in delight.

‘I’m tending bar until 9. After that, we can grab a late supper at one of the tables if you’d like.’

‘I would like that. Very much.’

Rey blushed, picturing Ben's intense eyes as if he were there with her.

‘Okay, then. You can stop by earlier if you want…get a table for us.’

‘I will see you around 8, then. I miss you, Rey.’

A lump formed in Rey’s throat at how sweet Ben was, and how he made her feel.

‘I miss you too, Ben. See you tonight.’

Rey put her phone down, warmth spreading throughout her chest. She wondered what Ben did in his free time. Did he listen to music? Did he write? He must, since he was already a published author. There was so much about Ben Solo that was a mystery to her, and she wanted to discover everything there was to know about him.

The question was...did he want her to?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey’s eyes kept straying over to where Ben was sitting in a cozy booth in the bar area, wishing fervently that it was 9 pm already. He looked so adorable sitting there waiting for her, his eyes roaming around the dining area as he watched patrons enjoying their meals. Occasionally he glanced down at his phone, texting someone. Rey cocked her head, wondering fleetingly about Ben’s personal life. Hers was pretty cut and dry; she had Finn, his family, and Rose. That was pretty much it, except for Rose’s sister Paige and a few acquaintances at Columbia.

But Ben…

Rey suddenly realized something that she’d never considered before. Who were his friends…his family? Did he have a large group of people in his life, other than his friend the designer? Was he friends with any of his fellow Professors at Columbia? By his own admittance, Ben said he had only two former girlfriends; one of which was now married. But what about…her? The one who had broken his heart. 

Rey’s face broke out in a flush as she remembered Rose’s description of her. She had sounded chic and beautiful, whereas Rey was plain and average. For the millionth time, Rey wondered what Ben saw in her when he had so much going for him. 

“Girl, you have got it BAD.”

Startled out of her daydreams, Rey jumped and turned around to find her partner bartender Poe smirking at her. He was a sweet guy, and full of fun. He was working his way through aviation school by tending bar like her. Poe was an attractive flirt who had tried dragging her to singles clubs with him over the last six months since she’d been in town. The only thing was, Poe Dameron was gay. And most of the clubs he’d dragged her to resulted in Rey politely declining ladies’ advances towards her. 

“What are you talking about?” Rey mumbled, straightening up and rinsing some glasses in the sink.

Poe snorted, uncorking a bottle of red for one of the waiter’s. After putting the bottle on a tray with two glasses, he pointed over to where Ben sat using the corkscrew as a guide.

“That tall glass of water over there who you’ve been gawking at for the last forty-six minutes. Finn told me all about the two of you. So that’s the Dr. Ben Solo whose praises Finn sang last year.” Poe said appraisingly, raising his brows sexily.

Rey grinned, shaking her head in mirth.

“Cool it, flyboy. He’s spoken for.” Rey said jokingly, but blushed when Poe’s eyes grew wide as saucers.

“Wow. Possessive, much? You must have your hands full wondering about the hordes of coeds who must seek out Professor Solo for extra credit.” Poe said jokingly.

But Rey frowned, her face falling. Poe turned around, looking at Rey quizzically.

“You okay?” Poe asked kindly, his brown eyes thoughtful.

Rey pursed her lips.

“Why would you say that about Ben and his students? Do you think…never mind.” Rey mumbled, cutting up a lime to make a customer a mojito.

It was Poe’s turn to frown now, as he placed a gentle hand on Rey’s arm.

“Hey. I was just kidding, Rey. And I don’t think anything, judging from the way he keeps gazing at you. I don’t think Ben is the type to encourage flirting from students. And from what Finn said, he really seems to take his job seriously. He wouldn’t jeopardize it by screwing around with student’s.” Poe said reassuringly.

Rey smiled slightly.

“How would you know? You’ve never even met him.” Rey pointed out.

Poe nodded, considering.

“True. But Finn said he is like a boy scout. I heard all about your ‘double date’ Friday from Finn yesterday. And…I’ve been watching him.”

Rey guffawed, slanting a brow at Poe cheekily.

“I’ll just bet you have.”

Poe growled at her playfully.

“As I was saying…I’ve been watching him, and he seems extremely shy and reserved.”

Rey sighed. She had no idea where this sudden jealous streak was coming from, but she guessed it was due to their recent sexual intimacy. Before, Rey hadn’t felt she had a ‘claim’ on Ben. After what happened Friday and Saturday morning, the possessive, primal part of Rey had been awakened. Now, she felt the threat from other females looming everywhere. It made her feel ashamed to feel this way; after all, Ben wasn’t a piece of meat. And she cared for him for much more than his sexual prowess. 

But Rey had never been in love before…never even felt anything close to what she felt for Ben. Her entire life, she had felt like nothing. A nobody. To earn the affection of a man such as Ben Solo made her feel vulnerable and adrift. 

“Yeah, I know. I suppose it’s par for the course, though. I mean…look at him.” Rey murmured, admiring the way his dark shirt clung to his every muscle enticingly.

Poe smiled, cocking a brow.

“I am looking at him. And so are a half dozen other women in here tonight. You’ve landed yourself quite the hottie.” Poe said wistfully, shaking his head.

Rey narrowed her eyes, not liking this strange feeling blooming in her heart.

Finally, the clock struck 9 and Rey couldn’t wait to punch out. She took off her apron and tossed it into the laundry basket under the counter, before washing her hands and waving goodbye to Poe. She grabbed a bottle of water on her way out and when she approached the table Ben had procured for them, he rose to greet her like a gentleman and kissed her cheek discreetly.

"Finally," He whispered in her ear so that only she could hear, earning a shiver out of her.

"You know, I don't think you sitting here waiting for me is a good idea." She said with humor, glad that Ben didn't take offense to her statement. She slid into the booth to sit across from him, folding her hands on the table as Ben sat back down.

"Oh? And why is that?" He asked huskily, his eyes roaming over her face thoroughly.

Rey shook her head, smiling.

"Well for one thing, you are distracting. I could barely get any work done the last hour." Rey admitted.

A slow smile began on Ben's generous lips.

"I'm distracting? Really?" He asked quietly, his tone equal parts pleased and incredulous.

Rey cleared her throat, reaching over to pluck a breadstick from the basket there.

"Er...yes. Very distracting." She murmured, pleased when Ben ducked his head to hide his pink cheeks. 

Good grief...didn't this man know how appealing he was?

Rey took a nibble of the breadstick, fighting to hide her own reaction to him. 

"Huh. That is good to know. I'll try to tone down my appeal, then." Ben said cheekily.

Rey's eyes flew to Ben's in shock. Had he read her mind? 

"I've ordered for both of us, if that's alright with you?" Ben asked sweetly, and Rey smiled at his kindness.

"That's wonderful, thank you. I'm starving!" Rey whined, reaching across the table to grasp Ben's hand. 

It was warm and big and so comforting. 

They sat there watching each other for a moment, Rey wondering what Ben was thinking. His gaze strayed to the bar area where Lando was speaking to Poe. 

“Would you excuse me a moment, Rey? I’m going to go have a word with Lando; see if he has called my father yet. Can I get you something?” Ben asked her sweetly, leaning into her cheek and giving her a tender peck.

Rey’s body broke out in goosebumps.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” She said, watching him walk over the bar.

Crossing her arms, she looked around the crowded restaurant and smiled at the families enjoying their dinner. Lando’s was such a great place, and she always felt blessed working her.

Ben had left his wallet and phone on the table, and a loud chime came through on Ben’s phone lighting it up with a text. Rey just happened to glance over and caught the name Aurora before the screen went dark.

Aurora?

Rey gulped, a lump forming in her throat. Who was Aurora, and why was she texting Ben at nearly 10 pm? 

An uneasy feeling lodged itself in her stomach. 

She wasn’t one for invading another’s privacy, especially the man she cared for and trusted. Rey had assumed that she and Ben were exclusive. It never occurred to her to ask him if he saw other people. Maybe this Aurora was a friend of his? But…why hadn’t he mentioned her to Rey?

A wave of nausea overcame her suddenly, rendering her unable to breath. Breaking out in a cold sweat, Rey nervously thumped her knee up and down under the table. She looked over to the bar where Ben was chatting with Lando, and before she could question her judgement she clicked on Ben’s phone to read the still waiting text. Her eyes widened at the words there, which pierced her heart like a spear. 

‘Gorgeous! I was so happy to receive your text earlier. I’m coming to your apartment to see you tomorrow afternoon around five, if that’s alright? Don’t make any plans because I’m dying to see you. I’ve missed you so much, Ben. It’s been torture not being able to talk to you at school, but I wanted to surprise you. And I didn’t want anyone to know our history and compromise you. Can’t wait to see you. Xoxo’

Rey read the text twice. Then a third time, her eyes glued to the words before the screen went dark again. Suddenly, she felt lightheaded. Was this woman a fellow professor? Or worse…a student of his? Whomever she was, she obviously knew Ben, very well at that…as she missed him so much. She called him gorgeous. And the things she’d said…what history? 

Rey’s mind began to spin, a dizziness she hadn’t felt in years overwhelming her. Was someone trying to steal Ben away from her? 

Ben walked back to the table, sitting down besides Rey instead of across from her and leaning over to nuzzle her neck. Rey stiffened slightly, before leaning over to grab her drink and take a long pull. Either Ben didn’t notice, or he just assumed she was thirsty.

“Lando called my dad the other night. Apparently, he and Han spoke for three hours. They might even be going up for Thanksgiving. Isn’t that great? We can all be together. If he and Tendra come, Finn and Rose are more than welcome to as well.” Ben said animatedly.

Rey turned to face him, the look on his face genuinely happy. She gazed at him steadily, trying her hardest not to assume the worst. 

“Yeah. That sounds great.” Rey murmured, forcing a smile. 

Ben frowned, taking Rey’s hand. He warmed it in his own by rubbing it, as Rey knew it had suddenly turned to ice.

“Hey…are you alright? You look pale all of a sudden.” Ben said with concern.

Rey nodded.

“I guess I’m just tired.” Rey croaked out, suddenly unable to look Ben in the eyes.

Ben pulled her closer to him, putting the back of his hand upon her forehead. Tears sprang to Rey’s eyes at how tender and caring he was being. 

“You’re not warm. Maybe you just need some rest. I have been keeping you up, lately.” Ben said contritely, kissing the back of Rey’s hand.

A lump formed in Rey’s throat.

"That's alright. I'm not complaining." Rey whispered, managing a smile.

Their meal arrived and Ben asked Rey if she'd rather get it to go. But Rey declined, shrugging off her bad mood. 

"No, no. I'm fine. Let's eat before it gets cold." Rey said, her voice sounding too jovial to be believable.

But Ben merely blinked at her, offering her a gentle smile.

"Okay, Sweetheart. If you're sure." He hedged.

Rey nodded, gulping.

"Yeah, yeah. Dig in."

She watched as Ben obeyed her, cutting into his chicken marsala with gusto. She nodded dutifully when he asked her something, forcing a smile whenever he said something remotely charming which was nearly every other sentence. But inside, her heart was pounding and her thoughts were racing.

It was the most uncomfortable meal of her entire life. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Ben opened the door at 5 sharp where a fierce looking redhead and a tall man with blond hair were smiling at him.

“You little sneak.” Ben said fondly, shaking his head in disproval at the young woman with blazing blue eyes who was looking at him impishly.

Aurora threw herself into Ben’s arms, peppering his face with kisses as James looked on with humor.

“You big stupid lug! I’ve been sitting in your class for two weeks now and you haven’t so much as noticed me! I thought you had this very high IQ, but you’re not that observant, are you?” Rory asked sarcastically, swatting Ben on the head with a well aimed back hand.

Ben tried to duck in time, but it was futile. He had a flashback to when Hux and Aurora were younger and they would wrestle behind Brendol’s back. Aurora usually won those rounds, too. 

“Ouch! Hey… Is that any way to treat your professor? You do know I hold your grade in my hands, right.” He said, rubbing his head gingerly. “Besides, how would I have known you changed your name to Rory.”

Aurora stomped her foot in annoyance.

“I didn’t ‘change my name.’ I simply go by Rory now. One less thing to tie me to old Brendol, is that ghastly name he insisted my mother give me. Aurora is the name of a Disney Princess.” She said in distaste, wrinkling her nose for effect. 

Ben shook his head, suitably chastised.

“Well pardon me, your highness.” He muttered sarcastically, though smiling to soften the insult. His eyes shifted to the man standing beside the petite red devil and instantly felt the kindness rolling off him. 

The younger man thrust out his hand, seemingly at ease with meeting a virtual stranger.

“Hi, James Preston. So good to meet you, Dr. Solo. I’ve heard so much about you from the Hux’s. And of course, Rory. I don’t think there’s a kid in America that didn’t grow up idolizing your father Han Solo.” James said with reverence. 

Ben smiled cordially, taking the man’s proffered hand.

“Nice to meet you too, James. And I’m sure my father would be pleased to know that so many kids grew up respecting him. As for the Hux’s…you do know what you’re getting yourself into with these crazy Brits, right? Especially this one right here.” Ben said devilishly, trying to tweak Rory’s nose.

He was unsuccessful though, and Rory ducked while giving him a side long smirk.

“You know you love it, Yank. Besides, I’m now an expatriate. I’ve applied for my citizenship, and all.” Rory said proudly.

Ben smiled his approval but Rory narrowed her eyes.

“And before you pull a page out of my brother’s notebook, I am NOT marrying James for a green card.” She spat dangerously. 

James looked on in such sheepish humor, that Ben actually felt sorry for him.

“I didn’t say anything.” Ben remarked, holding up his hands in defense. 

Rory breezed her way into Ben’s apartment like she owned the place, prompting the two men to follow her dutifully.

“Can I get you both a drink?” He asked, playing host.

James declined by waving politely, but Rory bounced on the sofa and nodded enthusiastically. 

“I’d love a fizzy drink if you have one.” 

Ben smirked at how thoroughly British the Hux’s were. 

“San Pellegrino okay for a fizzy drink?” He asked casually.

Rory shrugged jokingly. “If that’s all you have.” 

Ben brought the beverages in, playing the tray on the coffee table.

“So how did you both meet? Phasma said something about a girl's holiday?" Ben ventured, looking at Rory for confirmation.

"Yes, last year when a few of my girlfriends and I came to the States. We met at a club and it was love at first sight." Rory said dreamily, her hand reaching over to grasp James' tightly.

Ben smiled widely at the picture they presented, happy that Rory was finally finding her place in the world after her difficult childhood. 

"I'm very happy for you both. And I was only kidding before, James. This girl here is a keeper." Ben said warmly.

Rory pushed her lips out in a grateful pout.

"Aww, thanks Ben. You're so sweet." Rory said sincerely.

James nodded enthusiastically. 

"Yes, Dr. Solo. Thank you."

Ben sighed, wondering at fate. He supposed that love was definitely in the air.

Someone's phone chimed with an incoming text, and James frowned when he realized it was his.

“Babe, I'm sorry but I have to go. My gallery is getting some important pieces for the exhibition Saturday and I have to be there to receive them. The driver just texted me he’s on his way.” James said by way of apology.

“Oh, that’s too bad. It was nice meeting you, James.” Ben said truthfully.

“Yeah, likewise Dr. Solo. I hope to see you again soon.” 

Ben smiled warmly.

“Please, it’s Ben. And I’m sure we’ll see each other soon.”

James leaned down to kiss Rory's cheek.

"Are you okay to come back alone?" He asked sweetly, earning a huff from his fiancé.

"I think I can manage, my Love." She snarked, smiling sweetly.

Ben walked James out, coming back to sit with Rory on the sofa. He barely sat down before Rory pounced on him.

“Ben, how have you been? Armitage never says anything when we speak other than you’re ‘fine’. Are you fine, really? I’ve worried about you all summer.” 

Ben lowered his eyes.

“I’m good, Aurora. Actually…I’m great. Things have been going splendid lately. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. Maybe ever.” Ben said seriously.

Rory cocked her head.

“Ah…which brings me to the next order of business. So…Solo. I heard through the grapevine that you’ve got yourself a lady love.” Rory said slyly.

Ben blushed.

“Ah…yeah. You heard right. She’s a student at Columbia.” Ben said.

Rory put her hand over her heart.

“Ben! The scandal!” She said playfully.

“No, no. She’s not MY student. She’s an Architectural Engineer major.” He said proudly, in Rey’s honor. 

“Hmm. She must be good with her hands, then.” Rory said, chuckling at the look on Ben’s face.

“Shut it, you brat.” Ben said with annoyance.

The tone turned serious as Rory’s smug smirk fell away.

“Is she…a good person? Is she kind to you?” Rory asked carefully.

Ben looked down in embarrassment, remembering how Leia had asked him the exact same question.

“Yeah, Aurora. She’s an exceptional person. I’ve never met her equal. Rey is the best person I’ve ever met. She’s sweet, and genuine. And she’s incredibly brilliant, too. If I would have known like someone like her was alive in the world, I never would have settled for the scraps that I did.” Ben whispered truthfully.

Rory narrowed her eyes as she considered his words, seemingly satisfied with his statement.

“I’m happy for you, Ben. You deserve it, after the hell you went through.” Rory said sympathetically.

Ben got up and walked over the window, staring out at the park.

Rory studied him silently.

“Does she know?” Rory asked quietly, and Ben turned halfway to present his profile to her.

“About Bazine?” He asked quietly.

Rory opened and closed her mouth, furrowing her brows.

“About…everything.” 

He shook his head in the negative, unsurprised when he heard a gasp behind him.

“Ben Solo! What is the matter with you? You’ve been dating this woman for two months now, and you haven’t been honest with her about-"

Ben turned swiftly to face her, his body language telling everything about how he felt.

“No! I haven’t yet, alright? It’s…complicated, Aurora. How would you feel if you were me? I’ve found this priceless treasure that I’m so in love with I can’t see straight sometimes, and the fact I tried to kill myself and now have to take psych meds for the rest of my life hangs over me like a fucking noose around my neck! I don’t know HOW to tell her!” Ben shouted, angry with himself for losing his temper with someone he considered a little sister. 

A true Hux, Aurora merely pursed her lips in displeasure at Ben’s outburst, wiping off imaginary lint from her skirt. 

“I’m sure it is the hardest thing imaginable now, Ben. But if you care for her as much as you say you do, you’ll be honest with her. Doesn’t she deserve to know the truth?” Rory asked gently.

“What she deserves, is someone a hell of a lot better than me.” Ben said bitterly, angry at his own cowardice.

Rory got up and came behind Ben, placing a comforting hand upon his back. He reluctantly turned his head to meet her sympathetic gaze.

“Ben…you know you’re like another brother to me. Especially since you helped me so much though mom and…my parents divorce. You know you would make an excellent psychologist, if you ever decided to venture out. For someone so brilliant, intuitive, and empathetic…you have a lot to learn about going easy on yourself. You made a mistake. Okay. We all do. And that mistake led you to make a bad decision; one that nearly cost you your life. But you know what? You were spared for a reason. It wasn’t your time. After listening to my brother and Phasma gush on about this new woman in your life, I am inclined to say it is because of her. Maybe she needs you, Ben. As much as you need her. Answer me this: do you trust her?” Rory asked calmly.

Ben gulped.

“Yes. I trust her with my life.” He rasped, knowing that it was true.

Rory nodded faintly.

“Then you know you must tell her, Ben. Before you get any deeper into a situation you cannot crawl out from. We women are strong. We can take most things thrown at us in stride. Except for lies. Those hurt. Don’t be that guy, Ben. Even if it comes from a place of fear and not malice. Don’t be that guy.” Rory implored him.

Ben scrubbed his face with his hands, nodding his agreement.

“You’re right. Phasma’s right. Everyone is right, Aurora. I know. I just…I’m scared.” Ben admitted shakily, running a hand through his wavy locks.

Rory’s face softened, and with it, her tone.

“I know you’re scared. But the hard part is over, Ben. You’ve found someone special. You’ve lowered your walls, and allowed her in. A year ago, that would have been impossible. Trust her, Ben. Most importantly…trust yourself.”

Ben stared at Rory helplessly, startled when her phone alert went off.

“Ah, it’s the wedding planner. I have a meeting with her half an hour, so I must be off. Walk me down?” Rory asked, looping her arm through Ben’s.

Ben escorted her downstairs, asking Daniels to hail a taxi for her while they waited on the sidewalk.

“You know I love you, Ben. I just want you to be happy. I didn’t mean to have a go at you upstairs.” Rory said in apology.

Ben laughed heartily, his smile forming before he could stop it.

“Sure you did. You can’t help yourself,” Ben said sweetly, making Rory snort.

She stepped up to Ben and drew him down to her height, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his forehead and then both of his cheeks in the British way. Ben kissed her forehead fondly, thinking she hadn’t changed at all since she was eleven. 

“Here, be a gentleman and help me with my coat.” Rory ordered, holding her long hair out of the way so Ben could hold it open for her to slip into.

“Hmm. This coat looks familiar.” Ben said.

Rory smirked.

“Phasma gave me one in red hot off the line. She mentioned that she made a similar one for you to give to Rey. There's a story there, and I can't wait to hear it." Rory said.

Ben blushed, snorting at the demanding tone of the tiny redhead.

“We’re all here for you, Ben. You know how my brother and I feel about you. And of course, Phasma. There’s nothing to be afraid of. If Rey is half the woman you make her out to be, then she’ll be more than understanding of your past struggles.”

Ben nodded, pulling Rory in for one last hug.

“Thanks, kid.”

Rory pulled away, smiling impishly at Ben.

“I like your fiancé. I think you two make a lovely couple. And if Armitage won't give you away, I'll be more than happy to fill those shoes.” Ben said sincerely.

Rory made a fist and blew on it before rubbing it across her chest.

“Damn right we do! I know Armitage thinks James is a nobody, but we can’t all order a crouton for dinner and pay fifty dollars for it. He’s such a bleedin’ snob. ” Rory said dryly.

Ben’s face lit up and he barked out a laugh.

“I know, right! Tell your brother he needs to eat at Taco Bell one night. See how real people live.”

Rory smirked devilishly.

“I’ve replaced all of his gourmet almond milk with full fat whole milk. I can’t wait to see his face when he realizes.” She said cheekily.

Ben snorted, folding his arms and watching her as she jumped into a taxi. Rory blew him a kiss before the car drove off. He stayed there on the sidewalk for a moment, smiling like an idiot. He was so lucky to have people in his life that loved him. 

His parents. His uncle. His friends. And now…Rey. At least, he hoped fervently that she loved him. Because he sure as hell loved her. 

Turning around, Ben strolled back inside his building with a goofy smile plastered on his handsome face…unaware of a pair of devastated eyes watching from hidden behind a tree across the street in the park.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey stumbled down the street in a daze, tears swimming in her vision that somehow wouldn’t spill. Wandering aimlessly, she was surprised when she looked up and spotted her building. She didn’t even remember exiting the subway. 

Fumbling with her key to the main door, she attempted to jam it into the lock three times before it slipped out of her shaking hand and skittered on the rough pavement beneath her. She clumsily bent to pick it up, her tears finally slipping down her face to splash on her arms. Seeing the evidence of her stupidity only made her cry harder.

She made her way up to the sixth floor, holding onto the bannister so tightly that her knuckles turned white. It was the only thing keeping her from falling though, as her legs felt like jelly beneath her.

She had more luck with her apartment key, slowly opening the door to not draw attention to herself. If Finn and Rose were home, she had not idea how she would explain her current state. But after a quick reconnaissance of the apartment, she was relieved to discover that Finn and Rose were nowhere to be found. She robotically put her purse and keys down on the coffee table, before finding herself on the floor next to the sofa.

All day she had waged war with herself as to whether she should go to Ben’s apartment and see who this Aurora was. She hated herself for invading his privacy, more so for not trusting him. It might have simply been a friend, or a cousin perhaps. But there was no mistaking who that striking redhead was, and Rey’s heart had shattered in her chest when she’d recognized her as they had walked out of his building together, her arm looped through his.

A feeling of helpless anger had bubbled up within her when she remembered the woman from Ben’s class; she had looked so excited to be there and now that Rey thought about it, so damn smitten it was ridiculous. Perhaps she had met Ben after class and introduced herself. Perhaps he’d taken her for coffee. But her text had imparted an air of familiarity. Like they had known each other forever. That made Rey’s stomach flip even more; what if they had been carrying on this secret affair all this time that he was seeing Rey? 

The woman threw her arms around Ben…HER Ben…and kissed him. His forehead. His cheek. And Ben kissed her back…wrapping his big arms around her in return. Seeing that intimacy between them…intimacy that previously only belonged to HER…made her go numb all over.

Rey nearly vomited when the woman put on her coat, and it was the same exact coat Ben had given her but hers was red. 

Was this a game to him? Did he go around buying gifts for woman left and right…and why a coat, precisely? Was that some kind of trademark for him, instead of a notch in his bedpost?

Had everything he ever told her been a lie?

No. It couldn’t be. There had to be an explanation for this. Desperately hanging on to a thread of hope, Rey recalled every word and gesture Ben ever shared with her. The way he gently approached her that first night…the way he was always so tender with her. So earnest. This had to be a mistake. It just had to be.

But that voice inside of her head…the one that had told her time and again since she was left alone at a baby’s age that she was worthless…it poked and prodded her until Rey had no choice but to listen. 

Could it be that Ben was playing her for a fool…reigning in the poor orphan girl to add to his vast collection of women for kicks? He had told her time and again he would tell her everything she knew he was hiding, but so far, he’d been very limited. Maybe nothing had happened, and it was his way of keeping her at arm’s length until he got what he wanted from her.

Namely, her virginity.

Was that what he was truly after? She supposed she only had herself to blame; she had been so willing to allow him in…asking him up for coffee that first night, practically throwing herself at him every chance she got. Maybe he was used to playing around…maybe he picked certain coeds every year for that very purpose. Maybe he’d seen her around school and had targeted her. 

No. No, no, no. It couldn’t be. She hadn’t seen him since March, and it was a documented fact that he’d been on sabbatical. She refused to believe that about him, but her heart was breaking in two and her mind was tearing itself to shreds.

‘No one could love you, stupid girl. You’re just a nobody. A piece of junk. Ben Solo was probably telling that gorgeous, elegant woman all about the pathetic loser that had developed a crush on a man way out of her league. But what did you expect? Everyone leaves, Rey. Especially a person like him.’

A deep, mournful sob burst out of Rey’s throat, nearly choking her with the force and wetness of it. Unable to bear it any longer Rey placed her head in her hands and wept. 

Hours passed, the light fading into darkness. Rey’s room was dark, as the shadows of dusk melted into twilight. She gazed at the ceiling without seeing it, just staring into a void that threatened to swallow her whole.

Finn’s ringtone sounded in the living room, and Rey realized with a start that Finn was now home. She stayed quiet as she listened to his phone ring, and after he picked it up on the fourth ring she held her breath and listened as he spoke to the caller. Her heart lurched when she realized that it was Ben.

“Hey, Ben. How are you? Good, thanks. Yeah, I’m home. What’s up? Really? No, I haven’t talked to her all day. She was off today from work, so I didn’t see her at the restaurant. Hold on a minute, let me check.”

Rey panicked, her vision swimming dizzily as she realized Finn was going to come check on her. Bracing herself, Rey closed her eyes. He knocked on the door gently in three quick raps, each one making her shudder.

“Hey, Peanut? Are you home? Ben called me. He said he’s been trying to reach you, but your phone goes straight to voicemail. You may want to check your phone. I have him on the line here for you.” Finn said casually, waiting to be allowed entry.

She didn’t answer him, turning her body quickly so she wouldn’t have to face him if he decided to peek in. As expected her bedroom door opened, and with it the flooded light from the hallway. Rey tried not to wince from the brightness, holding her breath still as she faced the opposite wall.

“Rey? Are you asleep? Ben is on the phone. He’s worried because you haven’t called him.” Finn whispered, the floorboards creaking as he no doubt stepped closer to her bed.

Satisfied that she was indeed asleep, Finn shut her door and stepped back out into the hallway.

“Hi, Ben. Sorry, but Rey is sound asleep. Maybe her messages are full. I’ll leave her a note to call you, okay? Yeah, she looks alright. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. When she gets busy time slips away from her. I know she’s been studying hard for her big exam next week.”

A ragged breath escaped Rey as she listened to Finn talking to Ben. Finn made a noise of confusion in the back of his throat.

“No, I haven’t really spoken to her much since yesterday morning. I had class and then a shift at the restaurant. Rose neither, I don’t think. She would have told me. Well, she looks really exhausted. She didn’t even stir when I came in just now to check on her. I promise to let her know to call you. Ok, man. Goodnight.” Finn said, ending the call.

Rey's tears fell silently, leaking down her cheeks to her neck. She longed to see Ben; to talk to him. Longed to find out this was all a mistake. It just had to be. 

Please God, let it be. 

Rey closed her eyes, letting oblivion take her for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to anyone who can guess the title of the next chapter. :) Thanks for reading.


	12. The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's worst fear comes to pass, Rey jumps to conclusions, and the blond Bestie has had enough of their nonsense. Phasma to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Settle in with a drink or two. Maybe a hankie, if you're prone to that sort of thing.

Something was wrong. Inexplicably, terribly wrong. Ben felt it in his bones, and his soul burned and ached with the knowledge that something awful was happening…and whatever it was, it was out of his control.

In the two months since they’d met, Rey had always been accessible to him. Whether through a text, call, or in person. Rarely a day went by without some form of communication, even when they were extremely busy like his first week back to work. Ben was beginning to feel an icy dread settle into his bones at each passing moment that Rey was ignoring him. And she was, in essence, ignoring him. There was really no other explanation for her absence.

Ben hadn’t heard from Rey in nearly three days; each time he called her it went straight to voicemail, and his attempts to reach her via Finn were going nowhere. The younger man had seemed just as baffled as he was about Rey’s isolation, even texting him back this morning to let him know Rey was gone before Finn had woken up and he couldn’t leave her that note in time for her to see it. He assured Ben he also would try to call and text her, and Ben could only thank him with a feeling of helplessness.

In his mind, he went over their last visit in person Thursday night at Lando’s. She had seemed so happy to sit down with him once she’d ended her shift, but he had felt something wasn’t right after he’d come back to the table from talking to Lando about Thanksgiving. She’d looked paler, somehow. And his attempts to engage her in conversation were futile at best. At the time, he had worried she was coming down with something. They had had a very full week, both emotionally and physically. Ben wracked his brain for some clue that he had done or said something to upset her. Granted, he hadn’t asked her thoughts on inviting the Calrissian’s to his parents for the holiday, but he couldn’t see how she would have minded that. She loved Lando and Tendra like parent’s, and Finn like a brother. Nothing added up, and it was scaring him. 

On the third day, Ben could stand it no more. It was Sunday again, and he had hoped they could have made plans together for the evening. He knew that she was working the lunch shift today at the restaurant, so he took the train down to Little Italy to Lando’s only to find out from Tendra that she’d called out sick today. Ben’s heart flew into his throat when Tendra told him she had called out sick yesterday, as well. 

Finn hadn’t mentioned that when he’d spoken to him, and Ben wondered if he’d even known. Was Rey hiding herself from her best friend, as well? A knot of anxiety had lodged itself in his throat at the prospect of Rey being ill. Why hadn’t she called him? It wasn’t like Rey to not answer his calls or texts. It was even less like her to isolate herself away from Finn and Rose; after all, she lived with Finn.

Ben tried not to panic, reasoning she was probably just under the weather and was one of those people who didn’t enjoy being doted on while sick. After a lifetime of isolation, she might have been the type to feel more comfortable taking care of herself. But he was damned if he would let her suffer alone, especially since he couldn’t focus anything else for worrying about her. Deciding to just go to her apartment, he stopped at Katz’s deli to buy her some matzo ball chicken soup. He was intent on caring for her if she was under the weather no matter what she said. Every instinct in his body was on alert if she needed him, ready to take the day off work tomorrow to nurse her back to health. He was hurt that she hadn’t called him, but he knew Rey had a fierce independent streak and probably didn’t want to bother him. Yet the thought of her alone and suffering made his anxiety level spike.

Arriving at her door he didn’t hear any movement on the other side, as he was so accustomed to doing. Knocking gently, he leaned against the wood to give her time to answer in case she was in her bed or the bathroom. When two minutes stretched into three, Ben knocked again.

“Rey, it’s Ben? Are you home?” He called out gently.

Ben doubted Finn was home, as it was the middle of the afternoon and he was probably out with Rose. Knocking again, he began to panic. Where was Rey? Was she so ill that she had gone to the doctor? Or worse…the ER?

Ben’s mind began to spiral to all the terrible scenarios that could be happening right now, when at last he heard shuffling on the other side of the door. He put his palm against the wood, as if trying to reach out to her through the impediment between them. 

Suddenly the door opened, and Rey was standing in front of him looking like she had been dragged through hell and back. For an endless moment Ben could only gape at her, too afraid and too shocked to even get a word out. 

Her skin was pale and bloodless, dark circles residing under her beautiful hazel eyes which were now dull. Her lips were dry and looked painfully cracked, as though she’d been biting them constantly. Her normally bouncy hair was straight and greasy, looking like it hadn’t been brushed in days, let alone washed. The longer he stood there taking in her appearance, the more frightened he became. But after endless seconds of gazing at her dumbly, Ben realized something. Although she looked awful, she didn’t look ‘sick’. No runny nose, no signs of infection. For a terrifying second, Ben feared that someone had physically harmed her.

What the hell?

Finally finding his voice, he stepped closer to her and bent his tall frame down to see her better. From the closer vantage point he could see tiny broken blood vessels around her nose and eyes, as if she had been crying nonstop. Fear skittered up his spine.

“Rey! God, Sweetheart. What’s wrong? I haven’t heard from you in three days. I’ve been worried sick. Why haven’t you answered my calls and texts? Didn’t Finn give you my messages?” He asked frantically, placing the bag with the soup down and grabbing her shoulders gently to check for damages.

To his utter horror, Rey stiffened in his grip before slowly shrugging out of it completely and backing up in the doorway. She wound her arms around her midriff protectively, refusing to meet his eyes.

Pulling back reluctantly, he stared at her in question with fear in his eyes. Rey wouldn’t meet his gaze, and he was stunned to see her face turn to stone as she stared straight ahead to a point over his shoulder.

“Rey?” He whispered, feeling like he was looking at a stranger. Where was his warm, tender Rey? What had happened to her? 

A violent feeling of possessive rage began to bubble up inside of him. If anyone had hurt her, he would kill them with his bare hands. Flay them alive. All he wanted to do was hold her, comfort her…find out what had happened to put her in such a state. But as the seconds passed, it was clear that Rey didn’t want his comfort.

Why wasn’t she speaking to him? She was as still as a statue, her body rigid and unyielding.

Rey’s eyes finally shifted to his, and she gazed at him steadily…her eyes cold and guarded. All he wanted to do was hear her voice. In the next instant he did, and he shivered at the detached tone of her voice.

“Ben…now is not a good time. I’m sorry. I’d like to be alone.” She said stiffly, her voice sounding like she hadn’t used it in days.

Ben’s frustration was growing along with his fear. His mouth fell open in a soundless gasp.

“Not a good time?” He repeated numbly, searching her face for something. Anything, that resembled the woman that he loved.

Nothing was making sense. The fucking world had just tilted on its axis, and he didn’t know which way was up and which was down.

“Rey, Sweetheart…please talk to me. You’re scaring the hell out of me. Has something happened? Please, tell me. Because I’m kind of freaking out here. I’ve been trying to reach you for days and all you can say is that now is not a good time? Please tell me that you’re alright, at least,” He said shakily, running a hand through his hair.

He knew his eyes must be wild, but he couldn't help it. He had never felt so helpless as he did in this moment. 

Well...that wasn't entirely true. But now was NOT the time to revisit that. 

Rey cleared her throat, the sound pitiful and hoarse. He watched in horror as her hazel eyes darkened to near black, all vestiges of warmth gone...warmth for him. What in God’s name was happening here?

“I’m sorry to have worried you, but it isn’t your problem. It’s not a good time for me to talk. I’d like you to leave, please.” She stated softly. She seemed completely unconcerned with his frantic state of worry, a fact which hit Ben like a blow to the solar plexus.

Ben stumbled back slightly, not sure he was hearing her right.

“Not my problem? What are you…of course you’re my problem, Rey. You’re my girlfriend.” He whispered in disbelief, finally admitting out loud to them both exactly who she was to him.

Rey’s face crumpled at the salutation, a glimmer of his Rey daring to shine through. But it was gone the next instant as she quickly steeled herself.

“Girlfriend…” She muttered eerily calmly, as though testing out the word for the first time. But her eyes blinked woodenly as turned away from him, as though the sentiment meant nothing. “You should go, Ben. You really should go. I can’t do this now.”

Ben’s head began to spin, forcing himself to keep calm. ‘Breathe, Ben. Just keep breathing’ he willed himself, but the murky film of despair was beginning to cast its shadow across Ben’s vision. Still, he hung on…praying against hope that he could understand why this was happening and just what was upsetting Rey to behave like this. Reaching out tentatively, he dared to place a hand upon her elbow. She didn’t shrug it away this time, but he noticed with a sick thud to his heart that she stiffened in his grip.

“Sweetheart, I don’t understand. If you’re hurt, or sick, I want to know. Jesus, Rey. I’m scared to death. Why won’t you talk to me? Why haven’t you answered my calls? Have I done something to upset you? Please, tell me if I did, so I can make it right. Why are you doing this?” Ben begged pitifully.

A lone tear slipped from Rey’s eye, trailing down her cheek. Ben watched its progression with a wounded expression. Why the hell was she crying? What exactly was going on in her head right now? Ben decided he’d had enough. Moving into her personal space, he was about to embrace her when Rey put her arms out to block him. His entire body felt like it was on the verge of collapse. But it was her next words that stole the breath from his lungs.

“Please...stop it. Stop calling me Sweetheart. Stop everything. The concern, the worry. I'm not your problem, Ben. Not now, not ever." Rey cried, the detached timbre of her voice giving way to shrieking desolation. 

Ben gulped thickly, feeling like he was being suffocated from her words alone. 

"Rey-" He began shakily, but she threw up her arms in frustration and sniffled. 

I know, Ben. I know all about your secret. When I came to your apartment…I saw what you've been hiding. I know you’ve been lying to me…deceiving me. How long has this been going on? Did you think I’d never find out? How stupid and naïve do you think I am?” Rey whispered, her voice trembling with suppressed misery. 

Ben stopped dead in his tracks as he peered down at her in shock. The most disturbing thing was, she didn't even sound angry. She sounded devastated. And knowing that she perceived him to be the cause of it shook him to his bones.

“Sweetheart...Rey…you know what? What are you talking about? What did you see at my apartment?” Ben rasped out weakly, a chill rushing through his soul that left him lightheaded.

Rey swallowed noisily, a tiny bewildered gasp snort escaping her.

“The secret you've been keeping from me…the one you’ve been guarding so intently. How could you, Ben? How could you be such a…liar? How could you be so hurtful…after I only wanted to be close to you? I guess it’s my fault. I was so eager to believe that you wanted to be with someone like me. What a fool I am. A complete and ridiculous fool.” She whispered, her voice sounding dead.

Ben reared back as though she’d struck him.

Secret? When she came to his apartment?...Liar?

Understanding dawned on Ben, weakening his knees. When she had spent the night, had she seen his medication in the bathroom? Had she investigated what they were…and decided this was too much for her to handle?

No. Oh, god no. Is that why she looked so devastated…so stony?

Ben backed up until his body hit the bannister, freezing as he gripped it tightly.

Rey looked triumphant at his state now that his secret was out, but it was a hollow victory for her as more tears slid down her damp cheeks. He'd known this day was coming...should have seen it upon him. But he'd been so wrapped up in his happiness that he forgot one very important lesson about life: nothing good ever lasted. Like sands through an hourglass, joy was fleeting. Mere seconds upon a backdrop of eternity. If only he'd have prepared himself, but he still hadn't learned. Now, it was too late. He hadn't lied to Rey...he'd omitted. But that was as good as any lie, and just as damning. His pulse quickening, Ben stepped closer to her gingerly and held up his hands in a surrendering manner. 

“Rey…please. I’m so sorry. I…I wanted to tell you. I swear I did. I was just scared to death to admit it. I didn’t know how. I knew that I needed to tell you, and I was trying to find a way. Please, believe me. I never wanted you to find out like this. I never meant to deceive you. I didn't lie, I promise. Let me explain now.” Ben begged desperately.

Rey’s tears fell faster at his explanation.

“Why did you keep this from me, Ben? Did it give you a sick thrill to draw me into your world, only to pull the rug out from under me? The worst part…was that I wanted us to be together. I think I fell in love with you the first time I laid eyes on you. If you weren’t serious about pursuing a relationship with me, then why did you lead me to think you did? What was last weekend all about, anyway?” Rey cried miserably.

Ben gulped, feeling dizzy. She was in love with him? God, it was his greatest dream and his worst nightmare coming to pass in the same moment. It was all he had wanted, yet he felt helpless now that she’d discovered the truth and seemingly hated him now for it. He tried to step closer to her, but she shrank away from him.

“Rey, I WAS serious. I AM serious. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you the truth sooner, but everything just happened so fast with you and I, and I had no idea how to. You must know how much you mean to me. I would never do anything to jeopardize us on purpose. Please, just hear me out.” Ben begged, his voice sounding desperate to his ears. 

Rey looked like she was about to collapse from stress, and he hated himself in that moment for not telling her everything the night they met. Of course, she wouldn’t want to be saddled with a crazy person...and a liar, as well. 

“Please, Rey. Talk to me. You mean everything to me. I swear it.” Ben begged pitifully, knowing that wheels were set in motion that couldn’t be halted now. He had done this; Phasma and Leia and Aurora were right. He had no one to blame but himself.

Rey shook her head sadly.

“What is there to talk about, Ben? You obviously want your cake and eat it, too. But I can’t be party to that. Not when I feel the way I feel. Trust is everything, Ben. If I can’t trust you…then we have nothing. I’m not a child. And I’m not garbage, like everyone would have had me think. I’m worth more than that. I’m just sorry that you didn’t feel the same. I…really wanted you to. I thought you did. I saw something in you…something beautiful.” She trailed off, weeping and sobbing and falling apart before his very eyes. 

No. No, no, no.

Ben gaped at her in a stupor, his own eyes leaking tears. No doubt from guilt, she thought sadly, not able to deal with seeing his sad, beautiful face any longer.

"I’m sorry, but I can’t do this, Ben. Goodbye.” She whispered tearfully, turning woodenly to shut her door in Ben’s face.

Finding his legs, Ben raced to catch the door before it shut but wasn’t quick enough. He gasped aloud, his mind racing with what this meant. Were they…over? Had he fucked this up so badly that she wouldn’t even allow him to explain? Please, no. This could not be happening. Not now, not ever.

Rey…

“Rey…please. Please talk to me. I'm begging you. You said…” Ben groaned in pain, putting his head against Rey’s door in defeat. “You said you wouldn’t hurt me. You promised, Rey. I know I should have told you the truth, but I was afraid. I never meant to hurt you, Rey. I swear it. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. I know you wouldn't do this if you just let me explain. Please…Give me the chance to explain now. Don’t do this Rey. I’m begging you. Don’t leave me. I…I love you,” Ben whispered painfully, his heart shattering in his chest.

Tears dripped down Ben’s cheeks and splashed onto the hardwood floor below, but Ben was oblivious to them as he cried against the door pitifully. He had no idea if Rey could hear him, or if she even cared. Sliding down into a heap, he huddled next to the wood and wept for what seemed like hours. They had been so happy…so fucking happy. Why did he do this? Why did he allow this? Why couldn’t he stop being a coward for once, and just man up? No wonder Bazine was able to torment him for so long. He WAS weak, just as she’d mocked him. Weak, foolish, and blind. And now the best thing that ever happened to him wanted nothing to do with him. What was he going to do?

Struggling to breath, Ben shuddered as tremors wracked his body. Pulling himself to his feet, he looked down at the bag which contained Rey’s soup and glared at it in embarrassment. What an idiot he was. What an utter idiot. He left the bag there on the doorstep, going downstairs in a daze. Walking on shaking legs down to the street, he stumbled onto the curb and hailed a taxi. He couldn’t breath right, couldn’t think straight. He had no idea where to go, or what to do. But if he didn’t do something and fast, he would be in the throes of a full blown panic attack. Phasma’s face swam through his mind, and he breathed a shaky sigh of relief. He remembered her words from long ago, after he had woken up in a hospital bed.

‘If you ever, EVER find yourself lost again, Ben…you come to me. ME. I’m your best friend, and I love you. Understand?’

A deep sob tore its way up from Ben’s throat as he hopped into the taxi, slamming the door abruptly while trying to catch his breath. The driver met his gaze in the mirror expectantly.

“Where to?”

Ben wheezed quietly, trying to concentrate. Focus, Solo. Focus.

“Renoir House. 225 East 63rd Street and Central Park East.” Ben managed, leaning back and closing his eyes as the taxi pulled away from the curb. 

Away from Rey and away from everything he had ever wanted. Just before the driver pulled into the intersection, Ben’s eyes drifted back to Rey’s building. He knew without a doubt that his heart was still there…beating on the floor outside her door. 

Why, Rey? Why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hux paced a track back and forth from the den to the living room, his anxious eyes watching his best friend like a hawk. Hands behind his back, he kept a close watch on what Ben was doing at all times; something that he had become an expert at in the last year.

Ben had showed up at their penthouse last night, crying and barely coherent. All that he and Phasma could drag out of him was that Rey had discovered his ‘secret’ and had seemingly ended things with him because of it. Hux had been stunned, as had his wife. Neither of them had met the object of Ben’s obvious affections yet, but after two months of sheer happiness, it was clear to them both that Rey was good for Ben. 

Phasma had forced him to spend the night in the guestroom, too fearful of his mental state to allow him to return home alone. She sent Hux to Ben’s apartment to pick up a change of clothing for him and his medication, as the last thing he needed right now was a relapse. Both had reasoned that in the morning, they would be able to get a better grasp of Ben’s state of mind. It didn’t help the situation any that it was Monday, and all three of them had work to do. Hux had taken a personal day, and since Phasma was her own boss she simply called her assistant to tell him that she had a personal family matter to attend to. 

Ben’s situation was slightly more complicated.

Phasma debated whether or not to contact the Chancellor at Columbia herself to alert them Ben was ‘ill’. She did not want to start the rumor mill going, but he had a full workload today of classes and she had no idea what to do. In the end, she had convinced him to email the Chancellor himself and let him know he was under the weather. At least, no suspicion would derive from that.

Leaning against the glass door to the den, Hux was lost in thought until he heard a throat clear behind him discreetly. He turned to see Phasma motioning to him imploringly, waving him over. He turned and left Ben, following his wife out onto the terrace facing the park. It was chilly outside, and Phasma rubbed her arms to ward off the early morning chill.

“How is he?” She asked Armitage, her blue eyes fearful.

Hux shrugged testily.

“He’s the same, really. Catatonic and grumpy. He won’t speak a word to me, but he keeps mumbling something to himself. Phas, maybe we are out of our depth here. Perhaps we should call his doctor.” He suggested gently, not wanting to upset his wife but too worried about his best friend to allow this to continue. 

Phasma sighed loudly, shaking her head.

“Armitage, I don’t want to involve him yet. This could just be a small setback. It’s no sense embarrassing Ben or risking upsetting him further.” 

Hux wasn’t convinced.

“Darling, the last time things got this bad, he ended up nearly taking his life. Neither of us are trained to help him through this. I just…I’m worried about my friend.” Armitage said patiently.

Phasma bristled.

“And you think I’m not? No one knows better than I what the pain of seeing someone you love try to kill themselves is like, Armitage. I was there that night. I saw the pints and pints of his blood bathing him in a pool on the floor. I will never forget that, not as long as I live.” Phasma whispered, wounded.

Hux sighed and pulled his wife closer, leaning into her and touching his forehead to hers.

“Hey…of course I know you are. I know what that did to you, Darling. I’m just concerned is all. At the very least, should we contact Han and Leia? Perhaps they could come down and talk to him. He needs more help right now than we can provide. I’m just thinking of Ben.” Hux said soothingly.

Phasma considered her husband’s words.

“Armitage, something just doesn’t add up. A few nights ago, Ben was gushing about how happy he and Rey were, how he had never felt so happy and healthy…for God sake, he was blushing while talking about her! Now, this? Something must have happened to Rey to upset her. He didn’t mention an argument or misunderstanding, so I’m completely stumped here. Unless…” Phasma trailed off, her eyes widening in fear.

Armitage leaned in, waiting for his wife to elaborate.

“Unless…what?”

Phasma gasped, swallowing harshly as her mind imagined the worst.

“Perhaps Rey found out about Ben’s suicide attempt. That would explain her behavior. At least, a little bit. I kept telling him to come clean to her, but as usual he thought he knew best.” Phasma murmured.

Hux rolled his eyes in dismay. He supposed finding out that the man you were falling for had tried to kill himself would be a big shock for anyone, let alone a young impressionable girl. 

“Well what should we do? Drag the poor girl down here and make her face him to get to the bottom of this?” Hux drawled in a snit, his ice blue eyes flashing at his wife’s in annoyance.

Phasma blinked at her husband as though he had just solved life’s most important riddle.

“Yes! Precisely that.” She said, ducking her tall frame behind her husbands and grabbing her coat on her way out.

Hux ran a hand through his hair in frustration, turning to see Phasma throwing on her coat haphazardly.

“Gwen…Darling, don’t do anything rash. You haven’t even been properly introduced to her yet. She might call the police on you! Promise you won’t make a scene,” Hux pleaded, holding the door open in a panic as his wife ran towards the elevator. Just as she was about to enter, she turned back to Armitage with an innocent smile.

“Hey…It’s me.” She said as the doors closed, separating them.

Hux’s eyes widened in incredulity.

“Jesus. That is exactly what I’m afraid of!” Hux shouted into the empty hall, before returning to the apartment and slamming the door in frustration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey wandered around her apartment all morning in a daze, too tired to get up and shower and too nauseous to eat. The most she could manage was some dry toast, but even that turned to paste in her mouth before she spit it out and rinsed her mouth out to eviscerate any evidence of it. Sitting on the chair in the living room, her eyes slipped shut of their own accord. Hot tears leaked out of them, unbidden and unstoppable.

“Damn. Damn, damn, damn.” She whispered, wiping her eyes free of the wetness but it was futile. 

She felt like a monumental fool. And the worst part, was she only had herself to blame. Did she really think a man like Ben Solo would settle for her…a struggling orphan whose heart was bigger than her bank account? He was a man of the world, after all; he held two PhD’s and practically came from American royalty. The woman she’d seen him with that night was more in his league. Even from the distance across the street, it was clear that she was dressed in designer clothing and carried herself with the elegance and grace of someone bred for high society. Rey’s lip trembled at the fact she herself hadn’t even learned how to properly use cutlery until she came to America last year. Growing up alone had made her street wise, but she lacked the obvious manners that Ben was used to.

A tear slipped down Rey’s cheek, then another. She should have known this bubble of happiness wouldn’t last. Nothing ever did for her. Ben might have cared for her, but it looked like he had bigger and better things to move on to. He had been so lovely to her, so kind. He was always such a gentleman, too. It didn’t make sense…none of it did. 

Rey glanced over to the coat he’d gifted her with hanging on the door, more tears flowing freely. He didn’t love her, he only pitied her. Everything he’d done and said, was to give her a glimpse into a life she so desperately wanted but could never have. A deep ache began in her midsection, spreading upwards toward Rey’s chest. Rey knew she was a nobody. She didn’t need to be reminded of that fact. And the thought that Ben viewed her as nothing more than a charity case was painful. Did he tell this Aurora about her? Did they have a good laugh about how enamored she was with Ben…how naïve she’d been to believe his pretty lies?

He was handsome, sexy, and successful. There was no way on God’s green Earth that he would choose Rey over that gorgeous woman. 

Rey capitulated between laughing and sobbing. The former, because she should have seen this coming. And the latter, because it did. He could have just told her during their two-month relationship that he saw other people. While it was true that she wanted him to herself, at least his honesty wouldn’t have made her feel like a fool now.

A knock on the door startled her, and she looked over at it frightfully. What if it was Ben again? She wanted to see him so badly, missed him even more. But her heart felt like lead, and she didn’t even know what she’d say to him if it were him. The person knocked again, and this time Rey rose on unsteady legs to squint through the peep hole at the visitor. 

It was definitely NOT Ben. It was a woman whom she’d never seen before, but by the look on her face she was not going anywhere until Rey answered. Sighing, Rey opened the door and was stunned to see a tall woman with piercing blue eyes and a shock of wavy platinum hair gazing down at her curiously.

“Y-Yes? May I help y-you?” Rey stuttered, sounding like a frightened mouse even to her own ears. 

The woman cocked her head, studying Rey with calculated symmetry. Her gaze wasn’t precisely cold, but it wasn’t warm, either. It was more guarded, as though she were somehow afraid of Rey which was preposterous. She held Rey’s eyes steadily as if she were trying to peer into her soul, and Rey felt the sudden urge to hide behind the safety of the door. 

“Hello. I’m sorry to disturb you, but are you Rey Kenobi?” She asked in an ethereal British accent, so posh and highbrow that Rey swallowed thickly. It sounded like Her Majesty the Queen was addressing her. 

“Yes, I’m Rey Kenobi. May I help you?” She whispered again, sliding behind the door a step to escape this intimidating woman’s scrutiny.

The woman let out a deep sigh of what sounded like relief.

“My name is Phasma Hux. I am a good friend of Ben Solo’s. May I speak with you?” She asked politely, but something in her tone brokered no argument for Rey to refuse her.

Rey shuddered, hearing Ben’s name aloud sending her heart into overdrive. 

“Is Ben alright?” Rey blurted, her fingers gripping the wood of the door painfully.

Phasma just stared at her blankly for a moment, before shaking her head in the negative.

“No. Not really, Rey.” She stated gravely, and Rey could swear the woman had tears in her eyes.

So… this was Ben’s best friend, the designer. She was the designer of her coat. 

The designer of Aurora’s coat, too. 

Did Phasma Hux have a standing order to design things for all of Ben’s women? 

Speechless, Rey opened her mouth, but no words emerged.

“I won’t take up much of your time, I promise. But this is a matter of great importance.” Phasma stressed, her eyes beseeching Rey.

She seemed sincere enough, even with that piercing gaze that made Rey want to wince. And Rey had to admit, something in her tone of voice frightened her. She was worried about Ben, especially after the way he broke down crying at her door last night when she’d closed it on him.   
Defeated, Rey stepped aside to allow Phasma access into her apartment. The blond woman looked around with interest, her eyes falling on the blue velvet sofa with a smile. Rey secretly wondered if Ben had told her about spending the night there when they’d first met. 

Looking down at herself, Rey finally realized how plain and disheveled she looked. She was wearing an old, ratty pair of yoga pants with a shapeless t-shirt covered by a bathrobe, and a pair of socks with holes in them. She didn’t think she could feel worse until Phasma’s eyes traveled the length of her body with amusement until their gazes locked.

“May I get you something to drink?” Rey rasped, her voice sounding rusty from crying and disuse. 

Phasma pursed her lips, her intense gaze refusing to waver.

“No, thank you. May I sit down, Rey?” Phasma asked, and Rey nodded jerkily.

“Of course,” She croaked, sitting on the chair opposite the sofa. 

She hadn’t been able to sit there for days.

“Rey, I’m sorry to burst in here but…there’s been a situation. With Ben.” Phasma stressed, intently watching the girl for her reaction. 

When Rey’s eyes fluttered, Phasma continued.

“I think…there might have been a grave misunderstanding. I wanted to come here and meet you because, well…for two months now, Ben hasn’t been the same since before he met you. He’s been happy. That word sounds so trite, but…if you’d known him for over a decade like I have, then you’d understand where I’m coming from.” Phasma said, a tone of seriousness coloring her words.

Rey frowned.

“I'm sure you know your friend quite well...and I'm sure you care for him a great deal. But…I think you're mistaken. I don’t think I make Ben happy. I don’t think I am what Ben truly wants or needs.” Rey said miserably.

Phasma leaned forward, her frown rivaling Rey’s.

“How can you possibly think that? The man is head over heels in love with you, Rey. And I can see, just from your appearance, that you’re completely miserable. If you don't mind my asking...when was the last time that you slept? Or bathed, for that matter?” Phasma asked, not unkindly. 

Rey looked down self-consciously.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound insulting. What I mean is, you look tired, Rey. And very upset. I know something happened between you and Ben. And I can assure you, he is devastated and completely confused at what transpired.”

Rey gulped, a tiny whimper escaping her mouth.

Confused? 

“How is he?” Rey croaked, hating herself for sounding so weak, and for caring so much.

Phasma sighed.

“Rey…Ben is severely depressed. He came to our apartment last night, barely cognizant. My husband and I kept him there, keeping an eye on him. He’s staying with Ben now, because we were afraid to leave him alone. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” Phasma asked, searching for any sign that Rey was privy to any of Ben’s troubles.

Rey shook her head slowly in the negative.

"No, I don't understand. I don't understand any of this." Rey intoned softly, willing herself not to cry again. 

Phasma sighed heavily.

“No…of course you don’t. Because the darling fool was too frightened to tell you.”

The reminder of Ben’s ‘secret’ provoked Rey.

“I know one thing. I know what he was hiding. You don’t have to tell me anything about that. Besides…he should have been the one to tell me his secrets, not you.” Rey said bitterly.

Phasma leaned forward, meeting Rey's gaze.

"How did you discover his secret? And just what do you think that secret is?” Phasma asked carefully.

Rey shivered.

“I…I came to his apartment Friday afternoon. I saw them. Together.” Rey whispered.

Now it was Phasma who arched a brow in confusion.

“Them? Who exactly are you referring to?” Phasma asked dubiously.

Rey bristled as if she were being forced to state the obvious.

“Ben. And…a young redhead named Aurora. She was…beautiful. And I’d seen her before, at Columbia. She was in his class, on a day I sat in to watch him teach. She even spoke to me then; she asked me ‘Isn’t he awesome’? And I…I had agreed with her. I noticed then how…how taken with him she seemed. But I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But now I know. He must be seeing her, too.” Rey croaked, her voice breaking.

Phasma was taken aback, her face contorting in shock. Did Rey think?...

“Rey…Are you saying you think Ben and this Aurora…are having an affair? Is that what this is about?” Phasma asked gently.

Rey hung her head, not realizing until then that she had begun to cry again until tears dripped onto her lap. It felt like she had cried a river in the last four days. She nodded slowly, her head feeling like lead.

“They came downstairs from his apartment together from doing god knows what, with his hand on the small of her back and her arm looped through his. She hugged and kissed him goodbye. And he kissed her back. It was on the cheek, but it looked so…intimate. I’ve never seen him look so happy. For two months, I’ve been dying to see a smile on his face like the one she put there. I know I’ll never do that for him. He is always so reserved around me…like he doesn’t trust me enough to truly allow me in. His smiles to me were never that carefree. All I wanted, was to connect with him. It seems all he wanted was a distraction. I thought he was different. I guess I was wrong.” Rey hiccupped sadly. 

Phasma closed her eyes at Rey’s hurtful words, as mad at Ben as she was sorry for him. No wonder this poor girl thought she was just a fling to him. He still refused to give her anything about his mental state, and the one-time Rey sees him unguarded because of someone he considers family, she jumps to the wrong conclusion and thinks they are lovers.

Jesus, what a mess.

Phasma scooted over to the edge of the sofa closest to Rey, putting her hand on hers gently. Rey looked up at her, all weepy eyes and blotchy skin. For the first time since Phasma was a young girl, she felt a strange kinship with another woman.

“Rey…please listen to me closely. What you saw, was not what you think. Not in the slightest. That was no secret Ben was keeping from you. That is my husband’s sister. My sister in law, Aurora. She just moved to New York to be with her fiancé, James. Yes, she is in Ben’s class, but they do not have any romantic interest in each other. Ben has known her since she was eleven years old and thinks of her as a baby sister. Aurora wanted to surprise him by taking his class; she didn’t want him to know because they are like family and if the university knew, they might assume he’s giving her preferential treatment. Aurora has no designs on Ben and Ben absolutely has no designs on her. What you witnessed, was merely two people as close as siblings saying goodbye. For heaven’s sake, Aurora’s fiancée had been there as well before he got called away for work.” Phasma said, trying desperately to get through to Rey. 

The younger woman gazed at Phasma blankly, her eyes glassy.

“W…What?” Rey whispered, her voice deathly void of life.

Phasma sighed harshly, running a hand through her platinum waves.

“Ben is innocent of what you accused him of, Rey. He would never, EVER, be unfaithful. Trust me when I tell you this. There IS a reason he has been so shy and reserved around you. But it has nothing to do with infidelity. Please believe me, Rey. I would never lie to you. I know you don’t have any reason to trust me, but I sincerely hope you will.” Phasma stressed passionately.

Phasma put her hand on Rey’s knee comfortingly.

“Rey…Ben has been through hell the last year. Some unspeakable things happened to him, and while I can understand his reluctance to share it all with you, I urged him to be honest with you from the start. He was frightened, Rey. You have come to mean everything to Ben and he is out of his mind with grief that he thinks you’ve ended things with him." Phasma said sincerely.

Rey gasped, feeling faint.

“I…I saw them together on the sidewalk…I panicked. I was afraid, too. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I…I thought he was just trying to get me into bed. I…what have I done? What the hell have I done?” Rey whimpered, wrapping her arms around her chest and beginning to weep helplessly.

Phasma rose swiftly, walking to the fridge and opening it. Gratefully, she found a bottle of cold water and brought it back to Rey, uncapping it for her and urging her to drink.

“Here. Please drink this.” Phasma intoned softly, thankful when Rey took the bottle from her with shaking hands. She gulped it down greedily, and Phasma wondered when the last time the poor girl had actually drank something. Returning to her seat beside Rey, she waited patiently for Rey’s sobs to subside.

Rey looked up at Phasma with a devastated expression.

“Oh my god…I promised him that I wouldn’t hurt him. I…what am I going to do? He’ll never forgive me for this. He must…he must hate me!” Rey bleated, the truth of her words sending her on another crying jag.

Phasma reached out and took hold of Rey’s shoulders gently.

“Rey…Ben will forgive you. This is just a misunderstanding. I know him better than anyone, and the last thing he feels right now towards you is hatred.” Phasma assured her kindly. “If anything, he is hating himself for not being honest with you in the first place.”

That got Rey’s attention. The younger woman wiped her nose and gazed at Phasma sadly.

“You…you said that. Before. What IS Ben hiding from me? Please, please tell me.” Rey begged.

Phasma closed her eyes, her desire to put Rey’s mind at ease warring with her loyalty to Ben. In the end, loyalty won.

“Perhaps he should tell you himself. Will you come with me back to my apartment now and speak with him, Rey?” Phasma asked hopefully. “I think it’s time that the two of you had a serious talk.”

Rey shuddered, wondering if she could face Ben after the terrible, hurtful things she had said. She'd accused him of...dear Lord. What was she going to say to him now? How would he ever forgive her for this? Why couldn't she for once just trust someone to not hurt her...why was it so impossible to allow someone in? 

Looking back, she knew Ben was different. He was shy and gentle, reserved and quiet. He was not the type of man to cheat. Her heart had tried to reason with her head, but her head had won. It was all a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that might have cost her the love of her life. He had desperately tried to tell her the truth yesterday, but she'd been too hurt and too stubborn to listen. She was a stupid child. It would serve her right if he never spoke to her again. She'd known all along something dreadful had happened to Ben, and that she should have allowed him to tell her about it in his own time. Instead, she jumped to conclusions and had made a mess of things. He might very well slam the door in her face now, in retribution for her callous behavior towards him. 

The prospect of that happening nearly split her heart in two. She'd been hiding out here like a baby for the last four days, stuck in the mire of her own making. It was time that she acted like the adult she was, and faced her future head on. No more insecurities, no more running. It was time to take what she wanted...what she needed. And what she wanted and needed desperately was Ben Solo. If he'd even have her after the fiasco she'd made of things.

Rising from her chair on shaky but determined legs, Rey offered Phasma what she hoped was a valiant smile.

“Okay.”


	13. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben confesses his past to Rey, and a new chapter of their relationship begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the overwhelming support of this story. So sorry for the long hiatus, as my husband and I had family issues. His mother passed away, and then my sister moved here and stayed with us for the summer while waiting on her new home. Thank you for your patience. 
> 
> This chapter will deal with heavy themes as Ben recounts his suicide attempt to Rey. Please read with caution if this is a trigger for you. This chapter was a beast emotionally to write; as someone who has dealt with depression and anxiety, I know the importance of handling this subject with care. I’ve been there myself and wanted to portray Ben’s issues as something that realistically is a major part of his life. As I've said before, the 'Snoke' character here is Bazine, and her manipulation of Ben was to seperate him from his family and drive him to isolation for her own selfish kicks.
> 
> In reality, if you are experiencing feelings of depression that make you want to hurt yourself, please get help by calling the National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255. You are not alone.

Ben gazed across the Park in a daze, his mind stuck between racing a million miles a minute and desperately wanting to just shut down. The muted colors of the treetops bled together in a symphony of crimson, gold and emerald, but as far as Ben was concerned all he could see was blackness. 

Cold, visceral, and never ending.

What had happened to make Rey turn on him so? What had he done? Was it truly the fact that she discovered his medication and felt that it was too much for her to bear? Granted, he’d always known that disclosing such a thing to her would no doubt make her feel different about him. That had been his biggest fear; Rey thinking he was crazy. But in the time he’d known her, he never once saw or heard anything from her that would make him believe that. She was so sweet and gentle, patient and kind. She never had a mean word to say about anyone, always seeing the good in people despite her harsh upbringing. What’s more, he’d grown to trust her.

‘Then why the fuck didn’t you tell her the truth when you had the chance, if you KNEW she would understand?’ His conscious sneered at him, making him wince internally at the truth of it. Why indeed? 

Was it too late now? Did she truly believe him to be a liar…did she now think he was psychotic? Oh, god…what if she feared he would harm her?

Sighing shakily, Ben closed his eyes and whimpered as her tear stained face swam before his vision. She had looked so pale…so devastated. All night he had worried about her, hoping against hope that she would call him. She never did.

Was it over? Was this it? Would they never speak again? 

He could not accept that. Wouldn’t accept it. His life without Rey in it would turn bleak. He had thought he knew what desolation felt like. Loneliness. But it was nothing compared to the hole in his chest where Rey’s sweet presence had resided that bled and bled – an open wound that would never heal. He had to find some way to explain himself to her. Maybe once a little time had passed and they both calmed down, it would be easier. Yet the thought of going even another day without seeing her face was torment for him. 

How had he allowed things to get so complicated? He had been avoiding his therapist for months now, but he couldn’t fool himself any longer into thinking that he could heal himself without help. He knew that by coming to Armitage and Gwen last night that he’d made the right decision. Rather than letting himself fall under a cloud of despair at Rey’s outburst, he’d sought asylum in a safe place with people he trusted. If this was truly the end of their relationship, he would have to have measures in place to safeguard his emotions going forward. He knew deep down that he would never try to harm himself again, but he didn’t want to test his resolve while in such a desolate place. Losing Rey before he’d even had her seemed like a cold punch to the face.

A noise behind him startled Ben out of his despair. He turned to see Armitage eyeing him carefully, the fear that he’d say the wrong thing all too apparent in his blue eyes. Thank God for his friends. They had carried him through some of the darkest times in his life, and all he ever did was continue to hurt them.

“Can I get you something to eat, Mate? It’s nearly noon. You must be starving. Besides, I’ve heard you shouldn’t take your kind of meds on an empty stomach.” Hux said kindly, leaning against the wall awkwardly and crossing his ankles. “Maybe you’d like to go for a walk, to clear your head? Or I’m up for run in the park if you are. It’s a beautiful day outside…too nice to be cooped up in here.”

Ben huffed, returning his focus to the park. He was suddenly irritated that Armitage and Phasma had taken the day off to babysit him. While true he sought their help last night, he was disturbed that they assumed he would try to slice his wrists or something the moment he was out of their sight. 

“You don’t have to coddle me, Armitage. I’m not going to fling myself over the balcony, I promise. Seeing how I am batting zero in the suicide attempt department, odds are I would fuck it up. Again. I’ve learned to stick with what I know.” Ben said blithely.

He heard Armitage’s sharp intake of breath, and Ben turned to meet his bewildered gaze.

Once again, Ben realized too late that he’d used the reference to his death too casually for the Hux’s liking. And once again, he felt like a selfish prick. Would he never stop disappointing the people he cared for the most?

“Armitage…” He began, but his friend held up a hand to halt him.

“Ben…please don’t say things like that.” Hux said quietly, his face turning ashen. “It’s not funny and frankly, it’s in poor taste. Have you any goddamned idea how much we care about you? Or what it did to my wife when she walked in and found you bleeding out? I had to wake up to her screaming in nightmares for months afterwards. I myself couldn’t even get through a day without reliving what your apartment looked like when I ran in to find her on the floor trying to revive you…her dress hem soaked in your blood like it was swimming in a bloody river. So for you to bandy those jokes around…enough. Please, enough. Stop being so cavalier about your trying to end your life, for fuck’s sake, or I will help you by flinging you over that balcony myself!” Hux said with vehemence, his icy blue eyes flashing.

Ben lowered his head in sorrow at his dramatics, and for the picture Hux had painted about the night they had found him. He knew his suicide attempt had left his apartment looking like a slaughterhouse. He had been so drunk at the time, he hadn’t even planned what he’d done. To now face the reality of how his family or friend’s might have been affected by the sight gave him chills. One look at Armitage’s face told Ben he had meant what he’d said. In the eleven years he’d known his friend, he had never once seen his anger directed at him. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He managed, his voice cracking in shame and despair. He leaned forward to place his head in his hands. “Christ, I don’t know what I mean. I don’t know what I’m doing or what I feel. Actually…I feel nothing. I’m numb. Just…numb. I was so happy the last few months, Armitage. I never knew anyone could be so happy. I’ve always wanted what you and Gwen have. To have it given to me, out of the blue when I wasn’t at all expecting it…it was magical. And I’ve just ruined the best thing I’ve ever had in my life…I’m lost, Armitage. I’m so lost. I need Rey. I love her,” Ben murmured helplessly, admitting for the first time aloud the true nature of his feelings for Rey.

Hux pursed his lips, feeling totally out of his element. But he knew that Ben trusted him, so he figured urging him to talk about it would help. Coming to take a seat beside Ben, Hux turned to face him giving him his full attention.

“Ben, I’m sorry. I know this is hard for you. I just…we almost lost you once. I never want to feel that way again. You’re my best mate, you fool. It hurts me to hear you talk like your life means nothing. It means something to Gwen and I, do you understand? What would I do without your intellectual, brooding ass?” Hux asked dryly, yet his voice was laced with humor and affection. He smacked Ben upside his head, causing his raven locks to become even messier than they already were from all his nervous tugging.

Ben laughed a watery laugh, chuckling through his tears. He felt like an ass, but somehow Hux always made him feel better.

“You’d do as well as I would without your pompous, yuppy ass.” Ben answered truthfully, slapping Hux across the back in a brotherly hug.  
The two men smiled at each other in understanding, before Hux sat back and stared at the park, lost in thought. 

“Ben…Mate, there must have been a misunderstanding with your girl. I mean, Rey never actually said she discovered your medication or the fact you suffer from manic depression…did she?” Hux asked curiously, turning to watch Ben closely as he pondered Hux’s words.

“I…no. She never said she saw the meds. But she did say she discovered my ‘secret’ at my apartment. I don’t know what else she could be referencing. I have no other secrets from her.” Ben said at a loss, shaking his head helplessly. 

Hux chewed on his lip absently. He knew how women were jealous, especially in a new relationship. Perhaps…

“Did Rey see you speaking to another woman? Anyone in your building fancy you that might have given Rey the idea that you were having an affair? You know how women can be about that sort of thing. And let’s be honest…you’re a good-looking bloke. It’s easy for someone to get the wrong idea about that sort of thing.” Hux said reasonably. 

Again, Ben frowned and shook his head.

“No. There is nobody but Rey. I haven’t even noticed another women since I’ve met her, Armitage. I have absolutely no idea what else Rey could be talking about. She’s never seen me with another woman.”

Hux cocked a brow.

“What about a student? Anyone there have a Professor crush on you that Rey might have felt threatened about?”

Ben snorted in self-deprecation.

“Absolutely not. If there were someone, they’ve never made the fact known. Besides, Armitage…Rey knows that I have no designs on another woman. I’ve told her as much.” Ben said emphatically.

Hux tilted his head as he considered something he hadn’t thought of before.

“Have you had any women to your apartment recently…like a cleaning lady or perhaps a decorator?”

Ben shook his head in frustration. 

“No. No one. The only women who have been to my apartment in the last six months were Rey herself and Aurora the other day.” Ben said, obviously not making the connection.

But at this information, Hux’s brows narrowed pensively. 

“Ben…was Rey with you when you met with Aurora and James? Had you mentioned it to her…that my sister was coming to your apartment?” He asked, already knowing the answer due to his sister telling him about their meeting. Rey was nowhere to be found, and at the time, Hux had assumed Ben had at least told her about the fact his best friend’s sister was in town and coming to visit him. 

Ben shook his head slowly in the negative, and Hux’s eyes widened in alarm.

“No. I was alone. I hadn’t heard from Rey all day, and that night I called her friend Finn to see if he could reach her for me. The last time I’d spoken to her was Thursday night, at Lando’s. I hadn’t told her about our meeting, because after Aurora arranged it Rey looked like she was not feeling well, and my focus was on her. I totally forget about it, to be honest.” Ben muttered forlornly.

The pieces were falling together for Hux, but he couldn’t get a clear picture until he spoke with Phasma. Fate must have intervened because at that moment his wife opened the apartment door just as he turned from the patio to face her. She signaled for him to come out, her face looking half parts serious and relieved.

“Ah…Listen, Mate. I’ll be right back, okay. I have to see to something.” Hux said hastily, making a beeline for the door. He followed Phasma out to the elevator where they’d have some privacy.

“I know what happened.” They both said simultaneously, looking exasperated at the other. 

“You first. Please.” Hux ushered to his wife quietly.

“Well, apparently Rey went to Ben’s apartment Friday night and saw him and Rory downstairs together. Hugging. Kissing. Laughing. Of course, she got the wrong idea. She thought Ben was cheating on her and had lied to her about not being with anyone else. I set her straight, of course, but that only made things even worse. She was devastated to learn how deeply she’d hurt Ben. The poor girl was ready to sink into a depressed coma, Armitage. She’s a mess. She hadn’t showered or changed in days. I had to wait for her while she cleaned herself up, and then I was treated to hearing her sobbing in the shower for nearly twenty minutes. I didn’t know which I wanted to do more – hug her, or slap Ben.” Phasma said.

Hux snorted with derision.

“Yeah, well…he’s in no better shape.” Hux snarked, pointing his thumb back to the apartment. “I had to give him a bollocking earlier because he started making suicide jokes again. I nearly punched his lights out before calling him a selfish prick. Where is she? Rey, I mean.” Hux asked expectantly, looking around the empty corridor.

Phasma sighed thickly.

“I asked her to wait in the lobby. I wanted to see if the coast was clear. Perhaps we should tell Ben so he’ll be prepared.” Phasma suggested.  
Hux nodded briskly.

“Fine. But this ends now. I know he is afraid to disclose his past to her but Gwen…if he doesn’t now, things will never be the same between them. I think we need to force them to face one another and just hash this out, once and for all.”

Phasma widened her eyes fearfully at the possible implications of that.

“Darling…what if he can’t cope with it? I don’t want to set him back by forcing him into something he isn’t ready for.” Phasma said seriously.

Hux was unanimous.

“He WILL cope. He has us. And…he must, Darling. This cat and mouse game must end. He came to us for help. So, we’re going to help him. That is that. No more coddling, Gwen. He’s never going to heal if we keep treating him like fragile glass.” Hux said, just as seriously.

Phasma lowered her head in defeat, acquiescing to her husband.

“Alright. Fine. I will go get Rey. But…prepare him as best you can. Okay?” Phasma pleaded, and Hux smiled at her gently.

“Yes, I promise. Go.” He ordered, ushering her back onto the elevator. He waited until the doors closed before making his way back to his apartment. 

Ben was exactly where he left him, staring at something in the distance.

“Uh…Mate?” He ventured, folding his arms across his chest in the doorway.

Ben turned around, rising at the tone of Hux’s voice.

“What is it?” Ben asked, knowing his friend well enough to tell when something was off.

Hux sighed. No sense beating around the bush.

“Ben…Rey is here, with Phasma. She went to her apartment to find out what was going on, and we have an idea of what the reason is Rey was so upset.” Hux said quietly.

Ben felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach.

“W-what? She’s here?” Ben asked fearfully, his voice trembling. As much as he was desperate to see Rey, he couldn’t get her cold eyes out of his mind when she had dismissed him so easily. 

“Yes. She’s in the lobby. There’s been a dreadful misunderstanding, Ben. And…it’s not what you think. She still has no idea about your condition. The secret she thinks you’ve been hiding, is that you’re having an affair. An affair with…Aurora.” Hux said, bracing for the worst.

Ben’s eyes flickered, as though Hux’s words were too much for him to comprehend. After a few beats of silence, Ben licked his dry lips and opened his mouth, but nothing would come out. It took a moment for him to garner enough saliva to speak.

“An affair. With…Aurora.” Ben stated dumbly, as though he had just learned how to speak. “But…how? And why? Rey has never even met her. I've never even mentioned her to Rey.” Ben stressed.

Hux raised a perfectly arched brow at that, not relishing what he had to tell his friend. 

“Yes, well…about that. Rey came to your apartment Friday night when Aurora visited you. She saw you both on the sidewalk downstairs hugging and kissing. She assumed the worst. But then I suppose anyone could have gotten the wrong idea, given the circumstances. Aurora is a beautiful girl…young and vivacious. And I’m sure the love you have for her as a sister could be mistaken for something else to someone that doesn’t know your relationship with her…right?” Hux asked carefully, already knowing the answer by the way Ben’s face paled even further.

Ben’s blood turned to ice in his veins at Hux’s words.

“She…she saw that? But it isn’t like that. Aurora is like family to me.” Ben protested weakly.

Hux eyed his friend with sympathy.

“I know that, Ben. But…Rey didn’t. All she saw was a young, beautiful woman embracing HER boyfriend on the sidewalk of his apartment building. Phasma said she took it pretty hard; that she’s a mess right now. I know what she said to you yesterday was hard to take, Mate. And I’m not defending her actions. But I suppose thinking the man you’ve been dating is cheating on you would be a bitter pill to swallow.” Hux said gently.

Ben closed his eyes, not wanting to believe Rey could think such a thing about him. But the longer he thought about it, the more sense it made. Rey’s entire attitude had changed at Lando’s, and it occurred to Ben that when he went to speak to Lando, Rey must have seen Aurora’s text come through.

Jesus. Aurora’s innocent words could have surely been misconstrued if someone didn’t know he and Rory’s history. And Rey…dear god, Rey thought he was cheating on her; as though what they’d shared so far meant nothing. As though he were some heartless cad. Like… 

Suddenly the front door of the apartment swung open and Phasma burst in, a stricken looking Rey close behind her. She looked even worse than she did last night, and the sight of her made Ben ache. He wanted to rush to her, embrace her…assure her that it was all a misunderstanding. But the wounded part of his heart rooted him to the floor, scared to death of her and what she would say to him now. 

His eyes connecting to Rey’s, he felt the wind knocked out of him and stumbled on his feet as Rey gazed at him with a wary expression.

Armitage motioned to Ben with a nod to follow him, and Ben woodenly obeyed. Approaching Rey made him feel like he was going to the gallows. The disappointed look Phasma pinned him with didn’t help matters, either. Not for the first time, Ben chided himself for being the cause of this mess. If he had just manned up before, none of this would be happening. 

Rey bit her lip as she hesitantly met Ben’s gaze, the depth of emotion swimming there startling him. 

Phasma looked between the couple solemnly, her steely determination to settle this once and for all apparent.

“Ben Solo, I’d like you to meet Rey Kenobi. Rey, this is Ben.” Phasma intoned, as though she were introducing them for the first time. 

Ben swallowed harshly as his eyes roamed Rey’s face. He’d do anything in that moment to go back in time to when they had first met and be honest from the beginning.

“Hello, Ben.” Rey whispered, tears swimming in her eyes.

Ben felt his pain deepen at the tone of Rey’s sweet voice; so full of tenderness yet laced with something awful. Something HE’D caused.

“Rey…” Ben murmured, unable to articulate words. All he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and hold her close.

“Let’s all sit, shall we?” Phasma suggested delicately, gently guiding Rey over to the sofa.

Hux did the same with Ben, setting him down next to Rey but far enough away to give them breathing room. He took a chair opposite his wife and the pair watched the two they struggled not to stare at each other.

It was Phasma who once again took the reins, leaning forward and gesturing to them both with seriousness.

“Well…it seems a misunderstanding has taken place, one that has no merit. So rather than allow this misunderstanding to fester, we think it’s wise to talk this out. Like adults,” Phasma said pointedly, glaring at Ben. “I know you both clearly have a lot to discuss, so Armitage and I will give you some privacy.”

Ben gulped deeply, his Adam’s apple bobbing as Hux raised a brow and cleared his throat.

“That’s me, by the way. Armitage Hux. Nice to meet you, Rey.” Hux said quietly, holding out his hand for Rey to shake.

Once again, Ben felt awful for not making the introductions sooner. These were his best friends and the woman he loved…why hadn’t he thought to bring Rey to meet them sooner?

Rey took Hux’s hand gingerly, her delicate palm getting swallowed by his larger one. Hux winced at the frigid temperature of her skin and smiled at her kindly to ease her nerves.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you too.” Rey murmured, her eyes downcast.

Ben stared straight ahead, too stunned to speak at the absurdity of this situation. But when Phasma cleared her throat he turned his gaze to her, biting his lip in trepidation.

“How did you know where to find Rey?” He asked suspiciously.

Phasma sighed, crossing her arms.

“If you must know…I stopped at your apartment and found her address in your rolodex. I have an extra key, after all, and your doorman Daniels likes me. He’s a sweetheart, by the way.” Phasma said with cheer.

Ben huffed at that, rolling his eyes.

Phasma and her husband rose, staring down at the subdued couple on the sofa with pity.

“Well…we’re going for a walk in the park. Call us if you need anything and we’ll be back in a flash.” Phasma assured, following her husband out the front door before closing it tightly behind her.

Ben closed his eyes as he heard the wood click firmly closed, gathering his courage to face the music. But Rey was quicker, beating him to the punch.

“Ben... I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry for everything I said. You must hate me now for my actions. Please…forgive me.” Rey croaked beside him, her tears dripping down her face to splash on her neck.

Ben’s eyes flew open and he turned to face Rey with a look of incredulity. The sight of her crying was killing him. He ached to pull her into his arms and soothe away the hurt that he knew she was feeling. There felt like an ocean between them now, and he had no idea how to breech the gap. But one thing was certain – the only way forward was through.

Ben tentatively reached out, gently touching Rey’s shoulder. Her body shivered at the contact, and her startled eyes widened.

“Rey…no. I’m the one who should be begging for your forgiveness. You never would have assumed the worst about me if I hadn’t been so secretive in the first place. I…there is so much for me to tell you, and I will. But first, let me explain about what you saw at my apartment. It was NOT what it looked like. I swear to you.” Ben pled with sincerity.

Rey nodded, biting her lip to stem her tears.

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t allow you to explain last night…and for ignoring you all week. I can’t believe that I acted like that.” Rey said miserably, her face paling further.

Ben’s heart lurched at the memory of her sweet voice calling him a liar.

“Did you really think those terrible things about me…that I would use you in such a way? Rey…the things we’ve shared the last two months…they’re sacred to me. To think you believed me capable of such deceit…I won’t lie, Rey. It hurt.” Ben murmured, his voice wavering.

Rey gazed at him with anguish.

“No! I didn’t want to believe them. That’s what felt so awful, Ben. I was confused and frightened. Nothing made sense. But I think…maybe it was because you clearly had secrets you weren’t ready to disclose to me. It made me insecure. I couldn’t reconcile what I was seeing with the person I knew you to be. And that girl…I saw her in your class the day I sat in. She had even spoken to me. I thought…dammit, I don’t know what I thought. All I knew was that I was jealous. I know that I have no real claim on you, Ben. It’s not like…well, it’s not as if you’ve told me we are exclusive.” Rey admitted sadly.

Ben’s eyes widened in alarm. 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Rey. You DO have a claim on me. You have since the first. Here.” He whispered, reaching for her hand and lowering it over his heart. He could feel it pounding underneath her palm, his eyes studying her as she curled her hand gently into his shirt.

When she raised her glistening orbs to his, Ben’s breath caught in his throat.

“And you…you also have a claim on my heart, Ben.” Rey murmured shyly. “There is no one else. No one.” 

Ben nodded and closed his eyes in relief. As much as he hated to admit it, Rey had every right to jump to the conclusion she did. And looking back in hindsight now, he could see a fair number of times he had the opportunity to tell her the truth. Fear had won out, though, causing this catastrophe. It was time he put aside his fear and grabbed onto the happiness he knew was in his reach.

“Okay. I…I understand. But you have nothing at all to be jealous of, Rey. That girl is Armitage’s younger sister Aurora. When I first met them, she was only eleven. I’ve always considered her a sister, as well. She just arrived in town and surprised me with the fact she was taking my class. I should have told you, there was no reason why I didn’t. Bad timing, I guess. I absolutely have no interest in her romantically. Nor she with me. Not at all. She is like family. She and her fiancé came to my apartment to visit me the other night, and…” Ben trailed off, not needing to fill in the blanks for an embarrassed Rey.

“I hadn’t seen him. I only saw the pair of you on the sidewalk.” Rey said miserably.

Ben sighed, putting himself in Rey’s shoes. If the roles had been reversed and he’d seen her in such an intimate embrace with another man, it would kill him.

“James left early. He’d been called away for work. Rory and I chatted for awhile before she had to leave to meet with their wedding planner. I walked her downstairs.” Ben said gently.

Rey nodded trance-like, her eyes drifting shut at how mortified she was having jumped to such dire conclusions. While in hindsight the situation had looked damming, she should have confronted Ben about the woman in a calm, mature way. He would have told her the truth, and all of this could have been avoided. Now, she’d allowed jealousy and mistrust to worm their way into she and Ben’s relationship…a relationship that was already so tentative and fragile to begin with.

“Oh, Ben. What have I done?” Rey murmured, trying and failing to hold back a sob at her stupidity.

Ben rushed to reassure her, cupping her cheek tenderly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Sweetheart. I swear. I know how that must have looked. I don’t blame you for jumping to conclusions…especially with the way I’ve kept you in the dark about so many things. I was…it was only because I was afraid. I was scared to death that if you knew about my past, you wouldn’t want to see me anymore. I know that you deserve so much better than me, Rey. I just wanted to live in the fantasy that I was good enough for you for just a little longer…before you knew everything and your good opinion of me would change.” Ben said miserably.

Rey gasped, her tears falling faster.

“Ben…you ARE good enough for me. My god…you are amazing. You could have any girl that you want. What you’re doing with me, I’ll never know. My good opinion of you could never change, Ben. As long as we’re honest with each other, I would never judge you. I was scared, too. When I saw you hugging that girl…when I saw how happy she made you…I panicked. I felt sick inside, like I was being eaten alive. It hurt, Ben. So, so much. But I’m sorry that when you came by last night I reacted that way. I should never have said those terrible things to you. I can’t ever take them back. Here I was promising you that I would never hurt you…even when you begged me. And at the first misunderstanding, I did just that.” Rey cried, hiding her face in her hands.

Ben slid across the sofa cautiously, not wanting to startle her but the need to hold her was too intense.

“Please, Rey. Please let me hold you. I know you’re upset and confused right now…there is so much I need to tell you. And I want to tell you. I want to be honest with you about everything, starting now. Will you please give me that chance to try and make this right? Please tell me I’m not too late.” Ben begged, his voice a mere whisper in the quiet room.

Rey couldn’t answer through the tears clogging her throat. Ashamed at her actions, she slid the remaining distance until she was pressed so closely against Ben she was practically in his lap. Ben gripped her tightly, yanking her as close to him as he could. The feel of her slender, trembling body in his arms made him feel equal parts possessive and relieved. He stroked her back gently, his hand sliding up to card through her soft locks. Rey relaxed against him, her tremors slowing down as they breathed in sync. They rocked against each other in a soft rhythm, taking and receiving comfort. When it was time to pull apart, they both did so reluctantly and gazed at each other with a mixture of weariness and hope.

“Will you tell me now this secret that you feel you had to keep from me?” Rey asked softly, her voice pleading. It tore Ben’s heart to shreds to hear such rawness in Rey because of his cowardly actions.

Ben sighed shakily, rising to stand. He walked the perimeter of the room, his mind awhirl. 

“Where do I even begin?” He rasped, running his hands through his thick waves restlessly.

Rey watched him from her vantage point on the sofa, her nervousness apparent by the way she wrung her small hands together.

“Wherever you feel comfortable beginning. I won’t judge you, Ben. I know I mucked things up before, but I swear to you that I’m here. Please, trust me. Let me in. I just want to know you. All of you, the good and the bad.” Rey begged, and when Ben opened his eyes and gazed at her, he saw the truth of her words reflected in her green orbs.

Taking a deep breath, Ben released it loudly. He walked towards the window, his eyes fixed on a little girl in the park. She was flying a kite, and it made Ben smile. How innocent she was…how oblivious to the hardships of life. 

“Okay.” Ben whispered. 

Rey sat patiently, giving Ben all the time he needed. He appreciated that.

“It began when I was very young…perhaps six or seven years old. I wasn’t like other kids, Rey. I was different. I had… issues.” He said, turning slightly to meet Rey’s open gaze. She didn’t look scared yet; her face was placid and gentle. It gave him the courage to continue.  
“I was advanced in many ways. I thought too much. I studied too hard. I would stay up for days and days to prepare for a test, but I would have aced it anyway. I never slept well, but never felt tired. I read all night long, the alarm ringing to go to school disrupting my thoughts. I’d turn it off and get ready for school. It was a scary, unsettling time for me. I didn’t have many friends, either. I was embarrassed to have sleepovers because I never slept. I didn’t want the other guys to think I was weird. I played sports and tried to be outgoing, but my mind was always wandering. Thinking. My headmaster wanted me to skip two grades in high school and graduate at 16, but my parent’s said no. They wanted me to have a ‘normal’ experience; not grow up too soon. When I was sixteen, I had the first…episode. The first of many.” Ben murmured, thrusting his hands in his pockets.

Rey blinked at Ben’s words, frowning.

“What kind of episode?” She asked gently.

Ben bit his lip so hard that he tasted copper.

“It was summertime. My parents were planning a trip to the mountains, but I didn’t want to go. There were some kids my age there with their own parents, but I didn’t have anything in common with them. The year before, we’d made a similar trip and I spent the entire time brooding in my room. Now, being sixteen, they allowed me to stay home alone. They were gone a week. The first couple of days, I was fine. Things were as they always were. But around the third day…I noticed a change in myself. It was subtle, but it frightened me. I had been awake for over 48 hours. It was early in the morning, around four am. I went out on the balcony to get some air, when the strangest feeling overcame me. I heard a voice in my head, telling me that I was worthless and damaged. That everyone would be better off if I didn’t exist anymore. I stepped to the edge of the balcony and imagined jumping off. It was three stories up; I could have been badly injured, if not killed. But because I wasn’t thinking clearly, it didn’t register. I came to my senses, went back inside, and locked the balcony doors. I was so freaked out by what I’d nearly done, that I didn’t leave our house again until my parents came home four days later.” Ben muttered stoically.

Rey gasped, swallowing down the lump that had formed at Ben’s words.

“That must have been terrifying for you.” Rey croaked.

Ben nodded. 

“Yeah. It was. I began hearing voices in my head regularly after that, telling me to do things. Mostly, it was my own unconscious judging myself. I was my worst critic. But it scared the hell out of me. I felt like I was losing my mind, and it wasn’t only frightening but embarrassing as well. I had two high profile parents; a senator and an astronaut. I was afraid it would get out that their son was a basket case, and that they would blame me for soiling their reputations. I was too worried to speak to them about it, so I kept it to myself. I was determined to fight what was happening to me. I threw myself into doing things I knew I should, like dating. I asked out the girl I told you about…her name was Karen. She was funny and pretty; she was on the debate team. Smart as a whip. I really liked her company. We dated for a year. On Prom night, we rented a room at the hotel where the party was and lost our virginities to each other. We laughed though it all, as we were totally clueless. But it felt…nice. She was nice. I didn’t love her, but I felt comfortable with her. I think both of us just wanted to get it over with, and with someone that didn’t threaten us. She too had social anxiety, so she felt comfortable with me.” Ben murmured.

Ben risked a glance in Rey’s direction, noticing the sad look on her face. He sighed thickly, realizing that he wished he had waited for Rey…lost his virginity to her. He felt in that moment that something precious had been taken from him.

“Did you parents know about this? Surely you told them eventually, right?” Rey ventured hopefully.

Ben shrugged.

“I tried to tell them, but I just couldn’t. They were both working so hard then. The thought of burdening them with that made me feel sick inside. I was afraid that they would send me away…lock me up in some mental hospital.” Ben whispered.

Rey whimpered, rubbing her chest.

“You dealt with that on your own as a teenager with no support from anyone? Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry.” Rey cried, her heart shattering with grief for what Ben must have endured. While she had suffered being physically alone, Ben had been surrounded by people and was still just as alone as she was. Perhaps they were more alike than she'd thought. 

Ben’s lips trembled as he tried to hold himself together. 

“I did the best that I could under the circumstances, Rey. My parents knew something wasn’t right…they approached me about it many times. I told them I was fine. That was my mantra back then. I guess they should have pushed through my lies and uncovered the truth…but I was good at hiding my struggles.” Ben said with self-loathing. 

“Then what happened?” Rey asked quietly.

Ben turned around and leaned against the window, folding his arms.

“I went away to school, and things got a little easier. I met Hux and Phasma. But I never dated anyone again through school. I just…I didn’t feel like anyone there really understood me. Hux used to joke that I was becoming celibate like my uncle Luke. I threw myself into my studies which left little time for anything else. Even after I graduated and got my first PhD, I traveled the world and did research. I still felt like my issues were lying dormant, waiting to pounce on me. After I returned from England visiting Luke, I was hired at Columbia. It was a good time for me, professionally. I had everything I worked so hard for, and I never let my guard down. Until…until one day I did.”

Rey sat up straighter, her eyes taking on a steely glint.

“Is it…” Rey gulped, her voice faltering. “Is it because of that second women you mentioned…the one you said wasn’t nice?”

Ben’s entire face transformed to a look of fear and disgust so quickly that Rey gasped.

“Yes.” He whispered.

Rey nodded, tamping down the inevitability of what she knew was coming.

“What was her name?”

Tears clogged Ben’s throat.

“Bazine. Bazine Netal.”

“Bazine.” Rey repeated, the two syllables sounding obscene coming from someone as pure as Rey.

“Who was she, Ben? What did she do to you?" Rey asked firmly.

Ben turned sharply to face Rey directly, his eyes haunted.

“I met her at a fundraiser I participated in for the Met while helping my mother. Bazine is a curator and assisted me when my parents wanted to display a piece of their art for the event. She was quick witted and outspoken, with a lethal beauty that stole your breath. But it wasn’t the kind of beauty that makes you feel warm inside, Rey. It was…cold. I was always shy, and she wasn’t. For some odd reason, she seemed to want me. She asked me out after the event, and I was so shocked someone like her was interested in me that I agreed.” Ben said with shame.

Rey wiped her eyes, nodding woodenly.

“How long were you together?” Rey whispered.

Ben wiped his face with his hand roughly.

“Two years. She moved in with me after a year...and basically took over my life. I foolishly thought she loved me, Rey. But it was only an illusion, you see. She didn’t love me at all. And in reality, I was in love with the IDEA of her. She, in turn, was in love with power. Of all her prospects, I was the most desirable one at that moment. I was the son of two powerful people, and she assumed I was like them…like a stud horse. More return for her investment. She soon learned that I was nothing like them…and she learned of my condition, using that against me.” Ben spat bitterly.

Rey swallowed harshly. Two years...a long time to be in a relationship with someone who had obviously done so much harm. 

“So…you were in a long term relationship with her. Something must have drawn you to her, besides for her outward appearance.” Rey said quietly, remembering Rose’s description of her.

Ben made a sound of protest, coming back to Rey to join her on the couch.

“No…it wasn’t like that. She was beautiful, but it was her strength that intrigued me. I can’t explain it, but…she was like a spider. She caught me in her web, pretending to care about me when all the while she planned on eating me alive. She ingratiated herself in every aspect of my life. My work, my friends…suddenly, being a Professor wasn’t glamorous enough for her. My friends were too controlling. But it wasn’t just me that she hurt, Rey. She…” Ben trailed off, his voice shaking.

Rey placed her hands on Ben’s face to draw him back to her.

“Hey…it’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” Rey said soothingly, but Ben shook his head in the negative.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” Ben said resolutely. 

Rey closed her eyes and nodded.

“Okay.”

Ben took a deep breath, trying to find the fortitude to go on. This next part was not easy for him to recount, but it had to be done. 

“My parents didn’t like her. At all. My mother saw through her from a mile away, and my father thought she was too high maintenance for me. They tried to be nice to her, for my sake. My mother is very diplomatic and my father is very charming. They did their best to make her feel welcome but ultimately, their love and concern for me won out. They told me I should break things off with her. I tried to, a few times. Each time, she would draw me back in with the argument that she understood me, and no one else truly did. She told me that my parents were trying to break us up because they were jealous of her and they knew she could help me where they couldn’t. She made me believe it, Rey…it was like I was being brainwashed. She tapped into every insecurity I'd ever had about my parents being too busy for me growing up...and my feelings of inadequacy in being their son. She used it all against me.” Ben said with a strained voice.

“Hey…it’s alright, Sweetheart.” She cooed, the sentiment he normally used for her making his heart swell.

Ben shuddered, trying to pull himself together.

“When did you realize that she was manipulating you?” Rey asked softly, afraid to ask but needing to understand why and how a man like Ben allowed himself to swayed by that woman.

Ben shook his head regretfully.

“I didn’t, Rey. Not for a long while. Things between my family and I became…strained. My parents were not very welcoming to Bazine anymore, and that enraged her. Being my mother’s twin, my Uncle Luke was very disappointed with me that I was allowing her to come between us. They’re very close, you see. And I’d always looked up to Luke. But it was my father…my father that bore the brunt of Bazine’s cunning plan.” Ben murmured.

Rey’s eyes widened at that, suddenly knowing where this was going.

“It was at my parent’s thirtieth anniversary party. Bazine reluctantly came with me, but I soon realized that she had planned that night all along. We were just about to sit down to dinner when she took me aside and told me she had to tell me the ‘truth’. She told me that the reason my father didn’t like her, was because he wanted her for himself. She said that my father and she…that the last time we’d been over to see them…that my father had made a pass at her. She said they had sex in the guestroom while my mother and I were downstairs. She said she realized that she was in love with him, and that he wanted to leave my mother and marry her. She told me that he was twice the man I’d ever be…that I was a crazy fool that had dared to wish a woman like her would ever want me. I thought…I thought my father had betrayed me. That he’d been cheating with Bazine all along and was trying to get me out of the way by telling me she wasn’t right for me. I found him and confronted him. He looked shell shocked, and I assumed it was because he’d been caught. I hated him in that moment…all I wanted was to get even with him and make him hurt. I tried to take a swing at him, but he caught my fist before it connected with his face. He told me to calm down and that we should go somewhere private. I...I spat in his face. I told him to go to hell.” Ben whispered. 

Rey gulped, releasing a pained gasp. She couldn’t see Ben…this Ben…do such a thing.

“Oh, Ben…no.” She whispered.

“It was awful. My mother was crying. My father was trying to talk sense into me. He looked so fucking devastated that it angered me. I was the one wronged, not him. Phasma and Armitage were shocked…they thought I’d lost my mind. All of the guests were glaring at me like I was a…a crazy person. In that moment…I was. I ruined their party, their anniversary…I almost ruined their marriage. All the while, Bazine sat in a corner smirking at her triumph.

“My god…what did you do?” Rey asked fearfully, frantically wiping her tears away at the images in her mind.

Ben gasped as the memory overwhelmed him.

“I ran out of the house and took a taxi to the nearest hotel. I don’t even remember how I got there or checking in. I didn’t want to see anyone…not my parents, Bazine…even Phasma and Hux. I just wanted to be left alone. The next day I arrived home to find Bazine’s closet empty and her belongings gone. She left me a note saying she no longer wanted to put up with me…that I wasn’t what she really wanted. I was too weak…too delicate. She said that…” Ben began to breath harshly, and Rey quickly tried to calm him.

“Ben-“

“She said she’d destroyed me like she’d set out to do…all because I was a…joke. She told me that I was better off dead, Rey.” Ben sobbed.

Anger white hot spiked in Rey’s veins as Ben’s words registered. How dare that bitch? Rey shook with barely controlled hatred for the women she’d never met…but if their paths ever crossed, Bazine Netal would rue the day she ever hurt Ben.

“I…I spent two days in my apartment, getting drunk. I went through three bottles of Grey Goose and two Patron. And somewhere in that drunken stupor…Bazine's words registered. They collided with the voices I'd always heard in my head...about not being good enough. Being unwanted. Damaged goods. So I walked into my bathroom and took my straight razor out of the cabinet. I took out my razor…and I cut my own throat.” Ben whispered.

Rey cried out sharply, covering her mouth with her hands. The pain of watching her absorb this was harder than anything he'd ever had to face.

He took his fingers and slid them along the edge of his throat, along the scar that was usually hidden by his stubble and collar. Rey’s eyes bulged out so wide, Ben feared she would faint. Tears began to run in rivulets down her face. He watched helplessly as realization dawned in her lovely, fathomless eyes. He knew the moment she came to the correct assumption, fitting the pieces together meticulously. It physically hurt Ben to witness the way Rey’s chin trembled…how her normally rosy cheeks drained of all color. How her verdant eyes bore into his with devastation. It shook Ben to his core, a harsh gasp of pain escaping his lips. She knew. Finally…she knew. Now, she would see the real Ben Solo. Fear clawed its way up Ben’s throat. 

“Suicide?” Rey whispered, her voice barely discernable. “You…you tried to kill yourself?”

Ben wanted to close his eyes, turn away from her…anything to avoid seeing the incredulity on her features. But he just couldn’t. He was paralyzed, rooted to the spot watching Rey with enormous eyes full of fear. He was ashamed…so ashamed of himself. 

“Yes.” Ben rasped deeply, unable to tear his gaze away from her reaction. “I woke up in the hospital, having lost 2/3 of my blood volume. They had to transfuse me. Phasma…she was the one to find me. She had been calling me that day about what had happened at my parent’s anniversary party and grew worried when I didn’t answer. She found me in the living room…bleeding to death. The doctor said it was a miracle I survived. I only did so because of how low my pulse was. The effects of the alcohol saved me. But I didn’t feel like a miracle, Rey. I felt like a lost cause. When my parents showed up that night crying and frantic, I felt like a bastard. One look at my father’s face told me the truth. That that bitch had lied and tried to destroy my family. I didn’t believe my own father…I embarrassed him and broke my mother’s heart in front of all of their friends by accusing him of cheating on my mother. And I allowed it, Rey. I allowed it!” How could I have been so blind? So stupid? Bazine had set out to destroy me and my family. And I just allowed it.” Ben cried.

Rey clutched her chest harshly, as though she was in intense pain. But her eyes were gentle. Understanding. It only made Ben feel worse.

“No, Ben. No. Don’t say that. It isn't true.” Rey implored gently.

“It is, Rey. If I can’t be honest with myself now, then I’ll never be. I let that woman nearly consume me.”

Rey shook her head in denial.

“But…why, Ben? You have everything. You’re kind. Handsome. So intelligent. Sweet. You have a wonderful career. Good friends. A family who loves you. How horrible for you to feel so lost. So alone.” Rey whimpered, her voice cracking. 

Hearing Rey point out his attributes, Ben was sickened at his level of self-pity. It was true; he had all those things. And still, somehow, it wasn’t enough to quell the monster inside of Ben’s mind. Some vital part of himself had been missing…something that he hadn’t been able to recognize. And when Bazine nearly tore his family apart, Ben had reasoned it was because of his failure to be normal. Whole.

“You’re right, Rey. I have all those things and more. I have more than most. More than you did, growing up…a fact which saddens me deeply. If anyone should have had those things, it should have been you. You are too wonderful for words. You deserve all the things I had. A family. Friends. A stable home. Financial security. I’ve spent my entire life battling with myself over feelings and thoughts that I can’t control. It’s exhausting, Rey. I’m so exhausted.” Ben whimpered, his gaze beseeching her to understand him without judgement.

Rey drew him into her warm embrace, stroking his hair tenderly. The feeling was too much for Ben to take, and he felt his throat tighten with tears.

“You must be appalled. Disgusted by the sight of me. Trust me, Rey. I’m disgusted with myself.” Ben lamented, wondering for the millionth time how he could ever be worthy of someone as pure and whole as Rey.

Rey shushed him with soothing words and caresses, her hands stroking the pain away as much as her light did. 

“Ben…it’s alright. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I swear. I’m so sorry that I didn’t listen to you.” Rey cried, cradling him to her like he was a child who’d had a nightmare. 

And wasn’t it a nightmare, after all? Years of isolation and manic depression, culminating in a suicide attempt that nearly destroyed him.  
All because of a monster. He used to think the monster was mental illness. Now, he knew the monster had a name. And it's name was Bazine Netal.

“I wanted to tell you, Rey. I really did. Please, believe me. I struggled with myself endlessly to tell you everything. That first night, on the train…you were so sweet and lovely. I had never felt like that before. I would have done anything…anything at all to not let you walk out of my life. That’s why I was compelled to walk you home. I couldn’t let you go. Then when you invited me up for cocoa, and you fed me those delectable cookies…” Ben whimpered, the watery sound of his tears echoing in the room.

He’d found himself that night, after a long an frightening journey through the darkness. Rey was his beacon, and had helped him find his way home.

Rey sobbed harder, throwing her arms around him to pull him even closer.

“Oh, Ben…me too. I felt it too. You must know that I did. I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving. That’s why I practically forced you to spend the night on my couch. I couldn't let you go, either. I couldn't.” Rey murmured shyly.

Ben pulled back, his eyes roaming her face with adoration.

“I have a confession.” Ben whispered, his sweet face red with embarrassment. “I spent the entire night breathing in the scent of your pillow. It smelled like sunshine and hope. It reminded me of…” Ben trailed off, his face reddening more.

“What? What did it remind you of?” Rey prodded gently.

Ben dared to meet Rey’s expectant gaze.

“Home, Rey. It smelled like home. YOU smelled like home.” Ben admitted. “I’d never paid much attention to the scent of gardenia before. But now…you’re all that I smell. You’re everywhere.”

Rey’s heart leaped, and she tightened her grip on his shoulders. 

“You know…I have a confession to make, as well.” Rey murmured, and Ben sniffed as he waited for her to elaborate. She too blushed under Ben’s waiting gaze. 

“I had seen you before that night. It was in the admissions office at Columbia. Last Spring, when I arrived. You were picking up your mail. You didn’t notice me, but I noticed you. Your hair was shorter. And you were clean shaven, then. You looked so different…but you took my breath away. You had strolled into the office and I couldn’t look anywhere but you. I was instantly smitten. Then after Finn loaned me your book...I just knew that I was drawn to you. I had no idea why...but I...I missed you. Isn't that odd? I'd never even met you!” Rey whispered.

Ben searched Rey’s eyes, finding nothing but truth. He didn’t think he could be even more charmed by this wondrous creature, but he was wrong. It was as if their souls had found each other.

“That’s why, isn’t it? Why you have a slight beard now…to hide the scar?” Rey asked softly.

Ben nodded, finding no judgement in her words.

“Yes.” He whispered brokenly.

Rey reached up a tentative hand to caress the sensitive skin under Ben’s jawline, causing him to shudder. They both knew what the gesture meant, and Ben stood with held breath allowing her to explore.

“I can’t believe that I almost lost you and didn’t even know it. If only I had spoken to you that day…maybe introduced myself. Smiled at you. Anything…maybe things would have been different. Maybe you wouldn’t have felt so helpless or alone. I knew something was wrong…I felt it in my bones. I wondered what caused you to look so lost and sad. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you, Ben.” Rey cried, her tears falling again in the wake of the memory.

Ben grabbed Rey’s hand gently, stilling her motions.

“Oh, Rey. No. Don’t cry, Sweetheart. Please…you are the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I swear it. It’s not your fault. God…if only I’D known you were there. If only I’d not been so wrapped up in lies and deceit. The most beautiful creature in the world was right there and I nearly…” Ben broke off, pinching his eyes shut to wipe out the horrid image. “You’re here now. I’m here now. That’s all that matters.” Ben promised.

Rey nodded frantically in relief.

“Yes. It’s all that matters.” She said in agreement.

But Ben knew there was one final nail he had to hammer into the coffin of his past, and once it was done Rey would either accept him completely or let him go. He was terrified of what the outcome would be, but he couldn’t live in fear anymore. She had to know everything and make her own decision.

“Come with me.” Ben implored softly and rose, breathing a sigh of relief when Rey took his hand and followed him. 

He led her into what she assumed was a guestroom, and no doubt where Ben had slept last night. It was littered with his clothing and a pair of his shoes were perched haphazardly by the bed. Rey smiled fondly at the sight.

He led her to the bed, motioning for her to sit down. He followed suit and picked up his toiletry bag off the floor that Phasma had brought over. It contained his medication…his final roadblock to coming clean with Rey. Pulling out three amber colored bottles, Ben waited patiently while Rey examined each one in turn studying the names. He had no idea if she knew what they were for, but by the widening of her eyes he had an idea that she did.

“These medications are for my conditions, Rey. I suffer from manic depression and schizophrenia, as well as anxiety disorder. Those urges I had when I was younger…to stay up for days without sleeping, hearing voices, and hurting myself…I’m in therapy now for them and I will most likely have to take this medication for the rest of my life, just to stabilize me. But I’ve never been violent, and I’ve never harmed anyone…except for myself. This is me, Rey. This will always be me. If it’s too much for you to bear, I understand. I can’t ask you to wait for me while I try to make myself well. That day may never come. The wounds I have…they may never heal. And you’re too pure to have to deal with that. You deserve someone untarnished and whole…someone who doesn’t suffer mental illness.” Ben murmured sadly, his heart breaking from the prospect of a life without Rey in it. But now she knew.

Rey’s face crumpled, and she scooted closer to him on the bed. All Ben could do was stare at her helplessly, awaiting her judgement.

“Thank you for sharing this with me, Ben…and for having the courage to do it. I know it wasn’t easy, especially after the mess I made of things. But you’re wrong about something. This…” Rey said holding the bottles tightly up to his line of sight. “This isn’t all that you are. This doesn’t define you. You are still the same wonderful man that I met on a train late one night, the one who walked me home like a gentleman and made my heart dance when you agreed to come up and share some cocoa with me. You’re still the brilliant professor that makes his students proud to have him because you are charming and full of life and you’re passionate about your work. This medication…this is merely a part of you. You, Ben Solo, are so much more than the sum of these parts. You are here…and here.” She said sweetly, dropping the bottles into her lap and placing one hand on his chest over his heart and one against his temple.

Ben gazed at her longingly, afraid to hope in Rey’s words. Her calm demeanor and gentle touch soothed his frayed soul in a way he would never understand. 

“No one has ever wanted to see the real me, Rey. I’ve never allowed anyone to get close enough. I’ve never cared for anyone enough to want to share that part of myself with them. Until you.” Ben admitted.

Rey smiled tremulously.

“I do, Ben. I want to see you. All of you. We have to communicate going forward, you and I. You don’t have to be afraid…I want to be with you, just as you are. And in turn, you can see all of me. You may not like what you see though. I can be insufferable come midterm time due to nerves, and I have a bad habit of leaving my socks on the floor. I sometimes chew with my mouth open and can be obnoxious about my Sci-Fi. I hog the remote and I take no prisoners. You might want to rethink this whole thing. Get out now and save yourself.” She joked through her watery tears.

Ben couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning forward to brush his nose against hers sweetly. 

“Impossible.” Ben whispered, his eyes sliding down to her lips. “You could be nothing less than perfect, Rey.”

Rey beamed at him, her heart lightening for the first time in days despite this monumental shift. 

“Well in that case… I think you should kiss me before you change your mind.” She murmured against his ear.

Ben pulled her into his arms, his tears breaking forth like a damn that had been breached. He cried on her shoulder, releasing over twenty years of pent up pain and helplessness. And Rey held him tightly while he cried, her soft sniffles telling him that his pain was her pain, too. Finally the tears ebbed, leaving a feeling of weightlessness in their wake. Ben inhaled the scent of Rey’s hair deeply, feeling dizzy with pleasure.

“I would kiss you forever, if you’d let me.” Ben whispered with sincerity. 

Rey pulled back and gazed into his eyes, seeing nothing but beauty. It didn’t matter to her that he was damaged. Who wasn’t? She herself certainly wasn’t whole, after the life she’d led. Maybe together, they could mend the broken pieces of each other’s souls. She knew there would never be another person alive to captivate her so. He was the other half of her heart, and at long last she’d found him. Nothing and no one was ever going to come between them again. If he needed her to stand in the gap and be his light, then she would gladly do it. Someone had to fight for him. She loved him. Mental illness or no. She wanted so badly to tell him those three words but knew under the circumstances it would tarnish it. He had enough to deal with now just coming clean to her about his past; Rey didn’t want to add any more stress to Ben’s tenuous grip. 

Ben watched with bated breath as she made her decision, feeling a lead weight lift off his chest when Rey smiled beatifically at him. She caressed his cheeks before moving back to stroke his ears lovingly. He had always felt self-conscious about the appendages, but she touched them like they were precious to her. Ben shivered at her gentle touch, having never felt so accepted.

“Forever it is, then.” Rey murmured with conviction, surging forward to capture Ben’s lips with her own.

Ben startled back before relaxing into Rey’s embrace, fully letting go for the first time in his life. She knew everything now…every little detail of his sordid history and she still wanted him. He didn’t think his heart could contain the emotions swirling through him as her soft lips moved against his…claiming him. 

There was no more talk of sadness as they melted into each other. Finally on the same page. Finally in this together.


	14. The Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a long overdue appointment with his therapist, gets a surprise visit, and spends some quality time with his girl.
> 
> Oh, and we get to meet his vicious, manipulative, monstrosity of an Ex. I don't think you will like her. I'll bet good money you won't.
> 
> Enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, and rec'd my story. I appreciate the love, I really do. It seems my life is always a whirlwind, it's nice to forget it all for a while and hang out with my thoughts and Reylo.
> 
> Please check out my Pinterest board for this story. I'm there as JoKaye. I try to pin pics each chapter of the chapter centric themes. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as well, as Darcyfitz. I run a Reylo centric blog and love to meet fellow Shippers.

Ben crossed his ankle over his knee and fidgeted anxiously, awaiting Dr. Holdo’s reaction to his story. He had begun talking the second he’d sat on her couch, excited to get the words out he had so badly wanted to say. It had been months since he’d seen the psychiatrist, opting to have his GP handle his medication to manage his symptoms. 

It wasn’t that he was afraid of Dr. Amilyn Holdo; quite the opposite. She was professional, warm hearted, and had the most peaceful spirit about her that he’d ever seen from a human being. Her deep blue eyes bordered on cerulean, lending an otherworldly hue. When she'd first strolled into his hospital room months ago, she had sported lavender hair. Ben had imagined at the time he was hallucinating. He wasn’t the type of man to keep up with style trends, but he’d seen enough pink and purple hair extensions around the Columbia campus to know that such colors were in vogue at the moment. It mattered little to him that a woman of her age would embrace such a fad. He had to stifle a grin at the thought of his mother turning up with pink hair his next visit.

Now, the good doctor's hair was decidedly calmer in a blonde shade that suited her. For some odd reason, he missed the lavender.

No, it wasn’t Dr. Holdo that scared Ben at all. It was the fact that while in this space, he would be expected to talk about himself…about his past. It was bad enough he had to listen to his own inner voice demonizing him about his shortcomings and mistakes. But to voice it aloud…hold it up to the scrutiny of another who was learned in this type of illness and would see right through him…it terrified him. 

Sometimes, HE terrified him.

The Doctor didn’t show any outward signs of reaction, except for a well arched brow.

“Well, Ben…that is quite the three months you’ve had since I’ve seen you last. I really wish you would have seen me sooner…or at least called me. I might have been able to help you through the trials you’ve experienced. But I am extremely proud of you. Not only for returning to work and settling back in with ease, but for handling your personal issues so efficiently.” Dr. Holdo said kindly, her striking eyes holding a modicum of motherly concern.

Ben nodded and looked down at his hands, knowing that he should have kept up his therapy visits. It had been recommended to him by the hospital that he attend regularly, in case of a relapse. He felt guilty for not adhering to what he knew to be the right thing to do. Healing from his injuries and his emotional scars had been difficult enough. But adding meeting Rey to the mix…looking back in hindsight, it was a wonder that he’d come through it all unscathed. Part of him attributed that to himself and his ability to cope now. Yet a larger part knew that Rey herself had something to do with it. Her patience, understanding, and gentleness had helped him so much the last few months.

“Yeah…I know. I should have called you. I kept telling myself that I should. It’s just that I felt…better, somehow. Everything didn’t seem so overwhelming. I don’t…I know I sound like a lovesick fool.” Ben said quietly, rolling his eyes at himself in frustration.

Dr. Holdo tried and failed to suppress a grin.

“Oh…you wouldn’t be the first, trust me.” She said slyly, writing something down in her notebook.

Ben watched her intently, wondering if his words were somehow…forbidden.

“Is it wrong? I mean…falling in love with someone so soon after…you know.” Ben asked worriedly.

Dr. Holdo tilted her head in question as she thumped her pen against the notebook.

“ARE you in love, Ben?” She asked seriously, setting aside his question for the moment.

Ben swallowed and glanced around her office, his eyes landing on a painting of the night sky which was soothing to look at.

“I…yes.” He breathed eventually, meeting the doctor’s eyes hesitantly. “I am. I know I am, because everything inside of me tells me that I am…that this is right. I’ve never had such a rapport with a woman before…have never trusted anyone so much. I was so afraid to admit the truth to her, for fear she would think less of me. But the opposite turned out to be true. She understands me, Dr. Holdo. She sees me. The real man inside me…and she isn’t repulsed by him.” Ben said with wonder. 

Dr. Holdo put the notebook she was writing in down, resting her pen upon it before leaning forward closer to Ben.

“Ben…I get the impression that my opinion on your love life matters a great deal to you. As if I would judge you or think less of your decisions. I can assure you, that is not the case.” Dr. Holdo said kindly.

“It isn’t?” Ben asked, unconvinced.

Dr. Holdo smiled warmly, and with humor.

“Of course not, Ben. I realize your past relationship was an unhealthy one. It isolated you and led you to harm yourself when you couldn’t cope with the backlash. Those are general markers of a toxic relationship, without a doubt. Yet in the last hour that you’ve discussed Rey, and your relationship with her, I’ve heard nothing but positivity and excitement in your voice. That is a good sign, Ben. A very good sign. It shows you are embarking on a healthy, mutually respectful relationship that will build you up, not tear you down. You seem to be entering unchartered waters here, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Falling in love, and a healthy love at that, is one of the most fulfilling and beautiful experiences you could have. My opinion here, is that you are finally allowing yourself the room to believe in who you are as a person, and what you have to offer a mate. And that progress is a wonderful thing, Ben.” Dr. Holdo said with sincerity.

Ben nodded, looking relived.

“I guess I thought you would think it too soon for me to enter into a relationship.” Ben admitted.

Dr. Holdo shrugged.

“That is not for me to say, Ben. You are a grown man, and you need to make your own decisions. But since you mentioned it, maybe I should ask you. Do you think it’s too soon after what happened for you to be in this relationship with Rey?” Dr. Holdo asked seriously.

Ben looked horrified at the question, as if the mere thought of it was tainted. But then he allowed the question to sink it, pondering it from a rational point of view. 

“I wasn’t sure, at first. I was terrified of her finding out about my past. I constantly doubted myself, and my ability to move on from what happened to me. But as the day’s passed, I wondered how I had ever lived before meeting Rey. She is like sunshine and fresh air, Dr. Holdo. She makes the world a better place, just by her being in it. I never knew someone like her could exist. But it’s more than her physical beauty and her strong resolve. It’s her inner light. She is so beautiful on the inside, that sometimes it hurts to look at her. I wish I had a tenth of her strength…her courage. She was an orphan who practically raised herself. Yet she didn’t let life harden her. She is gentle and sweet…generous. She barely has enough for herself, yet she thinks of others so selflessly. I stand in awe of her and wish I could be the man she deserves. She makes me want to be a better man.” Ben whispered, tearing up.

Dr. Holdo stared at Ben with a knowing smile. 

“Well, then. I would say this woman makes you stronger, not weaker. I can’t think of a better quality for a life partner, than that of support. You owe it to yourself and to her to see where this relationship goes. If you’re ready, Ben.” 

Ben inhaled sharply, offering the doctor a confident nod.

“I am, Dr. Holdo. I am.”

Dr. Holdo nodded firmly.

“Alright, then.” She said briskly, switching tact's. “How are you fairing otherwise…any headaches or fatigue…double vision or hallucinations? Are you still hearing voices or having trouble sleeping? Sometimes the medication dosage must be adjusted as time goes on to produce maximum benefits. If you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way, please tell me the truth. We want to ensure that you are feeling your best, especially now that you are teaching again. Either Dr. Wexley or I can make those adjustments for you.” She said kindly.

Ben pursed his lips.

“I feel fine. Really. At first, it took some getting used to. But I think I’m over the worst of it.” Ben said confidently.

Dr. Holdo nodded.

“Good. That’s great news, Ben. Okay, then. I guess we’re done for the day.” She said briskly, raising her brows expectantly at Ben who merely nodded.  
They both rose together, Ben following the doctor to the door.

“I meant what I said, Ben. I am very proud of your progress, and I’m happy for you. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me, alright?”

Ben smiled.

“I will. Thank you, Dr. Holdo.” He said, holding out his hand to her. She took it firmly, surprising him with her strength. “I promise…I won’t let it go so long. I’ll call tomorrow and make another appointment with your secretary.”

“You’re welcome, Dr. Solo. And that’s good to hear.” The doctor said warmly.

Ben turned on his heel to leave, when Dr. Holdo called him back softly.

“Ben…one more thing.”

Ben turned expectant eyes toward the good doctor.

“I know you feel better, and I know you are making extraordinary strides in healing. And I’m glad that Rey is very supportive of you, as are your friends. But sometimes…we need a different kind of support. Support that no one can offer who hasn’t been where you are…or walked in your shoes. I have the address here of a local support group for survivors of suicide. I can assure you, it is very discreet and has a high success rate for people returning and even sponsoring others. Promise me you will think about it. You are one of the success stories. You shouldn’t let that go to waste. You have a great deal to offer others who are going through what you once did. And it might help you find a niche…you are a teacher, after all.” Holdo implored, producing the simple white card out of thin air and thrusting it gently in Ben’s direction.

He gazed at it a beat with a frown, momentarily horrified of reliving that dreadful time and even worse…having to discuss it with strangers. But as Rey’s face flashed before him, as well as his parent’s, he knew that the only way to truly heal himself was to be honest with himself. And for that, he must venture into the unknown alone. 

Taking the card from Dr.Holdo’s outstretched fingers deftly, Ben managed a tremulous smile.

“I promise, I will. Thank you.” He said hoarsely, turning back around without another word. 

Doctor Holdo stood in her doorway watching him go, pursing her lips once he disappeared onto the elevator.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rey wiped down the bar with a dish towel, waving goodbye to her patrons as they made their way out. They had left her a ten-dollar tip on a twenty dollar tab, and she smiled warmly at how generous the clientele was here. Not for the first time, she thanked her lucky stars that she had met Finn, and in turn his amazing family. They had afforded her the luxury to earn decent money while working her way through college, and for that she would be forever grateful. 

She also felt a glimmer of guilt at the fact Finn allowed her to rent out her room for so reasonable a price. Sometimes, she secretly wondered if he was hoping she would move out soon so that Rose could move in. She knew it was probably her insecurities getting the better of her, but growing up in foster care had made her wary of getting attached to one place too long. And this…

This would be so much worse, being ejected by Finn. He was her very best friend, and had become more like a brother to her than any biological one could be. She wistfully gazed into the distance, willing herself to get a grip on her emotions. There was nothing to worry about. She was finally in a good place, with dear friends, and a boyfriend that she was falling in love with deeper every day.

What could possibly go wrong now?

“You okay there, Peanut?” 

Rey broke out of her thoughts to find both Finn and Poe staring at her with inquisitive eyes. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks.” She said sweetly, her eyes swinging from one man to the other. 

The two men turned to each other and shared a look, before returning their gazes to her and smiling sheepishly. Rey rolled her eyes at their antics.  
“I’m fine, honestly. A thousand times over.” She tried to assure them, but they were having a hard time buying it.  
Poe shrugged, flipping over the bar hinge.

“I have to go down to the basement cellar and get a case of wine. Be back in a bit.” He said briskly, taking off his apron and hanging it up on a hook.

Rey smiled at his retreating form, before turning around and catching Finn’s eye.

“What?” She asked in exasperation.

Finn’s eyes widened to saucers, and he held up his palms in surrender.

“Nothing! Geez…I was only worried about you. You haven’t exactly been yourself these days.” He tutted sadly.

Rey felt bad for snapping at her friend.

“I’m sorry, Finn. I know that I worried you guys with my behavior last week. It was stupid and childish and I’m so, so sorry.” Rey said sincerely for at least the twentieth time in a week.

Finn pursed his lips.

“I’m not mad at you, Rey. No one is mad at you. All of us were just really worried about you, is all. You called out sick two days in a row, you weren’t even home when I was, so I couldn’t find you…then I get a frantic call from Ben saying he couldn’t reach you. Do you have any idea what thoughts whirled around in my head? Someone could have abducted you or murdered you, for Pete’s sake.” Finn argued.

“I know, and you’re right. I should have answered my phone. I’m lucky your father didn’t fire me.” Rey said seriously.

Finn snorted.

“Oh, please. Dad loves you more than he loves me, I think. He’d probably fire me first before he’d ever fire you.” Finn said, chuckling.

Rey smiled, but knew that her behavior was not appropriate.

Finn grew serious, looking around before invading Rey’s personal space.

“You don’t have to explain to me what happened. It’s your business, and I’m cool with that as long as you’re alright. But…I assume whatever happened, happened between you and Ben. The two times I spoke with him, he sounded unhinged. Any fool could see he is in love with you, Rey.” Finn said carefully.

Rey’s eyes sparkled with equal parts joy and fright. Loving someone so deeply only meant there was more to lose.

“It’s all good now…between you and Ben?” Finn asked, discreetly fishing.

Rey smiled widely. She couldn’t allow Finn to continue worrying.

“Yeah…it’s all good now. I promise.” She answered truthfully, placing her arms around Finn in a bear hug which he happily returned.

Appeased for the moment, Finn pulled back and grinned at his friend. 

“Are you busy later? Rose and I were thinking of going to Chelsea Piers.” Finn asked hopefully.

Rey puckered her lips.

“No can do, Sweets. I’ve got a dinner date with a sexy professor at his parkside penthouse.” Rey said saucily.

Finn shrugged, nonplussed. 

“Okay. But if you change your mind, text me.”

Rey saluted him.

“Yes, Sir.”

Finn bounded out of the restaurant, the door swinging shut behind him and leaving Rey to smile in his wake.

It had been three days since she and Ben had spent any time together, as work and school had taken precedence. That, and the fact Ben had made a therapist appointment for yesterday that was long overdue. Rey was dying to know how that went, as Ben had offered her only a perfunctory ‘It was good’ when she’d texted him.

Rey wasn’t a fool. She had realized over the last week following their misunderstanding that a man like Ben was full of hidden secrets and insecurities that ran deep. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, she understood that now. And the last thing it seemed he wanted was to keep her in the dark. He had so much baggage that he had to sort out and deal with, and a woman like her understood that completely. After all, she had her own baggage as well.

But even considering how awful and stressful that ordeal with Ben had been, they were in a good place now and she was looking ahead to moving forward with their life together. If his words to her that day about wanting her and her alone were any marker, then they were certainly on the same page. Rey knew that she could offer him not only space to sort his emotions out, but the time and patience to help him through it. 

Rey tossed the damp dishtowel she’d been using earlier into the laundry bin under the sink, lost in thought.

She missed him so much it hurt. Physically, tangibly, completely. All she wanted to do was throw her arms around him and hold him close. She was finally seeing him tonight and she couldn’t hold in her excitement.

After their heartfelt conversation about Ben’s past, it was like a wall had been knocked down between them. Ben’s demeanor changed completely as the lead weight that he’d been carrying around was finally discarded, and he blossomed like a sunflower in the daylight. Both had been completely exhausted after the previous two days’ stress, falling asleep tangled in each other’s arms as the early afternoon light grew softer. Armitage and Phasma were nowhere to be found when they’d awoken, and Rey got the suspicion they had discreetly stepped out to give them privacy. 

She thought about how kind Phasma had been to her, and was determined to repay the kindness somehow. Perhaps she could buy her lunch. She could tell the designer was no doubt used to posh restaurants, but she hoped Ben’s oldest friend would accept her for what she was. 

She smiled sadly, berating herself for jumping to conclusions as she did. The man she met on that train was the man of her dreams. Warm, gentle, steadfast, and kind. He was no cheater...no liar. She hated that she'd put him through that, because of her insecurities where his past were concerned made her feel.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously as a name popped into her head. Bazine. Rey prayed that if Bazine ever crossed her path, that she would run as fast and as far away as she could. Rey was certain she couldn't be held accountable for her actions if that bitch every came without a hair of her or Ben again. She would maul first and ask questions later, that was for sure. Anyone that hurts Ben again would answer to her.

Sighing, she unfastened her apron before headed down to the cellar to help Poe. She would be with Ben later, and the last thing she wanted was to let that monster come between them. Resolving to put Bazine Netal out of her mind, Rey made her way out.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben shouldered open his office door while trying to balance his briefcase, a stack of mail, and a cold cup of coffee from the main office. It had been a long day of lecturing, but he was happy to be done. He was meeting Rey later and he just wanted to get out of here so he could relax before her arrival. 

That was, until a familiar tuft of grey hair came into view. 

Ben kicked the door shut with his foot, turning around quickly in case he was seeing things. 

“Dad?” He asked hesitantly, shocked that his father would be sitting in his office at 3:00 pm on a Tuesday afternoon.

Han turned around slowly, flashing Ben his trademark smirk of pearly white teeth.

“Hey, Kid. Been waiting for you for nearly an hour. Sorry to barge in, but the door was open so I came in and made myself comfortable. Don’t you lock it while you’re in class? Anyone could just waltz in here and rummage around.” Han said reasonably, unfolding his long legs which had been crossed on the edge of Ben’s desk.

Ben gaped at his father wordlessly, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. It took nearly thirty seconds for him to form a coherent sentence, completely forgetting Han’s mention of his office door being open. He was certain he’d locked it this morning. Anyway…

“What are you doing here in the middle of the day? Is mom alright?” Ben rushed out, throwing down his briefcase and mail down on his desk haphazardly. The coffee he dumped in the garbage, now forgotten.

Han nodded and waved off Ben’s inquiry with a smile.

“Is that any way to greet your old man? Calm down, Kid. Your mom is fine. Can’t a father just stop in for a visit to see his son?” Han asked simply, leaning back in his chair.

Ben narrowed his eyes, sitting down at his desk. He looked around the office for a moment in confusion.

“Ah…sure. If you lived around the corner, which you don’t. You traveled 300 miles just for a visit?” Ben asked suspiciously.

Han cocked his head, studying his son with a humorous expression.

“Yeah, that about sums it up. And again, I ask, is that any way to greet me?” He asked dryly.

Ben rolled his eyes, folding his arms across his broad chest.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Hi, Dad. How are you? What brings you by on this fine day?” Ben asked with exaggerated cheer.

Han grinned wolfishly. 

“Now that’s more like it, even if you ARE being a smartass. Have you finished for the day? Or do you still have a class later?” Han asked hopefully.  
Ben glanced down at his watch before narrowing his eyes.

“No, I just gave my last lecture. Why?”

Now it was Han’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Why…Cause I want you to help me knock off a bank. Sheesh, Kid…I was hoping we could get out of here and grab a drink or something.” Han muttered rhetorically.

Ben frowned.

“I don’t drink anymore.” He said with annoyance, his temper momentarily flaring at his father’s suggestion given his history.

Han looked taken aback at Ben’s outburst, before lapsing into one of contriteness.

“I know that, Ben. I didn’t mean alcohol. It’s only three o’clock in the afternoon, for pity’s sake. How about a chocolate milkshake? If I’m not mistaken, Sugar Hill Creamery is still a few blocks from here, right?” Han asked hopefully. 

Ben relaxed and smiled despite his initial irritation at being shanghaied. 

“Yeah, sure. A chocolate milkshake sounds great.” Ben said quietly, feeling guilty for thinking the worst of his father’s motives.

Han nodded, rising slower than normal as he stretched out his long limbs. He turned around in the doorway, nearly colliding with Ben who’d followed him dutifully.

“You really should get your lock checked, Son. Anyone could just barge in on you, you know.” Han said with concern.

Ben smirked.

“Anyone DID.” He murmured cheekily, smiling when Han shot him a raised brow.

“Cut it out, or I’ll make you pay for the milkshakes.” Han threatened, with no real malice in his voice. 

Ben fell in line beside his father as they exited the building, truly happy to see his father for the first time in years.

\---

”So…how are the Hux’s doing? Armitage still trying to pretend he’s the Wolf of Wall Street?” Han asked humorously as he chugged his sweet confection.

Ben snorted at that, but chuffed in Hux’s defense.

“He doesn’t act like that. He's damn good at his job. And he’s very faithful to Gwen.” Ben assured, dipping a long spoon into his own chocolate milkshake. “They’re doing great; Hux just got a promotion, and Gwen’s new line is selling very well. Also, Aurora is getting married. She and her fiancé have moved to Manhattan. She’s taking one of my classes.” 

Han’s brows raised heavenward.

“That’s great, Kid. Those two have always had fine heads upon their shoulders. Their good friends for you. Leia and I have always thought so. And that’s nice about little Red. She was always a sweet kid.” Han said, referencing Aurora.

Ben nodded, looking thoughtful. He knew in many ways that meeting Gwen and Armitage had been a lifesaver for him…in more ways than one.

He laughed as he looked over at his father’s exuberance over his milkshake, as though it were the last drink on the planet.

“Damn, this is good. Please don’t tell your mother about this; she’s put me on a wheatgrass and kale diet. No dairy, no meat. She calls it whole foods or something. I call it disgusting. I have to smuggle in pretzels and beer in the middle of the night and hide them. She’s already threatening me with going Vegan. My poker buddies make fun of me, Ben…it’s embarrassing as hell.” Han grumbled, savoring the extra-large milkshake like it was a drug.

Ben chuckled, taking a swig of his own creamy concoction. He couldn’t envision Rey ever trying to take away sweets from him, especially when she loved to eat more than he did.

“Don’t worry, old man. Your secret’s safe with me. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes if she ever found out, though.” Ben said truthfully. “Remember when I was fifteen and she found that Playboy magazine under my bed? I would have rather confessed that to Sister Agatha in Sunday School than have to see Mom’s furious face when I opened my bedroom door.” Ben said with mirth.

Han nodded, mock shuddering.

“Ha! Well, lucky for you that you’re out of the house now. Your mother has begun to take kickboxing lessons. She kicked me the other night for leaving my sweatshirt on the floor…I nearly fell down the stairs. If you think she was scary before…well, I’ll let you discover that for yourself.” Han said good-naturedly.

Ben chuckled at that, the visual too appealing to pass up.

“Eh, you probably deserved it.”

Han shrugged in agreement, suddenly growing concerned.

“You ARE coming home for Thanksgiving, aren’t you?” Han prodded, a real sense of fear sneaking into his tone.

Ben turned to the side to stare at his father.

“Of course, I’m coming home. I promised that I would.” Ben said kindly, his voice wavering a bit. Up until that moment, he hadn’t even considered his parents would worry that he wouldn’t.

Han nodded happily, eyeing his son with pride. Tall, broad, with a strong jaw and rakish hair just like his father. Han grinned, puffing out his chest by association. 

“You’re looking really good, Ben. Although I’m not used to seeing you with such long hair. Geez, women would kill for this luxurious mane of yours.” Han chuckled, ruffling his son’s hair gently. 

Ben lowered his gaze to the table, secretly happy about his father’s needling as well as his compliment. Growing up, he had always felt his hair was too feminine compared to the other guys. That was one reason he had preferred to keep it short. 

“Thanks. You’re looking good too. But then, you’ve always had that scoundrel vibe going.” Ben snarked.

Han smacked his lips dryly in distaste, but quickly recovered as he gazed at his son fondly.

“I am not a scoundrel. That is a vicious rumor started by your mother. I swear…if I had a dime for every person Leia has sold that line to, I’d be as rich as Rockefeller.”

Ben rolled his eyes and full on belly laughed, the chiming sound of it moving through Han like fresh air sweeping through a valley and bringing with it life. Han grew serious as he watched his boy, this man whom he hardly knew but longed to.

God, it had been months…years…since he’d seen his kid laugh like that. It did something tumultuous to Han’s heart that he couldn’t explain. All he knew, was that it felt damn good. He suddenly never wanted to see Ben do anything but laugh, and he would kill anyone that ever tried to harm him again. 

Providing, of course, that Leia didn’t get to them first. 

“We’ve missed you, Son…your mother and I. I’ve missed you. I have thought of you constantly the last few months…you’ve made your old man lose a lot of sleep. You haven’t called us enough, and I’ve been worried about you.” Han said, his voice wavering slightly.

Ben breathed harshly, his previous joviality vanishing in the wake of his father’s concerned face and solemn bearing. He cocked his head to the side, studying his father.

“Yeah…I’m sorry about that. I’ve been busy. I went back to work a few weeks ago and it took some time settling back into a routine. There’s that…and some other issues.” Ben said quietly. 

Han chewed the inside of his cheek, clearly trying not to smile.

“Your mother told me that you’ve met someone…someone really nice. How is that going?” Han asked cautiously.

Ben turned and gazed at his father with apprehension. The last time they’d had this discussion about a woman, she’d nearly torn his family apart. The fact he had allowed that monster to come between he and his father still rubbed at Ben like an open wound. Part of him wanted to be evasive about Rey, but that was futile now. Where before he was afraid to allow his family to embrace Bazine, all he could imagine now was Rey fitting right into their dynamic. 

“It’s going…great. Really great.” Ben answered honestly, not sure what if anything Leia had mentioned to him.

Han smirked, taking a swig of his shake. 

“You know…I spoke to my old friend Lando Calrissian recently. He and I go way back…before I joined NASA. We flew in the Air Force together. We lost touch over the years, as friends sometimes do when they have family and career obligations. I became an astronaut, he opened a restaurant and became a businessman. So, imagine my surprise when he called me out of the blue a couple of months back telling me that he got my number from my son Ben. He said you met him when an employee of his invited you to dinner there. Then I come to find out, that employee is none other than your new girlfriend.” Han hedged, shooting Ben a sideways glance.

Ben pursed his lips. He was now certain Leia had informed Han of his relationship with Rey, and how they had met.

“Is that so?” Ben asked innocently, ducking his head and his blush as he fiddled with the straw in his drink.

Han raised a thrilled brow at the smitten look on Ben’s face.

“Yep. And he also said that this girl your dating…his chief bartender...is a class act. A real lady. Brilliant, too. And she’s like a daughter to him and Tendra and is happier since meeting you than in all the time he’s known her. It made me really happy to hear that, Ben. Especially since your mother mentioned that when speaking with you a few weeks ago you seemed…well, like your old self again.” Han said carefully.

Ben had to smile at that, despite the bizarre nature of this conversation.

“Lando said all that?” Ben asked curiously, unable to disguise the pleasure he felt at hearing Rey was happier since having met him.

Han rolled his eyes and punched his son gently in the arm.

“Always looking for validation, you are. So a beautiful young woman has the hots for you. Don’t let it go to your head.” Han chuckled.

Ben snorted.

“Ha! Well…I learned from the best, Flyboy. I know what a fool you made of yourself trying to get Mom to notice you.” Ben fired back.

Han looked equal parts amused and horrified. “Okay, okay. Truce. So…how did you meet this girl? Is she a student of yours?” Han asked conversationally.

Ben looked at his father, aghast.

“No! Of course not. Rey is an architectural major. We met on the train one night. I would never have an affair with a student.” Ben murmured with indignance.

Han grinned slyly at his son. 

“Ah, so it’s an affair now. The train, huh? What did you do, offer her your seat?” Han chuckled.

Ben clucked his tongue.

“No…it was late at night and she was alone. I was worried about her…for her safety. So, I offered to walk her home.” Ben mumbled.

Han pinched up his face.

“Let me get this straight…you, a total stranger and mountain of a man, offered to walk some girl home late at night from the subway?” Han held his stomach as he laughed so hard he doubled over. “You’re lucky she didn’t pull out some mace and spray you.” Han howled out.

Ben scowled.

“It wasn’t like that, Dad. I wasn’t hitting on her or propositioning her! I just…I approached her cautiously and was friendly.” Ben defended, keeping the part about spending the night on her couch locked down tight.

Han’s laughter continued for a minute, before he glanced at his son affectionately.

“Well, she obviously liked what she saw in you. Lando said she is a gem, that one. Brilliant and beautiful, with a heart as big as Texas.” Han said.

Ben nodded.

“She is all of those things…and more.” Ben whispered.

Han studied his son in silence for a moment, marveling at the change in him.

“Well that is one hell of a story, Kid. You seem happier now than I’ve ever seen YOU. I wish I had a part in that.” Han said mournfully.

Ben met his father’s gaze.

“I don’t blame you, Dad. Truly, I don’t. For any of it. I'm so sorry that I put you and Mom through such hell. Neither of you deserved that.” Ben stressed.

Han shook his head, angry at himself.

“Yeah, well…I blame myself. I should have seen you were in trouble when you were a kid, but I was too wrapped up in my own orbit to notice. You didn’t come with a manual, you know. I guess I always relied on your intelligence to guide me…that if you needed help, you’d ask. I should have been a better parent, Ben. We both should have been.” Han said sadly.

Ben’s memory flashed back to picnics and arcades, flying in the cockpit with his father and Saturday night pizza and game nights. While his mental issues had isolated him from his peers and his parents had many responsibilities, Ben remembered many more good times that bad growing up. A thought magnified now a hundredth fold, considering what Rey had dealt with growing up. 

“I wish we could have had more time together, but I never felt unloved or abandoned. If anything, it was my own problems that I kept secret. I should have asked for help. I just didn’t know how. I was scared you would be upset with me. You and Mom were good parent’s, Dad.” Ben assured Han.

Han gazed at his son with regret.

No, we weren’t. At least, not as good as we could have been. Ben…we are so proud of you. We’ve always been proud of you. You’ve exceeded our expectations in so many ways, Son. I wish I had the power to turn back time and redo everything.” Han said wistfully.

Ben narrowed his eyes pensively at his father.

“Dad…was I an embarrassment to you…because of my issues?” Ben asked fearfully, his fingers rubbing nervous circles on his knee.

Han reared back like he’d been punched in the gut at the frightened look in his son’s eyes. Frightened because Ben looked like he wondered if there was some merit to his fears. 

“God no, Kid. Absolutely not. Did I ever give you the impression that you were?” Han asked in alarm.

Ben bit the inside of his cheek and shrugged.

“No…not in words. But there were looks you’d give me. Subtle nuances that made me wonder. You were never disappointed that I didn’t go into the Air Force like you…followed in your footsteps and went into aeronautics? Or mom…that I didn’t go into politics?” Ben asked fearfully.

Han bristled at that.

“No, Ben. Not at all. Look…I knew from an early age that I wanted to be a pilot. It was all I ever thought about growing up. Maybe if you had showed an interest in flying it would have piqued my interest in guiding you forward, but you always marched to the beat of your own drum. You were intellectually leaps and bounds ahead of me. You take after your mother in that respect; the two of you can outwit me on my best day, you know. I never once felt regret at what you chose to do with your life. You’re my kid, and I love you. I’m proud of you, no matter what. It’s the same thing with your mother. She loves you fiercely, Ben.” Han said with conviction. "It was the same with you. I knew the exact moment I knew you would be a professor of comparative religion. Your Uncle Luke had come to visit us when you were around ten, and you spent the whole time asking him questions about the difference between Buddhism and Taoism. Your mom and I were amused, to say the least. You were the only ten-year-old that enjoyed talking about religion. For about a year, your mother thought you might want to be a priest when you grew up.” Han joked.

“Really? I was that young when I showed an interest in Religion? I don’t remember.” Ben said absently.

Han grinned.

“Yep. You were a weird kid, but in a totally great way. You were never selfish or bratty. You loved learning, Ben. Always learning…what were you trying to learn, anyway?” Han asked gently, eyeing his son with a tenderness that Ben had never seen before from his weathered father.

His eyes misting slightly, Ben blinked away the moisture.

“Peace.” Ben murmured, clearing his throat. “I was trying to learn the mystery of finding peace.”

Han smiled sadly, nodding.

“Yeah. That’s a lofty goal. I hope…well, I hope you’ve learned it.” Han said sincerely.

It was Ben’s turn to smile now at his father.

“I think I have. Or at least…I’m on my way.” Ben said truthfully.

Han turned away, swallowing. It wasn’t like his father to get choked up, but after the last few months, Ben was finally beginning to understand how deeply his father did love him. He allowed the older man a few moments to absorb his words and compose himself before turning to face him once again.

“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me, Ben.” Han said, a glimmer of hope in his rough voice.

“It makes me happy too, Dad.” Ben said honestly, for the first time believing his own words. 

Han grinned rakishly, biting his lip.

“This girl of yours…is she the one, Ben?” He asked his son with seriousness, the meaning not lost on either of them.

Taken aback at the abruptness of his father’s question, Ben froze momentarily before taking a deep breath and telling his father the truth.

“Yes. She is the one, Dad. I…I love her. I trust her. Rey is the woman I want a future with."

It was Han’s turn to be caught off guard by his son’s candor.

“Well…isn't that something.” Han murmured to himself, amazement in his voice.

Ben blushed.

“I told her everything last week, Dad. About Bazine, about my mental health issues. We had a…slight misunderstanding. Due to my lack of communication skills and Rey’s insecurities. I was afraid to admit to her that I suffered manic episodes and that I tried to…well,” Ben trailed off, not wanting to voice aloud what had nearly ripped his family apart.

Han nodded solemnly, his blue eyes haunted.

“How did she take the news?” Han asked, an edge of fear in his voice. He couldn’t bear to see his son hurt again.

Ben narrowed his eyes in remorse for how long he had hidden away the truth from Rey.

“Better than I gave her credit for. Better than I deserved, really, since I kept it from her for months. She was so understanding…so loving. She told me that she didn’t care about any of my baggage. She cared for me and wanted to be with me no matter what. She’s…well, she’s incredible. Her parents died in an accident when she was only five…a baby, dad. A baby! She bounced from foster home to foster home, being half starved and mistreated. But she is the smartest, sweetest, kindest person I have ever known. She cares about everyone…puts others’ needs ahead of her own. She wants to make the world a better place for those less fortunate. That…coming from a woman who had everything she loved taken away from her. She’s selfless and beautiful, inside and out.” Ben said with awe.

Han was riveted to his son’s depiction of Rey, an ache forming in his heart at seeing his son so completely smitten with someone. It wasn’t like this with Bazine for Ben, Han reflected gratefully. 

“Wow. She sounds like some girl. Not an easy order…making the world a better place.” Han mused, rubbing his bottom lip thoughtfully. “And what do you want?”

Ben didn’t even have to think about it.

“I want to give her the world.” He said with conviction.

Han threw his head back and laughed whole-heartedly, thrilled for his only child.

“Well, you can start this Thanksgiving by bringing her home to meet your mother and I. Leia is on the internet daily trying to learn everything she doesn’t already know about British culture and cuisine. I think she really wants to impress this girl.” Han said fondly, thinking of his powerhouse of a wife and her new project.

Ben feigned horror, clutching his head.

“Please don’t embarrass me, Dad. Reign mom in a little, okay? Rey is so looking to meeting you all, and I don’t want to scare her away.” Ben groaned, only half lying.  
Han chuckled.

“Alright, alright. I’ll do my best to keep the little dynamo under wraps. Besides, she’ll have a lot more to keep her occupied over the weekend, since Lando and his family are coming up as well.” Han remarked with happiness.

Ben’s eyes widened.

“Really? So they are definitely coming? Rey will be thrilled.” Ben said, smiling like an idiot. 

Rey would have both of her families, old and new, sharing her first Thanksgiving in the States. Ben’s heart jolted with excitement at being able to share the holiday with her.

“Yep. They’re bringing their kid and his girlfriend, too. Full house for us for the first time in a while. What with your Uncle Luke coming from England.” Han said casually, side eying Ben for his reaction.

Ben’s mouth fell open in shock.

“Luke is coming? That’s amazing.” Ben said truthfully, trying to process all of this good news at once.

Han shrugged.

“Yeah, it is. Told the old man to get his ass back here or there’d be hell to pay. You think I’m salty? Your mother holds the gold standard for that, I assure you. Luke nearly wet himself when Leia took the phone out of my hands and told him it was time to come home, even for a visit. He’s arriving on the Wednesday.”

Ben sat back, thrilled at the news. It had been too long since he and Luke had talked…and if there was anyone who could help Ben find balance again, truly, it was him.

“That’s fantastic. Rey will love to meet him.” Ben said, already making plans for their time back home. 

Ben leaned over and signaled for the waitress, who sauntered over and smiled at the two men cheerfully.

“Can I get you something else, Gentlemen?”

Han met Ben’s inquisitive stare with one of curious humor, pursing his lips in confusion.

Ben gazed at this man who had raised him, who had always seemed like a larger than life god to him…the man who had seemingly been unaware of his struggles as a teenager and his insecurities as an adult. The man whom he’d been too afraid to tell the truth to, for fear of seeming weak in his eyes. The man whom Ben adored. His hero. And he thanked God that he had another chance to start over with him…this time, as equals. A man now, no longer a helpless little boy. And suddenly, he wanted more days like this one with his father. Maybe someday, they would bring his child here.

Everything was falling into place. 

“My father and I would love to share a banana split. Heavy on the hot fudge. He’s jumped bail for the day and we’re celebrating his freedom.” Ben said, goofily laughing when a vision of Leia trying to shove a kale smoothie in Han’s face flashed before his eyes.

The young waitress laughed along at the joke, only half convinced that it wasn’t a lie.

“Okaaay…” She deadpanned, smiling as she backed up to the counter to input the order.

Han rubbed his eyes and shot his son an incredulous glare.

“Great, kid. Now she’s going to probably call the cops on me thinking I’m an escaped felon.” Han grumbled, but he couldn’t help but snort. 

Ben simply shrugged, enjoying his father’s embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, Dad. I promise to bail you out.” Ben assured, offering Han a wink that the older man knew all too well. He’d been practicing that move on other’s since way before Ben was born.

And so father and son spent the afternoon reacquainting themselves. It felt good. 

No, it felt great. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Ben opened the door at seven to find Rey standing there, soaked to the bone and shivering. He frowned deeply at the state of her before dragging her inside gently. Rey giggled, the cold rainwater plastered to her clothing seemingly not affecting her yet.

“Get in here, silly woman. Are you alright?” He asked frantically, touching her gently and trying to rid her of the thin raincoat she was wearing. It looked as transparent as Saran wrap, and he jostled it off of her deftly. “Why aren’t you wearing your new coat?” 

Rey’s eyes widened at the suggestion.

“I…I didn’t want to ruin it. It’s cashmere, Ben. It’s not really suited for this weather.” Rey chided him delicately.

Ben sighed, seeing Rey’s reasoning. He would have to buy her a sturdier all-weather coat, then. He yanked off her inner layer, a sweater that was dripping wet which sent water flying everywhere across the threshold. 

“Oh! I’m getting water all over your floor.” Rey protested, but Ben waved it off.

“I don’t care about the floor, Sweetheart. I care about your well-being. Let me get you warmed up before you catch pneumonia.” He whispered and wrapped her in his embrace, shivering at how cold her skin was. He threw the sodden garments over the coat tree by the front door.

Rey rolled her eyes playfully.

“I’m no doctor Ben, but even I know that you catch pneumonia from a virus, not a chill.” 

Ben smirked, already leading her through his bedroom to the bathroom. 

“Whatever. Who cares. I don’t want you to catch a sniffle then. Let’s go.” He ordered, his big warm hand clutching hers tightly.

Rey followed him dutifully, sitting down on the edge of the vanity while he leaned over and began to run a bath. Steam filled the room immediately as he rummaged around under the sink, finding what Rey assumed was a muscle soak from the scent of eucalyptus. His eyes met hers over the howling of the water filling the tub, and Rey raised a brow in question.

“Are you running me a bath? Is this the Victorian age, Ben? Will I be coming down with a case of the vapors, next?” Rey asked cheekily, her grin infectious as she gazed at her boyfriend.

Ben blushed, ducking his head and attending to his task in a way Rey found utterly adorable.

“I soak in this muscle bath sometimes when I go running and have overdone it.” He said sheepishly by way of explanation. “It will help dispel the chill from the cold rain. Trust me.”

Rey smiled at him softly. Ben was so caring and tender that every time he did something like this, all she wanted to do was smother him with kisses.

“Thank you, Ben. That is very sweet. But you don’t have to go to any trouble. I’ll warm up in a minute.” Rey assured him.

But Ben shook off her statement and added more bubble bath, rolling up his sleeve to disperse the foam.

“Absolutely not. I want you to be comfortable, Sweetheart. I’ll throw your clothes in the dryer while you’re warming up. Just leave them outside on the chair. I’ll bring you a robe and some warm towels.” He said sweetly.

Rey gazed at him, a delicious thrill running through her at his masculine show of protection. She had never in her life been cared for like this, and it felt amazing. Feeling bold, she pushed herself off of the counter to saunter up to him slowly.

Ben’s eyes widened at Rey’s approach, seemingly at a loss for what to do with his hands. He settled for thrusting them in his pockets nervously. The sight of this big man looking so fearful of her feminine wiles nearly made Rey giggle. 

Nearly.

She came within a hair’s breath of his body, gazing up at him through her wet lashes in what she hoped was a sultry way.

“That is such a big bath for just me. Care to join me?” Rey asked huskily, her eyes leaving his to skim down his chest. She had no idea what had gotten into her, but all she could attribute it to was Ben himself. He was so damn sexy that she couldn’t help herself. The best part was he had no idea just how edible he truly was. And being away from him for days on end had whet her appetite for him in the most primal way.

Ben’s mouth dropped open before he could catch himself, and his eyes darkened to liquid obsidian as he gaped at her, stunned.

“I…I have to order our dinner.” He stuttered out, his deep voice higher than normal. 

Rey found it endearing that for such a handsome man, he was excruciatingly shy at times. Feeling bad for teasing him, she reached up and ran a tender hand along his cheek. Ben closed his eyes at the gesture, and Rey smiled warmly.

“Okay.” She whispered airily, letting him off the hook.

He disappeared promptly only to return moments later, his arms full of plush towels and a black silk robe that looked so inviting Rey’s skin itched to feel it. Ben deposited the bundle into Rey’s waiting arms, before moving a lock of her soaked hair out of her face.

“There are washcloths on the shelf there, and…use anything you’d like. I’ll be right outside in the living room if you need anything.” He said quietly, seemingly having a difficult tearing himself away from her.

“Thank you, Ben.” Rey murmured, leaning up on her tiptoes to graze his lips with her own. 

The motion jolted Ben, and he all but fled the bathroom leaving Rey gazing after him with an amused expression. 

She soaked in the tub for a bit, enjoying the warmth and the scents of Ben. His shampoo bottle sat perched on the ledge, and she curiously picked it up and inhaled the contents. It smelled woodsy and comforting, like cedar. She suppressed a giggle when she imagined him in here, running his hands through those gorgeous locks of his as he washed his hair. Her mouth suddenly watered at the prospect of doing that herself…how wonderful the strands would feel against her fingers. Each slide of her soapy hands across her body was drawing more arousal from her as it wasn’t hard to imagine him in here with her, as he was right outside in the next room. 

But as fun as this was, lounging in his tub and thinking of him, the real Ben was waiting for her. She rinsed off quickly with warm water, allowing the remnants of soap to drain away before using the fluffy towels to dry. 

Rey inhaled the scent of the robe, closing her eyes. It was silky soft and smelled like Ben. She could get used to this. 

Ben’s eyes connected with hers as she exited the bathroom, running a towel through her damp hair. Rey gulped as Ben’s eyes raked over her.

The truth was, the sight of her in his robe…his favorite robe…was having a very strong effect on him. Ben cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

“Um…I ordered Greek food and it’s being delivered. I hope you like Souvlaki and Spanikopita. I could call back and change the order if you don’t. Or there’s a great Mexican place just off-"

Rey threw her arms around Ben’s neck to silence his ramblings, leaning forward and kissing the sensitive skin under his jaw. He shivered and wrapped his arms around her back, his eyes closing at the feeling of Rey’s mouth on him.

“Souvlaki and Spanikopita are my favorites. Add in some Tzatziki and pita, and I’m all yours.” She whispered against his neck, standing on her tiptoes to reach him. Her lips moved gently across the stubbled flesh, igniting goosebumps in their wake.

Ben groaned, leaning his head back to give her better access. His hands slid down her back to the curve of her waist, before inching lower to her hips and settling on the firm globes of her bottom. She was bare but for his robe Ben realized with a jolt, and his fingers burned as they traced the soft skin he knew was hidden underneath.

“Hi.” He whispered, his lips so close to hers that Rey shuddered.

“Hi,” She repeated back, gazing into his dark eyes and finding nothing but welcome…and joy at seeing her.

“I’ve missed you so much this week, Rey. I hate it when I don’t get to see you.” Ben bemoaned, pulling Rey closer and burying his face in her hair.

Rey smiled tenderly, her eyes sliding shut.

“I missed you too, Ben. So, so much.” She assured him, moving closer into his embrace as his arms roamed up the down the expanse of her back.

“Mmm, Ben.” Rey sighed, moving across his neck to his collarbones as her hand slid slowly down his side to his sensitive ribs. 

“You smell so good.” She whispered.

“Y-You smell better.” He managed to hush out, blushing at the fact he was stuttering.

A feminine, pleased chuckle escaped her lips, the sound vibrating against his skin.

“I smell like you now,” She whispered, and Ben gasped. “Your soap, your shampoo…”

He wanted her to smell like him, and not just his shampoo. He wanted to cover her with his body until they merged into one being. He wanted to mark her. Claim her. Possess her. She was his, and he was hers.

Ben hungrily captured her lips in a breathtaking kiss, yanking her against him. Rey whimpered and relaxed into him, tentatively stroking his lips with her own. When her soft tongue begged entrance Ben complied with a growl, taking the opportunity to suckle her lip while she explored his mouth. She bit down on his lip experimentally, and Ben shuddered.

"Careful, Kitten." He teased, groaning when Rey stroked her hand down his chest settling it dangerously close to his belt line. 

His mouth trailed down to the top of the robe, gently nosing the lapel aside to reveal her breast. When Rey made a sound of approval, he nuzzled his nose against her tender nipple and enjoyed the way Rey clutched his back tighter before he finally encased it in his hot mouth.

“Mmm…you taste good, too.” He husked, licking the bud into a tight peak.

Rey moaned beneath him, fingers buried in his thick hair as he switched his ministrations to the other breast and blessed it with the same attention.

“Oh, Ben. That feels…” Rey trailed off, her breath catching in her throat.

“How does it feel, Sweetheart? Tell me.” Ben whispered, his fingers joining his mouth in bringing Rey pleasure.

It seemed that his earlier shyness had all but vanished.

“It feels heavenly. I love when you touch me.” Rey admitted huskily, carding her hands gently through Ben’s hair. He nearly lost it when she scratched his scalp softly.

Ben groaned in approval.

“I love touching you. I could touch you forever. You’re so beautiful…so soft and exquisite. Everywhere.” Ben murmured, his fingers sliding down to toy with the belt to Rey’s robe. 

His robe, his masculine pride reminded him, and he growled against her sensitive flesh.

Rey swayed on her feet, her knees weakening by the sensations Ben was dragging out of her. One hand held her hip, kneading deeply yet gently into the flesh there as his lips and teeth slowly drove her to madness. 

“Do you like that?” Ben rasped, pulling back a fraction to study Rey’s reaction. 

Her eyes were huge and so dark…the pupils all but gone in her arousal.

“Mmm. I do. I like that.” Rey confirmed, suddenly conscious of the fact Ben was walking her backwards to pin her gently against the wall. His weight fell into her and she relaxed against him, feeling his hardness pressing against her through the robe and his jeans. She shifted her leg, creating a wider cradle for him. 

Ben moaned loudly, getting carried away.

"My God, Rey. You are so beautiful." He murmured throatily, licking around her nipple leisurely before sucking it in to his mouth again. 

A sharp rap at the door startled them both, severing them apart and leaving them both breathless. They gazed at each other with wide eyes, before Ben ran a hand across his face and cursed low in his throat.

“Saved by the bell.” Rey rasped, holding the robe closed with one hand. 

“Hardly saved. Disturbed is more like it.” Ben grumbled, shuffling over to the counter to get the money from his wallet. 

Rey giggled, following him and tightening the belt on the robe.

“Could you please get us some plates from the cabinet? Right of the fridge. Silverware is underneath.” He said sweetly, giving her a cheeky wink.

Rey nodded and watched him walk to the door, her eyes sliding down to follow the contours of his delectable ass in the fitted jeans he wore. He was sporting a sizeable bulge from their teasing, and she bit her lip as she imagined how wonderful it would be to touch him. Just before he reached the door he turned and caught her staring, his face a mixture of amusement and shock. She blushed fervently and turned around, busying herself with what he’d asked her to do. He discreetly adjusted himself before opening the door, and Rey’s fingers trembled as she realized she had done that to him…she was the one who’d turned him on. She heard Ben exchange pleasantries with the delivery driver, before bidding him goodnight with a click of the lock. 

He brought the food into the kitchen, brushing past her as he laid the takeout bag on the bar. Rey shuddered when he leaned into her to gather one of the plates, his eyes tracking her every move.

“Hungry?” He asked her huskily, his eyes sliding down to her mouth.

Rey moaned quietly and nodded. 

“Starving.” She managed, the previous hunger for food being replaced by another darker type of need. 

Ben took out a piece of the souvlaki and slowly brought it to his mouth, biting into it while gazing at Rey under lowered lashes.

“Delicious.” He murmured, chewing it slowly before bringing the rest of the tenderloin to Rey’s mouth. “Open up.” 

His whispered demand sent a shock of arousal right to Rey’s core, and she could only helplessly comply. She took the morsel from his grasp and bit into it, brushing her tongue against his fingers. Ben watched her chew, his eyes darkening.

“What do you think?” He asked her in a daze, his gaze helpless to look away from her mouth.

Rey swallowed the remnants of her treat, licking her lips.

“What do I think? I think you’re flirting with me, Ben Solo.” Rey said playfully.

Ben had the good grace to blush, ducking his head.

“Hmm…really? Quid pro quo, Rey. I think YOU’RE flirting with ME.” Ben said slyly.

Reg giggled, offering Ben a mischievous look laced with humor.

“So, what if I am? Is there any law against flirting with your boyfriend?” Rey asked diplomatically, feigning innocence.

Ben’s eyes grew soft as he gazed at her. Boyfriend…he liked the sound of that. No, strike that – he LOVED the sound of that. 

So, what are we going to do about this?” Ben asked challengingly, stalking her slowly and backing her into the counter.

Rey snorted, narrowing her eyes in cunning appraisal. The warm weight of his presence draped over her like a blanket made her feel equal parts safe and hunted…for all the right reasons. 

“Oh…I’ll think of something.” She said enigmatically, delighting Ben with her candor. Reaching her arms out, she laced her hands behind his neck and gave him a long, lingering kiss. By the time she’d had her fill of his lips, something registered in her that their dinner was growing cold. Ben must have picked up on her thoughts, because he gave her a last, soft peck on the corner of her mouth before pulling back gently.

“I think we should eat, before we’re having souvlaki for breakfast.” Ben chuckled, trying to diffuse the sexual tension.

Rey chuckled as well, turning to gather the plates and cutlery she had pulled out before following Ben into the living room.

As they settled in on the couch, Ben began to dish out the food, and Rey inhaled appreciatively at the appetizing aromas.

“How was your day today?” Ben asked, his voice laced with interest.

Rey shrugged, smiling as she took a forkful of spanakopita.

“It was good. I had a test on Art Deco Architecture which I totally slayed. Professor Bowman said I have a keen eye for Streamline Moderne. My class has an assignment for a visit to The Chrysler Building to study it’s design for the midterm. I’m so excited…I’m embarrassed to say I’ve lived in New York nearly eight months and I’ve never been inside.” Rey said jovially.

Ben smiled tenderly at his beautiful girl.

“Was there ever any doubt you would ace that test?” He asked adoringly, causing Rey to chuckle.

“Well…I WAS pretty confident. But you can never tell with those things, you know?” Rey said, grinning mischievously. 

They ate in companionable chatter for a bit, going back and forth about the news of the last three days.

Ben’s eyes sparkled as he gazed at her.

“I received a surprise today.” Ben said casually, spearing a piece of souvlaki.

Rey took a sip of her drink before swallowing it and giving Ben her full attention.

“Really?” She asked with interest, waiting for Ben to elaborate.

“My father came to visit me. He was waiting in my office when I finished class. We went for a milkshake and had a long talk…about a lot of things. It was…nice.” Ben admitted softly, his eyes crinkling at the edges.

Rey’s mouth opened in surprise.

“That is so wonderful, Ben. Is he staying in town for long? Did your mother come with him? Can I meet them?” Rey gushed, sitting up on her knees and bouncing with excitement.

Ben shook his head in the negative, his heart dancing at how happy Rey seemed to meet his parent’s.

“No, he alone came down for the day on the train. He mentioned that he’d spoken to Lando. Apparently, your boss has told my father all about you. I think my parents are planning on adopting you. Lando made you out to be a Saint…rightfully so.” Ben murmured affectionately.

Rey smiled shyly.

“Really? Do you think they will truly like me?” Rey asked softly, her voice sounding childlike.

Ben gaped at her with incredulity.

“Oh, Rey. Of course, they will like you. They’re looking forward to meeting you over Thanksgiving weekend. Finn and his family are coming, and so is my Uncle Luke. You’re still coming with me, aren’t you?” Ben asked worriedly, suddenly afraid she might have had a change of heart.

Rey smiled warmly.

“Of course I’m still going with you, Ben. I am looking to spending the holiday weekend with you and your family.” Rey answered shyly, ducking her head. 

Part of her still worried that she wouldn’t measure up in the eyes of Ben’s family. She was nobody special, with no family ties of her own. What if Mr. and Mrs. Solo thought her not to be good enough for their only child?

Her insecurity must have shown in her face, because Ben suddenly drew closer to her and gathered her in his arms.

“They will love you, Rey. No…they will adore you. I know they will. By the end of the weekend, you will no doubt be desperate to escape us.” Ben said sweetly, cringing as he imagined the fuss Leia would no doubt make over his beloved.

Feeling marginally better, Rey relaxed into her boyfriend’s embrace.

“I highly doubt that.” She whispered, certain no one and nothing could drag her away from Ben now.

Dinner momentarily forgotten, they sat in the quiet enjoying each other’s warmth, cuddling and caressing. Rey cradled her head in the space between Ben’s neck and shoulder, when something occurred to her. Reaching up, she stroked Ben’s cheek and chin thoughtfully.

“Do you…” Rey trailed off, not certain how to even ask such a question. 

“Hmmm? Do I what?” Ben rumbled huskily, his voice in Rey’s ear highly pleasing.

Biting the bullet, Rey took a deep breath before releasing it slowly.

“Do you think you’ll ever go clean shaven again?” She asked tentatively, not at all surprised when Ben went still against her. 

For a few fleeting seconds, Rey feared she’d upset him. She understood why he kept a slight beard these days, and the last thing she would ever do is try and make him uncomfortable about his past. But she’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to ever see him bare faced again, like she had the first time she’d seen him in the Columbia office. It shouldn’t matter, really. And it didn’t. She would feel no different about Ben if he never again shaved. Yet part of her realized that in not doing so, he was hiding. And she never wanted Ben Solo to hide himself away, ever again. He told her there was a scar on his neck. She worried about her reaction to seeing it. But she loved this man…all of him. Scars, faults, and all. 

Ben shifted slightly, clearing his throat. Rey knew she had caught him off guard with her question. Bracing herself for the worst of his reaction, she slowly peered up at him and watched the play of emotions cross his expressive face before settling on one: curiosity.

“Do you want me to shave?” Ben asked quietly, no trace of hurt or fear in his voice but a definite longing to know why.

Rey shrugged sheepishly.

“I…well, the first time I saw you…you didn’t have a beard, nor a mustache. I will admit…I’ve wondered about seeing you again like that. But don’t think I don’t like how you look now! I do. I love it, actually.” Rey gushed animatedly, worried Ben would take her statement the wrong way.

When seconds stretched into minutes, Rey began to panic that she’d triggered something in Ben. She pulled away, ready to apologize, when Ben grabbed her shoulders gently.

“Rey…did you really find me attractive the first time you saw me…in the office?” Ben asked timidly, as though her words to him before hadn’t registered to him.

Rey’s mouth opened in a silent ‘O’. Did this wonderful, amazing man actually need reassurance that he was handsome? Well she could give him that. 

“I…yes. So much so that I felt lightheaded. I had never seen a man like you before, Ben. You’re…well, you’re beautiful.” Rey whispered, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

It was Ben’s turn to gape at Rey with a slack jaw, his eyes trailing over her face adoringly.

“No, Rey…you’re the beautiful one.” He said thickly, his fingers tracing her cheek softly. 

Rey wanted to snort her disagreement, but one look at Ben’s serious face told her that he truly believed it. 

“You know…I’ve told you there is a scar.” Ben said soberly.

Rey nodded, her eyes not leaving his.

“Yes. I remember. Does it bother you, knowing it’s there? Or do you want to hide it so that others won’t see?” Rey asked boldly.

Ben pondered her question a moment, before furrowing his brows.

“It’s…it’s so that I won’t see it.” He admitted quietly.

Rey understood at once Ben’s hesitance then. Looking in the mirror every day and seeing his perceived failure. Of attempting it, or failing at it, she wasn’t certain. But she found suddenly that she had to know, and prayed he would understand her prodding.

“Do you regret attempting it in the first place, Ben…or not succeeding with it?”

Ben’s eyes shot to hers in an instant, so full of turbulence that Rey gulped.

“I never wanted to die, Rey. I wanted…wanted to be saved from myself. I regret what my actions caused. I regret what they did to my family and friends…what they almost did to my career.” Ben warbled, his voice cracking.

Rey had to make him see what she was getting at. She took his hands in hers…so warm. And squeezed them tenderly.

“But do you regret what your actions almost did to yourself, Ben? What you nearly lost? You, Ben. You nearly lost yourself. I nearly lost you…and I didn’t even have you. Don’t you understand? You are worthy of happiness. Not just your family and friends. Not just your student’s. You. Ben Solo. You are the most important person in my whole world. I thank God everyday that you didn’t succeed. And I don’t care if you have a mental illness. I don’t care if you have to take medication forever. If it keeps you whole and healthy and here with me…I don’t care. I won't pressure you about therapy, or prod you for answers. I know I messed up before, Ben. But I'm here. And I will give you anything that you need. I promise.” Rey whispered fiercely.

Ben sat back, marveling at this beautiful creature that had appeared in his life like an angel. Little by little, bit by bit, she was healing him with her light, her courage, and her care.

“Thank you, Rey. Thank you.” He breathed in her hair, closing his eyes and drifting in Rey’s bright aura.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bazine Netal paced around her office at the Metropolitan Museum of Art like a panther ready to strike, sleek and deadly. The sounds of traffic outside on Fifth Avenue were muted by the massive stone walls, but what did filter through was a welcome distraction from her tempestuous thoughts. Coming to a stop at her expensive marble desk, she glared at the picture in an ornate frame which had been angrily tossed there earlier…her sharp grey eyes narrowing in disgust at the smiling face of the woman gazing at the camera.

Who are you, you little bitch?

Bazine inhaled deeply, her eyes narrowing with venom. Her little excursion earlier had yielded some surprising yet distressing results.

It hadn’t been easy, entering Ben’s office earlier in the day. Not many of his colleagues knew her, as she had rarely attended university functions with him. But that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t recognize her. It was always risky, picking a lock in broad daylight. But that only added to the fun of it. 

Part of her was put out by the fact she hadn’t caught a glimpse of him, but that would come in time. She had told herself she was only going to have a little look around…see if there were any clues as to what he’d been up to since she left him last spring. She’d read on the university’s website that his classes for the summer had been cancelled and that he had taken a sabbatical, something that had shocked her considering his devotion to those starry-eyed idiots he taught. She assumed it was due to his ever-present weakness, brought on by her swift exit from his life. Poor fool probably fell to pieces without her.

Serves him right. 

Wandering around his immaculate office, she had grazed her fingers across his possessions with giddy glee. A favored book here, a trinket from his many travels there. She hadn’t missed him. Not in the slightest. He was a sentimental idiot who was stunted emotionally. What she had missed, was being able to manipulate him. Bend him to her will. She had nearly succeeded…until his sorry excuses for parents had intervened.

She would be lying if she said she hadn’t also missed the sex. Fucking Ben Solo had been a pleasure from the beginning. He wasn’t exactly an animal in bed, as she normally preferred, but he had potential. He certainly had the equipment, all right. A body that would rival Adonis and a cock that was huge. Thick and curvy, and he knew how to use it which was odd considering he had practically been a virgin when they’d met.

Sex with him had been the only time she’d ever let her guard down with a man…the only time she’d ever given up her tight control. She had never failed to get off, whether he was splitting her open with his massive size or teasing her with his tongue. Her clit throbbed even now as she thought of him spread out beneath her, or above her…plowing her into the mattress with deep strokes. She had to concede he was probably her most generous lover, but then again he would be…having so many other shortcomings and thereby having something to prove. She sighed, wishing that he wasn’t such a weakling. If she had only been able to wash that boy next door goodness out of him and turn him on to darker pleasures. He wasn’t only a weakling, but a goody two shoes as well.

Coming back to herself, she had walked in circles around his large desk, her curious eyes digesting once again all that he was. He was still the same old Ben Solo, and that was a given. But there were telltale signs that he’d changed, somehow. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she just knew. Just as she knew everything about Ben, what he thought, and what kind of man he was. She could practically read his every thought, see his every intent… and had since the first. He was such a needy, pathetic loser. Always needing reassurance, always so clingy. If it weren't for his male assets, he'd be worthless.

After spending nearly an hour there devouring his space, she had decided to leave. Her game of espionage had grown tiresome, and there was nothing really of import to gain here. She toyed with the idea of returning, but wondered if it were worth her time. She didn’t want him back, of course. She just enjoyed the fact she could walk in here undetected and…lurk.

Taint.

Prowl.

She smiled, her red painted lips stretched over wide teeth.

There were a few books open on his meeting table, and she perused the titles with a smirk.

Pride and Prejudice. Yawn.

A Deepak Chopra help guide. Eyeroll.

Jesus...he would never change. 

A scarf was draped across his chair and she picked it up, inhaling deeply. It smelled like him; woodsy and rich.

Her body began to respond and she cursed herself for her weakness. So he was a good fuck. He wasn't the end all of pleasure. But she knew that was a lie, as her mind drifted back to how he would touch her. How his huge hands would cup her big tits and run their thumbs across her hard nipples. Or how she would get herself off on his cock while he was still asleep, just so she wouldn't have to put up with the lovey dovey bullshit he seemed to never shut up about. God, she would have even gave a second thought to keeping him, if he had been more adventurous in bed. She was up for the occasional threesome, providing she picked the partners. There were a few candidates she'd admired...men and women alike. But he never would have agreed to such a thing. He was as vanilla as they came. She had once begged him to fuck her tits, but he had reddened like a tomato. She had never been successful at unlocking the beast within him, and that's the one failing she would look back on her time with him and regret. He was too good. It was disgusting, really.

Shame. She wanted Ben Solo's body. His mind. His money, his status, and his connections. The one thing she did NOT want, was his heart. What the fuck would she do with such a pathetic, tattered thing anyway? 

Sighing, she made her way to the door but something caught her eye, stopping her in her tracks.

Hidden against a large stack of mail and the desk lamp was a 5x7 framed picture of a woman. A young woman, no older than twenty-five, with plain brown hair and tanned skin. She was smiling a smile full of sickly sweet happiness that Bazine had puckered her lips in a disgusted snarl. Who was this little nothing? And why did she have a place of honor on Ben’s desk?

As far as she knew, Ben was an only child so this couldn’t be a sibling. As both his parent’s were only children and had no siblings either, this couldn’t be a cousin. So who the fuck was this? They'd only been apart a handful of months. Surely he hadn't met and formed a relationship with anyone in so short a time frame after her. Unless...

No. Absolutely not. There was no way Ben Solo would have cheated on her. He had neither the stomach nor the balls for that. His overinflated sense of nobility prohibited it. So was this a fellow professor at the university? Was it a...student?

That fucking son of a bitch! He would fuck a student but venturing out of missionary sex with her insulted his delicate fortitude?

Picking up the frame with fury, she had starred at it for a good minute before deciding to fling it at the wall. But no…that wouldn’t be wise. Ben would no doubt know that someone had been in here, and it would hinder any further attempts at coming back. Her eyes darted over the face and body of the woman, feeling her hackles rise. What could Ben possibly see in this little piece of trash? She was as pale as a ghost, with barely any tits at all. She looked like a child, for Christ sake.

A noise in the hallway had startled her out of her murderous thoughts, and she had opened her coat and thrust the frame inside before hurrying out. She wasn’t keen to be seen, after all. Her high heels clicking on the tile obnoxiously, she fled down the hallway and through an exit door, not stopping to see who had interrupted her. Feeling proud she had emerged undetected, Bazine had caught a cab and went to the museum.

Now, hours later, her focus was still honed on this little whore that Ben had deemed special enough to place on his desk where he could see her. Ben had never once displayed a picture of her on his desk, in a place of honor, and she’d fucked him regularly for two years! 

Oh, no. No, no, no. This would not do. He had no idea who he was dealing with. She had thought her little stunt with his father would have done the trick. She knew still waters ran deep with his parent’s, and that he festered a wound of abandonment because of their lack of time for him growing up. But that slick bastard and his bitch of a wife had somehow managed to convince him that they loved him. 

She had hoped that he would have fought for her...told his parents to go to hell. Maybe, just maybe, he would even bargained to keep her. By allowing her to fuck his father...perhaps, as a threesome with him? If the elder Solo were anything like his son in the sack, she wouldn't have been able to walk for weeks. The idea made her dizzy. Her pussy began to swell as she imagined each of them taking her simulaneously, listening to their filthy words as they each tried to outdo the other in bringing her to new heights. She would send the pictures to Leia Organa Solo with a note: Wanna join us, next time?

She would have been able to have them both, if that bitch of a wife and mother hadn't intervened. God, she hated her!

She sat at her desk and breathed hard, crossing her legs to gain friction. She was uncomfortably wet now, Ben's intense eyes not leaving her thoughts. Damn it all to hell. She would have to go home and see to this. Or maybe she could find some piece of ass for the night...someone tall with dark eyes and black hair.

A knock rang out on Bazine's office door and she jolted out of her fantasy, gazing at the door with a sneer.

"What is it?" She asked sharply.

The door opened and her assistant strolled through, looking apologetic.

"Sorry to disturb you, Baz. Mr. Ian Anderson wanted to meet with you tonight about the Roman Exhibit. I told him I would find out if that were possible, or if you would like him to reschedule for a more convienient time." Camille asked expectantly.

Bazine cocked a brow, a secret smile alighting her face.

Ian Anderson. Oh, yes. Ian Anderson. Tall, blond, Nordic looks...tight ass that stood out in those painted on designer trousers of his. He would do for the night. He would do nicely. 

"No, no Camille. Tonight is fine. Tonight is...perfect. Please tell Mr. Anderson that it would be my pleasure to meet with him tonight." Bazine cooed, shifting in her chair and feeling her wetness flow. She'd be nice and wet for Mr. Anderson. His job will be so easy.

Camille smiled professionally, unaware of Bazine's little game.

"Alright then, Baz. I'll show him in once he arrives. If there's nothing else?" Camille hedged, but Bazine shook her head.

"No, no. Nothing else. Goodnight, Camille. Thank you."

"Goodnight, Baz." Camille said, leaving Bazine once again to her thoughts.

Bazine’s menacing smile grew as she stared at the closed door. Reaching down, she deflty latched on to her panties and yanked them off, opening her desk drawer and tossing them inside. She could have a head start, after all...no need for Mr. Anderson to know she had been fantasizing about fucking her ex lover all over this desk while she waited for him.

Her cold eyes glittered as she picked up the picture frame and glared at it. A plan formed in her mind, making her almost as aroused as her depraved thoughts. It shouldn’t be that difficult finding out who this little gutter rat was. Once she did, she would tear Ben’s world down. No one made a fool out of Bazine Netal.

No one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben woke up to a gentle weight on his chest, disoriented as he gazed around the living room. He lifted his wrist and squinted in the dim light, noting his watch read 2:00 am. Rey was snoozing softly against him. He didn’t want to wake her peaceful slumber, yet he didn’t want her to get a stiff neck from her awkward position, either.

He nuzzled the warm skin under her ear, sliding his lips across her throat gently.

“Rey? Baby, it’s late. Would you like me to call you an Uber to take you home?” He whispered, still unsure whether Rey would want to spend the night with him. Each time she bestowed her time upon him, Ben considered it a gift.

Rey barely stirred, but she opened her eyes to gaze at Ben owlishly.

“M’tired.” She mumbled sleepily. “May I stay with you? I don’t want to go home.”

Ben smiled adoringly at her drowsy face, her tiny nose upturned. She could stay with him forever for all he cared.

“Of course, Sweetheart. Come on…let’s take you to bed.” Ben said sweetly.

He lifted her up into his arms carefully, cradling her against his chest as he turned towards his bedroom. Rey wove her arms around Ben’s neck, nuzzling her face into his neck sleepily. She hadn't changed back into her clothes, and his silky robe hugged her curves temptingly as she clung to him. The feelings of love and protectiveness that rocketed through him in that moment overwhelmed him, and he forced himself to remain steady on the walk to his room. He could envision doing this every night, sharing dinner with her before carrying her to their bed for a peaceful nights slumber. Waking up in her arms, ready to greet another productive day. He forced himself not to get too ahead, but his heart was so ready for a future with this incredible woman that it was hard to contain himself sometimes.

Laying her down on his bed, he watched her a moment with soft eyes. She looked peaceful and lovely there, entangled in his sheets and pillows. Rey blinked at him lazily, her eyes watching him through half mast lids. Soft moonlight filtered in from outside, bathing the room in a soft glow. Ben couldn’t tear his gaze away from the Angel in his bed, and he knew if he didn’t leave he wouldn’t be able to. He smiled at her tenderly, reaching over to take one of the overstuffed pillows off the bed.

Rey’s eyes darted to the movement, then back to his in question.

“Where are you going?” She asked, a hint of panic in her voice.

Ben drew his brows together tiredly.

“To the couch. I didn’t want to assume…-“ He began, but was cut short.

Rey leaned over and grabbed Ben’s hand, practically dragging him into the bed with her. He settled down onto the mattress carefully, as to not crush her. 

“Stay with me. Please.” She whispered, scooting over and leaning her head against his chest. One of her arms slung itself across his waist, and one of her legs snaked its way between his knees. He was trapped there beneath her slight form, but he didn’t feel chained. He felt…safe. 

So very safe. And he fervently hoped that Rey felt the same way.

“Always, Rey. I will always stay with you.” Ben murmured, engulfing her tiny hand in his own larger one and turning his face into her hair. It smelled divine as it always did, lulling him to a place where there was no pain, no sadness…only peace.

Silence reigned in the dark room…an occasional car horn or siren the only sounds seeping through their cozy cocoon. Ben closed his eyes, allowing the warmth of the beautiful creature beside him to seep into him.

“This is nice, Ben. I like this.” Rey whispered, the sound so serene that Ben wondered if he was already asleep, dreaming.

He wanted to tell her so many things in that moment; how happy she made him. How much she’d changed his life. How much he loved her. 

But it was late. And such words needed to be spoken in the light of day, when they were lucid and ready to commit to all that would entail. For now, this was enough.

For now, it was everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah...yeah. So that happened. Bazine is a bit of a lunatic. Scheming, violent, possessive. Basically, Snoke in female form. Her inner thoughts are positively perverse. And she always tried to change Ben into someone he wasn't. It will only get worse, just a warning. 
> 
> Next chapter will have a major *cough* physical step between our two lovebirds. Gotta move the plot along, and you've all been soooo very patient. 
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Funny story (not so funny) It took me three goes to upload this today, for a total of six hours. Yes, six. I nearly abandoned the entire story out of frustration (not really). HaHa ~


End file.
